# Omnibus Religious Fucks in the NEWS **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [February 7, 2022, 6:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/omnibus-religious-fucks-in-the-news/959066 "2022-02-07T18:33:03Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 49
**Author:** ![Atamasama](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/atamasama/32/12961_2.png) [@Atamasama](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Atamasama)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2025, 6:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/omnibus-religious-fucks-in-the-news/959066/961 "2025-07-28T18:31:48Z")
> [@crowmanyclouds](#): > > That’s a very high flying David Carradine joke. _Kung Fu: The Autoerotic Asphyxiation Continues_ ---
**Author:** ![Monty](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/monty/32/47_2.png) [@Monty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Monty)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2025, 2:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/omnibus-religious-fucks-in-the-news/959066/962 "2025-08-09T14:35:21Z")
[Telephonic three-way?](https://www.aol.com/pervy-youth-pastor-allegedly-sexted-122853706.html) > A pervy youth pastor is accused of posing as a teenage boy to exchange nude photos with young girls — even while on the phone with his wife, according to court documents. > > Jacob Ryan Barnett, a married dad known as Pastor Jake to churchgoers at the Catawba Valley Baptist Church in Virginia, “repeatedly asked” a 15-year-old girl last month for photos of her privates as he told her it’s “time for her to see her first d–k,” according to court documents. > > “I don’t know if im readyyyy im only 15 and I barely know anything abt that whole topiccc,” the girl responded — just for the pastor to allegedly send her a nude photo of himself anyway. > > Barnett, the 34-year-old father of a 2-year-old son, had messaged young girls on social media pretending to be a 17-year-old boy named “Jodie Johnson,” according to the complaint. > > The mother of a different 15-year-old girl, “M.V.,” notified the FBI in May after she went through her daughter’s phone and found an explicit conversation between the teen and “Johnson,” in which the teen sent several nude photos and a video days earlier, according to the federal probable cause affidavit. > > The mom searched “Johnson’s” number — and realized it belonged to “a grown man named Jacob Barnett,” the docs detailed. > > On at least two occasions, Barnett spoke with that girl while talking to his wife. ---
**Author:** ![running\_coach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/running_coach/32/15836_2.png) [@running\_coach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/running_coach)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2025, 2:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/omnibus-religious-fucks-in-the-news/959066/963 "2025-08-09T14:44:15Z")
That pastor is a real Jake-off. Time to apply the Jake brakes. ---
**Author:** ![Just\_Asking\_Questions](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ba9def/32.png) [@Just\_Asking\_Questions](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Just_Asking_Questions)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2025, 3:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/omnibus-religious-fucks-in-the-news/959066/964 "2025-08-09T15:02:41Z")
It would have been funnier if the 15 year old girls were law enforcement predator-trappers. “Isn’t _anyone_ here who they say they are?” ---
**Author:** ![DesertDog](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/desertdog/32/11503_2.png) [@DesertDog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DesertDog)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2025, 5:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/omnibus-religious-fucks-in-the-news/959066/965 "2025-08-09T17:14:10Z")
> [@Monty quoting the \*Post\* article](#): > > “I don’t know if im readyyyy im only 15 and I barely know anything abt that whole topiccc,” the girl responded Uncommonly wise but Christ on a pogo stick, while not necessarily practicing, a fifteen-year old girl – or boy – is old enough to know full well what goes where, and why, and when. Abstinence sex education, assuming she’d had even that, is a disaster. > [@Just\_Asking\_Questions](#): > > “Isn’t _anyone_ here who they say they are?” Reminds me of the _Simpsons_ episode where Skinner dials into a 900- sex number and after a few seconds’ recorded greeting is dumped into a conference call with and only with the town’s bachelors, him, Moe, Apu, and somebody I don’t remember. **Apu:** This is less stimulating than I had anticipated. ---
**Author:** ![Monty](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/monty/32/47_2.png) [@Monty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Monty)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2025, 9:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/omnibus-religious-fucks-in-the-news/959066/966 "2025-08-09T21:45:50Z")
> [@DesertDog](#): > > > [@Monty quoting the \*Post\* article](#): > > > > “I don’t know if im readyyyy im only 15 and I barely know anything abt that whole topiccc,” the girl responded > > Uncommonly wise but Christ on a pogo stick, while not necessarily practicing, a fifteen-year old girl – or boy – is old enough to know full well what goes where, and why, and when. Abstinence sex education, assuming she’d had even that, is a disaster. I’m tempted to bet real money the poor girl’s parents opted her out of sex education class. ---
