# One million dollars and a time machine. **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [August 29, 2000, 3:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/one-million-dollars-and-a-time-machine/31145 "2000-08-29T03:56:41Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 16\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![MagicalSilverKey](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/8797f3/32.png) [@MagicalSilverKey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MagicalSilverKey)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2000, 3:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/one-million-dollars-and-a-time-machine/31145/1 "2000-08-29T03:56:41Z")
You have one million dollars cash, or in gold boullion if you prefer. You have a time machine. Only rule…Your time machine can not go into the future, beyond the initial moment you first travel thru time. If you left at midnight, August 31, 2000, you would not be able to advance beyond that time. You can only return to that exact time. I would go back and make all kinds of investments, i.e. stocks, etc. Can you say Microsoft, Coca Cola, Walmart. etc? One of my favorite ideas, is buying as many (now classic) automobiles as possible, brand-spanking-new, and store them in a warehouse unscathed, untouched until the present, 2000. Of course many certain and possibly drastic measures would have to be taken to protect and maintain the storage facility and its contents for the many decades they lie in wait. Imagine opening that door to the warehouse, and slipping into the driver seat of a gleaming showroom-new classical virgin automobile from yesteryear, which has not been touched or driven all those years. Ohhhhh, almost sounds better than sex! drooooool… to quote Tim Allen, “RRR\_RRR\_RRR!” ---
**Author:** ![jamshid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ecd19e/32.png) [@jamshid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jamshid)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2000, 4:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/one-million-dollars-and-a-time-machine/31145/2 "2000-08-29T04:13:11Z")
I’d go back and punch Hitler’s mother in the stomach. REALLY HARD. ---
**Author:** ![MagicalSilverKey](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/8797f3/32.png) [@MagicalSilverKey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MagicalSilverKey)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2000, 4:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/one-million-dollars-and-a-time-machine/31145/3 "2000-08-29T04:17:31Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by jamshid \* > \*\*I’d go back and punch Hitler’s mother in the stomach. REALLY HARD. \*\* :::sigh::: this isn’t a “save the world” thread. Try again please. ---
**Author:** ![jamshid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ecd19e/32.png) [@jamshid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jamshid)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2000, 4:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/one-million-dollars-and-a-time-machine/31145/4 "2000-08-29T04:41:41Z")
\>\>sigh\<\< OK, OK… I really can’t think of a thing to do with the money. I’d use a little of it to buy a really good digital camera and a lot of memory cards for said camera, then go back and take pictures of dinosaurs. I’m a bit curious as to what they actually looked like–some of them _ **had** _ to be pretty colorful, but all you get in most depictions is that hideous greenish-gray, or that nasty ochre coloring. Oh, while I’m out spending a bit of cash, it probably wouldn’t hurt to buy something to fend off too-curious dinosaurs with… ---
**Author:** ![plnnr](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/7ea924/32.png) [@plnnr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/plnnr)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2000, 11:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/one-million-dollars-and-a-time-machine/31145/5 "2000-08-29T11:53:33Z")
Take that $1,000,000, go back to its IPO and buy Walmart stock. Even after it went public it languished in the doldrums for a long, long time (IIRC you could still get it for about $10/share a decade after it went public). I’d then come back, cash in, and buy Florida. As far as the automobile fantasy, its been done by a man who New England whose father opened a Ford dealership in the 30s. He set aside one of everything and has them in storage. ---
**Author:** ![KneadToKnow](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kneadtoknow/32/3999_2.png) [@KneadToKnow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KneadToKnow)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2000, 2:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/one-million-dollars-and-a-time-machine/31145/6 "2000-08-29T14:56:29Z")
One million dollars invested at just the right time … let’s say November 1929. I’d own the freaking continent by now. ---
**Author:** ![Jack\_Batty](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jack_batty/32/3201_2.png) [@Jack\_Batty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jack_Batty)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2000, 3:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/one-million-dollars-and-a-time-machine/31145/7 "2000-08-29T15:12:38Z")
I’d sell _you_ the time machine for one billion dollars (you obviously realize the potential), and just live off of that for the rest of my days. I don’t need more than a billion. What, do I look greedy to you? ---
