# One line reviews for movies you really HATE!! **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [October 21, 2005, 5:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/one-line-reviews-for-movies-you-really-hate/327286 "2005-10-21T17:03:53Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 18\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![kingpengvin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/9dc877/32.png) [@kingpengvin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kingpengvin)\ **Post date:** [October 21, 2005, 5:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/one-line-reviews-for-movies-you-really-hate/327286/1 "2005-10-21T17:03:53Z")
I was just browsing over Rotten Tomatoes reviews of DOOM and was taken by how creative reviewers become when they dislike a movie they are reviewing Samples: > [@](#): > > “Too often Doom is mindless entertainment minus the entertainment.” > > “The only downside is that you can’t use cheat codes to reach the end of the movie.” > > “However low your expectations are for the movie take on the videogame Doom, lower them more” > > “Lacking in anything that could remotely be considered fun, entertaining or enjoyable” > > “The phrase “worse than Super Mario Brothers” should not be tossed around lightly when it comes to feature film adaptations of popular video games” > > “Forget dumb, stupid, loud, and endlessly derivative. I can live with those. But boring? I just didn’t see that one coming.” > > “…having good graphics these days is like bragging that your movie is in color…” So in that spirit can the Dopers come up with clever witty one sentence reviews for films they actually Hate? I leave it to you. Enjoy ---
**Author:** ![Max\_Torque](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e9bcb4/32.png) [@Max\_Torque](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Max_Torque)\ **Post date:** [October 21, 2005, 6:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/one-line-reviews-for-movies-you-really-hate/327286/2 "2005-10-21T18:40:09Z")
A favorite of mine from Roger Ebert: “ **Mad Dog Time** does not improve upon a blank screen viewed for an equal amount of time. It should be cut up to provide free ukulele picks for the poor.” ---
**Author:** ![control-z](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/eada6e/32.png) [@control-z](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/control-z)\ **Post date:** [October 21, 2005, 6:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/one-line-reviews-for-movies-you-really-hate/327286/3 "2005-10-21T18:43:36Z")
I don’t hate _The Wizard of Oz_, but I always liked this one line review: Transported to a surrealistic landscape, a young girl kills the first woman she meets, then teams up with three complete strangers to kill again. ---
**Author:** ![CalMeacham](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/calmeacham/32/35_2.png) [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)\ **Post date:** [October 21, 2005, 6:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/one-line-reviews-for-movies-you-really-hate/327286/4 "2005-10-21T18:48:23Z")
Here – the ultimate collection of **Battlefield Earth** reviews. Enjoy: [http://www.lermanet.com/reference/BatEarthfaq.htm](http://www.lermanet.com/reference/BatEarthfaq.htm) ---
**Author:** ![Enderw24](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ba9def/32.png) [@Enderw24](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enderw24)\ **Post date:** [October 21, 2005, 10:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/one-line-reviews-for-movies-you-really-hate/327286/5 "2005-10-21T22:00:43Z")
I’ve always proposed that the fourth movie in the series should have been called Batman and Robbin’ me of 2 hours of my life. I’m impressed that the #1 movie this week has an 8% rating on rottentomatoes. There have to be some quality one liners in there. ---
**Author:** ![Bippy\_the\_Beardless](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ac8455/32.png) [@Bippy\_the\_Beardless](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bippy_the_Beardless)\ **Post date:** [October 21, 2005, 10:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/one-line-reviews-for-movies-you-really-hate/327286/6 "2005-10-21T22:10:59Z")
Starship trouper bugs the hell out of me. (Paraphraising someone else) Highlander 2, there should have been only one. ---
**Author:** ![vivalostwages](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/d07c76/32.png) [@vivalostwages](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vivalostwages)\ **Post date:** [October 21, 2005, 10:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/one-line-reviews-for-movies-you-really-hate/327286/7 "2005-10-21T22:12:06Z")
**A Sound of Thunder** should have been called **A Sound of Blunder**. ---
**Author:** ![Marlitharn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/779978/32.png) [@Marlitharn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marlitharn)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2005, 12:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/one-line-reviews-for-movies-you-really-hate/327286/8 "2005-10-22T00:39:13Z")
**Deep Impact** : Go, comet, go! ---
**Author:** ![Push\_You\_Down](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/push_you_down/32/9095_2.png) [@Push\_You\_Down](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Push_You_Down)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2005, 12:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/one-line-reviews-for-movies-you-really-hate/327286/9 "2005-10-22T00:45:30Z")
Elizabethtown: What the fuck Cameron Crowe? ---
