# Once more with feeling- TRULY AWFUL JOKES!!!! **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [February 7, 2003, 8:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/once-more-with-feeling-truly-awful-jokes/153551 "2003-02-07T20:26:39Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 9
**Author:** ![WordMan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/e8c25b/32.png) [@WordMan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WordMan)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2003, 9:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/once-more-with-feeling-truly-awful-jokes/153551/161 "2003-02-12T21:22:31Z")
I always get my 5-yr-old son with this one: Me: “Jake - I have a great Knock Knock joke - wanna hear it?” Him: “Yeah!” Me: “Okay - you start!” Him: “Okay: Knock Knock…” Me: “Who’s there?” Him: \ ?? much laughter ensues * * * Mommy - everyone thinks I am a werewolf! Shut up and comb your face. Mommy - I keep running around in circles! Shut up or I will nail your other foot to the floor. Mommy - what happened to all those scabs on your legs? Shut up and eat your corn flakes. * * * What do you call a man with no arms and no legs rolling around on your BBQ? Frank What’s his sister’s name? Patty What do you call a MWNAANL at the bottom of a hole? Doug Who is on top of him? Phil On your front porch? Matt That you sing to? Mike What do you call a leper in a bathtub? Stew What did the leper say to the hooker? Keep the tip. Why did the leper hockey game have to end? There was a face off in the corner. Thank you! I’m here all week! ---
**Author:** ![pendgwen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/3da27b/32.png) [@pendgwen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pendgwen)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2003, 9:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/once-more-with-feeling-truly-awful-jokes/153551/162 "2003-02-12T21:48:33Z")
Decartes is sitting in a bar having a drink. The bar tender says, “Would you like another?” Descartes answers, “I think not.” And _poof_ he disappears. ---
**Author:** ![Dogzilla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e480ec/32.png) [@Dogzilla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dogzilla)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2003, 9:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/once-more-with-feeling-truly-awful-jokes/153551/163 "2003-02-12T21:54:17Z")
Oh! I’m at the end already. Here’s a few light bulb jokes for ya. Q. How many Grateful Dead fans does it take to change a light bulb? A. 10,501. 1 to change the light bulb, 500 to make bootleg copies of it and 10,000 to follow the original around for 20 years after it’s burned out! Q. How many Graphic Artists does it take to change a light bulb? A. Does it _have_ to be a light bulb? Q. How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb? A. ONE. YA GOTTA A F\*##$\*IN’ PROBLEM WITH THAT? ---
**Author:** ![Dogzilla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e480ec/32.png) [@Dogzilla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dogzilla)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2003, 9:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/once-more-with-feeling-truly-awful-jokes/153551/164 "2003-02-12T21:57:23Z")
Almost forgot! One more: Q. How many Southerners does it take to change a light bulb? A. Four. One to change the bulb and three to sit around and reminisce about the old one for a while. See also: [www.lightbulbjokes.com](http://www.lightbulbjokes.com) ---
**Author:** ![Dogzilla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e480ec/32.png) [@Dogzilla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dogzilla)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2003, 10:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/once-more-with-feeling-truly-awful-jokes/153551/165 "2003-02-12T22:06:28Z")
And one more, just for me. (I promise to stop now.) Q: How many copyeditors does it take to screw in a lightbulb? A: The last time this question was asked, it involved graphic artists. Is the difference intentional? Should one or the other instance be changed? It seems inconsistent. ---
**Author:** ![Colophon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f05b48/32.png) [@Colophon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Colophon)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2003, 11:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/once-more-with-feeling-truly-awful-jokes/153551/166 "2003-02-12T23:39:33Z")
What do you call a man holding a fish? Rod. What do you call a qoman holding lots of fish? Annette. ---
**Author:** ![Colophon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f05b48/32.png) [@Colophon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Colophon)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2003, 11:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/once-more-with-feeling-truly-awful-jokes/153551/167 "2003-02-12T23:40:53Z")
That would be woman, not qoman… :smack: ---
**Author:** ![Bippy\_the\_Beardless](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ac8455/32.png) [@Bippy\_the\_Beardless](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bippy_the_Beardless)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2003, 11:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/once-more-with-feeling-truly-awful-jokes/153551/168 "2003-02-12T23:45:10Z")
What’s Green then Red at the touch of a button? A frog in a blender. Bob “My Hamster died yesterday, so I decided to make a meal out of her. I cut the little sucker up and cooked it with plums, strawberrys and lots of sugar” Rob “Oh what did it taste like?” Bob “Awful, I had to throw it all out in the yard, strange thing was the next day the yard was full of roses!” Rob “Ha, now I know your lying, because you get Tulips from Hamster Jam” ---
**Author:** ![No\_Disguise](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/9f8e36/32.png) [@No\_Disguise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/No_Disguise)\ **Post date:** [March 6, 2003, 12:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/once-more-with-feeling-truly-awful-jokes/153551/169 "2003-03-06T12:16:24Z")
Two penuts were walking down the street. One got assaulted. ---
