# Omnibus Religious Fucks in the NEWS **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [February 7, 2022, 6:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/omnibus-religious-fucks-in-the-news/959066 "2022-02-07T18:33:03Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 15
**Author:** ![EinsteinsHund](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/einsteinshund/32/8400_2.png) [@EinsteinsHund](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EinsteinsHund)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2023, 4:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/omnibus-religious-fucks-in-the-news/959066/281 "2023-06-17T16:57:09Z")
This story is so bizarre that I have to share it here, though there’s no real fuckery there, only befuddlement: > **[Archdiocese of Kansas City warns Masses at 3 parishes may have been 'invalid'...](https://www.lifesitenews.com/news/archdiocese-of-kansas-city-warns-masses-at-3-parishes-may-have-been-invalid-for-years-due-to-wrong-wine/)** > > Archbishop Joseph Naumann said that multiple priests at parishes in his archdiocese 'discovered the long-term use of wines that were in fact invalid matter for the confection of the Eucharist.' Short summary: Catholic priests used the wrong wine in the eucharist, so thousands of masses were “invalid”. That obviously means that all prayers for the deceased that the masses were celebrated for are invalid too. I imagine the heavenly administration: Angel clerk #1: “I see that a mass was celebrated for Maggie Smith. That means we can allow her from purgatory to Heaven. I’ll check the box.” Angel clerk #2: “Wait, it was brought to my attention that the eucharist was performed with a wine that contained traces of elderberry! That’s an abomination before the Lord, and the mass was invalid!” Angel clerk #1: “Woohoo, thanks for the correction! That’ll be 100,000 years more in purgatory for Maggie.” ---
**Author:** ![Balance](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ccd318/32.png) [@Balance](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Balance)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2023, 5:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/omnibus-religious-fucks-in-the-news/959066/282 "2023-06-17T17:17:59Z")
> [@EinsteinsHund](#): > > Short summary: Catholic priests used the wrong wine in the eucharist, so thousands of masses were “invalid”. That obviously means that all prayers for the deceased that the masses were celebrated for are invalid too. The fuckery is in the comments I made the mistake of scrolling down to. A few decent-seeming people were getting shouted down by others who seem to have based their fantasy of Heaven on the DMV. ---
**Author:** ![Love\_Rhombus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/love_rhombus/32/10694_2.png) [@Love\_Rhombus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Love_Rhombus)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2023, 5:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/omnibus-religious-fucks-in-the-news/959066/283 "2023-06-17T17:20:26Z")
> [@Balance](#): > > who seem to have based their fantasy of _Heaven_ on the DMV. Right idea, wrong Place. ---
**Author:** ![74westy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/74westy/32/3950_2.png) [@74westy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/74westy)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2023, 5:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/omnibus-religious-fucks-in-the-news/959066/284 "2023-06-17T17:24:29Z")
> [@EinsteinsHund](#): > > Angel clerk #1: “I see that a mass was celebrated for Maggie Smith. That means we can allow her from purgatory to Heaven. I’ll check the box.” I had to check and make sure she was still alive. Don’t scare me like that. ---
**Author:** ![crowmanyclouds](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/crowmanyclouds/32/19884_2.png) [@crowmanyclouds](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/crowmanyclouds)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2023, 5:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/omnibus-religious-fucks-in-the-news/959066/285 "2023-06-17T17:26:24Z")
There is only one confection of the Eucharist. [![](https://s.pngkit.com/png/small/124-1244245_russell-stover-solid-milk-chocolate-jesus-fish-russell.png) ](https://s.pngkit.com/png/small/124-1244245_russell-stover-solid-milk-chocolate-jesus-fish-russell.png) ---
**Author:** ![EinsteinsHund](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/einsteinshund/32/8400_2.png) [@EinsteinsHund](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EinsteinsHund)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2023, 5:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/omnibus-religious-fucks-in-the-news/959066/286 "2023-06-17T17:28:13Z")
> [@74westy](#): > > I had to check and make sure she was still alive. Don’t scare me like that. Sorry, I _know_ Maggie Smith, but didn’t know her name, and took Maggie Smith as a generic fictional name for a good Catholic. ---
