# Omnibus Stupid MFers in the news thread (Part 1) **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [January 31, 2021, 9:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/omnibus-stupid-mfers-in-the-news-thread-part-1/931945 "2021-01-31T21:25:31Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 220
**Author:** ![CalMeacham](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/calmeacham/32/35_2.png) [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2022, 6:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/omnibus-stupid-mfers-in-the-news-thread-part-1/931945/4390 "2022-09-15T18:23:50Z")
> [@Rick\_Kitchen](#): > > Chess player accused of cheating by having anal beads that vibrated to tell him what moves to make. This is not what “flying by the seat of your pants” is supposed to be. ---
**Author:** ![Atamasama](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/atamasama/32/12961_2.png) [@Atamasama](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Atamasama)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2022, 6:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/omnibus-stupid-mfers-in-the-news-thread-part-1/931945/4391 "2022-09-15T18:24:15Z")
Talk about pulling a win out of your ass. ---
**Author:** ![silenus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/silenus/32/166_2.png) [@silenus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/silenus)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2022, 6:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/omnibus-stupid-mfers-in-the-news-thread-part-1/931945/4392 "2022-09-15T18:28:27Z")
“You’re not here for the game, are you?” ---
**Author:** ![Robot\_Arm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/robot_arm/32/18280_2.png) [@Robot\_Arm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Robot_Arm)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2022, 7:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/omnibus-stupid-mfers-in-the-news-thread-part-1/931945/4393 "2022-09-15T19:01:31Z")
> [@Rick\_Kitchen](#): > > Chess player accused of cheating by having anal beads that vibrated to tell him what moves to make. In the 1978 world championship, Viktor Korchnoi accused Anatoly Karpov’s support team of sending their player illegal signals by offering him a particular flavor of yogurt. For 44 years that has stood as the funniest cheating allegation in competitive chess, but I think we have a new leader. ---
**Author:** ![CalMeacham](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/calmeacham/32/35_2.png) [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2022, 7:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/omnibus-stupid-mfers-in-the-news-thread-part-1/931945/4394 "2022-09-15T19:23:01Z")
> [@Robot\_Arm](#): > > In the 1978 world championship, Viktor Korchnoi accused Anatoly Karpov’s support team of sending their player illegal signals by offering him a particular flavor of yogurt. For 44 years that has stood as the funniest cheating allegation in competitive chess, but I think we have a new leader. We have come so far from the days when S.P.E,C.T.R.E. could simply write a note on the coaster of your water glass. ---
**Author:** ![Yllaria](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/yllaria/32/3452_2.png) [@Yllaria](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yllaria)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2022, 7:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/omnibus-stupid-mfers-in-the-news-thread-part-1/931945/4395 "2022-09-15T19:26:02Z")
I was avoiding reading the article, but was too curious about how he was found out. Per the article, it’s just an accusation. No evidence is listed. Now if it’s just an accusation pulled out of thin air, no evidence is needed. But what would be the evidence if it were true? Bystanders could hear the vibration every time he farted? Someone on the cheating team leaked? ---
**Author:** ![wguy123](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wguy123/32/3161_2.png) [@wguy123](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wguy123)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2022, 7:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/omnibus-stupid-mfers-in-the-news-thread-part-1/931945/4396 "2022-09-15T19:45:00Z")
> [@Yllaria](#): > > But what would be the evidence if it were true? I think it was the moaning each time his turn came around that gave him away. But seriously, how in the world would someone be accused of this? ---
**Author:** ![running\_coach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/running_coach/32/15836_2.png) [@running\_coach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/running_coach)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2022, 7:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/omnibus-stupid-mfers-in-the-news-thread-part-1/931945/4397 "2022-09-15T19:50:23Z")
Maybe the accuser just pulled it out of his ass and by sheer luck, hit the center ring. ---
**Author:** ![Yllaria](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/yllaria/32/3452_2.png) [@Yllaria](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yllaria)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2022, 7:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/omnibus-stupid-mfers-in-the-news-thread-part-1/931945/4398 "2022-09-15T19:52:53Z")
I’m not even going to think about what kind of information could be sent with that system. Playing warm and cold for which piece should be moved? ---
**Author:** ![Just\_Asking\_Questions](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ba9def/32.png) [@Just\_Asking\_Questions](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Just_Asking_Questions)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2022, 8:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/omnibus-stupid-mfers-in-the-news-thread-part-1/931945/4399 "2022-09-15T20:25:07Z")
You’d just need to count buzzes. 1 buzz, pause 1 buzz, pause, 1 buzz, pause, 5 buzz means move the rook to square 5. You never have more than 8 buzzes, and with practice you can cut down the number because there’s only a few possible moves by that point. It should be obvious which piece to move and you would just need to give the destination. Of course, I may be just buzzing out my ass. ---
