# Once upon a time, there was a duck. **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [January 31, 2006, 10:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/once-upon-a-time-there-was-a-duck/342424 "2006-01-31T22:43:23Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Inigo\_Montoya](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/inigo_montoya/32/124_2.png) [@Inigo\_Montoya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inigo_Montoya)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2006, 10:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/once-upon-a-time-there-was-a-duck/342424/1 "2006-01-31T22:43:23Z")
But he was no ordinary duck, see? He was a _vampire_ duck. He lived, or rather, _un_-lived in New Orleans and frequently hung out at the Café du Monde munching on beignets and the occasional tourist. ---
**Author:** ![Q.E.D](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/51bf81/32.png) [@Q.E.D](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Q.E.D)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2006, 10:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/once-upon-a-time-there-was-a-duck/342424/2 "2006-01-31T22:44:53Z")
Yeah, but did his qvack echo? ---
**Author:** ![Eleanor\_of\_Aquitaine](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/a88e4f/32.png) [@Eleanor\_of\_Aquitaine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eleanor_of_Aquitaine)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2006, 11:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/once-upon-a-time-there-was-a-duck/342424/3 "2006-01-31T23:24:45Z")
Was he a \*noble \*vampire duck? A good guy? On a mission of redemption? Did he help the hopeless? Was he a vampire duck with a _soul_? ---
**Author:** ![cher3](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/da6949/32.png) [@cher3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cher3)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2006, 11:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/once-upon-a-time-there-was-a-duck/342424/4 "2006-01-31T23:27:38Z")
Or did the duck just suck? ---
**Author:** ![Inigo\_Montoya](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/inigo_montoya/32/124_2.png) [@Inigo\_Montoya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inigo_Montoya)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2006, 11:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/once-upon-a-time-there-was-a-duck/342424/5 "2006-01-31T23:28:53Z")
You tell me. I’ve just given you a blood-sucking duck with a penchant for coffee, pastry and high b.a.c. blood. (It’s kind of a “continue the story” thread.) As for the quack echoing, let’s say “No.” For the same reason a vimpire dude doesn’t have a reflection. ---
**Author:** ![Fish](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/bc8723/32.png) [@Fish](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fish)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2006, 12:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/once-upon-a-time-there-was-a-duck/342424/6 "2006-02-01T00:29:25Z")
The duck lived in a house in New Orleans that they called the Rising Sun. It had been the downfall of many a poor boy, but the duck wasn’t poor — he had quite a nest egg. That’s how he was able to pay his bill. The duck, whose name was the Count Drake de Coy, had had little success finding vampire slaves in New Orleans lately, and finally resorted to taking an advertisement out in the newspaper. One day, in the classifieds, he spied … ---
**Author:** ![Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bosda_di_chi_of_tricor/32/16845_2.png) [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosda_Di_Chi_of_Tricor)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2006, 12:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/once-upon-a-time-there-was-a-duck/342424/7 "2006-02-01T00:58:19Z")
> [@Fish](#): > > The duck, whose name was the Count Drake de Coy, had had little success finding vampire slaves in New Orleans lately, and finally resorted to taking an advertisement out in the newspaper. > > One day, in the classifieds, he spied … .a business for sale. It was a contractor that installed Solar Energy Eqipment and Tanning Beds. He was strangely…_intrigued_… ---
**Author:** ![picunurse](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/7bcc69/32.png) [@picunurse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/picunurse)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2006, 1:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/once-upon-a-time-there-was-a-duck/342424/8 "2006-02-01T01:04:36Z")
For he had a deeply buried death wish, but, well, being already dead, or undead as the case may be, his wish manifest itself as a desire to _see the sun_. Since that wasn’t possible, he decide he would live vicariously through the solar installers. Theu, of course, were not the vampire buddies he’d hoped for. They were instead… ---
**Author:** ![Amazon\_Floozy\_Goddess](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/779978/32.png) [@Amazon\_Floozy\_Goddess](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Amazon_Floozy_Goddess)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2006, 2:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/once-upon-a-time-there-was-a-duck/342424/9 "2006-02-01T02:56:31Z")
Inigo dear, are you feeling all right? I hope you’re not hallucinating, like that time when you thought that guy killed your father. ---
**Author:** ![mrald](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/3da27b/32.png) [@mrald](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mrald)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2006, 3:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/once-upon-a-time-there-was-a-duck/342424/10 "2006-02-01T03:03:48Z")
not quacker but Quakers :eek: ---
**Author:** ![danceswithcats](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/9e8a1a/32.png) [@danceswithcats](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/danceswithcats)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2006, 3:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/once-upon-a-time-there-was-a-duck/342424/11 "2006-02-01T03:09:57Z")
> [@picunurse](#): > > For he had a deeply buried death wish, but, well, being already dead, or undead as the case may be, his wish manifest itself as a desire to _see the sun_. Since that wasn’t possible, he decide he would live vicariously through the solar installers. Theu, of course, were not the vampire buddies he’d hoped for. They were instead… ordinary solar equipment and tanning bed installation guys, with one exception. They fitted their tanning beds with tiny fiber optic cameras, recorded video of the hot babes during their tanning sessions, and sold memberships for their porn site on the internet. One day, as Drake was reviewing the previous day’s video… ---