**Author:** ![Balance](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ccd318/32.png) [@Balance](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Balance)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2023, 5:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/omnibus-religious-fucks-in-the-news/959066/287 "2023-06-17T17:52:46Z")
> [@Love\_Rhombus](#): > > Right idea, wrong Place. No, I’m pretty sure _everyone_, religious or not, associates the DMV with Hell. 😉 Seriously, I’m talking about people acting like Jesus personally dictated “The Code of Canon Law 924 §3”, which apparently specifies what kind of wine the Church approves for ceremonial use. (And which, at minimum, smacks of privilege, but also reads like a license for the Church to extort kickbacks under the guise of some kind of certification program. I don’t know if they do, but it has that kind of feel.) ---
**Author:** ![EddyTeddyFreddy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eddyteddyfreddy/32/18796_2.png) [@EddyTeddyFreddy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EddyTeddyFreddy)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2023, 6:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/omnibus-religious-fucks-in-the-news/959066/288 "2023-06-17T18:26:31Z")
Well, this is an organization that made money selling indulgences for centuries. ---
**Author:** ![susan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/susan/32/17537_2.png) [@susan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/susan)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2023, 6:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/omnibus-religious-fucks-in-the-news/959066/289 "2023-06-17T18:32:49Z")
Oregon has a sensible law about marriage–if you believe the person who performed the ceremony (distinct from the state paperwork, generally) was legally qualified to do it, your marriage is valid. This ought to apply to certified wine as well. ---
**Author:** ![DesertDog](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/desertdog/32/11503_2.png) [@DesertDog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DesertDog)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2023, 6:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/omnibus-religious-fucks-in-the-news/959066/290 "2023-06-17T18:42:59Z")
> [@EinsteinsHund](#): > > Short summary: Catholic priests used the wrong wine in the eucharist, so thousands of masses were “invalid”. One would think that an omniscient god who cares about his flock would have let someone know. “Hey, bud. That wine you’ve started using has elderberry in it and I don’t like that. Pick another one.” > [@crowmanyclouds](#): > > There is only one confection of the Eucharist. “Come to the Catholic side. We have chocolate” might stop the erosion of believers. ---
**Author:** ![EinsteinsHund](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/einsteinshund/32/8400_2.png) [@EinsteinsHund](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EinsteinsHund)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2023, 6:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/omnibus-religious-fucks-in-the-news/959066/291 "2023-06-17T18:53:14Z")
> [@DesertDog](#): > > “Come to the Catholic side. We have chocolate” might stop the erosion of believers. Would at least work better than the bland cracker. When I was still in the club, the hoi polloi never got wine anyway, with or without elderberry. That might have been a bit more of a pull. ---
**Author:** ![crowmanyclouds](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/crowmanyclouds/32/19884_2.png) [@crowmanyclouds](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/crowmanyclouds)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2023, 7:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/omnibus-religious-fucks-in-the-news/959066/292 "2023-06-17T19:10:04Z")
> [@EinsteinsHund](#): > > Would at least work better than the bland cracker. Umm, it’s Russell Stover ‘’‘’‘chocolate’‘’‘’ . . . I’d rather be a Calvinist. ---
**Author:** ![EinsteinsHund](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/einsteinshund/32/8400_2.png) [@EinsteinsHund](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EinsteinsHund)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2023, 7:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/omnibus-religious-fucks-in-the-news/959066/293 "2023-06-17T19:28:46Z")
> [@crowmanyclouds](#): > > I’d rather be a Calvinist. I don’t know the Russell Stover brand, but damn, that must be bad chocolate… ---
**Author:** ![Baker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bb73d2/32.png) [@Baker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Baker)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2023, 7:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/omnibus-religious-fucks-in-the-news/959066/294 "2023-06-17T19:34:44Z")
It used to be a good brand. But it has decreased in quality while increasing in price. We always used to buy it for Christmas but I don’t anymore. If I want good chocolate I buy other brands, or I go to the local independent chocolate place here in town. ---
