# On the advice of my attorney I have..... **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [May 10, 2013, 1:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/on-the-advice-of-my-attorney-i-have/657989 "2013-05-10T13:10:59Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2013, 3:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/on-the-advice-of-my-attorney-i-have/657989/21 "2013-05-10T15:22:10Z")
On the advice of my attorney, I issue the following disclaimer: IMPORTANT DISCLAIMER: This email does not create an attorney-client relationship. Probably. If it does, it will have said it does. Although it could have created an attorney-client relationship without explicitly saying so, because the law is tricky like that, and the authoritative statements in this disclaimer are not as authoritative as they look. Suffice it to say, if you aren’t absolutely certain about whether or not an attorney-client relationship exists between yourself and the sender of this email, you should probably hit “reply” and ask for some clarity. This email may contain confidential and/or legally privileged information. If it does, and you are not the intended recipient, then the sender hereby requests that you notify him of his mistake and destroy all copies in your possession. The sender also concedes that he is very, very stupid, and obviously should not be operating an electronic-mail machine without supervision. The purpose of this disclaimer, in theory, is to protect the sender from whatever liability may result from the sender’s own failure to communicate clearly or properly send an email, even though the sender, having obtained a formal legal education, is well aware that a generic email disclaimer, even one written with that ominous language of which lawyers are so fond, is unlikely to be enforced against a party lacking a sophisticated understanding of the legal principles surrounding said disclaimer, and that in the case of a party who does understand the legal principles surrounding said disclaimer, the disclaimer merely restates what said party already knows. This disclaimer is a catch-22. This disclaimer is not unlike the ceaseless blaring of a distant car alarm—a once-sincere warning that has evolved into an unpleasant nuisance, rendered meaningless by its own ubiquity. This disclaimer exists in a country where the demand for legal services is substantial enough to provide gainful employment for more than one million lawyers, virtually all of whom make liberal use of disclaimers purporting to protect themselves from the very litigiousness that pays their bills. You do the math. This disclaimer is not especially concerned with intelligibility. Unlike the sender of this email, this disclaimer has no qualms about indulging in the more obnoxious trademarks of legalese, including but not limited to (i) the phrase “including but not limited to”, (ii) the use of “said” as an adjective, (iii) re-naming conventions that have little to no basis in vernacular English and, regardless, never actually recur (hereinafter referred to as “the 1980 Atlanta Falcons”), (iv) redundant, tedious, and superfluous repetition of synonymous terms, (v) ENTIRE SECTIONS OF FULLY-CAPITALIZED TEXT, PRESUMABLY INTENDED TO SAY TO THE READER, “HEY! THIS IS IMPORTANT! YOU SHOULD READ THIS PART! AND REMEMBER IT!”, AS IF NO ONE HAS EVER NOTICED THAT PHYSICALLY ENLARGING TEXT WITHOUT INCREASING THE AMOUNT OF SPACE AVAILABLE FOR SAID TEXT TO OCCUPY CREATES THE VISUAL EFFECT OF A SOLID RECTANGULAR BLOCK OF LETTERS, ROUGHLY AS CAPABLE OF IMPARTING A COHERENT THOUGHT AS A TIGHTLY-PACKED SCRABBLE® BOARD, and (vi) lowercase Roman numerals. This disclaimer exists for precisely one reason—to make this email appear more professional. This disclaimer shall not be construed as a guarantee of actual professionalism on the part of the sender. Any actual professionalism contained herein is purely coincidental and is in no way attributable to the presence of this disclaimer. While the sender of this email likes to think the professionalism with which he approaches his work speaks for itself, this disclaimer constitutes (i) begrudging acquiescence to the industry standard, or at least a superficial imitation thereof, and (ii) begrudging acceptance of the paradoxical reality that people who exchange emails with lawyers both expect to see, and pay no attention to, legal disclaimers. If you aren’t reading this, then this disclaimer has done its job. Its sad, pointless job. THIS DISCLAIMER IS NOT INTENDED TO BE IRONIC. ---
**Author:** ![Enginerd](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/bcef8e/32.png) [@Enginerd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enginerd)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2013, 3:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/on-the-advice-of-my-attorney-i-have/657989/22 "2013-05-10T15:26:05Z")
On the advice of my attorney, I award this thread to **kayaker**. If his disclaimer allows it. ---
**Author:** ![Nars\_Glinley](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/nars_glinley/32/8177_2.png) [@Nars\_Glinley](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nars_Glinley)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2013, 3:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/on-the-advice-of-my-attorney-i-have/657989/23 "2013-05-10T15:45:29Z")
On the advice of my attorney, I have stopped reading terms and conditions. ---
**Author:** ![zamboniracer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/e9a140/32.png) [@zamboniracer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/zamboniracer)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2013, 3:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/on-the-advice-of-my-attorney-i-have/657989/24 "2013-05-10T15:48:07Z")
On the advice of my attorney I have decided to read a funnier thread. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2013, 3:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/on-the-advice-of-my-attorney-i-have/657989/25 "2013-05-10T15:52:20Z")
