# Omnibus Religious Fucks in the NEWS **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [February 7, 2022, 6:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/omnibus-religious-fucks-in-the-news/959066 "2022-02-07T18:33:03Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![digs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/digs/32/14889_2.png) [@digs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/digs)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2022, 4:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/omnibus-religious-fucks-in-the-news/959066/61 "2022-03-22T04:05:42Z")
> [@Riemann](#): > > > [@ekedolphin](#): > > > > “Speaking in tongues” is unintelligible > > Tell that to the practicing Christians who use the expression to describe something that happens every week during their worship. But it IS unintelligible. That was the point of it at the church I went to. And useless… and I say that as someone who’s done it. As the new kid in the big city, I got invited by friends to a Pentecostal church, where they got us all to “speak in tongues” by telling us “Now, you need to practice…” To just start repeating nonsense syllables over and over and overandoveranooveranoberanoovberannoober until it got out of control, at which point presto, it’s the Holy Spirit speaking through us “in words beyond human understanding”… sure, of _course_ that’s what it is… ---
**Author:** ![Atamasama](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/atamasama/32/12961_2.png) [@Atamasama](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Atamasama)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2022, 4:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/omnibus-religious-fucks-in-the-news/959066/62 "2022-03-22T04:30:36Z")
> [@digs](#): > > just start repeating nonsense syllables over and over and overandoveranooveranoberanoovberannoober until it got out of control, at which point presto, it’s the Holy Spirit speaking through us “in words beyond human understanding”… sure, of _course_ that’s what it is… That’s all it could possibly be. ![](https://c.tenor.com/Vk37748xTLoAAAAC/beavis-butt-head.gif) ---
**Author:** ![Monty](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/monty/32/47_2.png) [@Monty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Monty)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2022, 5:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/omnibus-religious-fucks-in-the-news/959066/63 "2022-03-22T05:20:01Z")
I thought those glossolalia outfits had someone “speaking in tongues” and then another person “moved by the Spirit” to translate the tongue-speech into English. Way back in 1978, a friend and I were invited by another American friend to visit a church in Itaeweon, Seoul. This turned out to be a Pentecostal outfit. When people started screaming gibberish and rolling around on the floor–and there were a lot of folks; this was a big place–is when my friend and I (we were both 19, so we weren’t that worldly-wise at the time) bolted for the door. ---
**Author:** ![Miller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miller/32/481_2.png) [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2022, 6:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/omnibus-religious-fucks-in-the-news/959066/64 "2022-03-22T06:08:19Z")
> [@Riemann](#): > > > [@ekedolphin](#): > > > > “Speaking in tongues” is unintelligible > > Tell that to the practicing Christians who use the expression to describe something that happens every week during their worship. I don’t know any personally, but if you can point me to them, I’ll be glad to explain to them that they’re speaking gibberish. Not sure what that would accomplish, as I doubt they’d find me persuasive on the subject, but I’m willing to give it a go. ---
**Author:** ![QMatic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/aeb1de/32.png) [@QMatic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/QMatic)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2022, 7:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/omnibus-religious-fucks-in-the-news/959066/65 "2022-03-22T07:46:41Z")
The spirit is strong with this one. Heavenly. [https://youtu.be/ekmwIStfR0o?t=44](https://youtu.be/ekmwIStfR0o?t=44) Also - how do I embed YouTube properly? ---
**Author:** ![Senegoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/senegoid/32/6606_2.png) [@Senegoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Senegoid)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2022, 11:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/omnibus-religious-fucks-in-the-news/959066/66 "2022-03-22T11:47:50Z")
> [@QMatic](#): > > Also - how do I embed YouTube properly? Try this: [![](https://i.ytimg.com/vi/ekmwIStfR0o/hqdefault.jpg "Ella Fitzgerald - One note Samba (scat singing) 1969") ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ekmwIStfR0o&t=44) ETA: Even better, listen to this catchy tune, “Mumbles” by Clark Terry! [![](https://img.youtube.com/vi/nHKCw8sKcOo/maxresdefault.jpg "Mumbles - Oscar Peterson & Clark Terry") ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nHKCw8sKcOo) ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2022, 11:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/omnibus-religious-fucks-in-the-news/959066/67 "2022-03-22T11:51:34Z")
