# On how older women treat younger people of the same gender \[edited title\] **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [December 20, 2002, 2:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/on-how-older-women-treat-younger-people-of-the-same-gender-edited-title/144014 "2002-12-20T14:41:17Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 13\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![levdrakon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/49beb7/32.png) [@levdrakon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/levdrakon)\ **Post date:** [December 24, 2002, 1:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/on-how-older-women-treat-younger-people-of-the-same-gender-edited-title/144014/21 "2002-12-24T01:24:49Z")
I read an editorial once about how older men will often mentor younger men, share their experience & knowledge, etc. The point of the article was that older women generally don’t mentor younger women, and are more likely to view them as the “enemy.” If women were to act more like men in this respect, they’d be more successful in work. ---
**Author:** ![Primaflora](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/898d66/32.png) [@Primaflora](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Primaflora)\ **Post date:** [December 24, 2002, 1:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/on-how-older-women-treat-younger-people-of-the-same-gender-edited-title/144014/22 "2002-12-24T01:28:33Z")
What a sad, sad thread. Generalisations Are Us Day today is it? FWIW I think the very idea that age/gender = type of behaviour is a crock. Nastiness comes in all ages, all genders and degrees of attractiveness. ---
**Author:** ![doreen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/858c86/32.png) [@doreen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/doreen)\ **Post date:** [December 24, 2002, 1:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/on-how-older-women-treat-younger-people-of-the-same-gender-edited-title/144014/23 "2002-12-24T01:59:50Z")
> [@](#): > > She obviously didn’t fit in, but it wasn’t an age thing, it was an attitude thing. I saw one episode where they were talking about racism, and since Lisa Ling had never felt victimized by racism, she had the gall to say that Starr Jones’ experiences were in her imagination. Bitch. Another episode where Lisa Ling said the women’s movement had done more harm than good - she certainly felt she’d be in the same place without the pioneering work of the feminists of the 1960s and 1970s. Possibly, not the proper thing to say to Ms. Walters - who actually fought the battles that got Lisa Ling her job. Clueless bitch. **Dangerosa** ’s got a point here. I’m not normally a bitch, but at one job, I’m sure a lot of the younger women though I was. (and I wasn’t all that old at the time. I had the job from 31-36). Why? Because it was a traditionally male job, there were still a lot of cavemen hanging around who didn’t think women should have the job, and when some of the younger women would try to get out of the less pleasant aspects of the job and leave them to the men, I would bitch at them. Because, you see, them behaving that way caused me to have more problems gaining the respect of the men. The women my age and older in general did not behave this way, perhaps because we could remember when the "first woman \_\_\_\_ " was hired. I think that maybe it is an attitude thing- but maybe the atitude is related to age. ---
**Author:** ![XJETGIRLX](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/x/9fc29f/32.png) [@XJETGIRLX](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/XJETGIRLX)\ **Post date:** [December 24, 2002, 2:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/on-how-older-women-treat-younger-people-of-the-same-gender-edited-title/144014/24 "2002-12-24T02:09:38Z")
I don’t know if my experiences are an isolated event or not, but from where I stand, there’s definitely something to it. Whether it’s due to age or just length of employment, though, I can’t say. I’m 22 and petite. I work in an office with maybe 10 or 12 other women, all at least 30 or over. I’ve only worked there a year, but after me the next ‘newest’ employee has been there almost 10 years. My office is right outside the kitchen, and at any given moment of the day, at least 2 or 3 of my coworkers (male and female alike) can be found congregating in the hall near the kitchen. I constantly get teased from the women about not eating, talking, socializing, whatever, because I actually _sit at my desk_ most of the day and work. I’ve never had a male coworker say anything of the sort to me. I figured out early on that it’s in my best interest to leave the office for lunch, as the few times I’ve stayed to eat, one of them will call the others in and exclaim, “Look! She’s eating!” whereupon they will all gather round and start poking at my plate, asking, “You’re not going to _finish_ that, are you?” Of course, it’s hard to tell if this is them just having some lighthearted fun, but I’m a pretty serious type person when I’m at work, and they know I don’t joke around. I’ll smile politely and answer their questions in a serious tone, “Yes, actually, I was planning on finishing it. That’s why I brought the amount I did, because I wanted to eat it. All of it.” ---
