# Omnibus Stupid MFers in the news thread (Part 2) **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [January 5, 2024, 4:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/omnibus-stupid-mfers-in-the-news-thread-part-2/995657 "2024-01-05T16:15:07Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 188
**Author:** ![Slithy\_Tove](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/slithy_tove/32/18248_2.png) [@Slithy\_Tove](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Slithy_Tove)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2025, 6:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/omnibus-stupid-mfers-in-the-news-thread-part-2/995657/3741 "2025-02-04T18:13:22Z")
Perhaps simply from the News of the Weird: [Catholic priest charged with misdemeanor assault for using teenage girl’s hair as dental floss](https://abc7chicago.com/amp/post/priest-carlos-martins-charged-battery-using-girls-hair-floss-joliet-church-during-st-jude-relic-tour-police/15849385/), while the hair was still attached to the young woman. For his part, Fr. Martin claims he was using his own baldness as a conversation-starter, and only lifted a strand of the young woman’s hair as he joked of his envy of her ability to floss with it. Martin is accompanying the holy relic of the arm of Saint Jude, the patron saint of lost causes; as well as of fools and losers, on its tour of the US. Although whether or not Martin actually flossed with the hair is unclear, nobody seems bothered by his roaming around with a mummified body part in his luggage. ---
**Author:** ![scudsucker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/scudsucker/32/14101_2.png) [@scudsucker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/scudsucker)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2025, 6:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/omnibus-stupid-mfers-in-the-news-thread-part-2/995657/3742 "2025-02-04T18:20:31Z")
> [@Slithy\_Tove](#): > > Saint Jude, the patron saint of lost causes I mean, fuck, man. St. Jude is the poster boy for catholic dipshits. He is my favorite saint, and I may even say a prayer to him tonight. Fools and losers. We all need some kind of saint. Sadly mine, St. Anthony (my namesake, it is tradtional in my family to go with saints names) is responsible for some boring shit > [@](#): > > miracles, travelers, finding one’s spouse, pregnancy, harvests, animals, lost items, lost people, lost souls, poverty, sterility, the sick, the disabled, the oppressed, the hungry Not sure how my vasectomy works with the sterility part. ---
**Author:** ![Dr.Winston\_OBoogie](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dr.winston_oboogie/32/2945_2.png) [@Dr.Winston\_OBoogie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dr.Winston_OBoogie)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2025, 6:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/omnibus-stupid-mfers-in-the-news-thread-part-2/995657/3743 "2025-02-04T18:40:55Z")
> [@scudsucker](#): > > Not sure how my vasectomy works with the sterility part. Well, you lost your ability to procreate, so St. Anthony! ---
**Author:** ![Slithy\_Tove](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/slithy_tove/32/18248_2.png) [@Slithy\_Tove](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Slithy_Tove)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2025, 6:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/omnibus-stupid-mfers-in-the-news-thread-part-2/995657/3744 "2025-02-04T18:50:13Z")
But instead of the medallion, one just wears an acrylic sleeveless sweater vest, the white middle class signal to potential mates that one is safely vasectomied. V-neck for “sterility yet virility!” ---
**Author:** ![muldoonthief](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/muldoonthief/32/3188_2.png) [@muldoonthief](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/muldoonthief)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2025, 6:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/omnibus-stupid-mfers-in-the-news-thread-part-2/995657/3745 "2025-02-04T18:55:23Z")
I can’t believe that the final paragraph was really from the article, I’d have bet a nut you added that yourself. ---
**Author:** ![muldoonthief](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/muldoonthief/32/3188_2.png) [@muldoonthief](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/muldoonthief)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2025, 6:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/omnibus-stupid-mfers-in-the-news-thread-part-2/995657/3746 "2025-02-04T18:57:20Z")
St Barbara is my favorite, the patron saint of all those who work with explosives. ---
