# Omnibus Stupid MFers in the news thread (Part 1) **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [January 31, 2021, 9:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/omnibus-stupid-mfers-in-the-news-thread-part-1/931945 "2021-01-31T21:25:31Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 474
**Author:** ![Atamasama](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/atamasama/32/12961_2.png) [@Atamasama](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Atamasama)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2023, 9:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/omnibus-stupid-mfers-in-the-news-thread-part-1/931945/9471 "2023-11-21T21:27:07Z")
A bear holding a shark though…, That’s something to watch out for. [![](https://avatars.akamai.steamstatic.com/7e0a42f8b47f73da166f75eaa7f1044872bdade2_full.jpg) ](https://avatars.akamai.steamstatic.com/7e0a42f8b47f73da166f75eaa7f1044872bdade2_full.jpg) ---
**Author:** ![Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/qadgop_the_mercotan/32/83_2.png) [@Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Qadgop_the_Mercotan)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2023, 9:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/omnibus-stupid-mfers-in-the-news-thread-part-1/931945/9472 "2023-11-21T21:56:02Z")
> [@Johnny\_L.A](#): > > ‘Dude! Don’t touch the bear! I believe you’re thinking of @Don’t poke the bear, Dad! But they haven’t posted since 2001. ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2023, 9:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/omnibus-stupid-mfers-in-the-news-thread-part-1/931945/9473 "2023-11-21T21:57:28Z")
> [@Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](#): > > I believe you’re thinking of @Don’t poke the bear, Dad! But they haven’t posted since 2001. Actually, it was a quote from the audio near the end of the video. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![FluffyBob](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/ecb155/32.png) [@FluffyBob](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FluffyBob)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2023, 10:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/omnibus-stupid-mfers-in-the-news-thread-part-1/931945/9474 "2023-11-21T22:16:56Z")
All bears are fucking dangerous. Black bears tend to be more used to humans and are more likely to be predatory when attacking humans. Grizzlies are most often being territorial when attacking. Years ago, 70kg Black bear at Liarrd Hotsprings in Northern BC attacked a 12 year boy walking with his mom on a trail immediately off the camping area. It mauled his leg severely, I think it may have been amputated below the knee. His mother tried to intervene and it attacked her. A man came to help and tried to scare it off her. It charged him, bit his neck and killed him, then returned to continue mauling her. A couple of local hunting guides heard the attack. She ran to the hot springs to get towels for first aid. He picked up a fallen tree limb and proceeded to prod the bear off of her with it. It charged him, he managed to fend it off with the limb and a kick. It ran into the clearing towards the hotsprings. The mother died of her injuries on site. Meanwhile my good friend was in the hot springs with a large group. They heard a bunch of screaming and the one guide came running by and started grabbing towels. They managed to get from her that there was a bear attack taking place. They decided to put on their boots and go help. As they entered the clearing as the beat charged from the other side. My friend fell and the bear was on him mauling him. He curled up to protect his vitals and the bear bit him all over before settling into his left thigh and glute, ripping flesh off. He was surrounded by about eight people kicking and throwing rocks and trying to get the bear off of him. Eventually another bystander that had run to get his hunting rifle from his vehicle during the initial attack arrived and shot the bear. My friend was helivacced and flown to Calgary after being stabilized and went through hours of emergency therapy. His side looks like those pictures of shark bites from jaws. He is fortunate in that they were able to save enough muscle and he can walk normally. He hates being told he was lucky. I fucking hate it when people dismiss black bears as not as dangerous. There is way more of them than any other bears. They are totally used to humans. They may start out timid, but once they figure out you are unarmed soft pink meat you are fucked. ---
**Author:** ![Al128](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/al128/32/16541_2.png) [@Al128](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Al128)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2023, 10:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/omnibus-stupid-mfers-in-the-news-thread-part-1/931945/9475 "2023-11-21T22:44:16Z")
> [@Tamerlane](#): > > I wouldn’t be too casual with them. yep…, call him sir! ---
