# On-Line Dating, Cont'd **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [November 27, 2004, 11:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/on-line-dating-contd/276928 "2004-11-27T23:13:09Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Misnomer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/misnomer/32/14897_2.png) [@Misnomer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Misnomer)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2004, 6:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/on-line-dating-contd/276928/61 "2004-12-03T18:37:53Z")
> [@AntaresJB](#): > > I would actually like a profile critique if anyone’s interested – I’m [RedGuitarGrl883](http://www.okcupid.com/profile?tuid=10950162595226296574) over there. Another chick who is hornier than other “females her age!” Yay! 😃 I agree with **twickster** ’s suggestion about the length (and don’t be afraid to use the \ tags!), but I think you also seem kinda negative. You don’t think your music career will go anywhere, you don’t like your job, you don’t like where you live, you don’t like how you spend your Friday nights, etc. Some – or all – of those descriptions may have been tongue-in-cheek, but if I were a guy I’d worry that you might be a complainer. Do you know what I mean? (On the other hand, maybe there’s a reason that I’m not a guy . . . 😉 ) It’s not a huge issue, though: on the whole I like what you wrote, and I think your pictures are awesome. It’s just the nagging, after-impression that I came away with. FWIW. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Misnomer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/misnomer/32/14897_2.png) [@Misnomer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Misnomer)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2004, 2:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/on-line-dating-contd/276928/62 "2004-12-05T02:58:54Z")
Gee, I didn’t mean to kill my own thread! :eek: 😉 I’m meeting my “mystery date” tomorrow, for some pool, beer, and lunch. I’ll appreciate any crossed fingers y’all can generate for me . . . 🙂 And **trublmakr** , don’t forget to tell us how tonight’s meeting goes/went! ---
**Author:** ![Beware\_of\_Doug](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/278dde/32.png) [@Beware\_of\_Doug](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beware_of_Doug)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2004, 3:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/on-line-dating-contd/276928/63 "2004-12-05T03:23:24Z")
> [@trublmakr](#): > > Seems like most people ignore anything about who you’re looking for. The profile I have up (not on okcupid) specifically and clearly states what kind of man I’m looking for- very strong, confident. alpha male, highly intelligent- yet I’m constantly getting responses from young, weak, mama’s boys that are intimidated by strong women and don’t even know how to carry a conversation. Wouldn’t a strong woman and an alpha male just clash and drive one another crazy? That is, if you go by the cultural stereotypes. And if you don’t, why put them in a personal ad? Besides, the alpha guy doesn’t _need_ online dating services. He’s got women dangling off him every time he walks down the street. You’d have a better chance with a beta-plus guy. Not so physical, not so masterful, but passionate, voluble, opinionated, and smart as a whip. He’s tired of all the rat race and game playing and is looking for a better way. (just a thought…) ---
**Author:** ![Beware\_of\_Doug](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/278dde/32.png) [@Beware\_of\_Doug](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beware_of_Doug)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2004, 3:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/on-line-dating-contd/276928/64 "2004-12-05T03:34:32Z")
Oh and…When you say your guy has to “carry a conversation”…do you mean carry it by himself so you feel secure that he’s assertive? Or do you mean carry _on_ a conversation? If the latter, that’s a 2-way street. That implies exchange and mingling of personalities. Playing with the chemistry set and seeing what cooks up. It might give you a lot more juice than simple assertiveness. (Sorry for the grilling here, **trublmakr** , it’s just so rare that I encounter a self-described “strong woman” who’s looking for an “alpha male” that I’m honestly curious.) ---
