# "One-Ton Tomato" and other ruined songs **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [August 26, 2006, 9:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/one-ton-tomato-and-other-ruined-songs/370363 "2006-08-26T21:54:35Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Ferret\_Herder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/e47774/32.png) [@Ferret\_Herder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ferret_Herder)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2006, 2:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/one-ton-tomato-and-other-ruined-songs/370363/21 "2006-08-27T02:44:52Z")
[QUOTE=Eve] I am ashamed to admit I have the _Gilligan’s Island_ version of the Toreodor Song programed into me: [/QUOTE] Hell, I often forget that’s not the original. [QUOTE=Thudlow Boink] Speaking of Sousa, is there anybody nowadays who can hear his Liberty Bell March without anticipating the Monty Python _pplplbth_? [/QUOTE] Count me among those who are unable. I often start snickering when I first hear it start playing. I have problems with a piece from Handel’s Messiah, “All We Like Sheep Have Gone Astray.” When singing it back in high school, our instructor kept encouraging us to make the word “All” less nasal, more “open” or “rounded.” Between that beginning to sound closer to “Oh” and the frequent repetitions of the phrase “All we like sheep” on its own, friends of mine and I would occasionally sing “Oh, we like sheep” and try to make up alternate words for the rest. Only this phrase has stuck in my memory, however. Weird Al pretty much “ruined” the song “Lola” for me; I automatically sing “Yo-yo-yo-yo-yoda” on the chorus. And I heard the parody of the Beastie Boys’ “Girls” via Dr. Demento - “Squirrels” - before I knew there was an original song. I nearly fell out of my chair when I finally heard the original for the first time. > [@](#): > > (Cartoon-style squeaky squirrel voice) > Squirrels! > All we really are is squirrels! > We’re cute and harmless - we are squirrels. ---
**Author:** ![ElvisL1ves](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/5daacb/32.png) [@ElvisL1ves](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ElvisL1ves)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2006, 2:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/one-ton-tomato-and-other-ruined-songs/370363/22 "2006-08-27T02:46:28Z")
[QUOTE=kunilou] _Tahhhh-Rahhh-Rah BOOM-de-ay! Have you had sex today? I had some yesterday, That’s why I walk this way._ [/QUOTE] Tune: “Can Can” _Tahhhh-Rahhh-Rah BOOM-de-ay! They took my clothes away When I was standing there They took my underwear. And now I stare at them, they stare at me And I don’t know what to do._ ---
**Author:** ![furlibusea](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/aca169/32.png) [@furlibusea](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/furlibusea)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2006, 3:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/one-ton-tomato-and-other-ruined-songs/370363/23 "2006-08-27T03:16:54Z")
Another Sousa march… Be kind to your web footed friends for a duck maybe somebodies mo–ther be kind to your friends in the swa—mp for the weather is cold and do—mp ---
**Author:** ![Eve](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Eve](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eve)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2006, 3:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/one-ton-tomato-and-other-ruined-songs/370363/24 "2006-08-27T03:42:14Z")
[QUOTE=Hilarity N. Suze] Oh well, as far as ruined songs go…my father was a great fan of Spike Jones, so we had a lot of records by Jones and his group, the City Slickers. Great classics like “That Old Black Magic” and “Begin the Beguine” and “The Glowworm.” The Spike Jones version was the first one I heard, and therefore the one true version. Imagine my chagrin when I heard the “straight” versions of these. What, no whistles? Nobody burping as part of the chorus? Bizzzarre. [/QUOTE] I had the same problem with [Milt Gross](http://www.bpib.com/gross.htm) . . . We had all his books when I was a kid, so I only knew the Yiddish dialect versions, of, say, Hiawatha: > [@](#): > > On de shurrs from Geetchy Goony, > Stoot a tipee witt a weegwom > Frontage feefty fitt it mashered > Hopen fireplaze—izzy payments > > For one femily a weegwom > In de liss a cluzz “no cheeldren” > Stoot a warning “Hedults honly” The first time I heard the real version, I nearly plotzed. ---
**Author:** ![Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/left_hand_of_dorkness/32/7156_2.png) [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Left_Hand_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2006, 5:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/one-ton-tomato-and-other-ruined-songs/370363/25 "2006-08-27T05:17:53Z")
[QUOTE=furlibusea] Another Sousa march… Be kind to your web footed friends for a duck maybe somebodies mo–ther [/QUOTE] I didn’t know the second two lines to this, so I made up my own: > [@](#): > > …they may quack and eat grass at one end > but they sure shake their ass at the other Daniel ---
**Author:** ![Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/qadgop_the_mercotan/32/83_2.png) [@Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Qadgop_the_Mercotan)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2006, 5:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/one-ton-tomato-and-other-ruined-songs/370363/26 "2006-08-27T05:25:59Z")
I enjoyed Elton John’s **Tiny Dancer** a lot. But now when I hear it, I automatically think: “Hold me closer, Tony Danza Check the head lice on my heinie” ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2006, 5:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/one-ton-tomato-and-other-ruined-songs/370363/27 "2006-08-27T05:36:34Z")
