# OMG!!! Christian groups upset AGAIN! **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [December 20, 2006, 6:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/omg-christian-groups-upset-again/384899 "2006-12-20T06:47:02Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Steve\_MB](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/steve_mb/32/5339_2.png) [@Steve\_MB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Steve_MB)\ **Post date:** [December 20, 2006, 2:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/omg-christian-groups-upset-again/384899/21 "2006-12-20T14:41:06Z")
[QUOTE=Bryan Ekers] My GOD, I can’t believe it… That movie is a lousy _remake_?! Has Hollywood abandoned _all_ pretense of originality?! [/QUOTE] Yeah. For instance, I didn’t think the Mel Gibson version of _Life of Brian_ was as funny as the original. ---
**Author:** ![Chance\_the\_Gardener](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/eada6e/32.png) [@Chance\_the\_Gardener](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chance_the_Gardener)\ **Post date:** [December 20, 2006, 2:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/omg-christian-groups-upset-again/384899/22 "2006-12-20T14:57:31Z")
I’m sure the producers of this drek appreciate the free publicity; in fact, I’m willing to bet that was part of their calculus. The fact that they’re making a Christmas-themed horror movie doesn’t offend me; my problem comes more from the obvious fact that Hollywood can’t seem to come up with many original ideas anymore, that they insead lean heavily on mining the past and swamping us with remakes. I’m not anti-remake, but there’s such a thing as too much of a good thing, you know? That someone made _Silent Night, Deadly Night_ shows that there was someone with some originality back in the mid-1980s. I went to the theater and saw this picture then, and I enjoyed it. I doubt I would now, but then, I’m no longer a teenager. I don’t get these complainers. I mean, if someone made a movie about a homocidal maniac killing people while posing as Jesus Christ, I could see their point. But Santa Claus? C’mon! These Christian groups aren’t even Catholic! See you all on line for _Bible Camp Massacre_. And merry Christmas, one and all! ---
**Author:** ![silenus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/silenus/32/166_2.png) [@silenus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/silenus)\ **Post date:** [December 20, 2006, 3:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/omg-christian-groups-upset-again/384899/23 "2006-12-20T15:18:23Z")
You are all missing the key question here, the answer to which should determin whether or not the movie should be pulled from the theaters. That question is: **Does Michelle Trachtenberg get nekkid in this movie?** If the answer is “Yes,” then to blazes with the protests. I’ll be first in line at the opening. If the answer is “No,” then “meh.” 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Lord\_Ashtar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7ea924/32.png) [@Lord\_Ashtar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lord_Ashtar)\ **Post date:** [December 20, 2006, 3:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/omg-christian-groups-upset-again/384899/24 "2006-12-20T15:18:52Z")
[QUOTE=Bryan Ekers] That movie is a lousy _remake_?! Has Hollywood abandoned _all_ pretense of originality?! [/QUOTE] Where the hell have you been? Hollywood hasn’t done anything original in at least the last 10 years. ---
**Author:** ![Autumn\_Almanac](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/d26b3c/32.png) [@Autumn\_Almanac](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Autumn_Almanac)\ **Post date:** [December 20, 2006, 3:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/omg-christian-groups-upset-again/384899/25 "2006-12-20T15:26:40Z")
[QUOTE=silenus] **Does Michelle Trachtenberg get nekkid in this movie?** [/QUOTE] You spelled her name wrong. The correct spelling of the hot girl in this movie’s name is “Lacey Chabert.” 😉 ---
**Author:** ![saoirse](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/5daacb/32.png) [@saoirse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/saoirse)\ **Post date:** [December 20, 2006, 3:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/omg-christian-groups-upset-again/384899/26 "2006-12-20T15:39:51Z")
[QUOTE=Steve MB] Yeah. For instance, I didn’t think the Mel Gibson version of _Life of Brian_ was as funny as the original. [/QUOTE] You have no appreciation for physical comedy. I still maintain, as I have since I stood in line for 90 minutes to see the 2+ -hour POS “The Last Temptation of Christ,” that these people are working in the Distributors’ PR departments. The pastors have got to be on the take ---