**Author:** ![Alice\_The\_Goon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ed8c4c/32.png) [@Alice\_The\_Goon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alice_The_Goon)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2004, 4:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/on-line-dating-contd/276928/65 "2004-12-05T04:53:33Z")
Well, I just got home. And it’s 9:48, so that should tell you something. Yes, he’s very nice, and very intelligent. He has a degree in English from Yale; I peed a little when I found that out. (I’m a big fan of English and good grammar.) However, the chemistry doesn’t feel quite right. His pictures made him look 1000% better than he actually does, so that was a letdown. I’ll probably give him a chance, though, and see him again. I doubt that anything will develop, though. I’ve been emailing with this other guy, and I really want to meet him. We seem to have a whole lot in common, and he seems very very sweet and assertive. He’s reluctant to meet right away for some reason, and normally I’d say “see ya, I’m not looking for penpals”, but he seems worth waiting for. I hope he is. As for the alpha-male thing- see, as a single mom for many years, it’s become part of my personality to be very strong and no-nonsense. I’m on my guard when I’m out in the world, I’m always looking to make sure noone gets over on me. If I met a man that is willing and capable of taking over, I’d gladly let him. Deep down inside I really just want to be a girly-girl and not have to worry about safety or being on top. Not that I want to be subvervient, but I’d happily let my man be “in charge”, because I’m kind of tired of it. ---
**Author:** ![Alice\_The\_Goon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ed8c4c/32.png) [@Alice\_The\_Goon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alice_The_Goon)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2004, 4:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/on-line-dating-contd/276928/66 "2004-12-05T04:54:44Z")
Yeah, I’m real good at spelling, too. Make that “subservient”. ---
**Author:** ![Incubus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/c68b51/32.png) [@Incubus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Incubus)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2004, 9:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/on-line-dating-contd/276928/67 "2004-12-05T09:24:44Z")
> [@trublmakr](#): > > His pictures made him look 1000% better than he actually does, so that was a letdown. This is why I picked a rather goofy picture of myself in my profile. I don’t think I’m going to meet a lot of girls who frown and sigh, “You looked a lot hotter with the seawater in your eyes” (though in desperation I’d probably dump a salt shaker in a glass of water, spash it in my face, wince in agony and squeak, “Is THIS better?” ) 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Telperien](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/65b543/32.png) [@Telperien](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Telperien)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2004, 9:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/on-line-dating-contd/276928/68 "2004-12-05T09:34:22Z")
> [@Incubus](#): > > This is why I picked a rather goofy picture of myself in my profile. I don’t think I’m going to meet a lot of girls who frown and sigh, “You looked a lot hotter with the seawater in your eyes” (though in desperation I’d probably dump a salt shaker in a glass of water, spash it in my face, wince in agony and squeak, “Is THIS better?” ) 😛 Hee hee! Pictures are so chancy anyway. I’ve gotten to where I distrust them only slightly less than I distrust certain trite profile phrases. I admit that **AntaresJB’s** OKCupid profile is a mite long…but if she dated girls, I would ask her out immediately. ---
**Author:** ![Beware\_of\_Doug](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/278dde/32.png) [@Beware\_of\_Doug](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beware_of_Doug)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2004, 6:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/on-line-dating-contd/276928/69 "2004-12-05T18:26:54Z")
> [@trublmakr](#): > > As for the alpha-male thing- see, as a single mom for many years, it’s become part of my personality to be very strong and no-nonsense. I’m on my guard when I’m out in the world, I’m always looking to make sure noone gets over on me. If I met a man that is willing and capable of taking over, I’d gladly let him. Deep down inside I really just want to be a girly-girl and not have to worry about safety or being on top. Not that I want to be subvervient, but I’d happily let my man be “in charge”, because I’m kind of tired of it. But _someone’s_ gotta be in charge and on top for you to feel like no one’s getting over on you? (Fine, if you believe that there really are no “equals” in real-life relationships and that we might as well drop the charade. An arguable position, I suppose.) Then again, mightn’t you be extra vulnerable to an alpha who’s a latent control freak? ---
