One of the most painful discoveries of my life..

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
21

Okay, I’ll spill. A note: After what happened, I have a new theory. Life is a sitcom and a soap opera, alternating every month.

Names changed to protect the identities of the people involved.

Jessica is wonderful. Cute, has my taste in music, intelligent, extremely witty. A writer. And she likes me. I meet her at a party, in which I also meet Alison, a slightly spiteful, but generally respectable person. My head’s in the clouds for a couple of days. After getting to know Jessica for a couple of weeks, I finally muster up the courage to ask her out. She says “No.” My heart sinks momentarily, before she cuts in with “But we could do that next week, I’m free then.”

Euphoria doesn’t begin to describe the feeling. Especially since I’m a skinny dork who’s always just mocked by members of the opposite sex that I become attatched to.

A few days later, I learn that Jessica and Alison (who’s Jess’ best friend) are having a huge fight. I ask Jessica about it.

Within a few hours, I am privy to some very odd secrets. I really don’t know how the group of friends they’re in have managed to stay together this long.

Maybe it’s because Jessica never told Alison one thing: that she and Alison’s boyfriend cheated. At length. And Alison’s boyfriend still has feelings for Jessica, even after Jessica realised that it couldn’t end well, and broke it off.

At this point, my head was spinning. I didn’t know whether to tell Alison, or keep it a secret.

I couldn’t decide, and the time for the date rolled around. Due to an event, however, me and Jessica couldn’t do what was planned, so we moved it up a week. The day after we rescheduled, I smacked some sense into myself.

Gadfly, you’re being dishonest. Your feelings for Jessica don’t change that. Grow the fuck up. Even if Alison hates you. Plenty of fish in the sea, and that sort of thing. Hey, if there’s a first time, there’ll be a second time.

I told Alison the truth. She still hates me. Oh well, gratitude or no gratitude, at least I did the right thing, and can still live with myself.

…Right?

22

You had no business at all sticking your nose into their affairs and ratting someone out.

Nothing you’ve said contains any reason not to date Jessica, unless you are turned off by knowing she’s not a virgin. And if that’s the case, well, you’re wrong about that too.

All in all, I’d say you’ve ruined a potentially good relationship for no reason whatsoever.

23

I’m not sure I would have told. If you really don’t know the group trying to sort them out is really tricky.

Of course if the woman I was interested told me she just broke off an affair with her friends boyfriend I would reconsider dating her.

24

Look. I was trying to be vague to stay honest, but Alison’s boyfriend had been leading her on for about eight months. He’d told her that he loved Alison on several occaisions. I’d also learned some other details. By the end of it, I was pretty disgusted. I was just trying to be a decent human being, alright?

25

I’m confused. You betrayed the trust of the girl you liked and told the one you had no feelings for and you were compelled to do this why? If anyone was wrestling with feelings of dishonesty and needed to tell Alison, wouldn’t it be Jessica?

Did I misread something?

26

Lieu, I thought that me liking someone that I just met was a tad less important than Alison being led on for eight months. Her boyfriend still had feelings for Jessica, too, and was really just keeping up appearances with Alison.

Also, it was pretty obvious that neither Jessica nor boyfriend were going to say a word, and Jessica had told me as much.

27

I also don’t think that you should have told, but that is my morals, not yours.

I would however think twice before dating someone who has an a known history of cheating/lying. But also I would consider this~ she told you the truth. And she was probably hiding the truth from her friend because she loves her in some fashion, and didn’t want to hurt her after she realized that what she was doing was wrong.

28

Jessica is still responsible for her actions. Even if the guy said ‘I Love You’ to her ten thousand times, she still chose to go behind her friends back and become involved with this guy. It takes two to tangle. Now I’m not saying that this is an unforgiveable sin, but since this is recent behaviour on her part I would think twice about dating her.
I think you think the same way and that’s is why you forced the issue with three people you barely know. The three of them were all dishonest with each other. (wel maybe not Allison) but that situation needed to be resolved before you started dating Jessica.

29

You should have stayed out of it.

Although, quite frankly, why would you want to go out with someone who had an affair with her best friend’s boyfriend?