**Author:** ![Chronos](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chronos/32/134_2.png) [@Chronos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chronos)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2025, 10:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/omnibus-religious-fucks-in-the-news/959066/967 "2025-08-09T22:02:12Z")
Regardless of whether she actually knew anything or not, that was probably about the best response she could have given. Well, not as good as immediately closing the app and calling the cops, but pretty good for a 15-year-old. ---
**Author:** ![running\_coach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/running_coach/32/15836_2.png) [@running\_coach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/running_coach)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2025, 10:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/omnibus-religious-fucks-in-the-news/959066/968 "2025-08-09T22:11:53Z")
> [@Monty](#): > > I’m tempted to bet real money the poor girl’s parents opted her out of sex education class. Don’t forget Bristol Palin was paid to advocate for abstinence and got pregnant out of wedlock. ---
**Author:** ![Gyrate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gyrate/32/3588_2.png) [@Gyrate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gyrate)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2025, 6:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/omnibus-religious-fucks-in-the-news/959066/969 "2025-08-10T06:37:08Z")
> [@DesertDog](#): > > Reminds me of the _Simpsons_ episode where Skinner dials into a 900- sex number and after a few seconds’ recorded greeting is dumped into a conference call with and only with the town’s bachelors, him, Moe, Apu, and somebody I don’t remember. Krusty ---
**Author:** ![eschereal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eschereal/32/18939_2.png) [@eschereal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eschereal)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2025, 3:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/omnibus-religious-fucks-in-the-news/959066/970 "2025-08-10T15:57:04Z")
> [@Gyrate](#): > > Krusty Yeah, everyone wants to be involved in an orgy that includes someone with a name like that. ---
**Author:** ![Monty](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/monty/32/47_2.png) [@Monty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Monty)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2025, 2:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/omnibus-religious-fucks-in-the-news/959066/971 "2025-09-02T02:27:07Z")
[Good News International Church is still conning people to starve to death.](https://www.aol.com/starvation-cult-behind-400-deaths-143025991.html) > A starvation cult accused of being responsible for the deaths of over 400 people is still active, officials fear, as new graves suggest acolytes escaped a police round-up two years ago. > > Kenyan police have uncovered the bodies of dozens of new suspected victims in recent days, including some seemingly buried long after officers claimed to have smashed [Pastor Paul Mackenzie Nthenge’s fringe sect](https://www.telegraph.co.uk/global-health/science-and-disease/kenyan-starvation-cult/). > > Officials have now told the Telegraph they believe some of his followers escaped the crackdown and continued to operate nearby, potentially prolonging one of the worst cult-related mass deaths ever recorded. > > Police have exhumed 37 more bodies from a site in Kwa Binzaro, about 12 miles south of Shakahola Forest, near Mombasa, [where Mackenzie ran his Good News International church](https://www.telegraph.co.uk/world-news/2024/08/13/kenyan-cult-leader-let-his-children-eat-followers-starved/). > > The breakaway group is thought to consist of those who fled police raids in early 2023, and also brainwashed members who have been unable to escape its extremist teachings. ---
**Author:** ![Darren\_Garrison](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/darren_garrison/32/92_2.png) [@Darren\_Garrison](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Darren_Garrison)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2025, 12:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/omnibus-religious-fucks-in-the-news/959066/972 "2025-09-23T00:28:04Z")
It’s Rapturin’ time! > **[All the 'Biblical signs' pointing to the rapture coming TOMORROW](https://www.dailymail.co.uk/sciencetech/article-15122683/Religious-believers-Biblical-signs-rapture-TOMORROW.html)** > > Speculation on social media that the end of days will arrive on September 23 has reached a frantic point, but many faith leaders continue to push back on the claims. > **[Great news! The rapture is coming on Rosh Hashanah](https://forward.com/culture/771154/rosh-hashanah-rapture-christianity-end-times/)** > > Christians online are preparing for a rapture they expect to occur this Rosh Hashanah due to some dodgy biblical math. ---
