# Once more with feeling- TRULY AWFUL JOKES!!!! **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [February 7, 2003, 8:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/once-more-with-feeling-truly-awful-jokes/153551 "2003-02-07T20:26:39Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Weirddave](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/919ad9/32.png) [@Weirddave](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Weirddave)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2003, 8:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/once-more-with-feeling-truly-awful-jokes/153551/1 "2003-02-07T20:26:39Z")
Got a bad joke? You know, one of those tired old groaners that makes your spouse pick up the TV remote-and throw it at you? This is the thread for them! Come one, come all, post your bad jokes here: A guy goes to the Doctor. “Doc, I can’t stop singing ‘The green, green grass of home.’” “That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome.” “Is it common?” “It’s not unusual.” A jumper cable walks into a bar. The barman says “I’ll serve you, but don’t start anything.” Two aerials meet on a roof, fall in love get married. The ceremony wasn’t much but the reception was brilliant. Ba-Dump-Bah! ---
**Author:** ![CrankyAsAnOldMan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/crankyasanoldman/32/11670_2.png) [@CrankyAsAnOldMan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CrankyAsAnOldMan)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2003, 8:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/once-more-with-feeling-truly-awful-jokes/153551/2 "2003-02-07T20:34:04Z")
Why do some snakes have so much trouble with multiplication tables? Because they’re adders! Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! ---
**Author:** ![Rosebud](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/ea666f/32.png) [@Rosebud](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rosebud)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2003, 8:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/once-more-with-feeling-truly-awful-jokes/153551/3 "2003-02-07T20:35:25Z")
Where does Napolean keep his armies? In his SLEEVIES! ---
**Author:** ![Casey1505](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/dc4da7/32.png) [@Casey1505](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Casey1505)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2003, 8:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/once-more-with-feeling-truly-awful-jokes/153551/4 "2003-02-07T20:46:14Z")
This whole thread just goes to show you that you can’t hang a man with a wooden leg!!! ---
**Author:** ![Knowed\_Out](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/knowed_out/32/7380_2.png) [@Knowed\_Out](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Knowed_Out)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2003, 8:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/once-more-with-feeling-truly-awful-jokes/153551/5 "2003-02-07T20:55:44Z")
Get somebody to stretch ou their neck muscles and spell I MET. (I am ET) Get a girl to put her hands on her knees and spell RUN. The ones who takes 5 minutes to finally get it are the funnest. ---
**Author:** ![SteverinoAlaReno](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/eb8c5e/32.png) [@SteverinoAlaReno](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SteverinoAlaReno)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2003, 8:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/once-more-with-feeling-truly-awful-jokes/153551/6 "2003-02-07T20:57:59Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by CrankyAsAnOldMan \* > \*\*Why do some snakes have so much trouble with multiplication tables? > > Because they’re adders! > > Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! \*\* All you have to do is cut down a tree, make a table from the logs, and give it to them. Everyone knows you can multiply by adding on a log table. \ ---
**Author:** ![Morbo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/morbo/32/389_2.png) [@Morbo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Morbo)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2003, 9:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/once-more-with-feeling-truly-awful-jokes/153551/7 "2003-02-07T21:17:07Z")
Have you heard about those new corduroy pillows? They’re really making headlines!! ::Dooku gets pelted with rotten fruit:: ---
**Author:** ![alice\_in\_wonderland](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alice_in_wonderland/32/176_2.png) [@alice\_in\_wonderland](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/alice_in_wonderland)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2003, 9:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/once-more-with-feeling-truly-awful-jokes/153551/8 "2003-02-07T21:19:49Z")
How do you make a Kleenex dance? Blow a little boogie into it. ---
**Author:** ![Eutychus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/a3d4f5/32.png) [@Eutychus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eutychus)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2003, 9:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/once-more-with-feeling-truly-awful-jokes/153551/9 "2003-02-07T21:22:37Z")
What did the maxi-pad say to the fart? _Everybody … all together … sing along …_ “You are the wind beneath my wings …” ---
