# Once again, my coworkers astound me. **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [August 3, 2005, 7:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/once-again-my-coworkers-astound-me/315457 "2005-08-03T19:09:40Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Syntropy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/65b543/32.png) [@Syntropy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Syntropy)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2005, 7:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/once-again-my-coworkers-astound-me/315457/1 "2005-08-03T19:09:40Z")
This is more openmouthed astonishment than rant, so I’m putting it here. My company and specifically my department make a big deal out of birthdays. It’s pretty nice. Everyone in the department chips in, there’s a cake and lunch and singing. The company pays for the food, the people in the department pay for the gift. There are about 14 people in the department and $10 is the usual donation, so the birthday boy or girl usually ends up with something pretty nice. A Best Buy card or something specific the birthday boy/girl wants. My last birthday raked me a new skillet, a Mario Batali cook book and a set of casserole dishes. I was stoked. So. This next week, we have two birthday girls. I hand M (the lady who collects the money and handles the gift buying once a gift is agreed on)` my $20 donation and say “Any idea what they want?” She tells me “no, but T is getting married in October, maybe we can get something for her trousseau.” I tell her that sounds great, ask her mom (who also works in the department.) Also, L and her husband just bought a new house, maybe something nice for that; a good mixer or a nice pair of 400 thread count sheets. M runs off to email P. Mass email to department from P received not 1/2 hour ago (spelling and grammatical errors included): "Hi Folks, I know T is looking at a pair of diamond earrings that caught her eye. I thought maybe they might be nice. What do you think? Their a little pricy **but she feels a need for them**. Also L Mentioned she needs a vacuum. Her’s broke. She was at Bed Bath and Beyond yesterday looking at one. She said there’s one she really liked but wanted to bet some consumer ratings off the internet before she spent a couple hundred dollars. I know she’d love a gift card towards that. I’d be glad to go pick them both up and get the cards. Let me know what you think…" Bolding mine. More on that in a minute. I remember that I saw some adverts at Sears for some good vacuum cleaners with HEPA filters for under $150 and shoot an email to P advising her of this. Her response? “She was looking at the Phatom? Little pricy she indicated. Around $400.00 plus. Ouch. I’ll pass the word. Thanks Maybe she wants a Sears card too.” I sit there staring at the email, completely stunned. It’s an _office birthday party!_ They’re asking for jewelry and expensive appliances? Good Goddess, people! Y’know, I feel a need for a 2 carat emerald pendant on an 18k gold chain! I’m not going to ask my coworkers for it! We’re talking a donation of around $30 for each birthday girl from each person in the department. Am I wrong to be amazed at the stones these people have? ---
**Author:** ![Hey\_It\_s\_That\_Guy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/6f9a4e/32.png) [@Hey\_It\_s\_That\_Guy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hey_It_s_That_Guy)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2005, 7:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/once-again-my-coworkers-astound-me/315457/2 "2005-08-03T19:17:14Z")
That shows a severe lack of class on the part of the gift-askers, and a severe lack of brains on the part of anyone in your department who capitulates. I can’t conceive of spending big money on expensive birthday gifts for co-workers, as we just sign a card and all go out to eat together with everyone paying for themselves. But wow, the nerve of some people. ---
**Author:** ![Inigo\_Montoya](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/inigo_montoya/32/124_2.png) [@Inigo\_Montoya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inigo_Montoya)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2005, 7:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/once-again-my-coworkers-astound-me/315457/3 "2005-08-03T19:20:03Z")
You’d look good in emeralds. Time to put someone else in charge for a while. Or maybe just hand over the gift cards for $140 each to Sears for the rug-sucker and, I dunno, Sears for the gems as well? Are you sure these folks are asking fr these items per se? Maybe having a joke at M’s expense? Or is the party gal in charge just getting carried away? ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2005, 7:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/once-again-my-coworkers-astound-me/315457/4 "2005-08-03T19:35:52Z")
Next office job I have, I’m giving no money to anything. That adds up damned fast, and I really don’t feel any need or desire to contribute anything to co-workers. And yes, they can certainly leave my name off the gift. I won’t mind at all. ---
**Author:** ![Duke\_of\_Rat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ad7895/32.png) [@Duke\_of\_Rat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Duke_of_Rat)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2005, 7:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/once-again-my-coworkers-astound-me/315457/5 "2005-08-03T19:46:41Z")
Kick in $10 ea and tell the gift askers to make up the difference. Or… Kick in $30 ea, but under protest. Send a memo (without typos) stating that you like the birthday thing, but try to keep it at $10 per person or a gift certificate in that amount and let the birthday person pony up the rest. I agree, stones. ---
