# Once more with feeling- TRULY AWFUL JOKES!!!! **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [February 7, 2003, 8:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/once-more-with-feeling-truly-awful-jokes/153551 "2003-02-07T20:26:39Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 10
**Author:** ![Mr.Hand](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c68b51/32.png) [@Mr.Hand](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Hand)\ **Post date:** [March 7, 2003, 3:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/once-more-with-feeling-truly-awful-jokes/153551/181 "2003-03-07T03:26:30Z")
What did the cannibal do after dumping his girlfriend? Wiped his ass and moved on. What’s got two legs and bleeds? Half a dog. ---
**Author:** ![Baker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bb73d2/32.png) [@Baker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Baker)\ **Post date:** [March 7, 2003, 4:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/once-more-with-feeling-truly-awful-jokes/153551/182 "2003-03-07T04:15:08Z")
What kind of toys do psychiatrist’s children play with? Mental blocks! ---
**Author:** ![ScorpioStem](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c4cdca/32.png) [@ScorpioStem](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ScorpioStem)\ **Post date:** [March 7, 2003, 6:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/once-more-with-feeling-truly-awful-jokes/153551/183 "2003-03-07T06:13:17Z")
What do you call a chicken who crosses the street, rolls around in the dirt, and crosses back to the other side? A dirty double crosser! ---
**Author:** ![RawkStah](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/46a35a/32.png) [@RawkStah](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RawkStah)\ **Post date:** [March 7, 2003, 7:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/once-more-with-feeling-truly-awful-jokes/153551/184 "2003-03-07T07:36:19Z")
What’s brown and sits by a piano? Beethoven’s Last Movement How do you make a dead baby float? Take a big mug of root beer and add 2 scoops of dead baby. What’s red and silver and runs into walls? A baby with forks in its eyes. What’s red and falls out of trees? \Monkey miscarriages\ (this one makes ‘dead baby’ fans cringe, for some reason.) What’s the difference between a search for a golf ball and Lady Godiva? The first one is a hunt on a course. Knock-knock. Who’s there? Tuba. Tuba, who? Tuba toothpaste! (this one was hi-larious when I was 3) What’s brown and sits next to a tank? Gomer’s Pile What’s brown and solves mysteries? Scooby’s doo. ---
**Author:** ![Sublight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/439d5e/32.png) [@Sublight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sublight)\ **Post date:** [March 7, 2003, 8:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/once-more-with-feeling-truly-awful-jokes/153551/185 "2003-03-07T08:50:54Z")
How many Harvard boys does it take to screw in a lightbulb? One. He just holds still and the universe revolves around him. How many Harvard girls does it take to screw in a lightbulb? That’s Radcliffe, that’s women, and that’s **not** funny. How can you tell the WASP family at a Chinese restaurant? They’re the ones not sharing. What do you get when you cross a WASP with a gorilla? I don’t know, but it doesn’t want your kind moving in next to _its_ cage. ---
**Author:** ![monica](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/a183cd/32.png) [@monica](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/monica)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2003, 2:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/once-more-with-feeling-truly-awful-jokes/153551/186 "2003-03-08T02:57:09Z")
Seen on a string-cheese wrapper: How do we know bees have televisions? Because they have antennas! That is probably one of the worst, if not _the_ worst, jokes I have _ever_ heard. ---
**Author:** ![NicePete](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/ee7513/32.png) [@NicePete](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NicePete)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2003, 5:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/once-more-with-feeling-truly-awful-jokes/153551/187 "2003-03-08T05:46:33Z")
What did the fish say when it ran into a concrete wall? DAMN! ---
**Author:** ![LowerLip](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/839c29/32.png) [@LowerLip](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LowerLip)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2003, 3:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/once-more-with-feeling-truly-awful-jokes/153551/188 "2003-03-08T15:02:40Z")
What’s red and green and spins at 100 mph? Frog in a blender. ((sorry!!)) BTW: does anyone have a list or a link to the old elephant jokes? Like:‘How do you know that an elephant is in your refrigerator?’ Thanks ---
**Author:** ![twickster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ec9cab/32.png) [@twickster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/twickster)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2003, 3:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/once-more-with-feeling-truly-awful-jokes/153551/189 "2003-03-08T15:06:17Z")
No, but I know the answer – “by the footprints in the cottage cheese.” ---
**Author:** ![LowerLip](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/839c29/32.png) [@LowerLip](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LowerLip)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2003, 3:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/once-more-with-feeling-truly-awful-jokes/153551/190 "2003-03-08T15:13:25Z")
twickster47 ‘by the footprints in the butter’ you can’t see footprints in cottage cheese. It’s too wet! ---
