# One Man's Confusing Hatred of Bisexuals **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [February 22, 2004, 9:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/one-mans-confusing-hatred-of-bisexuals/230541 "2004-02-22T21:34:43Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 18\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Saintly\_Loser](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/saintly_loser/32/4045_2.png) [@Saintly\_Loser](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Saintly_Loser)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2004, 2:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/one-mans-confusing-hatred-of-bisexuals/230541/41 "2004-02-24T14:46:20Z")
> [@Silver Serpentine](#): > > 1. Not understanding the difference between “that woman is attractive” and “that woman is attractive _to me_.” Y’know? Woman are “allowed” to think that other women are pretty, but not a lot of guys can say, “Damn, Johnny Depp is a hot guy.” Shit (needed a cuss word, this IS the Pit), I forgot where I was going with this. Maybe people think that if you can find someone attractive aesthetically, you must be finding them attractive in a sexual way. Damn, Johnny Depp _is_ a hot guy, now that you mention it. ---
**Author:** ![Priam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/77aa72/32.png) [@Priam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Priam)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2004, 3:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/one-mans-confusing-hatred-of-bisexuals/230541/42 "2004-02-24T15:56:11Z")
> [@LMM](#): > > Damn, Johnny Depp _is_ a hot guy, now that you mention it. Mmmm… Johnny is my honey. So y’all just back off! ---
**Author:** ![plnnr](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/7ea924/32.png) [@plnnr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/plnnr)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2004, 4:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/one-mans-confusing-hatred-of-bisexuals/230541/43 "2004-02-24T16:40:13Z")
Johnny Depp and I happen to share the same birthday, which has absolutely nothing to do with anything, but there you go. Me? I want to be the filling in a George Clooney/Daisy Fuentes sandwich. I’ll bring the mayo. ---
**Author:** ![Hamadryad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/6de8d8/32.png) [@Hamadryad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hamadryad)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2004, 5:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/one-mans-confusing-hatred-of-bisexuals/230541/44 "2004-02-24T17:14:52Z")
> [@Left Hand of Dorkness](#): > > I guess I tend to think you should be mad at the dumb guys instead of at the straight girls. There are a couple rules of sexuality: > > 1. You don’t force yourself on anyone; and > 2. You respect the choices people make as long as they’re not breaking the first rule. > > The straight girls aren’t breaking either rule. The dumb guys who refuse to accept your relationship with your girlfriend are coming awfully close to breaking the first rule. But by getting pissed off at the straight girls, those “genuine lesbians and bisexuals” are breaking the second rule. > > In some ways, I get the impression that some lesbians and bisexuals attach a certain panache to their sexuality, enjoy how it makes them feel special and edgy. Which is all, in accordance with rule 2, well and good. But when they get mad at straight girls who steal their thunder, debutantes dabbling in dykery, it’s just silly. > > Daniel The “bi when I’m drunk” girls reinforce the stereotype that girls are just ACHING to get it on with each other _and a guy_. A huge - and I mean HUGE, if my experience is like anyone else’s - proportion of guys think “bisexual = will do it with another girl AND ME.” The idea that a bisexual girl wants to be with another girl and **doesn’t want a boy there** is totally alien and baffling to a LOT of men, particularly when they’ve seen otherwise straight women all over each other in bars while trying to ATTRACT the men. I can understand girls liking to kiss other girls in the “party spirit,” I suppose, but you’ve got to see how they can make it a considerable pain in the ass for women who are still bisexual the next day. Frankly, it is a pain in the ass for me personally because I never know who I can approach. ☹ I see women flirting with men AND kissing women, and I just assume that they’re straight. And I’m not big on kissing straight women, because…what’s the point? That’s my little selfish reason for being irritated, though, and no more valid in the grand scheme of things than gay men being irritated at “metrosexual” straight guys. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/left_hand_of_dorkness/32/7156_2.png) [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Left_Hand_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2004, 5:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/one-mans-confusing-hatred-of-bisexuals/230541/45 "2004-02-24T17:20:02Z")
> [@Hamadryad](#): > > That’s my little selfish reason for being irritated, though, and no more valid in the grand scheme of things than gay men being irritated at “metrosexual” straight guys. 😃 Well, as long as you recognize that, it’s all good :). Daniel ---
**Author:** ![sweetfreak](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/958977/32.png) [@sweetfreak](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sweetfreak)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2004, 6:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/one-mans-confusing-hatred-of-bisexuals/230541/46 "2004-02-24T18:59:24Z")
Not all bisexuals are promiscuous. I am 32, bisexual, but have only had 8 partners. I am choosy about who I will sleep with. In other words, I have to care about a person to share my body with them. The only difference between me and a heterosexual or homosexual is that I could be sexually attracted to you whether you were male or female. ---