**Author:** ![twickster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ec9cab/32.png) [@twickster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/twickster)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2003, 9:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/once-more-with-feeling-truly-awful-jokes/153551/10 "2003-02-07T21:30:42Z")
Mushroom is chatting up a beautiful woman, but when he finally asks her out, she says no. He replies, “Why not? I’m a fungi.” ---
**Author:** ![LifeOnWry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/96bed5/32.png) [@LifeOnWry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LifeOnWry)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2003, 9:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/once-more-with-feeling-truly-awful-jokes/153551/11 "2003-02-07T21:31:38Z")
Why are elephants big and grey and wrinkly? Because if they were small and white and smooth, they would be aspirin. ---
**Author:** ![World\_Eater](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/f04885/32.png) [@World\_Eater](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/World_Eater)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2003, 9:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/once-more-with-feeling-truly-awful-jokes/153551/12 "2003-02-07T21:34:26Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Knowed Out \* > \*\*Get somebody to stretch ou their neck muscles and spell I MET. (I am ET) > > Get a girl to put her hands on her knees and spell RUN. The ones who takes 5 minutes to finally get it are the funnest. \*\* I must be an idiot, I don’t get it. ---
**Author:** ![unclviny](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/e274bd/32.png) [@unclviny](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/unclviny)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2003, 9:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/once-more-with-feeling-truly-awful-jokes/153551/13 "2003-02-07T21:35:51Z")
Q. why couldn’t the kids see the new pirate movie? ## A. it was rated aaaaarrrrr!!! Me. knock knock YOU. who’s there ME. interrupting cow YOU. interupt ME. MOO! Thank you, I’ll be here all week, try the veal unclviny ---
**Author:** ![World\_Eater](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/f04885/32.png) [@World\_Eater](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/World_Eater)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2003, 9:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/once-more-with-feeling-truly-awful-jokes/153551/14 "2003-02-07T21:40:28Z")
I get the ET one, not the other. ---
**Author:** ![FairyChatMom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fairychatmom/32/21906_2.png) [@FairyChatMom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FairyChatMom)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2003, 9:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/once-more-with-feeling-truly-awful-jokes/153551/15 "2003-02-07T21:42:00Z")
Why did the elephant wear tennies?? Because nine-ies were too small and eleven-ies were too big. ---
**Author:** ![swampbear](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/swampbear/32/467_2.png) [@swampbear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/swampbear)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2003, 9:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/once-more-with-feeling-truly-awful-jokes/153551/16 "2003-02-07T21:42:08Z")
What makes hair dance? A headband! A doper favorite worth repeating… What’s black and white and green and white and black and smells terrible? Two skunks fighting over a pickle! (this just cracks me up!) ---
**Author:** ![Briminator](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ba9def/32.png) [@Briminator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Briminator)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2003, 9:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/once-more-with-feeling-truly-awful-jokes/153551/17 "2003-02-07T21:42:30Z")
Ok World Eater take a deep breath…picture a girl on her hands and knees going “Are You In” (RUN) over and over…start giggling How do you get a drummer off of your porch? Pay for the pizza ---
**Author:** ![racer72](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/racer72/32/3075_2.png) [@racer72](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/racer72)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2003, 9:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/once-more-with-feeling-truly-awful-jokes/153551/18 "2003-02-07T21:47:47Z")
Why do chicken coupes have 2 doors? If they had 4 doors they would be chicken sedans. How do you keep a moron in suspence? . ---
**Author:** ![Eutychus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/a3d4f5/32.png) [@Eutychus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eutychus)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2003, 9:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/once-more-with-feeling-truly-awful-jokes/153551/19 "2003-02-07T21:48:08Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Briminator \* > \*\*How do you get a drummer off of your porch? > > Pay for the pizza \*\* What the difference between a pizza and a rock and roll drummer? A pizza can feed a family of four. ---
**Author:** ![I\_can\_t\_believe\_that\_s\_butter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/8edcca/32.png) [@I\_can\_t\_believe\_that\_s\_butter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/I_can_t_believe_that_s_butter)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2003, 9:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/once-more-with-feeling-truly-awful-jokes/153551/20 "2003-02-07T21:54:30Z")
Knock, knock. (Who’s there?) Polish burglar. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/once-more-with-feeling-truly-awful-jokes/153551.md?page=2)