> [@QMatic](#): > > Also - how do I embed YouTube properly? Not like you did. Just cut&paste the link on its own line. ---
**Author:** ![QMatic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/aeb1de/32.png) [@QMatic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/QMatic)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2022, 1:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/omnibus-religious-fucks-in-the-news/959066/68 "2022-03-22T13:16:38Z")
> [@kayaker](#): > > Not like you did. Just cut&paste the link on its own line. Got it - thanks. ---
**Author:** ![Typo\_Negative](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/typo_negative/32/484_2.png) [@Typo\_Negative](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Typo_Negative)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2022, 9:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/omnibus-religious-fucks-in-the-news/959066/69 "2022-03-22T21:18:04Z")
> [@Monty](#): > > I thought those glossolalia outfits had someone “speaking in tongues” and then another person “moved by the Spirit” to translate the tongue-speech into English. Which, if you think about it, makes no fucking sense whatsoever… I mean…WTF??? I let this person say shit he cannot understand, and let THAT person 'tranlate??? A person may offer a different and self-serving translation and who could contradict him? ---
**Author:** ![Atamasama](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/atamasama/32/12961_2.png) [@Atamasama](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Atamasama)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2022, 9:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/omnibus-religious-fucks-in-the-news/959066/70 "2022-03-22T21:32:37Z")
> [@Typo\_Negative](#): > > A person may offer a different and self-serving translation and who could contradict him? That’s a feature, not a bug. ---
**Author:** ![JRDelirious](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jrdelirious/32/9531_2.png) [@JRDelirious](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JRDelirious)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2022, 9:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/omnibus-religious-fucks-in-the-news/959066/71 "2022-03-22T21:53:38Z")
> [@Typo\_Negative](#): > > Which, if you think about it, makes no fucking sense whatsoever… I mean…WTF??? I let this person say shit he cannot understand, and let THAT person 'tranlate??? Because somewhere they read there is a Gift of Tongues, and a Gift of Understanding Tongues, and therefore they figure they must go together. Because pity the fellow who gets the latter while nobody is getting the former. He’s just sitting there with a gift from the Lord that’s perfectly useless. ---
**Author:** ![digs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/digs/32/14889_2.png) [@digs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/digs)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2022, 11:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/omnibus-religious-fucks-in-the-news/959066/72 "2022-03-22T23:18:15Z")
> [@Typo\_Negative](#): > > A person may offer a different and self-serving translation and who could contradict him? I’m picturing that… > [@Translator (of modest means)](#): > > HEAR YE the word of the Lord thy God, who brought My people out of Egypt… I am angered, saith YHWH, by the disparity of wealth in this congregation! And I require that those among ye who make over eighty thousand dollars, before taxes, place fifty dollars in a basket… a basket of straw shall be used, not of wood or molded hydrocarbons… and those with incomes under eighty thousand dollars, before taxes, shall remove those bills and divide them amongst themselves. Thus saith the Lord: Ushers, get a move on with those baskets! ---
**Author:** ![WolfpackJeep](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wolfpackjeep/32/2921_2.png) [@WolfpackJeep](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WolfpackJeep)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2022, 8:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/omnibus-religious-fucks-in-the-news/959066/73 "2022-03-23T08:10:42Z")
> [@running\_coach](#): > > Authentic Religious Gibberish as spoken by Reverend Gabby Johnson. Now who can argue with that? ---