**Author:** ![Creaky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e68b1a/32.png) [@Creaky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Creaky)\ **Post date:** [December 24, 2002, 2:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/on-how-older-women-treat-younger-people-of-the-same-gender-edited-title/144014/25 "2002-12-24T02:28:02Z")
**XJETGIRLX** , I have gotten the same kind of cracks about my eating habits at work from _female_ coworkers. It’s as if I am being subtly vilified for trying to keep my figure. The guys, on the other hand, if they say anything at all, tell me that I look nice. This has happened far too much to be a coincidence, in my opinion. ---
**Author:** ![tanookie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/48db29/32.png) [@tanookie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tanookie)\ **Post date:** [December 24, 2002, 3:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/on-how-older-women-treat-younger-people-of-the-same-gender-edited-title/144014/26 "2002-12-24T03:54:25Z")
I just turned thirty and am still trying to figure out when I officially become an adult to the rest of the world. I have mostly older female friends whom I get along with wonderfully and we have a great time together but my litmus as to if an older person is friend material (as opposed to surrogate grandma material) is when they don’t tell me things like “thirty… come talk to me when you pass fifty” or “gee you’ve been married 6 years, that’s why you still like your husband… you’ll get over it by ten.” I think everyone (not just women) would benefit by being more open to sharing their experience and what they learned instead of making everything a competition or remembering what they were like at past stages in their lives (or trying to picture what they will be like at whatever stage of their life) and try a little empathy! ---
**Author:** ![XJETGIRLX](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/x/9fc29f/32.png) [@XJETGIRLX](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/XJETGIRLX)\ **Post date:** [December 24, 2002, 3:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/on-how-older-women-treat-younger-people-of-the-same-gender-edited-title/144014/27 "2002-12-24T03:58:22Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by tanookie \* > \*\*I just turned thirty and am still trying to figure out when I officially become an adult to the rest of the world. > \*\* ☹ Gee, destroy all my hope, would ya? I feel more like a kid now than I did when I was in middle school! I was hoping another 5 or 10 years would do it… ---
**Author:** ![cherry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/da6949/32.png) [@cherry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cherry)\ **Post date:** [December 24, 2002, 4:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/on-how-older-women-treat-younger-people-of-the-same-gender-edited-title/144014/28 "2002-12-24T04:45:57Z")
Just some thoughts… In my previous jobs I’ve had on my first day someone being openly hostile and rude. The first words out of her mouth were what do you eat? bird food… gee whiz lady nice to meet you too. But in that same office I’ve made such good friends with the older ladies (I’m 29) and my closest friend was in her 50’s and a lot of what XJETGIRLX says rings true for me too. But I do have a female mentor and she’s great J, oh boy though her sister and her high school friend if they could take out the claws… i’d say meow. I’m not sure what it is, but they seem to harp on my size and keep asking my friend/mentor if she is sure of my age or are you sure she’s not anorexic. I’m sorry but petite ppl do exist my whole family is short, so sue me, I do not have an eating disorder. At work though I find because its mainly a male dominated field that when we go out to sites sometimes we have to bring the token male so that construction pms will talk. Working inside correctional facilities have been interesting in terms of the female staff they have not been too bad although in the beginning they did wonder what I was doing there and if I was a student teacher or something. But all in all I find that the female techies support each other a lot. No attitude at all, but sometimes the support staff is where I get the attitude especially in cases with respect to food or my size or the way I look. I look forward to being in my thirties though and I do have a lot of close older female friends its just sometimes you just meet ppl in your work environment that are not going to like you for something that isn’t in your control and I figure once you get to know the other people they will be friendly or at least civil. ---