**Author:** ![Ponderoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ponderoid/32/19221_2.png) [@Ponderoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ponderoid)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2022, 8:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/omnibus-stupid-mfers-in-the-news-thread-part-1/931945/4400 "2022-09-15T20:25:09Z")
Standard chess notation is quite compact and could be sent via morse code. The more interesting problem is how the current state of the board is being input into the computer. ---
**Author:** ![Folacin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/folacin/32/3195_2.png) [@Folacin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Folacin)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2022, 8:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/omnibus-stupid-mfers-in-the-news-thread-part-1/931945/4401 "2022-09-15T20:39:20Z")
The cheating team is watching the match and entering the opponents moves - these things are open to the public, generally. ---
**Author:** ![enipla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/54ee81/32.png) [@enipla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/enipla)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2022, 8:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/omnibus-stupid-mfers-in-the-news-thread-part-1/931945/4402 "2022-09-15T20:48:01Z")
> [@Ponderoid](#): > > Standard chess notation is quite compact and could be sent via morse code. The more interesting problem is how the current state of the board is being input into the computer. Should be pretty easy. Get a very good chess game where you can play the computer. If this was televised, the co-conspirator could see it. Make the opponents move and ummm… buzz back the computers move. Effectively having the computer making your moves. I play a shit ton of chess (against my Wife). I think that could work. Playing people on line is troubling, and you just have to trust that they are not doing this. Might get tricky with who goes first, but I think you could just set up two games on the co-conspirators end. I think. ---
**Author:** ![Steve\_MB](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/steve_mb/32/5339_2.png) [@Steve\_MB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Steve_MB)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2022, 8:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/omnibus-stupid-mfers-in-the-news-thread-part-1/931945/4403 "2022-09-15T20:49:37Z")
> [@enipla](#): > > you just have to trust that they are not doing this Either that, of you have to conduct a cavity search before the game. ---
**Author:** ![enipla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/54ee81/32.png) [@enipla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/enipla)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2022, 9:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/omnibus-stupid-mfers-in-the-news-thread-part-1/931945/4404 "2022-09-15T21:04:33Z")
There’s an app for that. Comes with Windows. ---
**Author:** ![Robot\_Arm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/robot_arm/32/18280_2.png) [@Robot\_Arm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Robot_Arm)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2022, 9:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/omnibus-stupid-mfers-in-the-news-thread-part-1/931945/4405 "2022-09-15T21:11:50Z")
> [@enipla](#): > > I play a shit ton of chess (against my Wife). I think that could work. Playing people on line is troubling, and you just have to trust that they are not doing this. Might get tricky with who goes first, but I think you could just set up two games on the co-conspirators end. I think. There’s an old brain teaser where someone says “I could play two simultaneous games of chess against the two greatest players on Earth, and I guarantee that I won’t lose them both.” How? ---
**Author:** ![enipla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/54ee81/32.png) [@enipla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/enipla)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2022, 9:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/omnibus-stupid-mfers-in-the-news-thread-part-1/931945/4406 "2022-09-15T21:16:30Z")
Copy the other players move (that you don’t have a current move against) on the current board. Essentially making them play each other. ---
**Author:** ![Atamasama](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/atamasama/32/12961_2.png) [@Atamasama](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Atamasama)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2022, 9:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/omnibus-stupid-mfers-in-the-news-thread-part-1/931945/4407 "2022-09-15T21:18:13Z")
Wouldn’t the opening move kind of mess up that strategy though? ---
**Author:** ![Robot\_Arm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/robot_arm/32/18280_2.png) [@Robot\_Arm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Robot_Arm)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2022, 9:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/omnibus-stupid-mfers-in-the-news-thread-part-1/931945/4408 "2022-09-15T21:18:35Z")
Yep. You do have to be sure that you’re black in one game and white in the other. ---
**Author:** ![Atamasama](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/atamasama/32/12961_2.png) [@Atamasama](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Atamasama)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2022, 9:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/omnibus-stupid-mfers-in-the-news-thread-part-1/931945/4409 "2022-09-15T21:20:10Z")
Ah, I see. That answers my question. If you have the first move in one game and not the second, you wait for the one opponent to make their move, and then you imitate that in the other game, making their first move your first move. Got it. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/omnibus-stupid-mfers-in-the-news-thread-part-1/931945.md?page=219) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/omnibus-stupid-mfers-in-the-news-thread-part-1/931945.md?page=221)