# Omnibus Religious Fucks in the NEWS **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [February 7, 2022, 6:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/omnibus-religious-fucks-in-the-news/959066 "2022-02-07T18:33:03Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 57
**Author:** ![Pleonast](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pleonast/32/1183_2.png) [@Pleonast](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pleonast)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2026, 2:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/omnibus-religious-fucks-in-the-news/959066/1121 "2026-06-22T14:10:48Z")
Classic _Onion_. > **[Massachusetts Supreme Court Orders All Citizens To Gay Marry](https://theonion.com/massachusetts-supreme-court-orders-all-citizens-to-gay-1819567260/)** > > BOSTON—Justices of the Massachusetts Supreme Judicial Court ruled 5-2 Monday in favor of full, equal, and mandatory gay marriages for all citizens. The order nullifies all pre-existing heterosexual marriages and lays the groundwork for the 2.4... ---
**Author:** ![OttoDaFe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ottodafe/32/356_2.png) [@OttoDaFe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OttoDaFe)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2026, 2:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/omnibus-religious-fucks-in-the-news/959066/1122 "2026-06-22T14:22:16Z")
But you just know some RWNJ (probably multiples) will cite the article as fact in order to whip the True Believers into a new frenzy of demonizing. Which will lead to some Congresscritters to hold investigations and/or propose legislation. ---
**Author:** ![kaylasdad99](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kaylasdad99/32/3398_2.png) [@kaylasdad99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kaylasdad99)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2026, 6:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/omnibus-religious-fucks-in-the-news/959066/1123 "2026-06-22T18:00:01Z")
I miss the olden days when political satire was a thing. ---
**Author:** ![nearwildheaven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/90db22/32.png) [@nearwildheaven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nearwildheaven)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2026, 6:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/omnibus-religious-fucks-in-the-news/959066/1124 "2026-06-22T18:44:03Z")
The date is interesting, too. A decade ahead of their time! Conversely, there are these from the Babylon Bee, a Christian version of The Onion that can actually be quite funny too. > **[History Made As Unitarian Church Ordains First Openly Heterosexual Minister](https://babylonbee.com/news/unitarian-church-ordains-first-openly-heterosexual-minister)** > > SALEM, MA - In a huge step forward for diversity and inclusivity, the Unitarian Church ordained its first openly heterosexual minister. > **[Unitarian President Reaffirms Belief That A Man Should Not Speak In Church](https://babylonbee.com/news/unitarian-president-reaffirms-belief-that-a-man-should-not-speak-in-church)** > > BOSTON, MA — The President of the Unitarian Universalist Association has come out strongly to reaffirm the denomination's commitment to the belief that a man should not speak in church. ---
**Author:** ![crowmanyclouds](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/crowmanyclouds/32/19884_2.png) [@crowmanyclouds](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/crowmanyclouds)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2026, 7:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/omnibus-religious-fucks-in-the-news/959066/1125 "2026-06-22T19:08:17Z")
Yes, nothing says Christian more than mocking other people’s god beliefs. ---
**Author:** ![muldoonthief](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/muldoonthief/32/3188_2.png) [@muldoonthief](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/muldoonthief)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2026, 7:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/omnibus-religious-fucks-in-the-news/959066/1126 "2026-06-22T19:16:31Z")
> [@nearwildheaven](#): > > The date is interesting, too. A decade ahead of their time! That article was published shortly after the Nov 2003 Massachusetts Supreme Judicial Court ruling that preventing same-sex marriage was in violation of the state constitution. The article was mocking the incredible outcry that civilization was doomed in short order now that any state was allowing gay marriage, and the attempts by various other states to prevent their own gay residents from marrying in MA. > [@](#): > > Conversely, there are these from the Babylon Bee, a Christian version of The Onion that can actually be quite funny too. Huh, do you have any examples of the funny ones? ---
**Author:** ![Atamasama](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/atamasama/32/12961_2.png) [@Atamasama](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Atamasama)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2026, 9:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/omnibus-religious-fucks-in-the-news/959066/1127 "2026-06-22T21:17:32Z")
> [@muldoonthief](#): > > Huh, do you have any examples of the funny ones? I don’t think that’s fair. They only seem not funny when compared to things that are actually funny. ---
