# "One-Ton Tomato" and other ruined songs **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [August 26, 2006, 9:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/one-ton-tomato-and-other-ruined-songs/370363 "2006-08-26T21:54:35Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Eve](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Eve](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eve)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2006, 9:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/one-ton-tomato-and-other-ruined-songs/370363/1 "2006-08-26T21:54:35Z")
I ws in the Shop-Rite this morning and the PA system was playing “Guantanamera.” Ever since, I have been humming, “One-ton tomato . . . I eat a one-ton tomato . . . One-ton tomaaaaato . . .” Of course, Allan Sherman ruined more songs for me than anyone else. What songs, when you hear them, are you absolutely helpless not to sing the parody or 8th-grade versions of? ---
**Author:** ![jjimm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ba8739/32.png) [@jjimm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jjimm)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2006, 10:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/one-ton-tomato-and-other-ruined-songs/370363/2 "2006-08-26T22:00:49Z")
Wise men say, Only fools rush in. But I… can’t… help… Filling a glove with poo. ---
**Author:** ![freckafree](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/freckafree/32/3050_2.png) [@freckafree](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/freckafree)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2006, 10:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/one-ton-tomato-and-other-ruined-songs/370363/3 "2006-08-26T22:54:20Z")
Yes, praise Allen Sherman! And Weird Al. Looney Tunes killed many, like Brahm’s lullabye: “Go to sleep, go to sleep, close your big bloodshot eyes…” Also… “They asked me how I knew Turtle shit was blue. I of course replied Something deep inside Turtles makes it blue.” “You fill up my sinus Like a night in a haystack…” “In the shade of the old apple tree Was the first time she showed it to me…” Plus some classical music parodies: “This is the symphony that Schubert wrote but did not finish.” And for the finale of Mozart’s Symphony No. 40: “Old Mozart’s in the closet. Let’im out, let’im out, let’im out.” ---
**Author:** ![Hilarity\_N.Suze](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hilarity_n.suze/32/6223_2.png) [@Hilarity\_N.Suze](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hilarity_N.Suze)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2006, 10:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/one-ton-tomato-and-other-ruined-songs/370363/4 "2006-08-26T22:59:52Z")
On top of spaghetti, all covered with cheese I lost my poor meatball, when somebody sneezed… Is there another version, with real words? National City (I think, anyway it’s a Sousa march): “Oh, the monkey wrapped his tail around the flagpole, and hollered fire, and hollered fire …” I read this mystery novel. In the mystery novel a character hears Guantanamera with the following words: “One refereee there’s only one referee Two-oo-oo linesmen But only one referee–ee” …and that got going through my head for days. ---
**Author:** ![Otto](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/bbe5ce/32.png) [@Otto](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Otto)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2006, 11:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/one-ton-tomato-and-other-ruined-songs/370363/5 "2006-08-26T23:21:12Z")
[QUOTE=Hilarity N. Suze] On top of spaghetti, all covered with cheese I lost my poor meatball, when somebody sneezed… Is there another version, with real words? [/QUOTE] [On Top of Old Smoky](http://www.kididdles.com/mouseum/o036.html) ---
**Author:** ![furlibusea](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/aca169/32.png) [@furlibusea](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/furlibusea)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2006, 11:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/one-ton-tomato-and-other-ruined-songs/370363/6 "2006-08-26T23:27:27Z")
Toreadora don’t spit on the floor Use the cuspidora that’s what it’s for… ---
**Author:** ![freckafree](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/freckafree/32/3050_2.png) [@freckafree](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/freckafree)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2006, 11:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/one-ton-tomato-and-other-ruined-songs/370363/7 "2006-08-26T23:34:15Z")
[QUOTE=Hilarity N. Suze] On top of spaghetti, all covered with cheese I lost my poor meatball, when somebody sneezed… Is there another version, with real words? [/QUOTE] That would be “On top of old Smoky, all covered with snow, I lost my true lover, from courtin’ too slow.” Makes as much sense as “On top of spaghetti.” [QUOTE=Hilarity N. Suze] National City (I think, anyway it’s a Sousa march): “Oh, the monkey wrapped his tail around the flagpole, and hollered fire, and hollered fire …” [/QUOTE] AAACK! My mother, Og rest her soul, taught this to me as “Oh, the monkey wrapped his tail around the flagpole, and skinned his asshole…” ---
**Author:** ![Captain\_Carrot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f0a364/32.png) [@Captain\_Carrot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Captain_Carrot)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2006, 11:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/one-ton-tomato-and-other-ruined-songs/370363/8 "2006-08-26T23:36:35Z")
[QUOTE=freckafree] Plus some classical music parodies: “This is the symphony that Schubert wrote but did not finish.” [/QUOTE] No, no, no! It’s:“This is…the symphony…that Schubert never even–” Your version totally defeats the point. ---
**Author:** ![susan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/susan/32/17537_2.png) [@susan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/susan)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2006, 12:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/one-ton-tomato-and-other-ruined-songs/370363/9 "2006-08-27T00:20:20Z")
_My Zelda, she took the money And ran with the tailor!_ (Members of Hadassah!) ---