**Author:** ![Atamasama](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/atamasama/32/12961_2.png) [@Atamasama](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Atamasama)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2023, 9:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/omnibus-religious-fucks-in-the-news/959066/295 "2023-06-17T21:02:27Z")
The local department stores will usually have Russell Stover stuff all over their seasonal department around holidays like Easter, Valentine’s Day, Christmas… Any holiday that might include themed chocolates, they’re all over. It’s not very good. It’s edible, but bland and waxy, and turns dry and crumbly quick if you don’t eat it right away. I don’t buy it anymore. ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2023, 9:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/omnibus-religious-fucks-in-the-news/959066/296 "2023-06-17T21:16:31Z")
> [@susan](#): > > Oregon has a sensible law about marriage–if you believe the person who performed the ceremony (distinct from the state paperwork, generally) was legally qualified to do it, your marriage is valid. This ought to apply to certified wine as well. I disagree . They’re sinners and must be put to death. ---
**Author:** ![Chronos](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chronos/32/134_2.png) [@Chronos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chronos)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2023, 9:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/omnibus-religious-fucks-in-the-news/959066/297 "2023-06-17T21:18:42Z")
> [@Balance](#): > > No, I’m pretty sure _everyone_, religious or not, associates the DMV with Hell. 😉 C. S. Lewis, in the foreword to The Screwtape Letters, mentions that angels are traditionally depicted with bird wings, and devils with bat wings, because people like birds better than bats. But he likes both birds and bats better than bureaucrats, and so that’s how he depicted Screwtape. > [@susan](#): > > Oregon has a sensible law about marriage–if you believe the person who performed the ceremony (distinct from the state paperwork, generally) was legally qualified to do it, your marriage is valid. This ought to apply to certified wine as well. Catholicism does have several doctrines along those lines (including, I’m pretty sure, for marriage). Another example is the “baptism of intent”, where a person (or their parents) intends for them to be baptized, but they die before it happens. But I don’t know what the doctrine is concerning invalid Eucharist. As for the bland communion wafers, I’m honestly not sure why matzoh isn’t more popular as communion bread. The religious requirements on it are the same, since of course communion bread draws from the Jewish tradition of Passover bread in the first place. OK, so matzoh isn’t exactly the most exciting food, either, but it’s better than those little white round things most Catholic churches use. ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_Bravo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_bravo/32/493_2.png) [@Johnny\_Bravo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_Bravo)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2023, 9:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/omnibus-religious-fucks-in-the-news/959066/298 "2023-06-17T21:27:57Z")
> [@Chronos](#): > > I’m honestly not sure why matzoh isn’t more popular as communion bread For the love of God, we have so little. Leave us our shitty crackers. ---
**Author:** ![Atamasama](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/atamasama/32/12961_2.png) [@Atamasama](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Atamasama)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2023, 9:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/omnibus-religious-fucks-in-the-news/959066/299 "2023-06-17T21:29:43Z")
“Now, try new MatzoHost™ Holy Wafers, available in 5 sacred flavors! Available at your local Catholic church or grocery store.” [![](https://images.fineartamerica.com/images-medium-large-5/2-1950s-portrait-happy-smiling-boy-stripe-vintage-images.jpg) ](https://images.fineartamerica.com/images-medium-large-5/2-1950s-portrait-happy-smiling-boy-stripe-vintage-images.jpg) “Golly they’re good!” ---
**Author:** ![susan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/susan/32/17537_2.png) [@susan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/susan)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2023, 10:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/omnibus-religious-fucks-in-the-news/959066/300 "2023-06-17T22:08:34Z")
> [@kayaker](#): > > I disagree . They’re sinners and must be put to death. Awww. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/omnibus-religious-fucks-in-the-news/959066.md?page=14) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/omnibus-religious-fucks-in-the-news/959066.md?page=16)