**Author:** ![silenus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/silenus/32/166_2.png) [@silenus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/silenus)\ **Post date:** [December 20, 2006, 3:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/omg-christian-groups-upset-again/384899/27 "2006-12-20T15:46:47Z")
[QUOTE=Autumn Almanac] You spelled her name wrong. The correct spelling of the hot girl in this movie’s name is “Lacey Chabert.” 😉 [/QUOTE] Maybe there’s a scene where they are both nekkid, clinging to each other in terror. Their eyes meet, and they decide to take one last chance at defeating the Evil Force out to get them by distracting it by making out with each other while suggestively rubbing chocolate sauce all over… I’ll be in mah bunk. ---
**Author:** ![Polycarp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/82dd89/32.png) [@Polycarp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Polycarp)\ **Post date:** [December 20, 2006, 3:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/omg-christian-groups-upset-again/384899/28 "2006-12-20T15:47:08Z")
[QUOTE=ShibbOleth] I’m thinking a mostly gay porn remake of _Jesus Christ, Superstar_ might be more effective. [/QUOTE] What, Judas doing a reprise of “I Don’t Know How to Love Him” wasn’t enough for you? 😉 ---
**Author:** ![susan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/susan/32/17537_2.png) [@susan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/susan)\ **Post date:** [December 20, 2006, 4:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/omg-christian-groups-upset-again/384899/29 "2006-12-20T16:01:55Z")
No, it’s the lesbian porn remake of _Jesus Christ, Superstar_ that would do it. Jesus Christ: Melissa Ethridge Judas: Mary Cheney Mary Magdalene: Anne Heche Pontius Pilate: Rosie O’Donnell Cameo: Janet Reno as King Herod Don’t miss the big “Hosanna” orgy scene with Marguerite Cammermeyer. ---
**Author:** ![Ponder\_Stibbons](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ponder_stibbons/32/343_2.png) [@Ponder\_Stibbons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ponder_Stibbons)\ **Post date:** [December 20, 2006, 4:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/omg-christian-groups-upset-again/384899/30 "2006-12-20T16:03:00Z")
[QUOTE=Steve MB] Yeah. For instance, I didn’t think the Mel Gibson version of _Life of Brian_ was as funny as the original. [/QUOTE] Tell me about it. I couldn’t make out the words of “Always Look on the Bright Side of Life” at _all_. ---
**Author:** ![matt\_mcl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ab992/32.png) [@matt\_mcl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/matt_mcl)\ **Post date:** [December 20, 2006, 6:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/omg-christian-groups-upset-again/384899/31 "2006-12-20T18:15:23Z")
[QUOTE=ShibbOleth] I’m thinking a mostly gay porn remake of _Jesus Christ, Superstar_ might be more effective. [/QUOTE] [Nailed!](http://www.somethingpositive.net/sp03052002.shtml) ---
**Author:** ![Polycarp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/82dd89/32.png) [@Polycarp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Polycarp)\ **Post date:** [December 20, 2006, 6:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/omg-christian-groups-upset-again/384899/32 "2006-12-20T18:42:11Z")
[QUOTE=matt\_mcl] [Nailed!](http://www.somethingpositive.net/sp03052002.shtml) [/QUOTE] Hey! Nobody specified that **Lynn** and **Tubadiva** werre in charge of casting! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Voyager](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/voyager/32/133_2.png) [@Voyager](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Voyager)\ **Post date:** [December 20, 2006, 7:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/omg-christian-groups-upset-again/384899/33 "2006-12-20T19:00:37Z")
[QUOTE=silenus] You are all missing the key question here, the answer to which should determin whether or not the movie should be pulled from the theaters. That question is: **Does Michelle Trachtenberg get nekkid in this movie?** If the answer is “Yes,” then to blazes with the protests. I’ll be first in line at the opening. If the answer is “No,” then “meh.” 😃 [/QUOTE] NO, NO, NO. Michelle, who I knew when she was 11, will never, ever be naked in a movie. Never! That’s just so wrong. :eek: :eek: :eek: ---
**Author:** ![pool](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pool/32/4152_2.png) [@pool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pool)\ **Post date:** [December 20, 2006, 7:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/omg-christian-groups-upset-again/384899/34 "2006-12-20T19:10:34Z")
But it feels sooooooooooo right!!! ---
**Author:** ![silenus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/silenus/32/166_2.png) [@silenus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/silenus)\ **Post date:** [December 20, 2006, 7:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/omg-christian-groups-upset-again/384899/35 "2006-12-20T19:10:43Z")
Little girls grow up, move on, and eventually get nekkid in movies. Sorry to have to break it to you. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![baronsabato](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ed655f/32.png) [@baronsabato](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/baronsabato)\ **Post date:** [December 20, 2006, 7:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/omg-christian-groups-upset-again/384899/36 "2006-12-20T19:44:02Z")