**Author:** ![Tamerlane](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tamerlane/32/7602_2.png) [@Tamerlane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tamerlane)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2023, 10:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/omnibus-stupid-mfers-in-the-news-thread-part-1/931945/9476 "2023-11-21T22:46:15Z")
> [@Stratocaster](#): > > But if by that you mean that a black bear wandering by your campsite is not a cause for panic or alarm, yeah. I was tent-camping in northern California one spring when, in the middle of the night, a black bear decided to rip open the unsecured cooler of a neighboring camper about five feet from my tent. A louder, more hideously metallic noise than a large Coleman cooler slowly being ripped-and-pulverized-by-a-bear just a few feet away you’ve never heard. People started yelling at it and banging pans. It ignored them. Meanwhile I just laid there quietly, listening to it grunt and shred metal, silently hoping nobody startled it into backing into my tent and getting tangled up with both it and ME. ---
**Author:** ![LSLGuy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lslguy/32/5813_2.png) [@LSLGuy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LSLGuy)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2023, 10:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/omnibus-stupid-mfers-in-the-news-thread-part-1/931945/9477 "2023-11-21T22:48:36Z")
> [@Atamasama](#): > > A bear holding a shark though…, That’s something to watch out for. Usually something jumps the shark. In this case the shark is doing the jumping. Bad news in any case. > [@FluffyBob](#): > > They may start out timid, but once they figure out you are unarmed soft pink meat you are fucked. At which point in the thread it’s time for the obligatory Gary Larsen cartoon: [![](https://i.pinimg.com/736x/c0/35/d9/c035d992ffad42758edcf464fe7e702a.jpg) ](https://i.pinimg.com/736x/c0/35/d9/c035d992ffad42758edcf464fe7e702a.jpg) ---
**Author:** ![Robot\_Arm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/robot_arm/32/18280_2.png) [@Robot\_Arm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Robot_Arm)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2023, 10:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/omnibus-stupid-mfers-in-the-news-thread-part-1/931945/9478 "2023-11-21T22:53:44Z")
> [@LSLGuy](#): > > At which point in the thread it’s time for the obligatory Gary Larsen cartoon: Wrong one. [![](https://i.pinimg.com/originals/75/80/ea/7580ea650cbb2fb3e250c861cb60492d.jpg) ](https://i.pinimg.com/originals/75/80/ea/7580ea650cbb2fb3e250c861cb60492d.jpg) ---
**Author:** ![LSLGuy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lslguy/32/5813_2.png) [@LSLGuy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LSLGuy)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2023, 11:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/omnibus-stupid-mfers-in-the-news-thread-part-1/931945/9479 "2023-11-21T23:13:03Z")
There’s another one too. Might be Larsen, might not. Anyhow the two bears (or was it lions?) are conversing over a carcass and one says something like “These are great! No teeth, no claws, no nuthin’.” Then you notice all the human accouterments scattered around what had been a campsite or a canoe or whatever. ---
**Author:** ![Baker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bb73d2/32.png) [@Baker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Baker)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2023, 11:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/omnibus-stupid-mfers-in-the-news-thread-part-1/931945/9480 "2023-11-21T23:23:16Z")
I love the YouTube video of a bear coming into a convenience store. The clerk kind of tries to shoo it away, it snarls at him, he backs off, and the bear strolls over and grabs a whole bag of Snickers, taking it with him. Comes back later for Three Musketeers and sprawls on the floor snacking. ---
**Author:** ![silenus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/silenus/32/166_2.png) [@silenus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/silenus)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2023, 11:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/omnibus-stupid-mfers-in-the-news-thread-part-1/931945/9481 "2023-11-21T23:25:14Z")
[Larson, and crocodiles.](https://www.pinterest.ca/pin/that-was-incredible-no-fur-claws-horns-antlers-or-nothin-just-soft-and-pink--332844228693849405/) ---
**Author:** ![LSLGuy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lslguy/32/5813_2.png) [@LSLGuy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LSLGuy)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2023, 11:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/omnibus-stupid-mfers-in-the-news-thread-part-1/931945/9482 "2023-11-21T23:28:32Z")
That’s the one. Thank you. ---