**Author:** ![nearwildheaven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/90db22/32.png) [@nearwildheaven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nearwildheaven)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2026, 10:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/omnibus-religious-fucks-in-the-news/959066/1128 "2026-06-22T22:48:37Z")
OK, OK, OK. Sorry. Anyway, I found them funny, and I really think the Unitarians I’ve known would have too. Having attended a Lutheran church for a while that had a pastor in a same-sex marriage (ELCA), I thought I’d post this. When I first saw this story, the picture had been updated (it’s from 1997) but I can’t find that version. (No, he didn’t talk about his personal life in his sermons.) > **[Local Lutheran Minister Loves To Fuck His Wife](https://theonion.com/local-lutheran-minister-loves-to-fuck-his-wife-1819564552/)** > > NASHUA, NH—Pastor Bob Snowdon, of Holy Christ Almighty Lutheran Church in Nashua, is a man of deep religious and moral convictions. He derives great satisfaction from his various parish duties—reciting the liturgy, giving holy communion, and... ---
**Author:** ![Just\_Asking\_Questions](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ba9def/32.png) [@Just\_Asking\_Questions](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Just_Asking_Questions)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2026, 1:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/omnibus-religious-fucks-in-the-news/959066/1129 "2026-06-23T01:36:42Z")
“Holy Christ Almighty Lutheran Church” I love that. Here in Mesa, there is a church called “For The Love of Christ” Lutheran Church, which is exacly my dad’s favorite curse. Everytime I drive by, I hear my dad. ---
**Author:** ![Askance](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/askance/32/8281_2.png) [@Askance](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Askance)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2026, 6:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/omnibus-religious-fucks-in-the-news/959066/1130 "2026-06-27T06:46:34Z")
The Christian Brothers in Australia have “sold” assets worth over AUD 50m to a separate entity named after their founder, Edmund Rice Education Australia, for $0 or $1 each. EREA has assets over AUD 2b. They are now “too poor” to compensate the thousand or so victims of child abuse perpetrated by nearly 500 of their clergy and have applied to the courts to halt all compensation claims against them. > **[Christian Brothers sold real estate worth millions for $1. Now it claims in...](https://www.theguardian.com/australia-news/2026/jun/27/christian-brothers-real-estate-sales-catholic-group-failed-to-pay-abuse-survivors-ntwnfb?CMP=Share_iOSApp_Other)** > > Exclusive: Guardian Australia investigation reveals transfer of assets for nominal sums despite Catholic order telling court it is broke and seeking a halt to victims’ civil claims ---
**Author:** ![Roderick\_Femm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/roderick_femm/32/14875_2.png) [@Roderick\_Femm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Roderick_Femm)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2026, 5:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/omnibus-religious-fucks-in-the-news/959066/1131 "2026-06-27T17:57:27Z")
Wow. Stay classy, brothers. I guess greed really is good, even for a monk. No conscience? No problem. Come join the christian brothers. ---
**Author:** ![Superdude](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/superdude/32/13450_2.png) [@Superdude](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Superdude)\ **Post date:** [June 29, 2026, 3:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/omnibus-religious-fucks-in-the-news/959066/1132 "2026-06-29T03:37:08Z")
Okay, so a former youth pastor named David Vander Meer went hiking with his wife, Bernadette, in 2006, to a place called Angels Landing in Zion National Park in Utah. If you’ve never been, it’s quite lovely. It’s also pretty dangerous to get to the actual part of the park known as Angels Landing. Here’s a photo: [![](https://theworldtravelguy.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/11/DSCF3276_900.jpg) ](https://theworldtravelguy.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/11/DSCF3276_900.jpg) While they were making this hike, early in the morning, wearing headlamps, to celebrate their anniversary, Bernadette slipped and fell about 1200 feet, dying from her injuries. Fast forward to this year, and David was charged with her murder and insurance fraud, with authorities saying that Bernadette was, in fact, pushed. It turns out that, while the youth pastor was married, he was carrying on a years-long relationship with one of the girls in his youth group, who was about 14 when the grooming started. He promised the girl, only identified as SH in documents that they could be together if his wife was out of the picture. So he was [arrested and charged him for Bernadette’s death](https://www.sfgate.com/national-parks/article/vegas-pastor-murder-charge-found-dead-22320985.php). He was taken into custody on June 22 of this year. And David, before he could appear in court, killed himself in prison the other day. ---