**Author:** ![Princhester](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/3e96dc/32.png) [@Princhester](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Princhester)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2022, 11:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/omnibus-religious-fucks-in-the-news/959066/74 "2022-03-23T11:09:17Z")
In news that will shock nobody: > **[Brian Houston resigns as global senior pastor of Hillsong Church](https://www.brisbanetimes.com.au/national/brian-houston-resigns-as-hillsong-pastor-20220323-p5a76y.html)** > > Brian Houston was found to have behaved inappropriately with two women. At least there’s no evidence the females were underage, unlike his fathers’ victims. Of course he has probably been screwing every Happy Clappy Groupie he could lay his hands on since he got hair on his hypocritical balls. Most of them probably welcomed it and many probably didn’t but didn’t want to speak out ---
**Author:** ![Jasmine](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jasmine/32/2964_2.png) [@Jasmine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jasmine)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2022, 11:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/omnibus-religious-fucks-in-the-news/959066/75 "2022-03-23T11:26:57Z")
I agree that her acts were reprehensible, but her sentence is pretty much in line with sentences given for non-violent white collar crime. I get the impression from your initial post that you feel she should be punished more because she was an official in a religious organization and not because of the crime itself. If hypocrisy was a punishable crime by law, I would agree. It isn’t, so I don’t. ---
**Author:** ![Senegoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/senegoid/32/6606_2.png) [@Senegoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Senegoid)\ **Post date:** [March 24, 2022, 7:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/omnibus-religious-fucks-in-the-news/959066/76 "2022-03-24T19:10:09Z")
> [@Monty](#): > > I thought those glossolalia outfits had someone “speaking in tongues” and then another person “moved by the Spirit” to translate the tongue-speech into English. Better still, they should recruit 70 members with The Gift Of Understanding, and have them interpret the gibberish – all working independently of one another, of course – and see if they miraculously all come up with the same translation. It’s not like it’s never been done before. ---
**Author:** ![Typo\_Negative](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/typo_negative/32/484_2.png) [@Typo\_Negative](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Typo_Negative)\ **Post date:** [March 24, 2022, 7:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/omnibus-religious-fucks-in-the-news/959066/77 "2022-03-24T19:24:45Z")
> [@Princhester](#): > > In news that will shock nobody: > > [Brian Houston resigns from Hillsong](https://www.brisbanetimes.com.au/national/brian-houston-resigns-as-hillsong-pastor-20220323-p5a76y.html) > > At least there’s no evidence the females were underage, unlike his fathers’ victims. > “The first incident involved Pastor Brian text messaging with a female member of staff, which ended in an inappropriate text message along the lines of, ‘If I was with you, I’d like to give you a kiss and a cuddle, or a hug,’ words of that nature,” Pastor Dooley told the meeting. > > snip > > The woman later came back and asked for compensation because she was struggling to get a job as a result of what had happened to her and the church agreed to pay her a few months’ salary, which Mr Houston later reimbursed, Pastor Dooley said. I am going to go ahead call bullshit. They are not going to pay ANYTHING on the basis of the ‘quoted’ text’. Hug, kiss, cuddle my bleeding ass. ---
**Author:** ![Princhester](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/3e96dc/32.png) [@Princhester](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Princhester)\ **Post date:** [March 24, 2022, 11:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/omnibus-religious-fucks-in-the-news/959066/78 "2022-03-24T23:07:22Z")
My thoughts exactly. There’s a reason they didn’t provide the actual text. In reality he almost certainly said something that meant “I wanna fuck”. ---
**Author:** ![Monty](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/monty/32/47_2.png) [@Monty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Monty)\ **Post date:** [March 25, 2022, 1:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/omnibus-religious-fucks-in-the-news/959066/79 "2022-03-25T01:04:24Z")
For example, “I would love to know you”. Think of the expression _in the Biblical sense_. ---
**Author:** ![Love\_Rhombus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/love_rhombus/32/10694_2.png) [@Love\_Rhombus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Love_Rhombus)\ **Post date:** [March 25, 2022, 2:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/omnibus-religious-fucks-in-the-news/959066/80 "2022-03-25T14:47:40Z")
I wish to anoint you in the sight of the Lord and provide tutoring in the deeper mysteries. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/omnibus-religious-fucks-in-the-news/959066.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/omnibus-religious-fucks-in-the-news/959066.md?page=5)