**Author:** ![swannguy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9de0a6/32.png) [@swannguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/swannguy)\ **Post date:** [March 6, 2003, 3:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/once-more-with-feeling-truly-awful-jokes/153551/170 "2003-03-06T15:17:44Z")
Dear Abby, I’m a 13yo girl and still a virgin…is something wrong with my Dad?? ---
**Author:** ![zorch](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/50afbb/32.png) [@zorch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/zorch)\ **Post date:** [March 6, 2003, 3:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/once-more-with-feeling-truly-awful-jokes/153551/171 "2003-03-06T15:36:07Z")
Little girl: “Mommy, mommy, come quick; the baby fell into the swimming pool!” Mommy: “Don’t make me laugh, my lips are chapped.” ---
**Author:** ![Bippy\_the\_Beardless](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ac8455/32.png) [@Bippy\_the\_Beardless](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bippy_the_Beardless)\ **Post date:** [March 6, 2003, 6:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/once-more-with-feeling-truly-awful-jokes/153551/172 "2003-03-06T18:10:06Z")
You mean I didn’t kill this thread… quickly then another badn’ Q: What is big, green , has six legs and will kill you if it jumps on you from out of a tall tree? A: A snooker table. ---
**Author:** ![MLS](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/919ad9/32.png) [@MLS](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MLS)\ **Post date:** [March 6, 2003, 7:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/once-more-with-feeling-truly-awful-jokes/153551/173 "2003-03-06T19:07:44Z")
Did you hear about the agnostic, dyslexic insommniac? He sat up all night wondering if there really is a doG. ---
**Author:** ![Ludovic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7ab992/32.png) [@Ludovic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ludovic)\ **Post date:** [March 6, 2003, 8:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/once-more-with-feeling-truly-awful-jokes/153551/174 "2003-03-06T20:36:36Z")
Why wouldn’t the clam share? He was a little shellfish. ---
**Author:** ![kung\_fu\_lola](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/f4b2a3/32.png) [@kung\_fu\_lola](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kung_fu_lola)\ **Post date:** [March 6, 2003, 10:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/once-more-with-feeling-truly-awful-jokes/153551/175 "2003-03-06T22:00:40Z")
_ **Dirty joke alert** _ What is the difference between Madonna and a food processor? You can pull your dick out of a food processor. ---
**Author:** ![danceswithcats](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/9e8a1a/32.png) [@danceswithcats](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/danceswithcats)\ **Post date:** [March 7, 2003, 2:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/once-more-with-feeling-truly-awful-jokes/153551/176 "2003-03-07T02:26:06Z")
Q: How can you keep a rooster from crowing on Monday morning? A: Eat him for Sunday dinner. Q: Why did the farmer call his rooster “Robinson?” A: Because he crew so. Q: What bird, found in Australia, has wings but cannot fly? A: A dead bird. Q: What do hippopotamuses have that no other animal has? A: Baby hippopotamuses. Q: What farm animal is a cannibal? A: The cow; she eats her fodder. Q: How do you know that Dentists are unhappy at their work? A: They always look down in the mouth. Q: What is the best thing to take when you’re run down? A: The tag number of the car that hit you. Q: With which hand should you stir your tea? A: You may use either, I prefer to use a spoon. Q: If a man is born in Turkey, grows up in Italy, comes to America, and dies in Chicago, what is he? A: Dead. ---
**Author:** ![Garfield226](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Garfield226](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Garfield226)\ **Post date:** [March 7, 2003, 2:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/once-more-with-feeling-truly-awful-jokes/153551/177 "2003-03-07T02:56:58Z")
A grasshopper walks into a bar. The bartender says, “Hey! We have a drink named after you.” The grasshopper says, “That’s ridiculous. Who would name a drink “Steve””? * * * These two penguins are standing on an iceberg. One looks at the other and says, “You look like you’re wearing a tuxedo.” The second one replies, “Who says I’m not?” ---
**Author:** ![photons4life](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/f07891/32.png) [@photons4life](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/photons4life)\ **Post date:** [March 7, 2003, 3:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/once-more-with-feeling-truly-awful-jokes/153551/178 "2003-03-07T03:14:42Z")
A cannibal passed his brother in the woods. ---
**Author:** ![Flowerchild](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/858c86/32.png) [@Flowerchild](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Flowerchild)\ **Post date:** [March 7, 2003, 3:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/once-more-with-feeling-truly-awful-jokes/153551/179 "2003-03-07T03:16:27Z")
How many indy rockers does it take to screw in a lightbulb? 4, 1 to screw it in, and 3 to sit around thinking how cool the old one was. ---
**Author:** ![Arden\_Ranger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b487fb/32.png) [@Arden\_Ranger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Arden_Ranger)\ **Post date:** [March 7, 2003, 3:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/once-more-with-feeling-truly-awful-jokes/153551/180 "2003-03-07T03:24:24Z")
Why did the chicken cross the road? To show the armadillo it could be done Why did the turtle cross the road? To get to the shell station. What do you call a virgin on a waterbed? A cherry float. Why are jellybeans better than men? Jellybeans come in colors. How many Malkavians does it take to change a lightbulb? Fish. How many social workers does it take to change a lightbulb? One, but the lightbulb has to want to change. How do you make a dog meow? But it in the freezer for three days, lay it across a bandsaw… mmmeeeeoooowwww [okay, that one’s better told aloud] [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/once-more-with-feeling-truly-awful-jokes/153551.md?page=8) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/once-more-with-feeling-truly-awful-jokes/153551.md?page=10)