# On-line relationships **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [June 16, 2017, 4:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/on-line-relationships/789124 "2017-06-16T16:24:05Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 6\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Spice\_Weasel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spice_weasel/32/5435_2.png) [@Spice\_Weasel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spice_Weasel)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2017, 6:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/on-line-relationships/789124/21 "2017-06-20T18:54:51Z")
> [@Pantastic](#): > > I’ve seen a lot of people who get deeply entwined in an online relationship and convince themselves it’s absolutely wonderful when it’s really not - and that’s without the other person trying to be deceptive. You really don’t have the basic chemistry going on, and you have to fill in a lot of gaps in your own head. I actually remember worrying about that, because I fell in love with my husband long distance. I had already known him, just not in any romantic sense. We became extremely close through emails while he was in another country. I worried that once he returned, with all of this emotional buildup, there would be no chemistry. I even voiced that concern at the time. I never found him unattractive as an acquaintance but I didn’t really lust after him either, so I wasn’t sure what was going to happen. Fortunately, we had great chemistry. I think he’s adorable and I’m not sure why it wasn’t evident from our first meeting. But it could just as easily have gone the other way. ---
**Author:** ![jtur88](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e9c0ed/32.png) [@jtur88](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jtur88)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2017, 9:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/on-line-relationships/789124/22 "2017-06-20T21:53:09Z")
> [@msmith537](#): > > What kind of women wanted to date a ten year old?:eek: Has it occurred to you that maybe a “ten year old profile” is a profile that is ten years old? ---
**Author:** ![jtur88](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e9c0ed/32.png) [@jtur88](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jtur88)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2017, 10:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/on-line-relationships/789124/23 "2017-06-20T22:18:11Z")
> [@Spiderman](#): > > I gotta ask; how did those two marriages end? Divorce or widowed? > I know it’s not the exact same thing, but if you work in IT in this country, chances are you work with a bunch of people from India. They still do arranged marriages in their culture. I worked with one girl; she was lucky in that she actually got to meet (one date) her future husband on a trip back home. Her next trip home, a little under a year later was for the engagement party & wedding. Six months after the wedding, he still didn’t have a visa so he was still in India & she was here. Surprisingly, divorce rates are much lower there than they are in the US. If you really need to know the particulars, one of them ended when my wife went through some kind of a mid-life crisis, and decided to find a more promising prospect while she was still young enough to attract one. I never saw that coming until literally the last day. The other made the choice of her grandchildren, over me, which I cannot fault her for, it was her choice to make but conflicted with my goals… We remained best friends and supportive compatriots trough the decade of our separation, and finances were agreed upon by two unselfish people with concern for each other’s welfare. I can see the merits of the arranged marriage. To an extent, it’s the luck of the draw, and in most societies today, either party has the right to refuse. When children are brought up in a culture where people are taught to respect each other, in their separate domestic roles, and honor and integrity are deemed important, most civil people can learn to live with another with love and respect, even if thrown together randomly. After a decade of marriage, American couiples, by all appearances, do not love their chosen mates any more fervently than those couiples in arranged marriage cultures. ---
**Author:** ![Atamasama](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/atamasama/32/12961_2.png) [@Atamasama](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Atamasama)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2017, 11:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/on-line-relationships/789124/24 "2017-06-20T23:16:55Z")
> [@jtur88](#): > > Has it occurred to you that maybe a “ten year old profile” is a profile that is ten years old? Zat vuz a joke. I have many experiences with relationships that started as long-distance, online relationships. For the most part they worked out better than those that started out as in-person relationships. The reason why is simple; what attracts you to a person you meet in person tends to be physical and superficial. While those I’ve met online were attractive based on their thoughts and feelings. I will say that in no case have I ever been serious with a woman until after spending some time with them in person though. My first such relationship was a woman