Had a great weekend. Bought a brand new bed Saturday - it’s a Simmons California King…Awesome to sleep on! Love it, love it, love it. Basically this entire weekend was spent shopping. Bought lot’s of new things for the house including an obnoxiously huge Kitty Condo for the Attack Siameses. They love it.
I thought we were having a great weekend. Dinner out at a wondrous place - nice ambiance etc…etc… Then we wake up this morning…
We do our usual routine of getting ready, shower etc…etc… Then it happens -
I am getting my shoes on and she is blow drying her hair…I notice she is slightly irritated. I ask her what is going on and she mentions a wont to move back to CT where we are from. :eek:
Anyway - we get into a conversation about our reasons for moving out to AZ. The opportunities, and what not. And she proceeds to get mad at me for - Moving her away from her family! :rolleyes:
We are both adults and we both made the decision jointly. What I don’t understand it the mood swings… She changes her mind like the wind! One minute she is perfectly happy and the next she turns into the Gorgon Queen!
Question - Women - do you change your mind with less or more frequency than your male counterparts? if so why? No matter the subject.
The way it works with me is that I’ll get upset over something, act irrationally, then feel terrible about it later. I almost always end up apologizing if it truly was unreasonable.
I think maybe you should give her some cooling off time and then approach her with it. Don’t play into the argument if you think she’s being irrational. And no, don’t call her an irrational bitch, that won’t help your case.
Come on, you know better than this! Frankly, after spending a fairly nice weekend with Mr2U, I woke up this morning somewhat irritated. I wasn’t irritated with HIM, I was just cranky. Monday, hot today, etc. etc. - and I snapped at him about the coffee. It wasn’t him I was mad at, I was just pissed at life in general. Yes, he called me on it - I pointed out that he had just done the exact same thing to me the previous night (he was being an ass to me over something I had no control over) - face it - life happens and sometimes we aren’t at our best.
Indygrrl is right (as usual :)) - let her cool off, and then just talk about it.
Who, individually, had more to gain by moving to Arizona? It could be she deferred to you to make you happy or because your job opportunities are more important than hers (financially). Maybe she simply never knew how much she’d miss her family (though if that’s the case, it’s not fair of her to blame you for moving her away). There could be lots of reasons.
Or she could just be a bitch (which I doubt from what you’ve said about her in all your other posts).
Unfortunately, I did. And I do genuinely feel bad about it. But we are in a bit of a spot right now…I’m not ready to go full on solo with owning my own business, and she loves her job. One day I’d hope to be bi-coastal…but frankly at 35 that just ain’t gonna happen… I agree I do need to find out what’s going on…Shemisses the salt air/seasons/family etc…etc… I do too, but we’re making great money out here… :smack: Damn why can’t eveything just be easy!
That’s practically an impossible question to answer. Do you mean more frequently than I observe that a male counterpart has changed his mind? Because it’s kind of difficult without being able to read minds to know how frequently it happens. I know I tend to stick stubbornly to decisions I’ve made, personally. I may need time to think through the reasons and discard or at least acknowledge which ones are rationalizations, once I’ve made a decision, but that doesn’t mean I change my mind about major things frequently.
Now, coming to regret a decision after it’s been made is sort of a universal human trait. We all do that sometimes. Certainly if the decision benefits you more than her, it might not be fair but it is not surprising if she’s a bit resentful.
Interesting thread because I’ve been trying to bend my mediocre mind around the subject for some time. The words arent’ mine, nor is the idea… but it’s been expressed to me by two different people who don’t know one another. Both men. Both gay. Both quite rational and intelligent in daily life.
To sum up their take on it… “Women are men’s natural enemy. Period.”
They go into all kinds of examples about why they take this view and one of them is just the kind of thing the OP describes. The other is some riff about a script in their heads that mean are required to follow but do not get to read, much less co-write. I don’t know if this theory comes as part of the gay male manual but at times, I feel like there is some truth in their madness.
I feel for you guys. My wife isn’t like that. In the nine years I’ve known her, I can’t think of a single irrational thing she’s ever done. That’s just one of the reasons why I’m so glad I married her, and not any number of women I’d met in the past, who are pretty much like you describe.
I’m sure I’ll be promptly taken outside and beaten viciously about the head and body but I’ll take my chances. Sooner or later women become their mothers. That’s not to say that they necessarily become alcoholics like their mothers may have been. But one way or another they turn into them nevertheless.
I will probably lose my card for revealing this but, in fact, for some women this is the case. In a lot of ways it comes down to a personality issue – some women have difficulty standing up for themselves, even in a relationship. I have had more than one friend say that it’s hard for her to speak up for what she wants in a relationship. I’m not articulating this very well, but the gist of it is that when you think she’s acting irrationally, it may be because (a) she is irrational; (b) she’s trying to tell you something indirectly that she can’t articulate directly; or (c) you’re a nutjob. Or some combination thereof.
I realize that in man-speak, “tell you something indirectly” is code for “manipulate you,” but that’s not what I mean. Instead, I mean trying to suggest something rather than order it so that she knows that you’re not just there to please her but because that’s where you need/want to be.
Anyway, my two cents, for what it’s worth. The battle of the sexes is interesting when writ large, but when it comes down to one man and one woman, the broad brush likely doesn’t paint a very accurate picture.
Well, by the time that happens, I’ll have Alzheimer’s and it won’t matter. Then again, you don’t know quite how irrational her mother is, and how much it could drive a daughter to be totally different. I mean, my wife was worth leaving Canada for and coming here with nothing but hope and a really great relationship. She is so level-headed and smart and unlike other air-headed women, who, unfortunately are the real thing and not a stereotype. I lucked out.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying that all women are air-headed and irrational, but there are enough of them out there right now, making men miserable, that it isn’t a stereotype and I’m not painting them with a wide brush. Such is the reason for the existence of this thread, huh?