# Omnibus "religious people who think they control the virus" thread. **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [March 29, 2020, 7:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/omnibus-religious-people-who-think-they-control-the-virus-thread/850616 "2020-03-29T19:40:55Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 10
**Author:** ![Chefguy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chefguy/32/138_2.png) [@Chefguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chefguy)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2020, 8:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/omnibus-religious-people-who-think-they-control-the-virus-thread/850616/181 "2020-04-12T20:10:56Z")
> [@Czarcasm](#): > > Ooooohhh! Now you get to be a _persecuted_ asshole! > How special. :rolleyes: You realize that he’s masturbating like a motherfucker while he reads these comments, right? ---
**Author:** ![Rick\_Kitchen](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rick_kitchen/32/522_2.png) [@Rick\_Kitchen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rick_Kitchen)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2020, 8:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/omnibus-religious-people-who-think-they-control-the-virus-thread/850616/182 "2020-04-12T20:28:26Z")
> [@SuntanLotion](#): > > So when we all turn out healthy, you will concede God did that? All? The thousands who have died haven’t turned out healthy, now, have they? ---
**Author:** ![Rick\_Kitchen](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rick_kitchen/32/522_2.png) [@Rick\_Kitchen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rick_Kitchen)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2020, 8:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/omnibus-religious-people-who-think-they-control-the-virus-thread/850616/183 "2020-04-12T20:30:22Z")
> [@SuntanLotion](#): > > My pastors wife says we are to obey the government, we were renting a place, but now we have church at their house. Mostly pastor, his wife, their three children, their daughters two babies and daughters baby daddy. So when I go, there’s s5I’ll less than ten. When did the pastor’s \*\*\*wife \*\*\*become the theological expert? Does she come by it through osmosis? ---
**Author:** ![Monty](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/monty/32/47_2.png) [@Monty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Monty)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2020, 9:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/omnibus-religious-people-who-think-they-control-the-virus-thread/850616/184 "2020-04-12T21:31:37Z")
> [@SuntanLotion](#): > > My pastors wife says we are to obey the government, we were renting a place, but now we have church at their house. Mostly pastor, his wife, their three children, their daughters two babies and daughters baby daddy. So when I go, there’s s5I’ll less than ten. Mostly? By the way, do you happen to know what a lie is? ---
**Author:** ![Ann\_Hedonia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ann_hedonia/32/319_2.png) [@Ann\_Hedonia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ann_Hedonia)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2020, 10:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/omnibus-religious-people-who-think-they-control-the-virus-thread/850616/185 "2020-04-12T22:02:38Z")
> [@SuntanLotion](#): > > My pastors wife says we are to obey the government, we were renting a place, but now we have church at their house. Mostly pastor, his wife, their three children, their daughters two babies and daughters baby daddy. So when I go, there’s s5I’ll less than ten. Oh, I have so many questions about this “church” of yours. What religion and domination? How many parishioners attend regularly? Did the preacher make an announcement from the pulpit and say - “Since we can only have ten people at the service everyone but Suntan Lotion is out of luck, but Suntan Lotion can come over to my house and we’ll have church just for her”? Or did you win a lottery or draw the short straw? Were you the highest bidder? Did the other parishioners care? Or is he “having church” at his house all day, one worshiper at a time? Why not just live stream the service like all the other churches are doing. Because it seems that the objections to the prohibitions on live services revolve around losing the community aspect. Which you still lose when you “have church” one person at a time. Or maybe he cancelled services and all the members of the church but one were cool with it and that one person was just such a pain in the ass about losing liberty and freedom that he just invited her over to shut her up. Because it sounds to me like you were just visiting your preacher at his house, not “having church”. If it’s true at all. TL dr I think Suntan Lotion is a liar. ---
**Author:** ![running\_coach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/running_coach/32/15836_2.png) [@running\_coach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/running_coach)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2020, 10:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/omnibus-religious-people-who-think-they-control-the-virus-thread/850616/186 "2020-04-12T22:20:37Z")
> [@Ann\_Hedonia](#): > > TL dr I think Suntan Lotion is a liar. He’s lying in the service of God. That makes it OK. ---