**Author:** ![plnnr](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/7ea924/32.png) [@plnnr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/plnnr)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2004, 8:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/one-mans-confusing-hatred-of-bisexuals/230541/47 "2004-02-24T20:56:39Z")
As I like to say, “I’m more interested in what’s between your ears than what’s between your legs.” ---
**Author:** ![Go\_You\_Big\_Red\_Fire\_Engine](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/eada6e/32.png) [@Go\_You\_Big\_Red\_Fire\_Engine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Go_You_Big_Red_Fire_Engine)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2004, 9:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/one-mans-confusing-hatred-of-bisexuals/230541/48 "2004-02-24T21:57:20Z")
> [@Left Hand of Dorkness](#): > > There are a couple rules of sexuality: > > 1. You don’t force yourself on anyone; and > 2. You respect the choices people make as long as they’re not breaking the first rule. RULES? RULES? There are no RULES to sexuality… it’s not a game. It’s who you are. But you have an obligation to be true to yourself and not pretend you’re something you’re not. It pisses me off when chicks fake bi, because I don’t know if it’s ok to make a move or not. And guys think I’m doing it to attract them, when I’m obviously not in the “mood” for male companionship. Why don’t these women try attracting men with their PERSONALITY? ---
**Author:** ![Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/left_hand_of_dorkness/32/7156_2.png) [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Left_Hand_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2004, 10:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/one-mans-confusing-hatred-of-bisexuals/230541/49 "2004-02-24T22:16:23Z")
> [@Who Stole My Name?](#): > > RULES? RULES? There are no RULES to sexuality… it’s not a game. It’s who you are. But you have an obligation to be true to yourself and not pretend you’re something you’re not. > It pisses me off when chicks fake bi, because I don’t know if it’s ok to make a move or not. And guys think I’m doing it to attract them, when I’m obviously not in the “mood” for male companionship. Why don’t these women try attracting men with their PERSONALITY? First, of course it’s not a game. It’s a situation where you can behave ethically or unethically. I was suggesting rules for behaving ethically, not game rules, you silly person. As for why women don’t try attracting men with their personality, it’s none of your business why not. They get to be true to themselves, remember? Maybe that wouldn’t be true to themselves. Daniel ---
**Author:** ![Go\_You\_Big\_Red\_Fire\_Engine](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/eada6e/32.png) [@Go\_You\_Big\_Red\_Fire\_Engine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Go_You_Big_Red_Fire_Engine)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2004, 10:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/one-mans-confusing-hatred-of-bisexuals/230541/50 "2004-02-24T22:28:40Z")
> [@Left Hand of Dorkness](#): > > First, of course it’s not a game. It’s a situation where you can behave ethically or unethically. I was suggesting rules for behaving ethically, not game rules, you silly person. > > As for why women don’t try attracting men with their personality, it’s none of your business why not. They get to be true to themselves, remember? Maybe that wouldn’t be true to themselves. > > Daniel There are no “rules” for ethics. I was trying to make you understand by using an everyday situation and comparing it to the situation at hand, which was not suggesting that I was not referring directly that behaving ethically was a game. \ And if you have to pretend you’re something you’re not because its part of your personality, you most likely have a mental disorder. Otherwise, you’re faking it. Either way, get help. ---
**Author:** ![Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/left_hand_of_dorkness/32/7156_2.png) [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Left_Hand_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2004, 10:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/one-mans-confusing-hatred-of-bisexuals/230541/51 "2004-02-24T22:38:00Z")
> [@Who Stole My Name?](#): > > There are no “rules” for ethics. Yes there are. Be nice to people, for example. > [@](#): > > And if you have to pretend you’re something you’re not because its part of your personality, you most likely have a mental disorder. Otherwise, you’re faking it. Either way, get help. Respectfully, you aren’t in the best position to judge what other people should do with their own sexuality. Leave 'em alone: you don’t want people telling you your sexuality is sick, so extend the same courtesy to other people. Daniel ---
**Author:** ![Miller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miller/32/481_2.png) [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2004, 10:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/one-mans-confusing-hatred-of-bisexuals/230541/52 "2004-02-24T22:55:28Z")
> [@Obsidian Flutterby](#): > > lol Fairblue that didn’t click… hey Miller can I use that? Help yourself. > [@plnnr](#): > > As I like to say, “I’m more interested in what’s between your ears than what’s between your legs.” I feel the same way, but everyone I’ve ever been with gets all freaked out when I stick my dick in their ear. > [@Who Stole My Name?](#): > > There are no “rules” for ethics. Of course there are. That’s what “ethics” _means_. An ethical systems with no rules is not an ethical system at all. > [@](#): > > And if you have to pretend you’re something you’re not because its part of your personality, you most likely have a mental disorder. Otherwise, you’re faking it. Either way, get help. What if “who I am” is a straight person who occasionally likes to kiss people of my own gender? How is that less valid than your, or anyone else’s, lifestyle choice? ---