**Author:** ![Syntropy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/65b543/32.png) [@Syntropy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Syntropy)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2005, 7:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/once-again-my-coworkers-astound-me/315457/6 "2005-08-03T19:51:20Z")
It _does_ add up. $140/year is no small chunk of change to a lot of people. **Inigo** …well, first off…_blush_…thanks. Second, P is T’s mother. T is a spoiled princess. Sorry, no other word for it. She’s only working til she gets married, has told her fiance he has to work 2 jobs so they can have the wedding she wants (don’t get me started)… on and on. The woman spends $85 on _shampoo_. Am I painting a picture, here? Trust me. She had no problem asking for diamond earrings. ---
**Author:** ![Revtim](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/revtim/32/1042_2.png) [@Revtim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Revtim)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2005, 7:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/once-again-my-coworkers-astound-me/315457/7 "2005-08-03T19:53:57Z")
I like how “she feels a need” for the more expensive items. Well, I’d feel a need to keep the 20 bucks extra and only give 10, not 30 bucks. Then I’d sign the card, “Happy birthday Veruca!” and see if she gets the reference. ---
**Author:** ![Kent\_Clark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kent_clark/32/105_2.png) [@Kent\_Clark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kent_Clark)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2005, 8:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/once-again-my-coworkers-astound-me/315457/8 "2005-08-03T20:10:06Z")
This is totally off top[ic, but I just wanted to mention that the thread immediately above this right now is **Holy crap! I’m pregnant!** – making this the best sequential thread titles of the day. Yeah, your co-workers are jerks. Carry on. ---
**Author:** ![swampbear](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/swampbear/32/467_2.png) [@swampbear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/swampbear)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2005, 8:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/once-again-my-coworkers-astound-me/315457/9 "2005-08-03T20:13:09Z")
We celebrate birthdays once a month. We have cake and ice cream. Everybody who has a bday that month is celebrated on that day. Gifts are no more than $20.00 and mostly in the form of gift cards. So simple that way. I got a $20 gift card to my favorite Italian restaurant. That paired with my getting a free appetizer because it was my birthday made for a nice meal for me and the squeeze. It’s kept simple. Og bless my office! ---
**Author:** ![Zabali\_Clawbane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/ecd19e/32.png) [@Zabali\_Clawbane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zabali_Clawbane)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2005, 8:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/once-again-my-coworkers-astound-me/315457/10 "2005-08-03T20:26:26Z")
Good lord! That’s a form of highway robbery! In essence, mommy dearest is twisting the arms of her fellow workers to get a monty haul for her daughter. That’s just not cool. I’d be sorely tempted to have a word with HR, showing them the e-mails. Please tell me P or T don’t work in HR? (Or are related to someone who works there…) ---
**Author:** ![mhendo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mhendo/32/3159_2.png) [@mhendo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mhendo)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2005, 9:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/once-again-my-coworkers-astound-me/315457/11 "2005-08-03T21:01:22Z")
> [@Maureen](#): > > Am I wrong to be amazed at the stones these people have? In the case of T, it’s not the stones she has, but the stones she wants. 🙂 Seriously, these people are fucking unbelievable. I’d send an email around asking that the donation be kept to $10 as it always is, and that any future attempts at this sort of extortion be expressly forbidden. ---
**Author:** ![UncleBeer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/977dab/32.png) [@UncleBeer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UncleBeer)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2005, 9:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/once-again-my-coworkers-astound-me/315457/12 "2005-08-03T21:31:36Z")
> [@](#): > > I’d send an email around asking that the donation be kept to $10 as it always is . . . And I’d send an e-mail telling them that I’m opting out at the end of the current cycle. What happens if your company suddenly acquires more work - and more workers? ---
**Author:** ![Syntropy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/65b543/32.png) [@Syntropy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Syntropy)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2005, 9:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/once-again-my-coworkers-astound-me/315457/13 "2005-08-03T21:38:34Z")
> [@UncleBeer](#): > > And I’d send an e-mail telling them that I’m opting out at the end of the current cycle. What happens if your company suddenly acquires more work - and more workers? That was such a good question that I just asked. I was told “If we keep growing the way we are now, we’ll drop the pool down to $5.” I suggested **swampbear’s** solution; a set price. That went over pretty well, people seem happy with it. Heh, and now I’m looking for a birthday card with Veruca Salt on it… ---