**Author:** ![thinksnow](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thinksnow/32/2849_2.png) [@thinksnow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thinksnow)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2000, 4:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/one-million-dollars-and-a-time-machine/31145/8 "2000-08-29T16:31:41Z")
Since it’s my post, I’m going to say “Yes, you can, go right ahead.” Alrighty then, I like the camera idea, of course the IPO thing is great to, but I think I’d like to have sex with some famous women. Cleopatra comes to mind, Joan of Arc, Jane Mansfield, Eve, Mary Magdeline…you know, someone from every age. I know, some of you are saying to yourself “He couldn’t pull that sort of action!” but think about it, you know the future! You wouldn’t have to do much to be heralded as quite the amazing guy. Hence- \ Thank you very much. ---
**Author:** ![KneadToKnow](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kneadtoknow/32/3999_2.png) [@KneadToKnow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KneadToKnow)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2000, 5:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/one-million-dollars-and-a-time-machine/31145/9 "2000-08-29T17:48:27Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by thinksnow \* > I think I’d like to have sex with some famous women. Cleopatra comes to mind, Joan of Arc, Jane Mansfield, Eve, Mary Magdeline…you know, someone from every age. “Every age” is right, dude. Wasn’t Joan of Arc like 13 when she was burned? ---
**Author:** ![Ptahlis](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/a8b319/32.png) [@Ptahlis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ptahlis)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2000, 6:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/one-million-dollars-and-a-time-machine/31145/10 "2000-08-29T18:25:07Z")
Joan was 18 or 19 when she took up smoking. ---
**Author:** ![KneadToKnow](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kneadtoknow/32/3999_2.png) [@KneadToKnow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KneadToKnow)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2000, 6:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/one-million-dollars-and-a-time-machine/31145/11 "2000-08-29T18:28:15Z")
I stand corrected. I was worried this was turning into one of [these](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=35698) threads. ---
**Author:** ![CalMeacham](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/calmeacham/32/35_2.png) [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2000, 6:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/one-million-dollars-and-a-time-machine/31145/12 "2000-08-29T18:37:59Z")
“Hey! All these bills say ‘series of 1969’! What are you tryin’ ta pull?!?” (1929 man Punches Time Traveler in nose) ---
**Author:** ![thinksnow](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thinksnow/32/2849_2.png) [@thinksnow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thinksnow)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2000, 6:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/one-million-dollars-and-a-time-machine/31145/13 "2000-08-29T18:59:38Z")
Just thought of something else: I’d buy all the land in South Africa where they later found diamonds. Likewise with the gold country in the western USA and the oil fields in the Arab states. How’s that for creative forward thinking? ---
**Author:** ![Duke](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e8c25b/32.png) [@Duke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Duke)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2000, 10:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/one-million-dollars-and-a-time-machine/31145/14 "2000-08-29T22:21:15Z")
I’d go back to 1540’s East Anglia and do a survey of parish Bibles. I’d interview people on what their views on the English Bible were. I’d talk to churchwardens and priests about where and how they purchased the Bible, and what prices they paid for them. I’d even try to ask the Bible translators what they thought of each other’s work. Then I’d come back and write my doctoral dissertation, “Parish, People and the English Bible in East Anglia, 1525-1553,” PROPERLY! ---
**Author:** ![Derleth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b9e5f3/32.png) [@Derleth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Derleth)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2000, 3:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/one-million-dollars-and-a-time-machine/31145/15 "2000-08-30T03:32:12Z")
I’d buy stocks, mainly. But mostly government bonds. You know, until recently government bonds would draw interest forever if nobody cashed them in. Imagine if I had bought about a $1,000 worth of bonds in 1800 and just let them sit 200 years. Even at a relatively low interest rate 200 years is a long time. I mean, I know the US isn’t going to collapse between 1800 and now! Yeah, Standard Oil and Trust stocks would be good as long as I can be there to sell them before the trust was busted. And I’d have to buy Microsoft stocks when they first hit the public markets. Investing in cars is good, but land is much better. I’d jump on $1/acre land in an instant, especially if I knew that land was sitting on the Comstock Lode. Of course, drilling ‘rock oil’ like a madman is always a good idea. In short, I’d become the ultimate venture capitalist. Maybe I’d use my wealth to buy political favors. Hey, there might be a few new names in the list of presidents by the time I’m done. That, or I’d go back to the Middle Ages, buy myself a crown and some land, and end up with my own European world power. Emperor Derleth the Prophet sounds nice. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Typo\_Negative](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/typo_negative/32/484_2.png) [@Typo\_Negative](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Typo_Negative)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2000, 8:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/one-million-dollars-and-a-time-machine/31145/16 "2000-08-30T08:34:55Z")
I would go to Boston in 1910, and buy a controlling interest in the Red Sox. I would keep Babe Ruth in Boston and avoid ‘the curse’ while destoying the Yankees.