# On Hetero-normative Dating: The Woman Makes the First Move **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [June 28, 2019, 5:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/on-hetero-normative-dating-the-woman-makes-the-first-move/836227 "2019-06-28T17:25:48Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 1\ **Showing post:** 48
**Author:** ![Les\_Espaces\_Du\_Sommeil](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/les_espaces_du_sommeil/32/308_2.png) [@Les\_Espaces\_Du\_Sommeil](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Les_Espaces_Du_Sommeil)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2019, 10:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/on-hetero-normative-dating-the-woman-makes-the-first-move/836227/48 "2019-07-05T10:02:11Z")
> [@Velocity](#): > > To echo what \*\*Cheesesteak \*\*said, it’s really time for society to reconsider this whole subtlety thing in light of #MeToo and just be more overt. Both genders are put at risk and danger by playing this maybe-no-means-yes-and-maybe-it-doesn’t-mean-yes game. Yes, I know, blatant overt “yes” and “no” may be unromantic, but safety and clarity ought to override whatever added romance may be had by playing games. You are soooooo right. I have this colleague who’s dropped what I consider clear hints of romantic interest almost as soon as we met. And I’m the sort of guy who’s really careful about interpreting such moves, so it was as blatant as it could be, short of getting physical. And then, at one point she became distant and I didn’t feel as welcome as before in her office. So I backed off, but it really affected me, and in November last year, after another series of her blowing hot and cold, I decided that it was better to stop seeing her (we don’t work together so that wasn’t too difficult). And I was doing all right. Disappointed, a bit wistful about the whole thing, but all right. However, I came across her a couple of times as we arrived at work recently, and she always made a point of saying we didn’t “see each other anymore”. Then, just a couple of days ago, I entered a room where she happened to be and as soon as she saw me, she was all smiles, got up to talk to me and mentioned something that unambiguously proved that she’d been thinking about me in the meantime. So, after some inner deliberation, I suggested we had a drink together. Her face lit up immediately and she said yes three times in a row. Well, that was supposed to be today. I dropped by her office twice and she wasn’t there. No voice mail or email to cancel either. I finally sent her a neutral mail an hour later and she answered almost immediately with what sounds like “plausible BS”. Seriously, I’m too old for this kind s\*\*\*. I cannot avoid her completely as our company isn’t that big, but the problem is that she is so much my type it’s ridiculous, about my age and usually so affectionate when we meet that I just can’t help falling for it. If only she could be clear about all of this once and for all. It doesn’t matter whether it’s “yes” or “no”, anything would be much better than this constant hesitation. And I know I could ask her, but it would be awkward for many reasons. If the dust ever settles without a clear answer, I’ll start a thread with a poll on the whole thing 😃 . --- _[View the full topic](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/on-hetero-normative-dating-the-woman-makes-the-first-move/836227)._