# Omnibus Stupid MFers in the news thread (Part 1) **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [January 31, 2021, 9:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/omnibus-stupid-mfers-in-the-news-thread-part-1/931945 "2021-01-31T21:25:31Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 114
**Author:** ![Typo\_Negative](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/typo_negative/32/484_2.png) [@Typo\_Negative](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Typo_Negative)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2022, 6:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/omnibus-stupid-mfers-in-the-news-thread-part-1/931945/2270 "2022-01-28T18:31:09Z")
> [@Roderick\_Femm](#): > > Tragic, but I think this qualifies for this thread too: > > [Hiker falls nearly 700 feet to his death attempting a selfie in Arizona state park, officials say](https://www.nbcnews.com/news/us-news/hiker-falls-nearly-700-feet-death-attempting-selfie-arizona-state-park-rcna13858) > > I blame those truck and SUV commercials that have the vehicles driving right up to the edge of a cliff and stopping just in time. They tend to normalize being that close to a cliff, so susceptible people lose their natural and useful feeling of caution. Bet it was a hell of a picture though. ---
**Author:** ![Cheesesteak](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cheesesteak/32/3694_2.png) [@Cheesesteak](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cheesesteak)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2022, 6:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/omnibus-stupid-mfers-in-the-news-thread-part-1/931945/2271 "2022-01-28T18:53:05Z")
> [@Roderick\_Femm](#): > > I blame those truck and SUV commercials that have the vehicles driving right up to the edge of a cliff and stopping just in time. Are those the ones that add “professional driver, do not attempt” to the parts where the SUV is driving around a corner, but nothing to the parts where it’s parked 2ft from a 1000ft cliff? ---
**Author:** ![Just\_Asking\_Questions](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ba9def/32.png) [@Just\_Asking\_Questions](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Just_Asking_Questions)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2022, 8:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/omnibus-stupid-mfers-in-the-news-thread-part-1/931945/2272 "2022-01-28T20:35:22Z")
I’ve seen “professional driver - do not attempt” when the car i driving at a normal speed on a public road. I also saw one recently where a guy does a spit-take, and the caption reads “simulated spit - do not attempt”. I’m not entirely convinced that was not serious. ---
**Author:** ![LurkMeister](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/3da27b/32.png) [@LurkMeister](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LurkMeister)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2022, 8:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/omnibus-stupid-mfers-in-the-news-thread-part-1/931945/2273 "2022-01-28T20:47:40Z")
Sometime in the 80’s there was a show called something like “That’s Incredible!” which featured films of strange and unusual things. One episode had a parody of “cars driving up a ramp and jumping over things” where a man drove a tank up a ramp and (obviously) instead of jumping over a line of cars just rolled over and crushed them. There was a caption, “Do not attempt to do this with your own tank”. ---
**Author:** ![running\_coach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/running_coach/32/15836_2.png) [@running\_coach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/running_coach)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2022, 8:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/omnibus-stupid-mfers-in-the-news-thread-part-1/931945/2274 "2022-01-28T20:51:55Z")
> [@Just\_Asking\_Questions](#): > > I’ve seen “professional driver - do not attempt” when the car i driving at a normal speed on a public road. - That explains why Americans are such shitty drivers. ---
**Author:** ![Riemann](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/riemann/32/3133_2.png) [@Riemann](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Riemann)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2022, 8:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/omnibus-stupid-mfers-in-the-news-thread-part-1/931945/2275 "2022-01-28T20:53:25Z")
> [@Just\_Asking\_Questions](#): > > the caption reads “simulated spit - do not attempt” I can also believe this was not a joke, but suggested by their legal team. You just know _some_ idiot will choke to death, and someone will try to hold them liable. ---
**Author:** ![Dewey\_Finn](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dewey_finn/32/4222_2.png) [@Dewey\_Finn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dewey_Finn)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2022, 8:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/omnibus-stupid-mfers-in-the-news-thread-part-1/931945/2276 "2022-01-28T20:56:51Z")
I brought a bouquet of flowers from Costco to dinner on Christmas Day and was amused at the label, “Not for human or animal consumption” on the cellophane wrapper. So I’m wondering just what triggered the need to add that label. ---
**Author:** ![digs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/digs/32/14889_2.png) [@digs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/digs)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2022, 9:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/omnibus-stupid-mfers-in-the-news-thread-part-1/931945/2277 "2022-01-28T21:00:12Z")
I looked down at the bag I was handed by a high-school-age checker. And asked “Excuse me, this says _‘This Bag Is Not A Toy!’._ Do you have any that _are_ a toy?” And she started to look through the bag dispenser! ---
**Author:** ![Riemann](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/riemann/32/3133_2.png) [@Riemann](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Riemann)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2022, 9:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/omnibus-stupid-mfers-in-the-news-thread-part-1/931945/2278 "2022-01-28T21:01:17Z")
> [@digs](#): > > And she started to look through the bag dispenser! Are you sure? Maybe she was looking for a gun. ---
**Author:** ![Icarus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/icarus/32/72_2.png) [@Icarus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Icarus)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2022, 9:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/omnibus-stupid-mfers-in-the-news-thread-part-1/931945/2279 "2022-01-28T21:06:57Z")
“Honey, where do we keep all the plastic bags?” “In the babies crib, silly, where we always keep them!” ---