On the advice of my attorney I have decided to switch to BetaMax. ---
**Author:** ![Jack\_Batty](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jack_batty/32/3201_2.png) [@Jack\_Batty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jack_Batty)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2013, 3:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/on-the-advice-of-my-attorney-i-have/657989/26 "2013-05-10T15:55:57Z")
On the advice of Prof. Pepperwinkle’s attorney, I’ve begun wearing an onion on my belt. ---
**Author:** ![Intergalactic\_Gladiator](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/intergalactic_gladiator/32/112_2.png) [@Intergalactic\_Gladiator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Intergalactic_Gladiator)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2013, 3:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/on-the-advice-of-my-attorney-i-have/657989/27 "2013-05-10T15:59:36Z")
On the advice of my attorney, I have taken off my thong and put it on the right way. ---
**Author:** ![Nars\_Glinley](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/nars_glinley/32/8177_2.png) [@Nars\_Glinley](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nars_Glinley)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2013, 4:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/on-the-advice-of-my-attorney-i-have/657989/28 "2013-05-10T16:02:25Z")
On the advice of my attorney, I am taking zamboniracer to the pit. (Not really) ---
**Author:** ![Wargamer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/df705f/32.png) [@Wargamer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wargamer)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2013, 4:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/on-the-advice-of-my-attorney-i-have/657989/29 "2013-05-10T16:31:22Z")
On the advice of my attorney, I’m leaving my office to go have lunch. ---
**Author:** ![CoolHandCox](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/coolhandcox/32/16233_2.png) [@CoolHandCox](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CoolHandCox)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2013, 7:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/on-the-advice-of-my-attorney-i-have/657989/30 "2013-05-10T19:15:17Z")
As your attorney, I advise you to take a hit out of the little brown bottle in my shaving kit. You won’t need much, just a tiny taste. - Dr. Gonzo ---
**Author:** ![Shodan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9f8e36/32.png) [@Shodan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shodan)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2013, 7:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/on-the-advice-of-my-attorney-i-have/657989/31 "2013-05-10T19:36:41Z")
On the advice of my attorney, I am pleading Guilty, asking for the mercy of the court, and stocking up on Astro-glide. Regards, Shodan ---
**Author:** ![Enginerd](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/bcef8e/32.png) [@Enginerd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enginerd)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2013, 7:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/on-the-advice-of-my-attorney-i-have/657989/32 "2013-05-10T19:38:08Z")
> [@Wargamer](#): > > On the advice of my attorney, I’m leaving my office to go have lunch. On the advice of my attorney, I’m leaving the office to go have a beer. my attorney \>\> **Wargamer’s** attorney ---
**Author:** ![Doug\_K](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b5ac83/32.png) [@Doug\_K](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doug_K)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2013, 7:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/on-the-advice-of-my-attorney-i-have/657989/33 "2013-05-10T19:46:10Z")
On the advice of my attorney, I am getting away from the rat race, so I can work the soil with my hands, gently planting the little seeds and watching as the seedlings spring forth from the ground and shoost up toward the sky, because the American farmer is the backbone … of … do you hear fife music? ---
**Author:** ![Balance](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ccd318/32.png) [@Balance](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Balance)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2013, 8:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/on-the-advice-of-my-attorney-i-have/657989/34 "2013-05-10T20:15:36Z")
On the advice of my attorney, I am redacting information as to what, exactly, my attorney advised me to do. ---
**Author:** ![Regallag\_The\_Axe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/regallag_the_axe/32/445_2.png) [@Regallag\_The\_Axe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Regallag_The_Axe)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2013, 9:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/on-the-advice-of-my-attorney-i-have/657989/35 "2013-05-10T21:41:39Z")
On the advice of my attorney I have thrown away all my video recording devices. ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2013, 9:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/on-the-advice-of-my-attorney-i-have/657989/36 "2013-05-10T21:46:17Z")
On the advice of counsel, until further notice I’m busy with my paper shredder. ---
**Author:** ![Xema](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/x/9de053/32.png) [@Xema](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Xema)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2013, 10:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/on-the-advice-of-my-attorney-i-have/657989/37 "2013-05-10T22:27:14Z")
> [@Mona\_Lisa\_Simpson](#): > > On the advice of my attorney, I am having coffee and rhubarb pie for breakfast. That’s exactly what I had for lunch (no, really). Probably should have sought the advice of an attorney. ---