**Author:** ![Richard\_Pearse](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/richard_pearse/32/13144_2.png) [@Richard\_Pearse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Richard_Pearse)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2003, 4:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/once-more-with-feeling-truly-awful-jokes/153551/191 "2003-03-08T16:08:06Z")
**Tasteless Alert** What’s worse than ten babies in one bucket? One baby in ten buckets! (sorry) ---
**Author:** ![AncientHumanoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ancienthumanoid/32/278_2.png) [@AncientHumanoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AncientHumanoid)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2003, 4:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/once-more-with-feeling-truly-awful-jokes/153551/192 "2003-03-08T16:20:15Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Skogcat \* > \*\ ***Tasteless Alert** > > What’s worse than ten babies in one bucket? > > One baby in ten buckets! > > (sorry) \*\* Or, one live baby at the botom trying to eat its way out. ;j ---
**Author:** ![Satisfying\_Andy\_Licious](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/50afbb/32.png) [@Satisfying\_Andy\_Licious](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Satisfying_Andy_Licious)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2003, 3:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/once-more-with-feeling-truly-awful-jokes/153551/193 "2003-03-09T03:10:33Z")
Q: How many Virginians does it take to change a lightbulb? A: Change it? That lightbulb is part of our heritage. ---
**Author:** ![mishaa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/34f0e0/32.png) [@mishaa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mishaa)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2003, 3:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/once-more-with-feeling-truly-awful-jokes/153551/194 "2003-03-09T03:39:02Z")
Umm, sorry, but how does the Spoiler thingie work? All I say is the 1st line of the joke, no punchline. Sorry to be a dumas… ---
**Author:** ![Banger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/8491ac/32.png) [@Banger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Banger)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2003, 4:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/once-more-with-feeling-truly-awful-jokes/153551/195 "2003-03-09T04:55:16Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by LowerLip \* > \*\*BTW: does anyone have a list or a link to the old elephant jokes? > Like:‘How do you know that an elephant is in your refrigerator?’ > > Thanks \*\* I don’t have the link, but I remember reading on these boards somewhere, and this is how I remember it: How do you fit 4 elephants in a Volkswagen? Two in the front seats, one in the back seat, and one in the glove compartment. How do you know that an elephant is in your refrigerator? There is a set of footprints in the butter. How do you know that two elephants are in your refrigerator? There are two sets of footprints in the butter. How do you know that three elephants are in your refrigerator? The refrigerator door won’t close. How do you know that four elephants are in your refrigerator? There is a Volkswagen parked in your driveway. ---
**Author:** ![Roadwalker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e19b73/32.png) [@Roadwalker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Roadwalker)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2003, 5:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/once-more-with-feeling-truly-awful-jokes/153551/196 "2003-03-09T05:10:08Z")
how do you know if an elephan is in your bed? There’s an “E” on his pyjamas ---
**Author:** ![ford\_prefect42](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/8edcca/32.png) [@ford\_prefect42](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ford_prefect42)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2003, 5:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/once-more-with-feeling-truly-awful-jokes/153551/197 "2003-03-09T05:31:32Z")
How many mice does it take to screw in a lightbulb? - Two, but the trick is getting them in there. What has 75 balls and makes old ladies excited? - A bingo machine. Which would you rather be… a bowling ball or a lightbulb? - It depends on whether you want to be fingered or screwed. What do you call 5 dogs with no balls? - The Spice Girls. 😃😉 ---
**Author:** ![Wisp00](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/977dab/32.png) [@Wisp00](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wisp00)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2003, 8:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/once-more-with-feeling-truly-awful-jokes/153551/198 "2003-03-09T08:01:50Z")
What’s black and white and red all over? A Newspaper What’s black and white and red all over? A zebra with a sunburn What’s black and white and goes round and round and round…? A penguin rolling down a hill What’s green and red and goes round and round and round…? A frog in a blender ---
**Author:** ![darksight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/3da27b/32.png) [@darksight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/darksight)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2003, 8:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/once-more-with-feeling-truly-awful-jokes/153551/199 "2003-03-09T08:23:02Z")
Here is a riddle If you are floating down a river and your front tires blows out how many green donuts does it take to make a dog house? No matter what they say you scream WRONG a banana this big ~ Then look at them like they are the village idiot ~ ---
**Author:** ![Michael\_Ellis](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/977dab/32.png) [@Michael\_Ellis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Michael_Ellis)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2003, 8:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/once-more-with-feeling-truly-awful-jokes/153551/200 "2003-03-09T08:27:13Z")
STOOGE: All your base are belong to us. ME: So _you_ stole my subwoofer! (Say it aloud. Base = bass obviously.) [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/once-more-with-feeling-truly-awful-jokes/153551.md?page=9) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/once-more-with-feeling-truly-awful-jokes/153551.md?page=11)