# On Dorothy Parker **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [May 28, 2006, 11:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/on-dorothy-parker/358575 "2006-05-28T23:07:40Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 19\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Eve](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Eve](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eve)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2006, 3:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/on-dorothy-parker/358575/21 "2006-05-29T03:47:54Z")
> [@Otto](#): > > But my favorite is from her review of Dreiser’s _Dawn_: "Nearly six-hundred sheets to the title of _Dawn_: God help us one and all if Mr. Dreiser ever elects to write anything called “June Twenty-first”! I always agreed wholeheartedly with her view that Theodore Dreiser Should ought to write nicer. ---
**Author:** ![Wendell\_Wagner](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/8491ac/32.png) [@Wendell\_Wagner](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wendell_Wagner)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2006, 4:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/on-dorothy-parker/358575/22 "2006-05-29T04:07:50Z")
pinkfreud writes: \> As the story goes, Dorothy Parker and Clare Boothe Luce arrived at a doorway \> simultaneously. Clare gestured to indicate that Dorothy should go first, \> saying “Age before beauty.” Among other problems with this story, Parker was less than ten years older than Luce, and I believe that Parker, if anything, looked young for her age. Parker and Luce were both mostly writers. As I’ve heard the story, it was an actress more than a generation younger than Parker who said “Age before beauty.” Certainly, that would make more sense. The point is that the younger woman in this story is a superficial young woman who thinks it’s a big deal that she is younger and prettier than Parker. ---
**Author:** ![Hilarity\_N.Suze](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hilarity_n.suze/32/6223_2.png) [@Hilarity\_N.Suze](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hilarity_N.Suze)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2006, 4:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/on-dorothy-parker/358575/23 "2006-05-29T04:14:40Z")
Actual quote: “Four be the things I’d been better withou / Love, curiosity, freckles, and doubt.” Attributed quote: “Upon my honor, I saw a madonna / standing in a niche / above the door/ Of the prominent whore\* / of a prominent son of a bitch.\*\*” \*Marion Davies \*\*Wm. Randolph Hearst ---
**Author:** ![bienville](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/4bbf92/32.png) [@bienville](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bienville)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2006, 5:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/on-dorothy-parker/358575/24 "2006-05-29T05:08:45Z")
I haven’t done any research to verify the story, but in respose to being told after a miscarriage that she’d not be able to conceive again she said: “It serves me right for keeping all my eggs in one bastard.” ---
**Author:** ![C\_K\_Dexter\_Haven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/b2d939/32.png) [@C\_K\_Dexter\_Haven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/C_K_Dexter_Haven)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2006, 12:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/on-dorothy-parker/358575/25 "2006-05-29T12:04:45Z")
:: Moderator interrupts :: Much though I hate to do this, I have to remind you not to quote full text of a long poem. I believe that some of these are still under copyright to Ms Parker’s estate. If you have reason to believe that I am wrong, please email me (along with the text I chopped out) and I will be glad to restore it. Fair usage gets a little sticky; quoting a single sentence or short poem is fine, but not the entire long work. For those confused about our Board rules, please see: [Forum Rules: PLEASE READ](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=343601) and note especially Post #2. ---
**Author:** ![jjimm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ba8739/32.png) [@jjimm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jjimm)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2006, 12:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/on-dorothy-parker/358575/26 "2006-05-29T12:16:50Z")
> [@Hilarity N. Suze](#): > > Attributed quote: “Upon my honor, I saw a madonna / standing in a niche / above the door/ Of the prominent whore\* / of a prominent son of a bitch.\*\*” Wouldn’t the erudite Ms Parker have pronounced it “neesh”, as it is over here? Another attribution: “I love a martini - but two at the most. Three I’m under the table; four, I’m under the host.” ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2006, 12:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/on-dorothy-parker/358575/27 "2006-05-29T12:41:03Z")