**Author:** ![soulmurk](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b782af/32.png) [@soulmurk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/soulmurk)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2005, 1:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/one-line-reviews-for-movies-you-really-hate/327286/10 "2005-10-22T01:37:45Z")
Daredevil: Justice is blind because it saw this movie and clawed its own eyes out. ---
**Author:** ![Frostillicus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/e9bcb4/32.png) [@Frostillicus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Frostillicus)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2005, 2:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/one-line-reviews-for-movies-you-really-hate/327286/11 "2005-10-22T02:17:53Z")
I don’t know what film it was , but a few years ago, the Chicago Tribune had several high school students working as film reviewers for the paper. One comment that cracked me up went along the lines of …" I wouldn’t use this film to whip my dog for peeing on the carpet". 😃 ---
**Author:** ![drm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a88e57/32.png) [@drm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drm)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2005, 2:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/one-line-reviews-for-movies-you-really-hate/327286/12 "2005-10-22T02:27:44Z")
**Mona Lisa Smile** : Funny, I didn’t remember this many woman in Dead Poets Society. and the Philadelphia Daily News on The Master of Disguise… > [@](#): > > “It’s the one summer movie you simply can’t afford to see.” and the globe and mail on Swept Away… > [@](#): > > “What Madonna does here can’t properly be called acting – more accurately, it’s moving and it’s talking and it’s occasionally gesturing, sometimes all at once.” and the Philadelphia Enquirer on From Justin to Kelly… > [@](#): > > “[From Justin to Kelly] is basically a more wholesome MTV Dance Party, the musical festivities interrupted every so often to search for a plot.” and lastly the Globe and Mail on Fear Dot Com… > [@](#): > > “The movie’s progression into rambling incoherence gives new meaning to the phrase ‘fatal script error.’” These are a few of my favorites. ---
**Author:** ![Infovore](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/infovore/32/420_2.png) [@Infovore](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Infovore)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2005, 2:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/one-line-reviews-for-movies-you-really-hate/327286/13 "2005-10-22T02:35:53Z")
I didn’t come up with this one (I think it was some online reviewer), but it’s always been a favorite: _Species_: Feces. ---
**Author:** ![Evil\_Captor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/f17d59/32.png) [@Evil\_Captor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Evil_Captor)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2005, 3:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/one-line-reviews-for-movies-you-really-hate/327286/14 "2005-10-22T03:57:01Z")
I like another ebert review from I Hated, Hated, Hated This Movie: “\Lake Placid\ is the sort of movie that forms the basis for long, sad talks between actors and their agents.” My own contribution: To judge from their movies, many Skinamax directors plot out their movies on cocktail napkins that very quickly become illegible blobs. ---
**Author:** ![elfkin477](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/a9a28c/32.png) [@elfkin477](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elfkin477)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2005, 4:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/one-line-reviews-for-movies-you-really-hate/327286/15 "2005-10-22T04:42:05Z")
Here’s my review for **Lost in Translation** This movie was very effective at conveying emotion: the characters were bored throughout, and so was I. ---
**Author:** ![uglybeech](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/82dd89/32.png) [@uglybeech](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/uglybeech)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2005, 7:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/one-line-reviews-for-movies-you-really-hate/327286/16 "2005-10-22T07:37:44Z")
**Forrest Gump** proves that you don’t have to be intelligent to make history. Or movies. **Eyes Wide Shut** offers what only a truly great director could: the most disappointing movie ever. ---
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2005, 7:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/one-line-reviews-for-movies-you-really-hate/327286/17 "2005-10-22T07:46:36Z")
When I told a friend I was about to go see _Hannibal_, he said something like, “Bring a towel to the theater, because once the projector starts, you’ll be covered in shit.” He was right, too. ---
**Author:** ![beckwall](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/b487fb/32.png) [@beckwall](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/beckwall)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2005, 4:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/one-line-reviews-for-movies-you-really-hate/327286/18 "2005-10-22T16:12:35Z")
This is an older movie, maybe early 90s, with Jessica Lange, wherein her husband is killed in some freak accident. **Men Don’t Leave** - Men don’t leave in this movie, but apparently they blow up.