**Author:** ![Audrey\_Levins](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/73ab20/32.png) [@Audrey\_Levins](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Audrey_Levins)\ **Post date:** [December 24, 2002, 7:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/on-how-older-women-treat-younger-people-of-the-same-gender-edited-title/144014/29 "2002-12-24T07:58:17Z")
Honestly, I get a lot more patronizing behavior from older men than from older women…women tend to either adopt me as their daughter, or go the insecure/jealous/bitchy route. Men just want to assume that I’m a cute piece of scenery, and at first seem a bit frightened/irritated that I actually have opinions and intelligence lurking underneath this “pretty little head” of mine. At least women pay me the respect of seeing me as a potential threat. 😉 For the record, if I ever have kids I’d prefer sons. A.) The world could use a few more good ones. B.) Women, frankly, scare me. Daughters particularly, because I am one…and man, we’re devious! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Caprese](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a9a28c/32.png) [@Caprese](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Caprese)\ **Post date:** [December 24, 2002, 1:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/on-how-older-women-treat-younger-people-of-the-same-gender-edited-title/144014/30 "2002-12-24T13:20:05Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by tanookie \* > \*\* > > I have mostly older female friends whom I get along with wonderfully and we have a great time together but my litmus as to if an older person is friend material (as opposed to surrogate grandma material) is when they don’t tell me things like “thirty… come talk to me when you pass fifty” or “gee you’ve been married 6 years, that’s why you still like your husband… you’ll get over it by ten.” > > I think everyone (not just women) would benefit by being more open to sharing their experience and what they learned instead of making everything a competition or remembering what they were like at past stages in their lives (or trying to picture what they will be like at whatever stage of their life) and try a little empathy! \*\* I agree that “come talk to me when you pass fifty” and other such comments is not the road to friendship, it is self-absorbed, shallow and silly. And to me, commenting on how much or how little someone eats is beyond pathetic. It often happens that when two people meet, a person empathizes and shares what they learned is by looking at and/or comparing their own past experiences. But there is indeed a lot to be said for living in the moment, making the effort to withold judgment, and seeing a person as another human being, neither a youthful 29 year old nor a dried-up 50 year old. ---
**Author:** ![tanookie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/48db29/32.png) [@tanookie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tanookie)\ **Post date:** [December 24, 2002, 2:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/on-how-older-women-treat-younger-people-of-the-same-gender-edited-title/144014/31 "2002-12-24T14:54:46Z")
Caprese… I do agree that we need to live in the moment 🙂 Not all my conversations stem around differences! But making new friends is a lot like dating where you start to learn about who people are and figuring out what your commonalities are. (is that even a word? no sleep doesnt agree with me 🙂 It is this “new” stage that presents the prickliest time when the cattiness in people can really be awful. God I hope 50 isn’t dried up… 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Feynn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/ecb155/32.png) [@Feynn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Feynn)\ **Post date:** [December 24, 2002, 3:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/on-how-older-women-treat-younger-people-of-the-same-gender-edited-title/144014/32 "2002-12-24T15:24:05Z")
Ageism - it happens. I am on the near side of fourty (but look like I am in my mid twenties) and have noticed that how old you are perceived to be can have an effect on how people treat you. Herds of cow-orkers can form where the common factor is a similar age; it makes sense as you tend to have a lot in common with people who are of a similar age, who share many common reference points. there’s no need to be nasty though. ---
**Author:** ![TheWatcherInTheWater](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/9d8465/32.png) [@TheWatcherInTheWater](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TheWatcherInTheWater)\ **Post date:** [December 24, 2002, 7:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/on-how-older-women-treat-younger-people-of-the-same-gender-edited-title/144014/33 "2002-12-24T19:21:10Z")
It’s not so much an age thing I don’t think because I’ve noticed this female type of behavior since elementary school. Girls having a slumber party and not inviting one girl and then the next day at school going on and on about how fun it was. In the adult world it seems to translate into the going to lunch and not including so and so. Almost everywhere I’ve worked there seems to be a group of women who gang up on one. The reasons can vary. Jealously, control, power… seem to be the ones that stand out. I had a friend who wanted to do things her way. If you didn’t then you weren’t included. She surrounded herself with what I considered followers who would do what she wanted. The bitch would never stand up to anyone unless she had a minion or two around to back her up. Needless to say she is no longer a friend. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/on-how-older-women-treat-younger-people-of-the-same-gender-edited-title/144014.md?page=1)