**Author:** ![Stratocaster](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/stratocaster/32/16393_2.png) [@Stratocaster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stratocaster)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2023, 12:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/omnibus-stupid-mfers-in-the-news-thread-part-1/931945/9483 "2023-11-22T00:24:09Z")
> [@Tamerlane](#): > > People started yelling at it and banging pans. It ignored them. Years ago, at Boy Scout summer camp, a leader from another troop told us about a prior year when a black bear decided to see what was yummy in the dumpster behind the mess hall while everyone was inside eating lunch. One of the dads snuck out, drove his car up to the dumpster, and leaned on the horn. The bear stops munching for a moment, and looks at the dad as if to say “I don’t know if you noticed, but I’m a bear” before he resumes eating. He left when he was done. We saw black bears every year. Some would wander right through the camp. Every year we gave the boys the same speech: Leave them alone, give them plenty of space, and never get between a female and her cubs. No attacks. But as mentioned a couple of times in this thread, black bears can do a heap of injury, including killing you. They are, after all, bears. ---
**Author:** ![eschereal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eschereal/32/18939_2.png) [@eschereal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eschereal)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2023, 1:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/omnibus-stupid-mfers-in-the-news-thread-part-1/931945/9484 "2023-11-22T01:29:10Z")
> [@Cheesesteak](#): > > and saw a couple of bear cubs climbing up it bears are one thing, but if I see cubs, I will be three counties over, yesterday ---
**Author:** ![LSLGuy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lslguy/32/5813_2.png) [@LSLGuy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LSLGuy)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2023, 1:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/omnibus-stupid-mfers-in-the-news-thread-part-1/931945/9485 "2023-11-22T01:45:22Z")
I’ve spent very little time in bear country but on those few hikes, cubs were the idea I worried about. They seem like the _Kobayashi Maru_ scenario. You see a cub(s). You don’t see Mama. Which of the 360 directions available to you looks like “away” to Mom? Hope you’re a good guesser. Even spotting cubs up ahead and retreating the way you came may not be the best move if Mom’s already behind you. ---
**Author:** ![Atamasama](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/atamasama/32/12961_2.png) [@Atamasama](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Atamasama)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2023, 3:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/omnibus-stupid-mfers-in-the-news-thread-part-1/931945/9486 "2023-11-22T03:28:24Z")
Bears, Cubs, Bruins, Grizzlies… ---
**Author:** ![thorny\_locust](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thorny_locust/32/431_2.png) [@thorny\_locust](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thorny_locust)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2023, 4:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/omnibus-stupid-mfers-in-the-news-thread-part-1/931945/9487 "2023-11-22T04:48:21Z")
> [@LSLGuy](#): > > You see a cub(s). You don’t see Mama. Which of the 360 directions available to you looks like “away” to Mom? Hope you’re a good guesser. Many years ago, I was driving on a road out west, through what was known to be grizzly territory. No other traffic in sight. I saw two bear cubs climbing up a tree. I stopped the car. I did not turn the car off. I sat there with my foot over the gas pedal, looking at the cubs. They looked back at me. One of them started to climb back down the tree. I put my foot back down on the gas and got the hell out of there. I don’t know where Mama was; except that a) I didn’t meet her coming towards me on the road, or notice her in the rear view mirror and b) I expect she wasn’t too far away. ---
**Author:** ![Gyrate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gyrate/32/3588_2.png) [@Gyrate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gyrate)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2023, 10:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/omnibus-stupid-mfers-in-the-news-thread-part-1/931945/9488 "2023-11-22T10:46:18Z")
First thing I thought of. I didn’t realize they’d been gone that long. ---
**Author:** ![Knowed\_Out](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/knowed_out/32/7380_2.png) [@Knowed\_Out](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Knowed_Out)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2023, 11:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/omnibus-stupid-mfers-in-the-news-thread-part-1/931945/9489 "2023-11-22T11:41:32Z")
> [@Al128](#): > > I applaud you, well-hung sir, gentleman, scholar! Thanks, but it’s not that kind of well-hung. ---
**Author:** ![pjd](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pjd/32/3009_2.png) [@pjd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pjd)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2023, 11:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/omnibus-stupid-mfers-in-the-news-thread-part-1/931945/9490 "2023-11-22T11:44:53Z")
> [@thorny\_locust](#): > > I become less convinced every year that there’s anything at all that everyone knows. I want that on a T-shirt ! [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/omnibus-stupid-mfers-in-the-news-thread-part-1/931945.md?page=473) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/omnibus-stupid-mfers-in-the-news-thread-part-1/931945.md?page=475)