**Author:** ![thorny\_locust](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thorny_locust/32/431_2.png) [@thorny\_locust](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thorny_locust)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2022, 9:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/omnibus-stupid-mfers-in-the-news-thread-part-1/931945/2280 "2022-01-28T21:09:04Z")
> [@Dewey\_Finn](#): > > I brought a bouquet of flowers from Costco to dinner on Christmas Day and was amused at the label, “Not for human or animal consumption” on the cellophane wrapper. So I’m wondering just what triggered the need to add that label Some flowers are edible by humans. And in general all flowers are edible by something, at least if they’re not plastic: that’s how ecologies work. Some humans may well know that some flowers are edible, but may not know that some others are poisonous to humans, or possibly to their rabbit (I have no idea what’s poisonous to rabbits). And it’s also possible that the flowers are of edible species, but have been sprayed with something either while growing or post-harvest that makes it a bad idea to eat them. Having said that: I do think they’re leaning over backwards. But then there’s this: [https://www.blumaflowerfarm.com/bluma-shop/p/edible-bouquet](https://www.blumaflowerfarm.com/bluma-shop/p/edible-bouquet) ---
**Author:** ![running\_coach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/running_coach/32/15836_2.png) [@running\_coach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/running_coach)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2022, 9:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/omnibus-stupid-mfers-in-the-news-thread-part-1/931945/2281 "2022-01-28T21:09:11Z")
> [@Icarus](#): > > “Honey, where do we keep all the plastic bags?” > > “In the babies crib, silly, where we always keep them!” - The reason it’s specified the bag is not a toy is because it’s a baby carrier. Why else would they put handles in the things? ---
**Author:** ![Atamasama](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/atamasama/32/12961_2.png) [@Atamasama](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Atamasama)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2022, 10:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/omnibus-stupid-mfers-in-the-news-thread-part-1/931945/2282 "2022-01-28T22:09:41Z")
The bag could say, “This bag is not a toy, but your baby may as well be after it plays with it.” Or is that too dark? ---
**Author:** ![running\_coach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/running_coach/32/15836_2.png) [@running\_coach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/running_coach)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2022, 10:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/omnibus-stupid-mfers-in-the-news-thread-part-1/931945/2283 "2022-01-28T22:38:10Z")
> [@Atamasama](#): > > The bag could say, “This bag is not a toy, but your baby may as well be after it plays with it.” > > Or is that too dark? - Not at all. Most plastic bags are translucent. ---
**Author:** ![Riemann](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/riemann/32/3133_2.png) [@Riemann](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Riemann)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2022, 10:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/omnibus-stupid-mfers-in-the-news-thread-part-1/931945/2284 "2022-01-28T22:47:57Z")
> [@running\_coach](#): > > Most plastic bags are translucent. Not tiny little body bags. ---
**Author:** ![DavidNRockies](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/davidnrockies/32/6279_2.png) [@DavidNRockies](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DavidNRockies)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2022, 11:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/omnibus-stupid-mfers-in-the-news-thread-part-1/931945/2285 "2022-01-28T23:30:02Z")
> [@running\_coach](#): > > The reason it’s specified the bag is not a toy is because it’s a baby carrier. Why else would they put handles in the things TIL that babies have handles. ---
**Author:** ![digs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/digs/32/14889_2.png) [@digs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/digs)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2022, 12:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/omnibus-stupid-mfers-in-the-news-thread-part-1/931945/2286 "2022-01-29T00:08:18Z")
Easier to use them for curling that way. But parents, be sure baby is well-bundled, with knee and elbows covered. Many curling rinks insist on a Scottish tartan, preferably from the Skip’s clan. Check with your local club. ---
**Author:** ![Superdude](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/superdude/32/13450_2.png) [@Superdude](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Superdude)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2022, 7:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/omnibus-stupid-mfers-in-the-news-thread-part-1/931945/2287 "2022-01-29T07:10:55Z")
> [@Dewey\_Finn](#): > > So I’m wondering just what triggered the need to add that label. **Kent Brockman:** If you have the fever, there’s only one cure. Take two tickets and see the game Sunday morning. **[Announcer**] Warning: Tickets should not be taken internally. **Homer Simpson:** See? Because of me, now they have a warning. ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2022, 1:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/omnibus-stupid-mfers-in-the-news-thread-part-1/931945/2288 "2022-01-29T13:14:11Z")
> [@DavidNRockies](#): > > TIL that babies have handles. And handy fontanelles mean you can carry several like a six pack. ---
**Author:** ![Bonum\_Legatum](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bonum_legatum/32/6183_2.png) [@Bonum\_Legatum](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bonum_Legatum)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2022, 1:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/omnibus-stupid-mfers-in-the-news-thread-part-1/931945/2289 "2022-01-29T13:31:59Z")
> [@Riemann](#): > > I can also believe this was not a joke, but suggested by their legal team. You just know _some_ idiot will choke to death, and someone will try to hold them liable. Warnings have become so ubiquitous that they have become “background noise” to be ignored, and subject of ridicule. Good gravy, is there ANYTHING that doesn’t come with a warning referring to the state of California? Some of the instructions - likewise. I had a bottle of catsup with a label “Directions: Put on food.” Printed in large enough type that it was obviously a joke. (On second thought, maybe not a joke. The “home hints” columns have thing like using catsup and salt to clean copper pots…) [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/omnibus-stupid-mfers-in-the-news-thread-part-1/931945.md?page=113) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/omnibus-stupid-mfers-in-the-news-thread-part-1/931945.md?page=115)