I met in an online game (the MMORPG Everquest). We flirted and got to know each other online, then I flew halfway across the country to meet her. We hit it off and eventually I moved in with her and after 6 months we got engaged. It ultimately didn’t work out and we never got married (luckily) but I don’t regret it. She was a great woman and we had lots of fun. My next relationship like that, I met a woman in a different online game. This time she flew out to meet me, then later moved in with me. This also didn’t work out and only lasted a few months but again was mostly positive. The next relationship was very similar, it was even the same game! But this worked out better. This time I flew out to meet her, then she flew out to me, we lived together, eventually got married, had a kid, and we were married for 7 years before it ended. We’re not together of course but it was wonderful when it lasted, I have a fantastic daughter, and I still get along with my ex-wife (we even email each other stuff that we think the other person would be interested in). My latest and current relationship is a bit different. Rather than meeting someone by accident I tried eHarmony. I met some interesting women, a couple of whom I really liked, but one I totally clicked with. And by luck she lived only minutes away. We’re now married (it will be for 4 years soon) and I have another daughter now. So I have quite a bit of experience, and yes my relationships that started online have always been better. I’ve dated a number of women that I got to know in person first and that has never worked as well. As long as you also get to know a person in real life before getting serious it can work out very well. ---
**Author:** ![actualliberalnotoneofthose](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e79b87/32.png) [@actualliberalnotoneofthose](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/actualliberalnotoneofthose)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2017, 1:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/on-line-relationships/789124/25 "2017-06-21T01:25:16Z")
When I first heard about that case, I don’t recall her being called his girlfriend and it was presented in a way that it was more likely she was a girl he had a crush on. I still haven’t read anything otherwise except for every headline now referring to him as her boyfriend. Anyway, I met my wife online through a support group for a very specific health issue that makes it difficult to meet people in real life. By the time we met it felt like we already had a solid relationship, but I realized only years later that I should not have pursued the relationship and doing so was a cowardly act. We now have an unusual relationship to say the least. At one point we were separated but living together and doing things as usual with the kids. It was her idea and it’s easy to guess why. I could only feel sorry for myself for so long. So I made/reactivated some dating profiles and I was surprised at how easy it was to get attention and meetings, if I wanted. I briefly dated a woman and ended it when things moved too fast. I have to say, though, that I never really had a “relationship” just online for any period of time. It was just a method for meeting, the sooner the better. Even with my wife, which was somewhat long distance to start, we met within a few months and I moved in a few months after that with visits in between. I have observed some online-only “relationships” and emotional affairs that I think the participants take seriously as real love affairs but would probably fall apart if they had to face real life circumstances. ---
**Author:** ![jtur88](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e9c0ed/32.png) [@jtur88](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jtur88)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2017, 2:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/on-line-relationships/789124/26 "2017-07-20T02:13:32Z")
> [@jtur88](#): > > I will let you know how it turns out. > > I had a ten year old profile on a dating site, which I mostly ignored for years at a time, and maybe corresponded with a dozen women, and took one to lunch. I have rethought my future life, completely rewrote my profile, and brought it to the attention two weeks ago of 63 prospective seekers, got nice replies the first day from ten and not-nice replies from none. Within three days of text chat, one of them rose to the top of the leaderboard. Next month, I will be on a plane to her loving arms, and I am not coming back. I will marry her at the first opportunity upon arriving in her tropical paradise…, We’ve been skyping 4 hours a day, and lengthy candid phone calls with two of her sisters, and I have no doubt that this is the real thing. > > I believe the secret of my (so far) success is to be brutally honest in laying out what you are looking for, and scrupulously committed to fulfilling every promise you offer in return, that you know in your heart that you can fulfill. > > Watch this space. I am now in Cebu, Philippines, one week after meeting my sweetheart, and we are absolutely giddy. I have zero misgivings about this commitment. This is definitely a done deal, I am warmly embraced by every member of her extended family, this is my new life [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/on-line-relationships/789124.md?page=1)