**Author:** ![Ravenman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ravenman/32/2929_2.png) [@Ravenman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ravenman)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2013, 10:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/on-the-advice-of-my-attorney-i-have/657989/38 "2013-05-10T22:29:23Z")
> [@kayaker](#): > > On the advice of my attorney, I issue the following disclaimer: > > IMPORTANT DISCLAIMER: This email does not create an attorney-client relationship. Probably. If it does, it will have said it does. Although it could have created an attorney-client relationship without explicitly saying so, because the law is tricky like that, and the authoritative statements in this disclaimer are not as authoritative as they look. Suffice it to say, if you aren’t absolutely certain about whether or not an attorney-client relationship exists between yourself and the sender of this email, you should probably hit “reply” and ask for some clarity. > This email may contain confidential and/or legally privileged information. If it does, and you are not the intended recipient, then the sender hereby requests that you notify him of his mistake and destroy all copies in your possession. The sender also concedes that he is very, very stupid, and obviously should not be operating an electronic-mail machine without supervision. > > The purpose of this disclaimer, in theory, is to protect the sender from whatever liability may result from the sender’s own failure to communicate clearly or properly send an email, even though the sender, having obtained a formal legal education, is well aware that a generic email disclaimer, even one written with that ominous language of which lawyers are so fond, is unlikely to be enforced against a party lacking a sophisticated understanding of the legal principles surrounding said disclaimer, and that in the case of a party who does understand the legal principles surrounding said disclaimer, the disclaimer merely restates what said party already knows. This disclaimer is a catch-22. > > This disclaimer is not unlike the ceaseless blaring of a distant car alarm—a once-sincere warning that has evolved into an unpleasant nuisance, rendered meaningless by its own ubiquity. This disclaimer exists in a country where the demand for legal services is substantial enough to provide gainful employment for more than one million lawyers, virtually all of whom make liberal use of disclaimers purporting to protect themselves from the very litigiousness that pays their bills. You do the math. > > This disclaimer is not especially concerned with intelligibility. Unlike the sender of this email, this disclaimer has no qualms about indulging in the more obnoxious trademarks of legalese, including but not limited to (i) the phrase “including but not limited to”, (ii) the use of “said” as an adjective, (iii) re-naming conventions that have little to no basis in vernacular English and, regardless, never actually recur (hereinafter referred to as “the 1980 Atlanta Falcons”), (iv) redundant, tedious, and superfluous repetition of synonymous terms, (v) ENTIRE SECTIONS OF FULLY-CAPITALIZED TEXT, PRESUMABLY INTENDED TO SAY TO THE READER, “HEY! THIS IS IMPORTANT! YOU SHOULD READ THIS PART! AND REMEMBER IT!”, AS IF NO ONE HAS EVER NOTICED THAT PHYSICALLY ENLARGING TEXT WITHOUT INCREASING THE AMOUNT OF SPACE AVAILABLE FOR SAID TEXT TO OCCUPY CREATES THE VISUAL EFFECT OF A SOLID RECTANGULAR BLOCK OF LETTERS, ROUGHLY AS CAPABLE OF IMPARTING A COHERENT THOUGHT AS A TIGHTLY-PACKED SCRABBLE® BOARD, and (vi) lowercase Roman numerals. > > This disclaimer exists for precisely one reason—to make this email appear more professional. This disclaimer shall not be construed as a guarantee of actual professionalism on the part of the sender. Any actual professionalism contained herein is purely coincidental and is in no way attributable to the presence of this disclaimer. While the sender of this email likes to think the professionalism with which he approaches his work speaks for itself, this disclaimer constitutes (i) begrudging acquiescence to the industry standard, or at least a superficial imitation thereof, and (ii) begrudging acceptance of the paradoxical reality that people who exchange emails with lawyers both expect to see, and pay no attention to, legal disclaimers. If you aren’t reading this, then this disclaimer has done its job. Its sad, pointless job. THIS DISCLAIMER IS NOT INTENDED TO BE IRONIC. On the advice of my attorney, I have paid him $325 to tell me what this says. He told me, “It depends.” ---
**Author:** ![jasg](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/f0a364/32.png) [@jasg](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jasg)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2013, 10:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/on-the-advice-of-my-attorney-i-have/657989/39 "2013-05-10T22:43:36Z")
On the advice of my attorney, let’s kill all the lawyers. Oh, wait - that was my playwright. ---
**Author:** ![Spiderman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spiderman/32/230_2.png) [@Spiderman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spiderman)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2013, 10:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/on-the-advice-of-my-attorney-i-have/657989/40 "2013-05-10T22:56:08Z")
> [@Regallag\_The\_Axe](#): > > On the advice of my attorney I have thrown away all my video recording devices. Are you keeping all of the tapes you already made or tossing them, too? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/on-the-advice-of-my-attorney-i-have/657989.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/on-the-advice-of-my-attorney-i-have/657989.md?page=3)