**Author:** ![Pardel-Lux](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pardel-lux/32/20182_2.png) [@Pardel-Lux](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pardel-Lux)\ **Post date:** [June 29, 2026, 7:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/omnibus-religious-fucks-in-the-news/959066/1133 "2026-06-29T07:32:59Z")
Deserves a link to the **[Alpine Divorce](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alpine-divorce-experience-anybody/1028457)** thread. ---
**Author:** ![Mollie\_Magill](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mollie_magill/32/20882_2.png) [@Mollie\_Magill](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mollie_Magill)\ **Post date:** [June 29, 2026, 1:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/omnibus-religious-fucks-in-the-news/959066/1134 "2026-06-29T13:14:02Z")
> [@Superdude](#): > > It turns out that, while the youth pastor was married, he was carrying on a years-long relationship with one of the girls in his youth group, who was about 14 when the grooming started. But… but… he’s not a drag queen. ---
**Author:** ![JRDelirious](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jrdelirious/32/9531_2.png) [@JRDelirious](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JRDelirious)\ **Post date:** [June 29, 2026, 1:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/omnibus-religious-fucks-in-the-news/959066/1135 "2026-06-29T13:19:23Z")
> [@Superdude](#): > > a former youth pastor > [@Superdude](#): > > turns out that, while the youth pastor was married, he was carrying on a years-long relationship with one of the girls in his youth group Why is it as soon as I read those words on the very first line of the post I absolutely knew what was coming. > [@](#): > > Here’s a photo Nope, nay, _mais non_, fuck no, uh-uh; that’s a big negative, Blue Leader. Also gotta say, pushing your wife off a cliff called “Angels’ Landing” is kind of adding unnecessary trollery to the murdering. ---
**Author:** ![bobot](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bobot/32/21622_2.png) [@bobot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bobot)\ **Post date:** [June 29, 2026, 1:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/omnibus-religious-fucks-in-the-news/959066/1136 "2026-06-29T13:20:53Z")
It’s what Jesus would have done. ---
**Author:** ![Thing.Fish](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thing.fish/32/9168_2.png) [@Thing.Fish](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Thing.Fish)\ **Post date:** [June 29, 2026, 4:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/omnibus-religious-fucks-in-the-news/959066/1137 "2026-06-29T16:34:15Z")
I’ve done that hike. It is quite vertiginous, but it’s not really “pretty dangerous”, there’s a bridge the width of a sidewalk to walk on and a strong chain to hold on to. [This website](https://www.myutahparks.com/basics/faqs/how-many-people-fall-to-death-zion/) cheerfully informs us that they only lose one in every 2.5 million visitors, much safer than the Grand Canyon or Yosemite. ---
**Author:** ![carrps](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carrps/32/2957_2.png) [@carrps](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carrps)\ **Post date:** [June 29, 2026, 4:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/omnibus-religious-fucks-in-the-news/959066/1138 "2026-06-29T16:39:14Z")
> [@Superdude](#): > > It turns out that, while the youth pastor was married, he was carrying on a years-long relationship with one of the girls in his youth group, who was about 14 when the grooming started. I read an article about that just yesterday. SH was just _twelve_ when he began grooming her. She was 15 when they started to have sex. ---
**Author:** ![Toxgoddess](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/f08c70/32.png) [@Toxgoddess](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Toxgoddess)\ **Post date:** [June 29, 2026, 10:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/omnibus-religious-fucks-in-the-news/959066/1139 "2026-06-29T22:41:47Z")
I learned something today: “Alpine Divorce” is a new term for me. The concept is pretty self-explanatory but I hadn’t heard it called that before. Thanks, SDMB! ---
**Author:** ![DesertDog](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/desertdog/32/11503_2.png) [@DesertDog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DesertDog)\ **Post date:** [June 29, 2026, 10:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/omnibus-religious-fucks-in-the-news/959066/1140 "2026-06-29T22:44:41Z")
> [@Superdude](#): > > And David, before he could appear in court, killed himself in prison the other day. Yanno, I’m against the death penalty, but when the trash takes itself out… [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/omnibus-religious-fucks-in-the-news/959066.md?page=56) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/omnibus-religious-fucks-in-the-news/959066.md?page=58)