# OldScratch : Your On Demand Poetry Performance Artist **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [April 20, 2001, 4:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oldscratch-your-on-demand-poetry-performance-artist/62637 "2001-04-20T04:20:15Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 15\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Mockingbird](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c68b51/32.png) [@Mockingbird](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mockingbird)\ **Post date:** [April 22, 2001, 11:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oldscratch-your-on-demand-poetry-performance-artist/62637/41 "2001-04-22T11:58:40Z")
anal ruptured dysentery ---
**Author:** ![oldscratch](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/ed655f/32.png) [@oldscratch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/oldscratch)\ **Post date:** [April 22, 2001, 2:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oldscratch-your-on-demand-poetry-performance-artist/62637/42 "2001-04-22T14:41:16Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by astro \* > \*\*… > Fudgie The Whale > monobrow > orchids > \*\* Yo yo yo bitch, gonna call out my forces, taking over this board, feeling up the horses, and fudgie the whale, she aint male, just a nother dick in synidication, justification, vidication, cross the nation, with my monobrow spinning, rappin is like winning, seeing third eye winking, stinking. career sinking, Micky Ds can licky these, and pass the govment cheese please. I steal your orchids and park in your yard, going like superman extra wide and extra hard, finally make a buck getting a lolli suck, from the dope fly nuns at galaxy mile a minute speaking creaking like davey jones, in his locker baby, don’t you think maybe we can do the real dance and my pants, are big enough for both of us. ---
**Author:** ![astro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/9dc877/32.png) [@astro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/astro)\ **Post date:** [April 22, 2001, 6:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oldscratch-your-on-demand-poetry-performance-artist/62637/43 "2001-04-22T18:32:02Z")
“and my pants, are big enough for both of us”. Hmmmm…all the physical and methaphorical levels this phrase transcends and the intriguing metaphysical implications. Wow! Thanks muchly generous wordsmith. You’re the bomb! There was so much to it but this golden phrase will resonate forever in the pantheon of prose. ---
**Author:** ![mega\_the\_roo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/3da27b/32.png) [@mega\_the\_roo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mega_the_roo)\ **Post date:** [April 22, 2001, 7:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oldscratch-your-on-demand-poetry-performance-artist/62637/44 "2001-04-22T19:29:22Z")
Idosyncracy Titillate Bologna ---
**Author:** ![astro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/9dc877/32.png) [@astro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/astro)\ **Post date:** [April 22, 2001, 8:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oldscratch-your-on-demand-poetry-performance-artist/62637/45 "2001-04-22T20:24:58Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by astro \* > \*\* > > “and my pants, > are big enough for both of us”. > > Hmmmm…all the physical and methaphorical levels this phrase transcends and the intriguing metaphysical implications. > > Wow! Thanks muchly generous wordsmith. You’re the bomb! There was so much to it but this golden phrase will resonate forever in the pantheon of prose. > \*\* “methaphorical” Philosophers on crank that’s so stank ``It is by will alone I set my mind in motion. It is by the smoking crank that thoughts acquire speed, the lungs acquire scars, the scars become a warning. It is by will alone I set my mind in motion.’’ ---
**Author:** ![oldscratch](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/ed655f/32.png) [@oldscratch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/oldscratch)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2001, 5:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oldscratch-your-on-demand-poetry-performance-artist/62637/46 "2001-04-23T17:08:57Z")
quick note from me. These are all read out loud for the best effect. There are no spelling errors, just creative spelling for dramatic effect. Porter: Congradulations and fornications, Once again we meet, Sex is great in any style, but anal has it beat Langly: Grades are for the lily-lomps, and lily lomps aren’t gay, you my friend are flaming as a hot Atlanta day. Nar. Porter shook his cane at him, he shook it very hard, The whiner’s going out for drinks to the local bar Porter: I wish to set the record straight, No pun intended here At the local bar we’ll drink Much more than simple beer Jesus he will love me so, but I cannot love him back, for though I am a top, his turds I can not pack. A ruptured spleen will vex me some, A ruptured colon not, For I have seen the light my son, Take that you dirty sot. Nar. Dysentery isn’t scary If you have the pills Shove em up your ass he said Helps prevent the spills ---
**Author:** ![oldscratch](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/ed655f/32.png) [@oldscratch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/oldscratch)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2001, 5:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oldscratch-your-on-demand-poetry-performance-artist/62637/47 "2001-04-23T17:21:03Z")
the last one was for Hastur. Here’s mega’s > [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by mega the roo \* > \*\*Idosyncracy > Titillate > Bologna \*\* Rep daint along the walls, And daint along the floors, With northen pointing feelers, She opened up the doors. In case of glass emergencies, Break the plastic coat, Grab hold of beak quite firmly, And titillate the Goat. All your base are bologna to us, And your proscuto’s weak, My wookie could handily stand on top, and then he’d make it squeak. An Idiosyncrasy of life is what you wouldn’t buy, bread made from mashed roaches, and rotgut n rye This explains what you must do, This explains it well, Follow these instructions, And your life will turn out well. ---