**Author:** ![DiosaBellissima](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a8b319/32.png) [@DiosaBellissima](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DiosaBellissima)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2005, 9:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/once-again-my-coworkers-astound-me/315457/14 "2005-08-03T21:39:57Z")
I don’t work in a large office environment (just my dad and me. I can demand whatever I want for my birthday…and not get it :)), but your office seems to already go a step farther with birthdays than most do. I would politely reply (in person- your body language/eye contact/ etc will make your point much better than an email) that the request seems pretty unreasonable. $10 to $20 would be a pretty big jump to my cheap ass, but $10-$30 is verging on a huge jump. I don’t spend $30 on some of my best friends :). ---
**Author:** ![gotpasswords](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/c57346/32.png) [@gotpasswords](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gotpasswords)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2005, 9:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/once-again-my-coworkers-astound-me/315457/15 "2005-08-03T21:49:29Z")
> [@Maureen](#): > > The woman spends $85 on _shampoo_. Am I painting a picture, here? Trust me. She had no problem asking for diamond earrings. Just be glad the work “Kirby” isn’t in her vocabulary. But… a Phantom? Find a 1970’s vintage used Hoover upright on the curb, put in a new belt and bag, and that will probably last longer. Around my office, we just have a communal monthly cake that (AFAIK) is bought by the department management. No gifts. ---
**Author:** ![gotpasswords](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/c57346/32.png) [@gotpasswords](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gotpasswords)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2005, 9:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/once-again-my-coworkers-astound-me/315457/16 "2005-08-03T21:50:39Z")
Drat… Be glad the _word_… ---
**Author:** ![lorinada](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/b5e925/32.png) [@lorinada](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lorinada)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2005, 9:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/once-again-my-coworkers-astound-me/315457/17 "2005-08-03T21:55:21Z")
I don’t buy gifts for people that I wouldn’t associate with unless I were forced to. Most coworkers fall in that category. On the occasional happenstance that I make a friend of a coworker, I deliver their present like I do the rest of my friends and family - on our off time. And I purchase what I want, keeping in mind what they want and my budget. But then, I have never bought into the current trend that my coworkers are my “second family”. No, they’re not. The only resemblance to coworkers and family is that I can choose neither. ---
**Author:** ![Ultraviolet](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/c77e96/32.png) [@Ultraviolet](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ultraviolet)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2005, 10:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/once-again-my-coworkers-astound-me/315457/18 "2005-08-03T22:00:09Z")
Where I work, the tradition has always been that **you** have to bring treats for everybody else on your birthday. No gifts or cards either. Actually, it sounds grinchy, but it works out well. ---
**Author:** ![pinkfreud](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pinkfreud/32/17603_2.png) [@pinkfreud](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pinkfreud)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2005, 10:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/once-again-my-coworkers-astound-me/315457/19 "2005-08-03T22:09:32Z")
I feel a little bit sorry for any woman who thinks she has a genuine **need** for diamond earrings. Makes me want to say “Sweetie, you **need** food, water, shelter, love, your health, things like that. Pretty much everything else is optional.” As I have grown older, my perception of my actual needs has changed. That’s probably why I’m happier now than I was thirty years ago. ---
**Author:** ![FairyChatMom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fairychatmom/32/21825_2.png) [@FairyChatMom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FairyChatMom)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2005, 11:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/once-again-my-coworkers-astound-me/315457/20 "2005-08-03T23:01:17Z")
Thankfully, we don’t do any birthday stuff at work. Long ago, I quit doing office gift exchanges and pot lucks and other pseudo social stuff. I like my coworkers OK, but not socially, well, except for a few, maybe. I’d just as soon keep work and fun separate. I will donate towards flowers when someone I know has lost a loved one. I may contribute towards a retirement gift if it’s someone I have a connection with. Otherwise, I’m a cheapskate and a grouch. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/once-again-my-coworkers-astound-me/315457.md?page=2)