**Author:** ![Broomstick](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/broomstick/32/246_2.png) [@Broomstick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Broomstick)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2020, 10:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/omnibus-religious-people-who-think-they-control-the-virus-thread/850616/187 "2020-04-12T22:41:20Z")
> [@Rick\_Kitchen](#): > > When did the pastor’s \*\*\*wife \*\*\*become the theological expert? Does she come by it through osmosis? By injection, silly. ---
**Author:** ![SuntanLotion](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/suntanlotion/32/16165_2.png) [@SuntanLotion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SuntanLotion)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2020, 10:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/omnibus-religious-people-who-think-they-control-the-virus-thread/850616/188 "2020-04-12T22:44:56Z")
They’ve had a ministry for years, started their church in January. Rented a public place, now off limits. There were about thirty there when I first went. Christian, no denomination. We have church, word IP songs, communion, teaching. We have church right now in their home. Last week, besides me there were two guys. They sent a message out saying if people didn’t want to come at this time, they understood. They do video it. Yes, they said its OK I come there. God will not give us a spirit of fear. Now, where did I lie? Oh, I’m a female. ---
**Author:** ![Locrian](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/locrian/32/14146_2.png) [@Locrian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Locrian)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2020, 11:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/omnibus-religious-people-who-think-they-control-the-virus-thread/850616/189 "2020-04-12T23:16:33Z")
> [@SuntanLotion](#): > > They’ve had a ministry for years, started their church in January. Rented a public place, now off limits. There were about thirty there when I first went. Christian, no denomination. We have church, word IP songs, communion, teaching. We have church right now in their home. Last week, besides me there were two guys. They sent a message out saying if people didn’t want to come at this time, they understood. They do video it. Yes, they said its OK I come there. God will not give us a spirit of fear. Now, where did I lie? Oh, I’m a female. Can you elaborate on what type of “teachings”? Is it just the bible? What else? With all these service options available, I don’t understand why you just don’t video it too. It is absolutely safer for you and your family church. Look at it this way: this god has sent you a message. He’s warned you through many experts that it’s dangerous to attend church. Why listen to the preacher? ---
**Author:** ![Chingon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chingon/32/17645_2.png) [@Chingon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chingon)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2020, 11:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/omnibus-religious-people-who-think-they-control-the-virus-thread/850616/190 "2020-04-12T23:17:44Z")
Listen, them snakes ain’t gonna handle themselves. ---
**Author:** ![running\_coach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/running_coach/32/15836_2.png) [@running\_coach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/running_coach)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2020, 11:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/omnibus-religious-people-who-think-they-control-the-virus-thread/850616/191 "2020-04-12T23:28:18Z")
> [@Chingon](#): > > Listen, them snakes ain’t gonna handle themselves. Isn’t handling yourself a sin? ---
**Author:** ![Chefguy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chefguy/32/138_2.png) [@Chefguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chefguy)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2020, 12:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/omnibus-religious-people-who-think-they-control-the-virus-thread/850616/192 "2020-04-13T00:00:23Z")
> [@SuntanLotion](#): > > They’ve had a ministry for years, started their church in January. Rented a public place, now off limits. There were about thirty there when I first went. Christian, no denomination. We have church, word IP songs, communion, teaching. We have church right now in their home. Last week, besides me there were two guys. They sent a message out saying if people didn’t want to come at this time, they understood. They do video it. Yes, they said its OK I come there. God will not give us a spirit of fear. Now, where did I lie? Oh, I’m a female. God apparently hates Africans, though. The AIDS epidemic, the Ebola epidemic, the COVID epidemic and now, making its [grand debut](https://qz.com/africa/1836159/locusts-set-to-hit-kenya-east-africa-again-400-times-stronger/), the worst locust horde in memory at 400 times the number that hit Africa in June 2019. This is a continent with 20 million food-deprived people, all of whom are about to be in danger of starving to death. Can someone explain why a “loving” god would allow this? Oh right, it’s one of his fucking mysteries. ---
