# On the gender politics surrounding fellatio: **URL:** \ **Category:** Great Debates\ **Created:** [December 27, 2002, 7:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/on-the-gender-politics-surrounding-fellatio/145216 "2002-12-27T19:39:57Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Binarydrone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/3da27b/32.png) [@Binarydrone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Binarydrone)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2002, 3:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/on-the-gender-politics-surrounding-fellatio/145216/21 "2002-12-28T03:53:02Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by X~Slayer(ALE) \* > \*\* > > [http://www.ale-pub.com/emoticons/puke3.gif](http://www.ale-pub.com/emoticons/puke3.gif) > > **ack** i really wish we didnt go there… \*\* I am afraid that I will need for you to explain this post; otherwise I will be forced to conclude that you are a straight supremacist. ---
**Author:** ![Stoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/stoid/32/272_2.png) [@Stoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stoid)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2002, 6:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/on-the-gender-politics-surrounding-fellatio/145216/22 "2002-12-28T06:29:06Z")
I am a woman. I am a baby boomer. I am a committed feminist. I suck dick and I love it. That is all. ---
**Author:** ![Eva\_Luna](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/e495f1/32.png) [@Eva\_Luna](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eva_Luna)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2002, 2:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/on-the-gender-politics-surrounding-fellatio/145216/23 "2002-12-28T14:53:06Z")
Another one strongly in Camp #1. And I’m a diehard feminist, dammit. Feminism is supposed to be about giving women the ability to choose for ourselves. And if fellatio is the way I choose to put a shit-eating grin on my (unfortunately hypothetical at the moment) partner’s face, why should anyone get to decide on my behalf that I’m being subjugated? That’s just silly! It makes him happy, it makes me happy, what’s wrong with it? This is all assuming consensuality, of course. If he’s coercing me into it, that’s a whole other story. And it doesn’t mean that I’m an inferior feminist, it just means that he’s an asshole. ---
**Author:** ![hansel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/6bbea6/32.png) [@hansel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hansel)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2002, 3:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/on-the-gender-politics-surrounding-fellatio/145216/24 "2002-12-28T15:17:03Z")
I knew a woman during my university years who’d dated a man who physically forced her to perform fellatio many times, under threat of being beaten up if she didn’t do it (and do it well); he was a thoroughly abusive guy, and she believed him enough from past experience never to try anything like biting. She finally escaped, but now has serious issues with giving oral sex. I’ve been with several women who got really upset with me that I didn’t enjoy receiving it from them. Fellatio has never been a particularly pleasurable thing to me, and their inability to make my climax that way really seemed to upset them, as if it was a slur on their abilities. There was nothing wrong with their skills, it just didn’t do a lot for me. But afterwards, I felt like I’d told them they were bad in bed. They seemed to view it as a talent to be exercised, a skill that marked them as good at sex. So, it seems to me that the act is not inherently degrading to women, but that it is thoroughly steeped in the gender politics of relationships, and probably reflects a lot of what’s going on more generally between a particular couple. ---
**Author:** ![FriarTed](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/friarted/32/1052_2.png) [@FriarTed](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FriarTed)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2002, 3:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/on-the-gender-politics-surrounding-fellatio/145216/25 "2002-12-28T15:23:02Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Dangerosa \* > \*\* It helps if you burn the Dworkin. \*\* My Mom walked in the room when I was burning the Dworkin- I was pretty embarrased. Yeah- it’s an old joke but it’s so darn versatile! _G_ ---
**Author:** ![FriarTed](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/friarted/32/1052_2.png) [@FriarTed](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FriarTed)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2002, 3:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/on-the-gender-politics-surrounding-fellatio/145216/26 "2002-12-28T15:26:37Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by lee \* > \*\*When my husband gets down about his cow-orkers saying he is pussy whipped or teasing him about doing housework, or some such thing, I tell him to tell them that his wife gives good head and she swallows. That, and the pic of me naked in his wallet does an amazing job of shutting them up. He was surprised at how effective this was. It very much can be political. > > I enjoy oral sex, given or received. Swallowing is an aquired taste, but something I wanted to do to please him. Now it is a joy… > > My husband is going quit his job to stay home and care for our child, his choice and mine. In the mean time with his knee and my expanding belly, fellatio is one of the few ways we can easily have sex. I’m glad he likes it and so do I. \*\* Two questions- do you have a sister? you do know that goes straight to the baby, doncha? _G_ewwww! 