**Author:** ![crowmanyclouds](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/crowmanyclouds/32/19884_2.png) [@crowmanyclouds](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/crowmanyclouds)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2025, 12:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/omnibus-religious-fucks-in-the-news/959066/973 "2025-09-23T00:33:53Z")
[![](https://img.youtube.com/vi/-hJQ18S6aag/hqdefault.jpg "Will this wind...?") ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-hJQ18S6aag) ---
**Author:** ![Dewey\_Finn](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dewey_finn/32/4222_2.png) [@Dewey\_Finn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dewey_Finn)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2025, 12:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/omnibus-religious-fucks-in-the-news/959066/974 "2025-09-23T00:34:51Z")
Does that mean I can sleep in tomorrow? ---
**Author:** ![Atamasama](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/atamasama/32/12961_2.png) [@Atamasama](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Atamasama)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2025, 1:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/omnibus-religious-fucks-in-the-news/959066/975 "2025-09-23T01:01:20Z")
My wife joked about going to a park and leaving piles of clothes in random spots. ---
**Author:** ![EddyTeddyFreddy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eddyteddyfreddy/32/18796_2.png) [@EddyTeddyFreddy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EddyTeddyFreddy)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2025, 1:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/omnibus-religious-fucks-in-the-news/959066/976 "2025-09-23T01:19:17Z")
Do it! Do it! ---
**Author:** ![crowmanyclouds](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/crowmanyclouds/32/19884_2.png) [@crowmanyclouds](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/crowmanyclouds)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2025, 1:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/omnibus-religious-fucks-in-the-news/959066/977 "2025-09-23T01:39:06Z")
I’ll be satisfied with pointing out to un-Raptured Christians that they, by Biblical definition no less, are not True Christians. ---
**Author:** ![Chronos](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chronos/32/134_2.png) [@Chronos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chronos)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2025, 1:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/omnibus-religious-fucks-in-the-news/959066/978 "2025-09-23T01:50:25Z")
I have this pet crackpot hypothesis that all of the nuts predicting the End of the World are the only reason the world still exists. See, “You will know not the day nor the hour”, so as long as someone thinks any given day will be the End, it can’t be that day. And there are enough nuts in the world that, every day, someone thinks it’ll be the end. ---
**Author:** ![crowmanyclouds](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/crowmanyclouds/32/19884_2.png) [@crowmanyclouds](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/crowmanyclouds)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2025, 2:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/omnibus-religious-fucks-in-the-news/959066/979 "2025-09-23T02:12:11Z")
> [@Chronos](#): > > “You will know not the day nor the hour” And saying you do is claiming to know what only God knows which just might be one of those sin thingies. ---
**Author:** ![Monty](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/monty/32/47_2.png) [@Monty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Monty)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2025, 4:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/omnibus-religious-fucks-in-the-news/959066/980 "2025-09-23T04:58:06Z")
[Leader of the Moonies arrested in Korea for bribery.](https://www.koreatimes.co.kr/southkorea/law-crime/20250923/unification-church-leader-arrested-over-gifts-to-ex-first-lady) > [@](#): > > The leader of the Unification Church, the sprawling religious empire built by the late Rev. Moon Sun-myung, was taken into custody Tuesday in a widening corruption probe tied to ex-first lady Kim Keon Hee. The arrest marks the most dramatic turn yet in a scandal that has gripped the country’s political and religious establishment. > > Prosecutors allege that 82-year-old Han Hak-ja conspired with a former church official named Yun to deliver 100 million won ($72,400) to People Power Party lawmaker Kweon Seong-dong in 2022. In return, Kweon was expected to help secure favors for the church if Yoon Suk Yeol won the presidential election, which he did later that year. > > Han also allegedly ordered church officials to provide luxury gifts, including high-end handbags and jewelry, to Kim as part of a broader effort to win business advantages for the church. [Han Hak-ja](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hak_Ja_Han) is Moon Sun-myeong’s widow. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/omnibus-religious-fucks-in-the-news/959066.md?page=48) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/omnibus-religious-fucks-in-the-news/959066.md?page=50)