[QUOTE=Shoshana] No, it’s the lesbian porn remake of _Jesus Christ, Superstar_ that would do it. Jesus Christ: Melissa Ethridge Judas: Mary Cheney Mary Magdalene: Anne Heche Pontius Pilate: Rosie O’Donnell Cameo: Janet Reno as King Herod Don’t miss the big “Hosanna” orgy scene with Marguerite Cammermeyer. [/QUOTE] I guess you’ve missed [this version](http://www.amazon.com/Jesus-Christ-Superstar-Resurrection-Studio/dp/B0000018CA) with Amy Ray and Emily Saliers of the Indigo Girls as Jesus and Mary Magdalene, respectively. ---
**Author:** ![joyfool](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/df788c/32.png) [@joyfool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/joyfool)\ **Post date:** [December 20, 2006, 7:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/omg-christian-groups-upset-again/384899/37 "2006-12-20T19:56:09Z")
As previously stated, the real travesty here is _remaking a freakin’ CLASSIC_, man! Why can’t they leave all the good shit alone? And for us women folks (or the fellows who lurves them some hot beefcake), why can’t anyone ever update something with an all-male hunky cast? I’d be sweating some Christmas good cheer over… Barbie (Brandon) Coard: Johnny Depp Jessica (Jared) Bradford: Joseph Gordon-Levitt Mrs. (Mr.) Mac: Kevin Bacon Phyllis (Peyton) Carlson: Zach Braff Clare (Cam) Harrison: Owen Wilson Mr. Harrison: Denzel Washington (what? his offspring was adopted!) Sergeant Nash/Lieutenant Kenneth Fuller (whichever comes away with the most screen time: Hugh Laurie Peter (McDreamy) Smythe: Patrick Dempsey As for love interests, meh, y’all can decide. However, if there’s any room for Daniel Craig or Jesse Spencer, the entire world would undoubtedly thank you. Oh, and the problem here isn’t the Santa or the use of the holiday aspect, it’s the juxtaposition of the two _in the media blitz_. Yanno, in case some unsuspecting 6 year old buys a ticket to view the movie alone. They’d never have a Merry Christmas again because they’d forever be waiting for ol’ Saint Nick to slaughter them over extra cookies. /the Mr. Claus Nazi says “No presents for you!” and heads roll! I’ll be in **silenus** bunk now. :o ---
**Author:** ![Frank](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Frank](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Frank)\ **Post date:** [December 20, 2006, 7:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/omg-christian-groups-upset-again/384899/38 "2006-12-20T19:57:38Z")
[QUOTE=silenus] Little girls grow up, move on, and eventually get nekkid in movies. Sorry to have to break it to you. 😃 [/QUOTE] Thank heaven for little girls. They grow up in the most delightful way. ---
**Author:** ![elucidator](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/8edcca/32.png) [@elucidator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elucidator)\ **Post date:** [December 20, 2006, 8:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/omg-christian-groups-upset-again/384899/39 "2006-12-20T20:01:28Z")
This is all so typical of the adolescent, puerile American mindset, craving nekkid young women in various displays of wanton and debauch! Without so much as a thought to character development, motivation, relevance to the story line, etc. Why didn’t Mr Coppola use such tactics himself, you might well ask. Why not a scene of hot lesbo action between Connie and Kate, wherein Connie cries out “Michael killed Frodo!” in orgasmic abandon as Kate licks her Hot Button? Because it would have been wrong! Wrong! I bring a higher sensibility to these things, being schooled in the nuances of deconstruction and semiotics, so that I can view these sorts of scenes with the proper detachment and abstract analysis. I may need to view them several times, in order to fully grasp the subtle interactions of a teeny-bopper group grope. It may even be necessary to view them in the privacy of my own home, it order to absorb every lick of meaning. Several times. Over and over, the same way I have rigorously examined the entire _Girls Gone Wild_ film cycle, in order to fully grasp its impact on American culture. Perhaps the only way to fully understand the impact of lesbian culture on American film is to immerse oneself in the cinematic experience of young hotties gobbling the honey pot, their pink tongues flashing and slashing Tenderness Junction, again and again and… Fredo. Michael killed _Fredo_. I knew that. Just testing. See if you were paying attention. You perv. ---
**Author:** ![Troy\_McClure\_SF](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/troy_mcclure_sf/32/4150_2.png) [@Troy\_McClure\_SF](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Troy_McClure_SF)\ **Post date:** [December 20, 2006, 8:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/omg-christian-groups-upset-again/384899/40 "2006-12-20T20:03:58Z")
DNFT Wackass Christians. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/omg-christian-groups-upset-again/384899.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/omg-christian-groups-upset-again/384899.md?page=3)