**Author:** ![scudsucker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/scudsucker/32/14101_2.png) [@scudsucker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/scudsucker)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2025, 7:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/omnibus-stupid-mfers-in-the-news-thread-part-2/995657/3747 "2025-02-04T19:10:17Z")
The pantheon of saints responsible for some very specific tasks is immense. How did St. Barbara get allocted explosives duty? ---
**Author:** ![Atamasama](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/atamasama/32/12961_2.png) [@Atamasama](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Atamasama)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2025, 7:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/omnibus-stupid-mfers-in-the-news-thread-part-2/995657/3748 "2025-02-04T19:18:31Z")
> [@scudsucker](#): > > The pantheon of saints responsible for some very specific tasks is immense. I’m supposedly a descendant of Thomas More who is the patron saint of politicians, which is kind of icky. ☹ ---
**Author:** ![scudsucker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/scudsucker/32/14101_2.png) [@scudsucker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/scudsucker)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2025, 7:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/omnibus-stupid-mfers-in-the-news-thread-part-2/995657/3749 "2025-02-04T19:22:55Z")
> [@Atamasama](#): > > Thomas More who is the patron saint of politicians God bless. ---
**Author:** ![EinsteinsHund](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/einsteinshund/32/8400_2.png) [@EinsteinsHund](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EinsteinsHund)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2025, 7:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/omnibus-stupid-mfers-in-the-news-thread-part-2/995657/3750 "2025-02-04T19:30:22Z")
> [@scudsucker](#): > > How did St. Barbara get allocted explosives duty? I think she’s also the patron saint of firefighters, maybe pyrotechnicians just got lumped in with them. What St. Barbara has to do especially with fire, I don’t have a clue, but probably she was burned or even roasted, like so many Catholic saints. ETA: I misremembered, St. Barbara is also the patron saint of miners, not firefighters, because according to legend, after her father murdered her (not by burning her, but beheading) for being Christian, he got struck by lightning and consumed by flames. So it’s perfectly logical (in a Catholic kind of logic) that she’s the saint of pyrotechnics (and also artillery). > **[Saint Barbara](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Saint_Barbara)** > > Saint Barbara (Ancient Greek: Ἁγία Βαρβάρα; Coptic: Ϯⲁⲅⲓⲁ Ⲃⲁⲣⲃⲁⲣⲁ; Church Slavonic: Великомученица Варва́ра Илиопольская; Arabic: القديسة الشهيدة بربارة), known in the Eastern Orthodox Church as the Great Martyr Barbara, was an early Christian Greek saint and martyr. There is no reference to her in the authentic early Christian writings nor in the original recension of Saint Jerome's martyrology. > Saint Barbara is often portrayed with miniature chains and a tower to symbolize her father imprisoni... ---
**Author:** ![muldoonthief](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/muldoonthief/32/3188_2.png) [@muldoonthief](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/muldoonthief)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2025, 7:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/omnibus-stupid-mfers-in-the-news-thread-part-2/995657/3751 "2025-02-04T19:53:53Z")
In Robert Heinlein’s “Space Cadet”, St Barbara is also the patron saint of astronauts. But it was written 13 years before any humans actually got to space, and in reality, astronauts got St. Joseph Cupertino, who was already the patron saint of aviators (and mental handicaps, apparently). His connection is simpler - he could fly. ---
**Author:** ![thorny\_locust](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thorny_locust/32/431_2.png) [@thorny\_locust](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thorny_locust)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2025, 8:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/omnibus-stupid-mfers-in-the-news-thread-part-2/995657/3752 "2025-02-04T20:14:38Z")
> [@EinsteinsHund](#): > > after her father murdered her (not by burning her, but beheading) for being Christian, he got struck by lightning and consumed by flames. Wouldn’t it have been more useful for God to have done that just before he beheaded his daughter instead of afterwards? ---
**Author:** ![EinsteinsHund](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/einsteinshund/32/8400_2.png) [@EinsteinsHund](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EinsteinsHund)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2025, 8:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/omnibus-stupid-mfers-in-the-news-thread-part-2/995657/3753 "2025-02-04T20:19:39Z")
> [@thorny\_locust](#): > > Wouldn’t it have been more useful for God to have done that just before he beheaded his daughter instead of afterwards? Ask God that about guys like Hitler or Stalin, who are only now roasting in hell forever… ---