**Author:** ![Alice\_The\_Goon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ed8c4c/32.png) [@Alice\_The\_Goon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alice_The_Goon)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2004, 6:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/on-line-dating-contd/276928/70 "2004-12-05T18:52:33Z")
I feel that there are certainly predators out there looking for victims. And accidents often happen with no warning. As a single mom, it’s my job to be on the lookout, to be a badass if you will. I get tired of it, and sometimes I would like to be able to kick back, daydream, and not worry about what’s going on around me. That’s where the alpha male comes in handy. And yes, I do believe in equals in relationships, I just want a man that’s as good as or better than I at being a badass. And yes, I’ve had trouble finding a strong, capable alpha male without control issues. I’ve found a lot of them to be controlling and even abusive. I’m not going to stop being attracted to the alpha male, though, it’s deeply ingrained in me. But I won’t tolerate abuse. ---
**Author:** ![Misnomer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/misnomer/32/14897_2.png) [@Misnomer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Misnomer)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2004, 3:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/on-line-dating-contd/276928/71 "2004-12-06T03:49:36Z")
. . .and **Garfield226** , for suggesting and seconding (respectively) OK Cupid back in the GQ thread! 🙂 Your combined recommendations are what led me to check it out. I met that guy for lunch today, and things went quite well. All those months on other sites, with nothing substantive (or even fun) to show for them, and a week after joining OK Cupid I’ve clicked – in person – with someone. Woo hoo! 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Alice\_The\_Goon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ed8c4c/32.png) [@Alice\_The\_Goon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alice_The_Goon)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2004, 3:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/on-line-dating-contd/276928/72 "2004-12-06T03:56:23Z")
Yay, **Misnomer**! Glad to hear it! ---
**Author:** ![scr4](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/59ef9b/32.png) [@scr4](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/scr4)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2004, 4:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/on-line-dating-contd/276928/73 "2004-12-06T04:30:57Z")
Good to hear that, **Misnomer**! Not having much luck here - I’ve contacted 10 people on eHarmony and 5 refused, 3 ignored, 1 exchanged some questions with me and then pulled out. I’ve been exchanging mail with the remaining 1 - she seems very nice, but she’s 200 miles away and I don’t think we have much in common. Still, I think I’ll try talking to her on the phone. My track record on OkCupid is even worse. ---
**Author:** ![Ms2001](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ms2001/32/18463_2.png) [@Ms2001](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ms2001)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2004, 4:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/on-line-dating-contd/276928/74 "2004-12-06T04:49:44Z")
Glad to hear it’s working for you too, **Misnomer**. I’ve met two women on there… first I sent a message to “Z”, who’s my age and lives a couple miles from me, and after several days with no response I sent one to “A”, who’s a few years younger and lives 30 miles away in another state. After I’d already met A a few times, I heard back from Z, met her in person, and we seemed to click a lot better. Awkwardness ensued, but A was understanding about the situation, and I’m now looking forward to my third date with Z later this week. ---
**Author:** ![Incubus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/c68b51/32.png) [@Incubus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Incubus)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2004, 5:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/on-line-dating-contd/276928/75 "2004-12-06T05:09:12Z")
Wow, this is lots of fun! Only thing is, so far its just been rather mundane conversations with women, which I’ll admit makes me a little bit impatient (I’m a little worried I’ll never get an opportunity to _meet_ any of these people…☹ ) Right now I would rather go out on a date that went nowhere…even a _bad_ date, because at the very least I would gain some experience from it. But getting rejected/ignored online is frustrating (not upsetting, kind of hard to be upset by being rejected to someone I barely know) but just…come on, I’m not a serial killer, hell, the _cat_ startles me sometimes! :eek: Just a fairly normal guy, who kind of wishes he doesn’t have to go to the movies alone so much ☹ ---
**Author:** ![Telperien](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/65b543/32.png) [@Telperien](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Telperien)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2004, 1:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/on-line-dating-contd/276928/76 "2004-12-07T01:37:15Z")
Yay for **Misnomer** and **Mr2001**! **Incubus,** just keep at it. And watch out for the cat. Those little padded bare feet make them extra sneaky. ---
