# Omnibus Religious Fucks in the NEWS **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [February 7, 2022, 6:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/omnibus-religious-fucks-in-the-news/959066 "2022-02-07T18:33:03Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 25
**Author:** ![Typo\_Negative](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/typo_negative/32/484_2.png) [@Typo\_Negative](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Typo_Negative)\ **Post date:** [November 11, 2023, 12:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/omnibus-religious-fucks-in-the-news/959066/481 "2023-11-11T00:56:09Z")
This is gonna go in several, because it pisses me off. I have the [God Given Right to defy the Will of the voters, because I am better than them.](https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/politics/ohio-republicans-say-it-s-their-god-given-right-to-restrict-abortion-access/ar-AA1jJC7u?ocid=windirect&cvid=00ab7a40365d4280a8aa1be10a875da6&ei=56) Fuck these guys. If you are an Ohioan, you need no other reason to vote against the repugs than this. They will ignore the will of the people. Here’s the thing. Someone who will screw over one group is not at all unlikely to screw over you at some point. They have already shown themselves to be without principles or ethics. ---
**Author:** ![Smapti](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/smapti/32/17938_2.png) [@Smapti](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Smapti)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2023, 12:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/omnibus-religious-fucks-in-the-news/959066/482 "2023-11-17T00:40:25Z")
Meanwhile, on fundy Quora; [![](https://pbs.twimg.com/media/F-7ycGsXAAAUEZk?format=jpg&name=medium) ](https://pbs.twimg.com/media/F-7ycGsXAAAUEZk?format=jpg&name=medium) ---
**Author:** ![EinsteinsHund](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/einsteinshund/32/8400_2.png) [@EinsteinsHund](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EinsteinsHund)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2023, 12:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/omnibus-religious-fucks-in-the-news/959066/483 "2023-11-17T00:43:19Z")
I would drop the baby and open the parachute myself. ETA: seriously, what’s that all about? Who makes up such ridiculous scenarios? ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_Bravo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_bravo/32/493_2.png) [@Johnny\_Bravo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_Bravo)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2023, 12:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/omnibus-religious-fucks-in-the-news/959066/484 "2023-11-17T00:48:40Z")
Atheists, imagine you’re on Hell’s Kitchen with Gordon Ramsey. He’s yelling at you about something, probably scallops or toast or whatever. Suddenly, the ghost of Anthony Bourdain puts you in a sleeper hold. He tells you that he’ll help you make a really lovely ice cream for dessert but only if you renounce atheism. What would you do? CHECKMATE, atheists. ---
**Author:** ![Chronos](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chronos/32/134_2.png) [@Chronos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chronos)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2023, 12:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/omnibus-religious-fucks-in-the-news/959066/485 "2023-11-17T00:54:54Z")
No mention here yet of the Pope removing a Texas bishop from office for being, basically, a right-wing jerk? > **[In rare move, Pope Francis removes conservative Texas bishop from office](https://www.texasstandard.org/stories/pope-fancis-joseph-strickland-removed-conservative-texas-bishop-catholic-church/)** > > Bishop Strickland of Tyler clashed with the pope on social and theological issues. He was dismissed after a formal investigation into his leadership. ---
**Author:** ![Yllaria](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/yllaria/32/3452_2.png) [@Yllaria](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yllaria)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2023, 1:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/omnibus-religious-fucks-in-the-news/959066/486 "2023-11-17T01:23:51Z")
I’d say the baby is obviously possessed and should be ignored while you pull the cord. But I’m a lucid dreamer, so I’d probably just start flying. Or rewind the dream over and over until the kid disappears. ---
**Author:** ![Mijin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mijin/32/9369_2.png) [@Mijin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mijin)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2023, 1:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/omnibus-religious-fucks-in-the-news/959066/487 "2023-11-17T01:34:28Z")
I know no-one needs a response, but I feel compelled… Firstly, I don’t even get the scenario. Is it a tandem skydive? Well, just deploy the parachute yourself. If it’s not a tandem skydive…how are you having a conversation? If you’re close enough to have a conversation, just grab the baby and open your parachute. Secondly, there’s no need for such an elaborate scenario. Just say “Someone has a gun to a baby’s head and asks you to accept Jesus as your savior”. In which case I’d obviously lie, the same as any other gunpoint coercion. I can’t tell the truth that I accept Jesus as my savior, because that’s not how belief works. ---
**Author:** ![crowmanyclouds](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/crowmanyclouds/32/19884_2.png) [@crowmanyclouds](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/crowmanyclouds)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2023, 1:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/omnibus-religious-fucks-in-the-news/959066/488 "2023-11-17T01:39:28Z")
Conversion by extorsion is so old school! I mean, it’s not like _Accept Jesus or burn for eternity!_ isn’t already the offer on the table. 'Course the opposite question is soo very much more interesting. ---
**Author:** ![Akaj](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/akaj/32/145_2.png) [@Akaj](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Akaj)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2023, 1:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/omnibus-religious-fucks-in-the-news/959066/489 "2023-11-17T01:46:05Z")
Not to mention … why the fuck is a baby skydiving? ---
**Author:** ![running\_coach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/running_coach/32/15836_2.png) [@running\_coach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/running_coach)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2023, 1:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/omnibus-religious-fucks-in-the-news/959066/490 "2023-11-17T01:47:41Z")
> [@Akaj](#): > > Not to mention … why the fuck is a baby skydiving? - Someone threw it out of the plane. Duh. ---