**Author:** ![chique](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/4491bb/32.png) [@chique](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chique)\ **Post date:** [April 26, 2001, 3:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oldscratch-your-on-demand-poetry-performance-artist/62637/48 "2001-04-26T03:57:33Z")
Czechoslovakia Llama Ivy ---
**Author:** ![oldscratch](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/ed655f/32.png) [@oldscratch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/oldscratch)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2001, 2:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oldscratch-your-on-demand-poetry-performance-artist/62637/49 "2001-04-28T14:48:53Z")
Those Czech chicks are cheeky, those slovaks aren’t slaves Czechoslovakia was meeky, now it’s full of son braves. Capybara butt meat is tasty and sweet, solitude ain’t solace for what you can’t eat, I see there aren’t many alpacas here in this room, if they were llamas, I’d take to them with a broom. Is it just me? Of course it is, I once worked with an Arab, his name was once Biz. Ivy grows faster, than Tilla ma hooks, I’m feeling tired, gonna hit the books. Sorry that was so rambling chique, I haven’t had my morning coffee yet. 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Mercutio](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/51bf81/32.png) [@Mercutio](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mercutio)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2001, 6:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oldscratch-your-on-demand-poetry-performance-artist/62637/50 "2001-04-28T18:31:14Z")
communism pokemon puddin’ ---
**Author:** ![oldscratch](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/ed655f/32.png) [@oldscratch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/oldscratch)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2001, 7:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oldscratch-your-on-demand-poetry-performance-artist/62637/51 "2001-04-28T19:42:45Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Mercutio \* > \*\*communism > pokemon > puddin’ \*\* apologies to the Go-Nuts The keys of lime were doing the duty, I sawed off my shogun for today, What performanced my eye on sails of beauty, they weren’t forthcoming with whey. Communism would have no peace with cheddar, no velveeta for vietnam, they claim that soy is so much be better, we know they are very wrong. The Japanese call me Scratchiemon I am not but pokemon to them, my mommy calls me puddin hon, and makes me clutch her hem Koreans take our Cream Cheese, Gouda goes to guam, Give up that awful kim chee, You won’t be an uncle tom. {this was performed in a bikini made from swiss cheese.} ---
**Author:** ![Una\_Persson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/una_persson/32/346_2.png) [@Una\_Persson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Una_Persson)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2001, 11:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oldscratch-your-on-demand-poetry-performance-artist/62637/52 "2001-04-28T23:44:13Z")
Nice one, **oldie** - I love the Una and Fierra one! ---
**Author:** ![fierra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/58956e/32.png) [@fierra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fierra)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2001, 12:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oldscratch-your-on-demand-poetry-performance-artist/62637/53 "2001-04-29T00:19:29Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Anthracite \* > \*\*Nice one, **oldie** - I love the Una and Fierra one! \*\* Which reminds me, love…how did he know about your ass? :eek: ---
**Author:** ![Maeglin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/8baadc/32.png) [@Maeglin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Maeglin)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2001, 8:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oldscratch-your-on-demand-poetry-performance-artist/62637/54 "2001-04-30T20:09:29Z")
Eat your heart out. Remember, I’m a stickler for scansion. No fudging it. Constantinopolitan phugoid structuralist ---
**Author:** ![oldscratch](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/ed655f/32.png) [@oldscratch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/oldscratch)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2001, 5:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oldscratch-your-on-demand-poetry-performance-artist/62637/55 "2001-05-01T17:09:06Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Maeglin \* > \*\*Eat your heart out. Remember, I’m a stickler for scansion. No fudging it. > > Constantinopolitan > phugoid > structuralist \*\* 😛 Scansion this, butchie! My words ring true unrefined. fineries oft and seeked. phugoid waves of gamma rained. and dwelled, wherein they peaked. A structuralist of naturalists, he thought she was the best, U.M., I was, they will not be, a locale infested nest. My drink? A Constantinopolitan. A cocksure cocktail? pass… vermouth, vodka, and curacao, shaken well, and porn a glass. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oldscratch-your-on-demand-poetry-performance-artist/62637.md?page=2)