**Author:** ![Go\_You\_Big\_Red\_Fire\_Engine](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/eada6e/32.png) [@Go\_You\_Big\_Red\_Fire\_Engine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Go_You_Big_Red_Fire_Engine)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2004, 11:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/one-mans-confusing-hatred-of-bisexuals/230541/53 "2004-02-24T23:02:44Z")
That’s not a rule. It’s just what most people do. Respectfully, you aren’t in the best position to make up rules about how other people should treat other people. And I said it pissed me off, and I posed the question as to why they don’t try their personality? It’s not their sexuality I am pissed off at, and I never said it was sick. I said that anyone who pretends they are, or is physically inclined to be, something they are not, has a problem. My mom has borderline personality disorder, she’s not who she used to be, she does not always act willfully, she has a problem. This is a physical side I was referring to. ---
**Author:** ![Go\_You\_Big\_Red\_Fire\_Engine](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/eada6e/32.png) [@Go\_You\_Big\_Red\_Fire\_Engine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Go_You_Big_Red_Fire_Engine)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2004, 11:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/one-mans-confusing-hatred-of-bisexuals/230541/54 "2004-02-24T23:06:08Z")
But why are you kissing them? What is kissing to you? Why kiss anyone if it means nothing? It just pisses me off. ---
**Author:** ![Miller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miller/32/481_2.png) [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2004, 11:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/one-mans-confusing-hatred-of-bisexuals/230541/55 "2004-02-24T23:48:14Z")
> [@Who Stole My Name?](#): > > That’s not a rule. It’s just what most people do. > Respectfully, you aren’t in the best position to make up rules about how other people should treat other people. He is as much in a position to tell other people how to act as you are. > [@](#): > > And I said it pissed me off, and I posed the question as to why they don’t try their personality? Who’s to say this isn’t an expression of their personality? > [@](#): > > It’s not their sexuality I am pissed off at, and I never said it was sick. I said that anyone who pretends they are, or is physically inclined to be, something they are not, has a problem. Are you sure that’s what you said? It’s certainly not what I read. I read you calling heterosexual people who don’t act rigidly heterosexual “mentally disordered,” or at the very least, dishonest. This sounds quite a bit like the sort of thing you hear homophobes say about gay people. > [@](#): > > My mom has borderline personality disorder, she’s not who she used to be, she does not always act willfully, she has a problem. This is a physical side I was referring to. Which has what to do with people kissing people they don’t plan to ever have sex with? > [@](#): > > But why are you kissing them? Because it’s fun? > [@](#): > > What is kissing to you? What’s it to _you_? How is it any of your business where I put my lips? > [@](#): > > Why kiss anyone if it means nothing? It’s not meaningless just because it doesn’t have the meaning you think it should. > [@](#): > > It just pisses me off. Why? What’s it to you what other people do with their bodies? Why does that make you angry? What gives you the right to be angry about it in the first place? ---
**Author:** ![Go\_You\_Big\_Red\_Fire\_Engine](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/eada6e/32.png) [@Go\_You\_Big\_Red\_Fire\_Engine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Go_You_Big_Red_Fire_Engine)\ **Post date:** [February 25, 2004, 10:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/one-mans-confusing-hatred-of-bisexuals/230541/56 "2004-02-25T10:54:18Z")
Hey, while we’re hijacking the thread… “This is a physical side I was referring to.” Mental disability… some people can’t help the way they act, I have no problem with this. That was my point. And how would you like it if say you saw a guy/girl kissing someone else, so you tried your luck, and suddenly they’re like, “ewww. Sorry, wrong gender.” It might be just as hard for gay people to find other gay people as it was 80 years ago! I agree with the grey area theory. Some people just like things ordered. Or maybe, he thinks bi’s have something against him… because sometimes, some bi’s just not in the mood for male companionship… maybe he thinks it’s him? ---
**Author:** ![Miller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miller/32/481_2.png) [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)\ **Post date:** [February 26, 2004, 1:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/one-mans-confusing-hatred-of-bisexuals/230541/57 "2004-02-26T01:19:48Z")
> [@Who Stole My Name?](#): > > And how would you like it if say you saw a guy/girl kissing someone else, so you tried your luck, and suddenly they’re like, “ewww. Sorry, wrong gender.” It might be just as hard for gay people to find other gay people as it was 80 years ago! That makes no sense. If I see two people kissing, I generally assume that neither of them is interested in me, because they’re interested in each other. If I see a girl kissing a guy, I don’t think, “Hey, she likes guys, she’ll like me just as much as the guy who just had his tongue in her mouth.” If I see two guys or two girls kissing, I’m going to assume the same thing. I don’t see how this makes dating any harder for you. And if it does, well, that’s your problem, isn’t it? ---
**Author:** ![Go\_You\_Big\_Red\_Fire\_Engine](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/eada6e/32.png) [@Go\_You\_Big\_Red\_Fire\_Engine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Go_You_Big_Red_Fire_Engine)\ **Post date:** [February 26, 2004, 11:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/one-mans-confusing-hatred-of-bisexuals/230541/58 "2004-02-26T23:14:00Z")
You see people around… If you see her go home with one guy one night, you’re gunna try to be the next guy, some other night… not that guy. etc etc. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/one-mans-confusing-hatred-of-bisexuals/230541.md?page=2)