The trouble to attributing any verbal quote to Dorothy Parker is that people would say “Guess what Mrs. Parker told me,” as if using her name made their own quotes funnier. She lamented this. I love her poems. One of my favorites is [Unfortunate Coincidence](http://www.cs.rice.edu/~ssiyer/minstrels/poems/1090.html) ---
**Author:** ![Exapno\_Mapcase](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/exapno_mapcase/32/1051_2.png) [@Exapno\_Mapcase](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Exapno_Mapcase)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2006, 3:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/on-dorothy-parker/358575/28 "2006-05-29T15:05:36Z")
> [@jjimm](#): > > Wouldn’t the erudite Ms Parker have pronounced it “neesh”, as it is over here? She may have been erudite, but she was also a girl from New Jersey. Only the most pompously affected pronounce the word as neesh. And yes, Eve, I confess to my mistake, having taken it directly from the book I’m currently reading, Joshua Zeitz’s _Flapper_. I should have known better considering how surfacey the book is. Checking my Constant Reader, I find the original stated there. Right under the following: > [@](#): > > Oh, please wait a minute. I think I’m going to be able to use “opium” in a sentence. I opium mother is feeling better. No, I guess I’m not, either. Not one of her best reviews. In fact, the lines from Glyn’s novel are funnier. > [@](#): > > …from his fifteenth birthday, when the saloonkeeper’s wife at the corner of his street groveled before his six feet of magnificent stripling strength, to his fortieth birthday, females of all types and classes manifested ardent passion for him. How does a mere humorist compete with that? It’s like Tom Lehrer quitting satire in the 60s saying that he couldn’t compete with reality. ---
**Author:** ![Eve](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Eve](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eve)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2006, 3:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/on-dorothy-parker/358575/29 "2006-05-29T15:36:53Z")
> [@Exapno Mapcase](#): > > And yes, Eve, I confess to my mistake, having taken it directly from the book I’m currently reading, Joshua Zeitz’s _Flapper_. I should have known better considering how surfacey the book is. I’m glad you reinforced the impression I got leafing through the book (and its index) at the library, when I decided it wasn’t even worth checking out, let alone buying. I noticed Irene Castle wasn’t in the index–were proto-flappers Clarine Seymour and Olive Thomas even mentioned? ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2006, 3:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/on-dorothy-parker/358575/30 "2006-05-29T15:56:06Z")
For anyone who thinks Dorothy Parker was only capable of writing one-liners and _bon mots_, check out the Christmas poems “Maid-Servant At The Inn” “The Gentlest Lady” and 'Prayer for a New Mother" [here.](http://www.chiark.greenend.org.uk/~martinh/poems/parker.html) The lady was a real poet. ---
**Author:** ![Exapno\_Mapcase](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/exapno_mapcase/32/1051_2.png) [@Exapno\_Mapcase](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Exapno_Mapcase)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2006, 4:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/on-dorothy-parker/358575/31 "2006-05-29T16:08:24Z")
> [@Eve](#): > > I’m glad you reinforced the impression I got leafing through the book (and its index) at the library, when I decided it wasn’t even worth checking out, let alone buying. I noticed Irene Castle wasn’t in the index–were proto-flappers Clarine Seymour and Olive Thomas even mentioned? Olive Thomas gets a couple of paragraphs for _The Flapper_. Seymour is not in the index. I got the book from the library, so no money went into it. ---
**Author:** ![matt\_mcl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ab992/32.png) [@matt\_mcl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/matt_mcl)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2006, 4:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/on-dorothy-parker/358575/32 "2006-05-29T16:21:44Z")
> [@Hilarity N. Suze](#): > > Attributed quote: “Upon my honor, I saw a madonna / standing in a niche / above the door/ Of the prominent whore\* / of a prominent son of a bitch.\*\*” She vehemently denied composing those lines, saying she would never have rhymed “honour” with “Madonna.” ---