**Author:** ![OttoDaFe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ottodafe/32/356_2.png) [@OttoDaFe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OttoDaFe)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2025, 9:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/omnibus-stupid-mfers-in-the-news-thread-part-2/995657/3754 "2025-02-04T21:02:46Z")
Then there’s [Agatha of Sicily](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Agatha_of_Sicily), who underwent, among other tortures, having her breasts torn off. She’s sometimes depicted holding a tray with her breasts on it; but it wouldn’t do to tell the kiddies what they really are, so we were told they were loaves of bread (and she’s one of the patrons of bakers). Whether or not it’s part of the deception, there’s a [cake](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cassatella_di_sant%27Agata) named in her honor. ---
**Author:** ![running\_coach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/running_coach/32/15836_2.png) [@running\_coach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/running_coach)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2025, 9:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/omnibus-stupid-mfers-in-the-news-thread-part-2/995657/3755 "2025-02-04T21:08:16Z")
> [@OttoDaFe](#): > > Whether or not it’s part of the deception, there’s a [cake](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cassatella_di_sant%27Agata) named in her honor. - I’m sure she was _thrilled._ Why isn’t Joan of Arc the patron saint of BBQ? ---
**Author:** ![Dewey\_Finn](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dewey_finn/32/4222_2.png) [@Dewey\_Finn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dewey_Finn)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2025, 9:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/omnibus-stupid-mfers-in-the-news-thread-part-2/995657/3756 "2025-02-04T21:38:30Z")
> [@muldoonthief](#): > > In Robert Heinlein’s “Space Cadet”, St Barbara is also the patron saint of astronauts. But it was written 13 years before any humans actually got to space, and in reality, astronauts got St. Joseph Cupertino, who was already the patron saint of aviators (and mental handicaps, apparently). His connection is simpler - he could fly. I wonder if he’s the patron saint of iOS and MacOS products (Apple Inc is based in Cupertino, California). ---
**Author:** ![Baker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bb73d2/32.png) [@Baker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Baker)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2025, 11:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/omnibus-stupid-mfers-in-the-news-thread-part-2/995657/3757 "2025-02-04T23:39:49Z")
I think rocketmen were included but specifically she was the patron for those that deal with explosives, so rocketmen were included. ---
**Author:** ![Chronos](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chronos/32/134_2.png) [@Chronos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chronos)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2025, 11:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/omnibus-stupid-mfers-in-the-news-thread-part-2/995657/3758 "2025-02-04T23:49:15Z")
> [@scudsucker](#): > > The pantheon of saints responsible for some very specific tasks is immense. > > How did St. Barbara get allocted explosives duty? I think that most patron saints of highly-specific endeavors are chosen by those who work in those endeavors. The Vatican keeps the official List of who is a saint, but I don’t think they’re particularly concerned with what they’re a saint of. On another note, St. Scholastica (sister of Benedict; sainthood apparently ran in that family) is the patron saint of snow days. ---
**Author:** ![Baker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bb73d2/32.png) [@Baker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Baker)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2025, 11:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/omnibus-stupid-mfers-in-the-news-thread-part-2/995657/3759 "2025-02-04T23:52:02Z")
St Honorious is the patron for bakers and pastry makers. So I like him and he has a cake named for him. He is often depicted as holding a baker’s peel with three loaves of bread, symbolic of the Holy Trinity. ---
**Author:** ![thorny\_locust](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thorny_locust/32/431_2.png) [@thorny\_locust](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thorny_locust)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2025, 11:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/omnibus-stupid-mfers-in-the-news-thread-part-2/995657/3760 "2025-02-04T23:56:35Z")
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