Oh, and I also do not reccomend belly-flopping into the pool-especially while wearing a bikini. Unless you’re going for that big-red-welt-on-your-stomach look.

30

Betraying someone’s trust isn’t exactly the same as “walking away”.

Something tells me this is the reason why females don’t like you.

31

KGS, betraying someone’s trust isn’t exactly the same as being a friend, best or not. Yes, he stirred up a potential shit-storm between the three of them, but two somebodys shoulda kept themselves to themselves! (As my 5th grade teacher used to say.)

Gadfly, congratulations on doing what you felt was the right thing. Yes, it sucks sometimes to bear the brunt of pissed-offed-ness, but “aiding and abetting” a lying and cheating “best” friend would NOT have been a good way to start a relationship. It sure sounds like Jessica was in no hurry to fess up about it. Plus, you can be sure that Alison would’ve found out that you knew and didn’t say anything and hated you more later.

BTW - how old are you?

32

Avarie: Thanks for the kind words. And I usually don’t give away my age on the internet (it’s a policy), but for the sake of courtesy: mid-going-on-later teens.

33

I know you thought you were doing the right (read moral) thing. I believe your interpretation of this being an “altruistic” decision. I agree the fact it might have resulted in Jessica’s departure was of no consequence.

Still, I’m not sure it was your place to tell one friend on another. Difficult situation and muddy options to be sure.

Jessica has some nice qualities. She’s got a great big ugly one as well.

34

So, what you’re saying is you met this girl that you really really like and the first time she opens up to you and tells you something that is a secret and she probably feels bad about and needs someone to talk to that she feels comfortable with, you turn around and betray her trust.

Something tells me that being a skinny dork isn’t what has kept you single up till this point in your life.

Is it messed up to cheat with your best friend’s boyfriend? Sure. Is it any place of yours to butt in and tell them? No.

You were not involved at all. Hell, it was over before you ever met them. You were no one’s friend but Jessica and she was most likely relying on you as someone outside that she could talk to about it and help sort out feelings. You know, someone who’s not involved and can explain things more clearly.

Next time you’ll know that maybe you should just tell Jessica that what she did wasn’t cool and she should tell her friend. It’s up to her to deal with her friends, not you.

35

It was in a discussion. And, yeah, I told her that it wasn’t cool. Her attitude seemed to be “Well, someone will tell her sometime, just not today, and not me.” The way that boyfriend felt towards Jessica, it was going to blow up eventually. I felt that I should probably do something. Yeah, it’s up to her to deal with her friends, but when I note that she decieved her best friend for eight months, and boyfriend is still decieving Alison, I don’t think she’s really dealing with it.

Another note: Alison and boyfriend were about to enter into a long-distance relationship. Alison was losing a lot of sleep, as I understood it, worrying about this guy who had next to no concern for her. So, yeah.

36

Gadfly I’m probably a year or two older than you and have had some situations with all of those elements. You know the whole, none of use do-you’re the one that can decide whether you did the right thing. It’s real easy to get caught up in the drama shit, especially if you aren’t used to being in the center of any of it (again, has happened to me), but try to keep things simple. Just be a nice guy, do what you have to, and everything will be fine soon enough. If not, then you’ll be out of high school in a few years at most and you can forget all about it. I myself was just in the middle of a rumor-fest that i horribly regretting getting into, but seemed to be winding down. Now the two guys who are making the biggest deal out of things are going to be in the group that I’m going with to homecoming. Heh…can’t wait till I graduate in June.

37

Thanks, BlueMit. Heh, I guess I shouldn’t have been so defensive. Also, maybe a less “hug me, I’m an angsty teenager” post would’ve been more appropriate - panning for sympathy is not standard protocol at the SDMB. Heh.

38

IMHO, you did a bad thing, and I am further disappointed that you still don’t get it. You decided to “make” her deal with it, and betrayed a personal confidence in the process. All in matters of personal behavior that didn’t involve you and had happened in the past.

The other mistake you made is taking action on what a single person told you. Who knows what Alison would say about this, or how the boyfreind would respond. No, you took Jessica’s word as Gospel and acted on this. You need to know a lot more than that about these relationships before you should feel any right to intervene.