**Author:** ![crowmanyclouds](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/crowmanyclouds/32/19884_2.png) [@crowmanyclouds](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/crowmanyclouds)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2023, 1:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/omnibus-religious-fucks-in-the-news/959066/491 "2023-11-17T01:50:18Z")
Prolly an atheist, you know how evil they are. ---
**Author:** ![Ann\_Hedonia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ann_hedonia/32/319_2.png) [@Ann\_Hedonia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ann_Hedonia)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2023, 2:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/omnibus-religious-fucks-in-the-news/959066/492 "2023-11-17T02:05:37Z")
_Christians:_ _Imagine you are going skydiving with an atheist baby. Suddenly, the baby tells you that he won’t open his parachute until you realize there is no magical force that’s going to make sure goodness prevails and that all we have is each other and we need to make it work and you need to promise to stop acting like a sanctimonious asshole in the name of your imaginary friend._ _What would you do?_ Unfortunately, most of what I call the Facebook Christians, the ones that post emoji laden platitudes about Jesus and prayer whenever a friend is going through hard times instead of actually doing something that helps them, would probably steal the atheist baby’s parachute so they had an extra just in case, and they’d take his bottle and pacifier because he won’t be needing it LOL. ---
**Author:** ![susan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/susan/32/17537_2.png) [@susan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/susan)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2023, 2:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/omnibus-religious-fucks-in-the-news/959066/493 "2023-11-17T02:15:09Z")
Wait, so this baby is some sort of supernatural entity that can a) speak, b) control my parachute? _“The devil can cite Scripture for his purpose.”_ Cut the demon loose. ---
**Author:** ![crowmanyclouds](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/crowmanyclouds/32/19884_2.png) [@crowmanyclouds](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/crowmanyclouds)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2023, 2:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/omnibus-religious-fucks-in-the-news/959066/494 "2023-11-17T02:18:14Z")
Seriously, what I love the most is how this moron thinks that beliefs are something you change like underwear and that a fucking God no less would be fooled by this insincere conversation. ---
**Author:** ![Chronos](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chronos/32/134_2.png) [@Chronos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chronos)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2023, 2:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/omnibus-religious-fucks-in-the-news/959066/495 "2023-11-17T02:39:31Z")
I dunno; I think the utter absurdity of the situation is much more bizarre than that. I mean, a skydiving talking baby threatening suicide unless I say some magic words? And someone thought this would convince anyone of anything? That’s got to be a troll. ---
**Author:** ![Monty](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/monty/32/47_2.png) [@Monty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Monty)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2023, 2:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/omnibus-religious-fucks-in-the-news/959066/496 "2023-11-17T02:46:28Z")
> [@EinsteinsHund](#): > > Who makes up such ridiculous scenarios? Probably the people who came up with the game concerned in [this thread](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/convert-or-die-the-game/383931). ---
**Author:** ![scabpicker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/scabpicker/32/8268_2.png) [@scabpicker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/scabpicker)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2023, 4:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/omnibus-religious-fucks-in-the-news/959066/497 "2023-11-17T04:30:54Z")
Yeahl, how does this fucking baby have any idea what it means to be atheist or Christian? Stupid, precocious baby. I bet you don’t even know which cord to pull. At least I know what’s _probably_ really going on when we burn in. ---
**Author:** ![Beckdawrek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/beckdawrek/32/3647_2.png) [@Beckdawrek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beckdawrek)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2023, 8:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/omnibus-religious-fucks-in-the-news/959066/498 "2023-11-17T08:09:59Z")
God! I mean _Jesus!_… Oh never mind. ---
**Author:** ![Love\_Rhombus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/love_rhombus/32/10694_2.png) [@Love\_Rhombus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Love_Rhombus)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2023, 10:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/omnibus-religious-fucks-in-the-news/959066/499 "2023-11-17T10:34:05Z")
Would “Skydiving Babies” be a good band name? ---
**Author:** ![Knowed\_Out](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/knowed_out/32/7380_2.png) [@Knowed\_Out](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Knowed_Out)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2023, 11:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/omnibus-religious-fucks-in-the-news/959066/500 "2023-11-17T11:17:01Z")
I used to get glurge emails like that from a Christian friend. It was in the form of “So-and-so grew up in poverty, gave birth to 15 children while suffering from AIDS, and is pregnant again. Would you recommend an abortion? If you said ‘yes,’ you just killed Whoshisface, who went on to save X lives during some disaster that took place somewhere.” I replied “A 48-year old man marries his 24-yo niece. They have 4 children, all of whom die shortly after birth. Now she’s pregnant again. Would you recommend an abortion? If you said ‘no,’ YOU JUST ALLOWED ADOLF HITLER TO BE BORN! WHAT KIND OF MONSTER ARE YOU???” [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/omnibus-religious-fucks-in-the-news/959066.md?page=24) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/omnibus-religious-fucks-in-the-news/959066.md?page=26)