**Author:** ![Misnomer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/misnomer/32/14897_2.png) [@Misnomer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Misnomer)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2004, 4:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/on-line-dating-contd/276928/77 "2004-12-07T04:36:36Z")
Thanks for the happy thoughts, everyone. 🙂 HOLY SHIT I’d forgotten what this part of dating is like: he told me (via e-mail) that he would call me tonight and we’d talk about getting together this week, and by the time 10pm came and went I was repeatedly telling myself to calm down, and to focus on the paper I’m writing for school, and that there were any _number_ of reasons for him to have not called – and then at 10:15, the phone rang. Turns out his daughter is with him tonight, and he had a really hard time getting her to go to sleep. :smack: I’d completely forgotten about the paranoia! I’m so glad that I’m dating again! :rolleyes: 😃 Actually, I _am_ glad to have met this guy. 🙂 We’re on for Wednesday evening, and then I probably won’t see him again until next week because I’m busy Thursday and Friday nights, and he has his daughter all weekend. Something about his voice just makes me melt, he seems very funny and smart, and _damn_ he’s a good kisser. I’m gonna get me some more of that before I don’t see him again for a week. 😉 **Trublmakr** , I’m sorry that Saturday night’s meeting didn’t work out . . . have you set anything up with bachelor #2 yet? **Mr2001** , I’m happy for you, too. 🙂 **Incubus** , nice profile! I have no problem with the photo being one of you grimacing, but it’s so dark that I still wouldn’t recognize you if I tripped over you. I hope you don’t mind, I took the liberty of lightening it up a little for you; I sent you an e-mail through the address in your SDMB profile. ---
**Author:** ![ultrafilter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/3d9bf3/32.png) [@ultrafilter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ultrafilter)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2004, 4:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/on-line-dating-contd/276928/78 "2004-12-07T04:59:52Z")
There’s nothing quite like waiting by the phone, is there? I’ve been hanging out on OKCupid, mainly just answering questions. I’m a little disheartened by the low number of users in this area, at least compared to Match, but I’ve seen a few profiles that looked interesting. Now I just have to figure out what to write–introducing myself out of the blue is not one of my strong suits. Just in case anyone’s interested, here’s [my profile](http://www.okcupid.com/profile?tuid=9066918722057201621) for critique. ---
**Author:** ![Incubus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/c68b51/32.png) [@Incubus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Incubus)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2004, 6:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/on-line-dating-contd/276928/79 "2004-12-07T06:15:14Z")
Thanks, **Misnomer**! I’ll change it as soon as I can! You kissed the guy? Or just imagining what kind of kisser he is? I’m confused. I never quite knew what being a good kisser entailed…Though knowing is kind of important to me, because many women seem to really like a guy who is a good kisser! 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![CanvasShoes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/74df32/32.png) [@CanvasShoes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CanvasShoes)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2004, 7:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/on-line-dating-contd/276928/80 "2004-12-07T07:58:36Z")
> [@tremorviolet](#): > > My other bitch is the age ranges. A lot of guys seem to be looking for only women that are younger than them. 33 year old guys are looking for women 21-29. :rolleyes: Now that I’m past 35, I’ve noticed I get a _lot_ fewer hits. Strange, I seem to get a lot of “hits” (just on yahoo instant messenger) that are just the opposite, young guys wanting an “older woman” and going on about “is it true what they say about hot older women” and stuff like that. Well, obviously they’re just looking for cyber, or a quick hookup, but the age things hasnt’ seemed to have been a problem in that one area alone. Unfortunately, like other women here, I’d like to find something serious. Which is why I’ve completely given up. I guess I’ve finally reached the age where the whole dating thing is just NOT worth the hassle. Or, to quote Deanna Carter (again :D) “Did I Shave My Legs for ThiiIIS”? Phoooey on it. The good ones are much too rare, why bother? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/on-line-dating-contd/276928.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/on-line-dating-contd/276928.md?page=5)