**Author:** ![Kent\_Clark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kent_clark/32/105_2.png) [@Kent\_Clark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kent_Clark)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2006, 12:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/one-ton-tomato-and-other-ruined-songs/370363/10 "2006-08-27T00:23:02Z")
_Tahhhh-Rahhh-Rah BOOM-de-ay! Have you had sex today? I had some yesterday, That’s why I walk this way._ ---
**Author:** ![freckafree](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/freckafree/32/3050_2.png) [@freckafree](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/freckafree)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2006, 12:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/one-ton-tomato-and-other-ruined-songs/370363/11 "2006-08-27T00:25:04Z")
[QUOTE=Captain Carrot] No, no, no! It’s:“This is…the symphony…that Schubert never even–” Your version totally defeats the point. [/QUOTE] I like your version MUCH better! But how can I get the other one out of my head? ::inserts Q-tip into ear:: Where’s that damn reset button? ---
**Author:** ![Eve](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Eve](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eve)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2006, 12:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/one-ton-tomato-and-other-ruined-songs/370363/12 "2006-08-27T00:26:54Z")
[QUOTE=furlibusea] Toreadora don’t spit on the floor Use the cuspidora that’s what it’s for… [/QUOTE] I am ashamed to admit I have the _Gilligan’s Island_ version of the Toreodor Song programed into me: > [@](#): > > Neither a borrower nor a lender be > Do not forget–stay out of debt. > Think twice and take this good advice from me: > Guard that insolvency! > There’s just one other thing you ought to do: > To thine own self be true! ---
**Author:** ![twickster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ec9cab/32.png) [@twickster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/twickster)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2006, 12:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/one-ton-tomato-and-other-ruined-songs/370363/13 "2006-08-27T00:30:11Z")
“Kill the wabbit, kill the wabbit …” ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2006, 12:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/one-ton-tomato-and-other-ruined-songs/370363/14 "2006-08-27T00:35:01Z")
I used to work with a guy, who was a mariachi guitarist in his spare time, who thought _One ton tomatoes / She had one ton tomatoes…_ was the height of hilarity. Me? I made up my own version: _One ton of mierda Juaquin ate one ton of mierda One ton of mierda Juaquin ate one ton of mierda_ ---
**Author:** ![Kamino\_Neko](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kamino_neko/32/34_2.png) [@Kamino\_Neko](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kamino_Neko)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2006, 12:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/one-ton-tomato-and-other-ruined-songs/370363/15 "2006-08-27T00:46:02Z")
[QUOTE=Eve] I am ashamed to admit I have the _Gilligan’s Island_ version of the Toreodor Song programed into me: [/QUOTE] Same here. Then once the last line finishes, I hear it played on bicycle pump. ---
**Author:** ![parrot\_recipes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/439d5e/32.png) [@parrot\_recipes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/parrot_recipes)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2006, 1:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/one-ton-tomato-and-other-ruined-songs/370363/16 "2006-08-27T01:43:24Z")
Dave Barry wrote about that in his book. I am not sure if he really believed the song wasn’t actually called One Ton Tomato. One never knows when dave is kidding. Dave rocks. ---
**Author:** ![Harmonious\_Discord](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/74df32/32.png) [@Harmonious\_Discord](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Harmonious_Discord)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2006, 2:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/one-ton-tomato-and-other-ruined-songs/370363/17 "2006-08-27T02:03:42Z")
[QUOTE=Eve] I am ashamed to admit I have the _Gilligan’s Island_ version of the Toreodor Song programed into me: [/QUOTE] Me too! I want to slap my self when I start to sing the words. ---
**Author:** ![Caricci](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/85f322/32.png) [@Caricci](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Caricci)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2006, 2:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/one-ton-tomato-and-other-ruined-songs/370363/18 "2006-08-27T02:09:14Z")
[QUOTE=Eve] I am ashamed to admit I have the _Gilligan’s Island_ version of the Toreodor Song programed into me: [/QUOTE] Another reason to be an Eve fan. ---
**Author:** ![Hilarity\_N.Suze](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hilarity_n.suze/32/6223_2.png) [@Hilarity\_N.Suze](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hilarity_N.Suze)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2006, 2:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/one-ton-tomato-and-other-ruined-songs/370363/19 "2006-08-27T02:10:24Z")
Oh well, as far as ruined songs go…my father was a great fan of Spike Jones, so we had a lot of records by Jones and his group, the City Slickers. Great classics like “That Old Black Magic” and “Begin the Beguine” and “The Glowworm.” The Spike Jones version was the first one I heard, and therefore the one true version. Imagine my chagrin when I heard the “straight” versions of these. What, no whistles? Nobody burping as part of the chorus? Bizzzarre. ---
**Author:** ![Thudlow\_Boink](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thudlow_boink/32/320_2.png) [@Thudlow\_Boink](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Thudlow_Boink)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2006, 2:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/one-ton-tomato-and-other-ruined-songs/370363/20 "2006-08-27T02:15:29Z")
[QUOTE=Hilarity N. Suze] National City (I think, anyway it’s a Sousa march) [/QUOTE] Speaking of Sousa, is there anybody nowadays who can hear his Liberty Bell March without anticipating the Monty Python _pplplbth_? [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/one-ton-tomato-and-other-ruined-songs/370363.md?page=2)