**Author:** ![Man\_With\_a\_Cat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/cab0a1/32.png) [@Man\_With\_a\_Cat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Man_With_a_Cat)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2006, 4:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/once-upon-a-time-there-was-a-duck/342424/12 "2006-02-01T04:15:37Z")
> [@danceswithcats](#): > > ordinary solar equipment and tanning bed installation guys, with one exception. They fitted their tanning beds with tiny fiber optic cameras, recorded video of the hot babes during their tanning sessions, and sold memberships for their porn site on the internet. One day, as Drake was reviewing the previous day’s video… …he was appalled to see a video of the SDMB’s own **Inigo** , engrossed with a certain un-named british supermodel sharing massive doses of…them fancy pastries I can’t spell!!! The scandal, the shock. And **Inigo** was robbed of his modeling contracts. But the duck lived happily ever after, or at least until it wandered one day into Chinatown, where it met an unfortunate fate concerning L’Orange sauce. ---
**Author:** ![Scott\_Plaid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/258eb7/32.png) [@Scott\_Plaid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scott_Plaid)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2006, 4:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/once-upon-a-time-there-was-a-duck/342424/13 "2006-02-01T04:20:58Z")
I am surprised (and glad) that he was not a Annie Rice-STyle Homosexual duck, who also enjoys engaging in necromancy, as I have heard is popular with our ducky friends. _Munch_ Hey, this is some good Duck L’Orange. Anyone want some? (Hey, wait! What happens when you eat a temporarily dead vampire duck? :eek: ) ---
**Author:** ![Spatial\_Rift\_47](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a8b319/32.png) [@Spatial\_Rift\_47](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spatial_Rift_47)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2006, 9:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/once-upon-a-time-there-was-a-duck/342424/14 "2006-02-01T09:09:22Z")
No no no. This is no good. I want a new duck. One that won’t drive me crazy waddling all around. One who’ll teach me how to swim and help me not to drown, and show me how to get down. How to get down, baby. GET IT? ---
**Author:** ![Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bosda_di_chi_of_tricor/32/16845_2.png) [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosda_Di_Chi_of_Tricor)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2006, 12:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/once-upon-a-time-there-was-a-duck/342424/15 "2006-02-01T12:22:51Z")
> [@Spatial Rift 47](#): > > No no no. This is no good. I want a new duck. One that won’t drive me crazy waddling all around. One who’ll teach me how to swim and help me not to drown, and show me how to get down. How to get down, baby. > GET IT? We got it, we got it. 1985 _was over a long time ago_, pal. But hey! Nice mullet. :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![Mangetout](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mangetout/32/19_2.png) [@Mangetout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangetout)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2006, 12:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/once-upon-a-time-there-was-a-duck/342424/16 "2006-02-01T12:25:39Z")
[Duckula!](http://www.toonhound.com/countduckula.htm) ---
**Author:** ![Inigo\_Montoya](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/inigo_montoya/32/124_2.png) [@Inigo\_Montoya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inigo_Montoya)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2006, 1:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/once-upon-a-time-there-was-a-duck/342424/17 "2006-02-01T13:49:09Z")
> [@Spatial Rift 47](#): > > No no no. This is no good. I want a new duck. One that won’t drive me crazy waddling all around. One who’ll teach me how to swim and help me not to drown, and show me how to get down. How to get down, baby. Heh! Huey Dewey Lewis? Never thought of that before. Very VERY good! OK, since we’ve eaten the poor unfortunate vampire duck, we’ll have to start over. Once upon a time there was a duck. But he was no ordinary duck, see? He was a Rock-n-Rollin duck and he lived in San Francisco… ---
**Author:** ![swampbear](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/swampbear/32/467_2.png) [@swampbear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/swampbear)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2006, 1:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/once-upon-a-time-there-was-a-duck/342424/18 "2006-02-01T13:55:18Z")
which made him a f-_aaaaaa_-bu- **lous** duck. This duck owned one of San Francisco’s most renowned massage parlors located in the heart of the Castro district. One day two of the duck’s best and most frequent customers came in and said… ---
**Author:** ![danceswithcats](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/9e8a1a/32.png) [@danceswithcats](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/danceswithcats)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2006, 2:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/once-upon-a-time-there-was-a-duck/342424/19 "2006-02-01T14:03:01Z")
> [@swampbear](#): > > which made him a f-_aaaaaa_-bu- **lous** duck. This duck owned one of San Francisco’s most renowned massage parlors located in the heart of the Castro district. One day two of the duck’s best and most frequent customers came in and said… _Ohmigod! Did you like know that your quack just like totally doesn’t echo? That is like soooooo not normal, man. Is that like from bad acid, or what???_ ---
**Author:** ![Clothahump](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/51bf81/32.png) [@Clothahump](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Clothahump)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2006, 5:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/once-upon-a-time-there-was-a-duck/342424/20 "2006-02-01T17:29:02Z")
> [@danceswithcats](#): > > _Ohmigod! Did you like know that your quack just like totally doesn’t echo? That is like soooooo not normal, man. Is that like from bad acid, or what???_ Whereupon the duck kicked their butts so hard, his feet went flat. And he yelled, “Some friends you are!! I tell you my deepest, darkest secret and you blab it around town. Assholes!!” “Assholes!” “Assholes!” “Assholes!” The duck froze in awe. From the far walls of Alcatraz, he could hear himself echoing. He crept to the doorway and peeked around the jamb (thereby proving that he was a peeking duck), and said… [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/once-upon-a-time-there-was-a-duck/342424.md?page=2)