**Author:** ![Otto](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/bbe5ce/32.png) [@Otto](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Otto)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2006, 5:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/on-dorothy-parker/358575/33 "2006-05-29T17:43:07Z")
> [@C K Dexter Haven](#): > > I believe that some of these are still under copyright to Ms Parker’s estate. To the NAACP, actually. She left all of her copyrights to it. ---
**Author:** ![Tracy\_Lord](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ec9cab/32.png) [@Tracy\_Lord](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tracy_Lord)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2006, 6:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/on-dorothy-parker/358575/34 "2006-05-29T18:55:35Z")
I swear I read her review of a production of “Hedda Gabler” in a book of collected Parker reviews, but I’ve never been able to find it again. The first line (which I will, sadly, have to paraphrase) made me laugh alound in the bookstore, which I _never_ do. It was something along the lines of: “I am sure Mr. Ibsen wrote excellent last lines for his heroines, but it is a pity I shall never hear them as I am always stuffing my ears for the inevitable gunshot.” ---
**Author:** ![Otto](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/bbe5ce/32.png) [@Otto](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Otto)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2006, 7:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/on-dorothy-parker/358575/35 "2006-05-29T19:01:25Z")
> [@Tracy Lord](#): > > I swear I read her review of a production of “Hedda Gabler” in a book of collected Parker reviews, but I’ve never been able to find it again. The first line (which I will, sadly, have to paraphrase) made me laugh alound in the bookstore, which I _never_ do. It was something along the lines of: > > “I am sure Mr. Ibsen wrote excellent last lines for his heroines, but it is a pity I shall never hear them as I am always stuffing my ears for the inevitable gunshot.” It’s also collected in the Viking Portable. > [@Dorothy Parker](#): > > I invariably miss most of the last lines in the last act of an Ibsen play; I always have my fingers in my ears, waiting for the loud report that means that the heroine has just Passed On. ---
**Author:** ![Tracy\_Lord](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ec9cab/32.png) [@Tracy\_Lord](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tracy_Lord)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2006, 7:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/on-dorothy-parker/358575/36 "2006-05-29T19:06:51Z")
THIS is why I love the SDMB! That’s the one! ---
**Author:** ![pesch](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pesch/32/4925_2.png) [@pesch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pesch)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2006, 10:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/on-dorothy-parker/358575/37 "2006-05-29T22:55:22Z")
Shortly after skimming this thread, I encountered the one about Angelina Jolie’s new baby, and was reminded of a Parker bon mot (which I shall now shred in the retelling). Dottie knew a woman who had spent most of her pregnancy boring everyone by talking about it. When she finally gave birth, Our Mrs. Parker sent her a telegram. “Good work, Mary. We all knew you had it in you.” ---
**Author:** ![Otto](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/bbe5ce/32.png) [@Otto](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Otto)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2006, 11:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/on-dorothy-parker/358575/38 "2006-05-29T23:16:13Z")
> [@pesch](#): > > Shortly after skimming this thread, I encountered the one about Angelina Jolie’s new baby, and was reminded of a Parker bon mot (which I shall now shred in the retelling). > > Dottie knew a woman who had spent most of her pregnancy boring everyone by talking about it. When she finally gave birth, Our Mrs. Parker sent her a telegram. > > “Good work, Mary. We all knew you had it in you.” [I’ve heard that one before](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=7437449&postcount=15). ---
**Author:** ![Ukulele\_Ike](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/df788c/32.png) [@Ukulele\_Ike](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ukulele_Ike)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2006, 12:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/on-dorothy-parker/358575/39 "2006-05-30T00:08:44Z")
> [@Tracy Lord](#): > > “I am sure Mr. Ibsen wrote excellent last lines for his heroines, but it is a pity I shall never hear them as I am always stuffing my ears for the inevitable gunshot.” Hey! HEY! Spoiler tags! Spoiler tags! [sub]Hamlet? He dies in the end[/sub] [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/on-dorothy-parker/358575.md?page=1)