😉 ---
**Author:** ![tracer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tracer/32/20578_2.png) [@tracer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tracer)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2002, 5:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/on-the-gender-politics-surrounding-fellatio/145216/27 "2002-12-28T17:29:22Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Blalron \* > **Is cunnilingus “servicing” the female phallus (the clitoris)? If so, how is [it] not dem[e]aning like fellatio is supposed to be?** Because during cunnilingus, the woman is just lying there while the man is _above_ her, grasping her thighs as though he’s shackling her. She is at the mercy of what he does and does not do with his tongue, making him the controller. “But hold on! During fellatio, the _man_ is just lying there while the woman is above _him_, and _he’s_ at the mercy of what _she_ does or doesn’t do!” But during fellatio, she’s _servicing_ him, making her into his slave. “Isn’t the man servicing the woman during cunniling–” SHUT UP! YOU’RE OPPRESSING ME! (Ah, isn’t it wonderful how _anything_ can be turned into a symbol of female oppression? 😉 ) ---
**Author:** ![Lamia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/8e7dd6/32.png) [@Lamia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lamia)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2002, 6:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/on-the-gender-politics-surrounding-fellatio/145216/28 "2002-12-28T18:24:54Z")
I don’t think there’s anything inherently political about any sex act, but since we’re all living in a society we all have all kinds of social/gender/political baggage. It may sometimes be difficult for some people to escape from this or to seperate it from their individual situation. In American society in general I think performing oral sex is often treated as an unpleasant, degrading, or even humiliating act. This seems especially true of performing fellatio, and I think this is because it is a view that men have encouraged. Not all men, sure, maybe not even most men, but there is a very vocal group that enjoys saying things like “Shut up, cocksucker!” and “Suck my dick, you bitch!” So guys, the next time you hear someone say something like that, remember – they’re openly promoting the message that performing fellatio is a kind of shameful punishment. If I were a man and I wanted to get more oral sex (and it seems that most men do), I’d try to figure out why so many of my brothers were so keen on making the act seem unpleasant. And then I’d try to figure out a way to get them to knock it off. ---
**Author:** ![robertliguori](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/46a35a/32.png) [@robertliguori](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/robertliguori)\ **Post date:** [December 29, 2002, 12:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/on-the-gender-politics-surrounding-fellatio/145216/29 "2002-12-29T00:20:01Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Stoid \* > \*\*I am a woman. I am a baby boomer. I am a committed feminist. I suck dick and I love it. > > That is all. \*\* So, what are you doing later tonight? ---
**Author:** ![Essured](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/278dde/32.png) [@Essured](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Essured)\ **Post date:** [December 29, 2002, 3:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/on-the-gender-politics-surrounding-fellatio/145216/30 "2002-12-29T03:00:49Z")
**Stoid** and **Eva Luna** pretty much covered my point of view on the matter. I strongly believe in having the freedom to choose (not just for women, for everyone) and I enjoy choosing lots of oral sex, giving and receiving. ---
**Author:** ![Splanky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b2d939/32.png) [@Splanky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Splanky)\ **Post date:** [December 29, 2002, 3:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/on-the-gender-politics-surrounding-fellatio/145216/31 "2002-12-29T03:37:56Z")
I think that so-called feminists who have a problem with felatio aren’t as much feminists as they are men-haters. Yes the two overlap but I have a feeling there are a few sensical feminists (many have posted their thoughts in the thread already). ---
**Author:** ![racosun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/bc79bd/32.png) [@racosun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/racosun)\ **Post date:** [December 29, 2002, 8:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/on-the-gender-politics-surrounding-fellatio/145216/32 "2002-12-29T08:37:57Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Lamia \* > **In American society in general I think performing oral sex is often treated as an unpleasant, degrading, or even humiliating act. This seems especially true of performing fellatio, and I think this is because it is a view that men have encouraged. Not all men, sure, maybe not even most men, but there is a very vocal group that enjoys saying things like “Shut up, cocksucker!” and “Suck my dick, you bitch!” So guys, the next time you hear someone say something like that, remember – they’re openly promoting the message that performing fellatio is a kind of shameful punishment.