**Author:** ![bobot](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bobot/32/21622_2.png) [@bobot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bobot)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2020, 12:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/omnibus-religious-people-who-think-they-control-the-virus-thread/850616/193 "2020-04-13T00:00:40Z")
If we weren’t supposed to handle ourselves, we wouldn’t be able to reach. ---
**Author:** ![SuntanLotion](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/suntanlotion/32/16165_2.png) [@SuntanLotion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SuntanLotion)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2020, 12:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/omnibus-religious-people-who-think-they-control-the-virus-thread/850616/194 "2020-04-13T00:17:11Z")
Still wondering what I lied about. Makes note. That poster bobot. Pray for him. ---
**Author:** ![running\_coach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/running_coach/32/15836_2.png) [@running\_coach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/running_coach)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2020, 12:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/omnibus-religious-people-who-think-they-control-the-virus-thread/850616/195 "2020-04-13T00:19:00Z")
> [@Chefguy](#): > > God apparently hates Africans, though. The AIDS epidemic, the Ebola epidemic, the COVID epidemic and now, making its [grand debut](https://qz.com/africa/1836159/locusts-set-to-hit-kenya-east-africa-again-400-times-stronger/), the worst locust horde in memory at 400 times the number that hit Africa in June 2019. This is a continent with 20 million food-deprived people, all of whom are about to be in danger of starving to death.\*\* Can someone explain why a “loving” god would allow this? Oh right, it’s one of his fucking mysteries.\*\* I thought it was to punish the US for tolerating homosexuality. For an omnipotent being, He has _lousy_ aim. ---
**Author:** ![GreysonCarlisle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a87d85/32.png) [@GreysonCarlisle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GreysonCarlisle)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2020, 12:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/omnibus-religious-people-who-think-they-control-the-virus-thread/850616/196 "2020-04-13T00:20:57Z")
> [@SuntanLotion](#): > > God will not give us a spirit of fear. But the virus will give you a lingering death as you slowly drown on your own fluids. Or if not you, your mom or your coworker or the random stranger you pass it to. Not your problem, though, right? Praise god. ---
**Author:** ![Baker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bb73d2/32.png) [@Baker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Baker)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2020, 12:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/omnibus-religious-people-who-think-they-control-the-virus-thread/850616/197 "2020-04-13T00:26:56Z")
I think we should quit feeding **Suntan Lotion**. He should distance himself back under that bridge, ---
**Author:** ![Darren\_Garrison](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/darren_garrison/32/92_2.png) [@Darren\_Garrison](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Darren_Garrison)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2020, 12:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/omnibus-religious-people-who-think-they-control-the-virus-thread/850616/198 "2020-04-13T00:29:19Z")
> [@SuntanLotion](#): > > Still wondering what I lied about. Makes note. That poster bobot. Pray for him. He just has a hard time believing that you actually are as stupid as you are acting. Poe’s Law, and all that. In case you are, we’ll be sure to think for you. ---
**Author:** ![bobot](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bobot/32/21622_2.png) [@bobot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bobot)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2020, 12:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/omnibus-religious-people-who-think-they-control-the-virus-thread/850616/199 "2020-04-13T00:31:56Z")
> [@Baker](#): > > I think we should quit feeding **Suntan Lotion**. He should distance himself back under that bridge, Not without a song. Praise The Lord, Pass The Snakes [![](https://i.ytimg.com/vi/aS-ZRyys2ak/hqdefault.jpg "Hot Tuna plays "Pass the Snakes"") ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aS-ZRyys2ak) ---
**Author:** ![silenus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/silenus/32/166_2.png) [@silenus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/silenus)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2020, 12:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/omnibus-religious-people-who-think-they-control-the-virus-thread/850616/200 "2020-04-13T00:37:46Z")
Let’s see…User CP…Ignore List…Edit… Ahhhhh. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/omnibus-religious-people-who-think-they-control-the-virus-thread/850616.md?page=9) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/omnibus-religious-people-who-think-they-control-the-virus-thread/850616.md?page=11)