** I think these insults are used most often by a male to a male. It implies “cocksucking” as a gay trait, and is intended to insult a straight person by referring to them as “gay” or homosexual. Most people I know that use these terms use it in this manner, they don’t call females such names. ---
**Author:** ![tanookie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/48db29/32.png) [@tanookie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tanookie)\ **Post date:** [December 29, 2002, 1:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/on-the-gender-politics-surrounding-fellatio/145216/33 "2002-12-29T13:36:29Z")
previously posted by tracer: * * * ## Because during cunnilingus, the woman is just lying there while the man is above her, grasping her thighs as though he’s shackling her. She is at the mercy of what he does and does not do with his tongue, making him the controller. That’s not the only way to do it 🙂 so tell me what the gender politics are if he’s tied to the bed and she’s kneeling over him making him perform cunnilingus on her? If politics are anywhere near your bedroom your’re doing it wrong. I don’t like the feminist idea that men are evil. I’ve always thought the original idea that feminism was about choice to be a good one except that when I chose to stay home and raise my daughter instead of farming her off to daycare and getting a career I was treated like I had set the movement back 50 years. Despite my stay at home status and the fact that I also swallow I didn’t marry a cave man and am hardly demeaned or dominated. Marriage is about the pairing of equals! ---
**Author:** ![Typo\_Negative](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/typo_negative/32/484_2.png) [@Typo\_Negative](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Typo_Negative)\ **Post date:** [December 29, 2002, 3:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/on-the-gender-politics-surrounding-fellatio/145216/34 "2002-12-29T15:01:15Z")
My love is brilliant, independent feminist. She goes down on me regularly. I don’t demand it of her, I don’t really ask it of her. It seems to get her hot. God, I love that woman. BTW, I go down on her all time, because she likes it, and so do I. Not that you asked. ---
**Author:** ![Lamia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/8e7dd6/32.png) [@Lamia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lamia)\ **Post date:** [December 29, 2002, 3:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/on-the-gender-politics-surrounding-fellatio/145216/35 "2002-12-29T15:20:08Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by racosun \* > \*\*I think these insults are used most often by a male to a male. > \*\* I agree that this is the most common usage, but I’ve heard them applied to women as well – _especially_ things along the lines of “suck my dick!” > [@](#): > > \*\* > It implies “cocksucking” as a gay trait, and is intended to insult a straight person by referring to them as “gay” or homosexual. Most people I know that use these terms use it in this manner, they don’t call females such names. \*\* Even if they don’t, it’s hardly a ringing endorsement of fellatio. Is the average straight woman going to be particularly keen to perform an act if it is associated in her mind primarily with “degrading insult for gay men”? Probably not. Not even if she has no particular ill feelings towards gay men themselves. So again, my suggestion for men of any sexual orientation who want to get more head is that you all do your best to make sure that fellatio has no common negative associations. ---
**Author:** ![lucwarm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e19adc/32.png) [@lucwarm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lucwarm)\ **Post date:** [December 29, 2002, 5:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/on-the-gender-politics-surrounding-fellatio/145216/36 "2002-12-29T17:22:59Z")
Just thought I’d point out that some women feel it’s demeaning and love it for that reason. ---
**Author:** ![RTFirefly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/c77e96/32.png) [@RTFirefly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RTFirefly)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2002, 6:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/on-the-gender-politics-surrounding-fellatio/145216/37 "2002-12-30T18:07:34Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by lucwarm \* > Just thought I’d point out that some women feel it’s demeaning and love it for that reason. Which brings to mind this ancient [_Doonesbury_ strip](http://www.doonesbury.com/strip/dailydose/index.cfm?uc_full_date=19711001&uc_daction=X). 🙂 (Nichole, the one on the right, was the feminist character in _Doonesbury_ back in 1971.) ---
**Author:** ![Homebrew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/c89c15/32.png) [@Homebrew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Homebrew)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2002, 7:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/on-the-gender-politics-surrounding-fellatio/145216/38 "2002-12-30T19:45:51Z")
When did Boopsie have the breast reduction surgery? ---
**Author:** ![plnnr](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/7ea924/32.png) [@plnnr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/plnnr)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2002, 8:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/on-the-gender-politics-surrounding-fellatio/145216/39 "2002-12-30T20:47:30Z")
Debating a blow job. Is nothing sacred? ---
**Author:** ![robertliguori](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/46a35a/32.png) [@robertliguori](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/robertliguori)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2002, 11:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/on-the-gender-politics-surrounding-fellatio/145216/40 "2002-12-30T23:21:54Z")
This is GD. Nothing is sacred. Heh. No one complains about sacredness when we debate religion. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/on-the-gender-politics-surrounding-fellatio/145216.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/on-the-gender-politics-surrounding-fellatio/145216.md?page=3)