[QUOTE=Qadgop the Mercotan] I enjoyed Elton John’s **Tiny Dancer** a lot. But now when I hear it, I automatically think: “Hold me closer, Tony Danza Check the head lice on my heinie” [/QUOTE] Dammit, I was gonna name the “Tony DAAAAANZA!” line. But I don’t remember the second part. ---
**Author:** ![dropzone](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dropzone/32/7515_2.png) [@dropzone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dropzone)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2006, 6:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/one-ton-tomato-and-other-ruined-songs/370363/28 "2006-08-27T06:00:34Z")
Rabbit of Seville (1950) Elmer Fudd: Ooh, wait 'till I get that wabbit! Bugs Bunny: What would you want with a wabbit? Can’t you see that I’m much sweeter? I’m your little señoriter. You are my type of guy. Let me straighten your tie and I shall dance for you. ---
**Author:** ![Yllaria](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/yllaria/32/3452_2.png) [@Yllaria](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yllaria)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2006, 7:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/one-ton-tomato-and-other-ruined-songs/370363/29 "2006-08-27T07:30:54Z")
Once heard the theme to Gilligan’s Island sung to the tune of Stairway to Heaven. Can’t hear the real version without an overlay of it playing in my head. And all of the Weird Al songs. Especially I Love Rocky Road. Ow! ---
**Author:** ![GIGObuster](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gigobuster/32/421_2.png) [@GIGObuster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GIGObuster)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2006, 7:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/one-ton-tomato-and-other-ruined-songs/370363/30 "2006-08-27T07:56:11Z")
Also because of Weird Al, Greg Kihn Band’s Jeopardy song can only be sung as: \*Don’t know what I was thinkin’ of I guess I just wasn’t too bright Well, I sure hope I do better Next weekend on The Price Is Right, -ight, -ight I lost on Jeopardy, baby (ooooOOOOooooh) I lost on Jeopardy, baby (ooooOOOOooooh) I lost on Jeopardy, baby\* [![]( " - YouTube") ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eJ5bFTldxBY) ---
**Author:** ![11811](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/1/9d8465/32.png) [@11811](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/11811)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2006, 12:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/one-ton-tomato-and-other-ruined-songs/370363/31 "2006-08-27T12:23:08Z")
[QUOTE=Hilarity N. Suze] Oh well, as far as ruined songs go…my father was a great fan of Spike Jones, so we had a lot of records by Jones and his group, the City Slickers. Great classics like “That Old Black Magic” and “Begin the Beguine” and “The Glowworm.” The Spike Jones version was the first one I heard, and therefore the one true version. Imagine my chagrin when I heard the “straight” versions of these. What, no whistles? Nobody burping as part of the chorus? Bizzzarre. [/QUOTE] Honey chile, honey pie, honey doll, honey lamb… I can’t think of “You always hurt the one you love” without the krrrrunch! and the “where are you, you old bat?”! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Rick](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/9f8e36/32.png) [@Rick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rick)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2006, 12:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/one-ton-tomato-and-other-ruined-songs/370363/32 "2006-08-27T12:38:49Z")
[QUOTE=GIGObuster] Also because of Weird Al, Greg Kihn Band’s Jeopardy song can only be sung as: \*Don’t know what I was thinkin’ of I guess I just wasn’t too bright Well, I sure hope I do better Next weekend on The Price Is Right, -ight, -ight I lost on Jeopardy, baby (ooooOOOOooooh) I lost on Jeopardy, baby (ooooOOOOooooh) I lost on Jeopardy, baby\* ![](https://img.youtube.com/vi/eJ5bFTldxBY/maxresdefault.jpg)https://www.youtube.com/embed/eJ5bFTldxBY?feature=oembed&wmode=opaque [/QUOTE] Great, thanks. I just spent the last hour watching Weird Al videos. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Beware\_of\_Doug](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/278dde/32.png) [@Beware\_of\_Doug](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beware_of_Doug)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2006, 2:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/one-ton-tomato-and-other-ruined-songs/370363/33 "2006-08-27T14:49:05Z")
[QUOTE=Hilarity N. Suze] National City (I think, anyway it’s a Sousa march): “Oh, the monkey wrapped his tail around the flagpole, and hollered fire, and hollered fire …” [/QUOTE] _National Emblem_, by [E.E. Bagley](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Edwin_Eugene_Bagley), a noted 19th century trombonist. Jazz players used to quote this for fun; it fits over the solo strain to _Tiger Rag_. ---
**Author:** ![ElvisL1ves](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/5daacb/32.png) [@ElvisL1ves](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ElvisL1ves)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2006, 3:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/one-ton-tomato-and-other-ruined-songs/370363/34 "2006-08-27T15:39:14Z")
“The Irish Washer Woman” always goes _McTavish is dead and his brother don’t know it. His brother is dead and McTavish don’t know it. They’re both of them dead and they’re in the same bed, But neither one knows that the other one’s dead._ ---
**Author:** ![rowrrbazzle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rowrrbazzle/32/414_2.png) [@rowrrbazzle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rowrrbazzle)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2006, 8:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/one-ton-tomato-and-other-ruined-songs/370363/35 "2006-08-27T20:38:05Z")
“When the moon hits your eye Like a big pizza pie That’s glaucoma.” Rather than “Loooooooooove is a maaaaaany spleeeeeeendored thing” “Loooooooooove is a looooooooong and sleeeeeeeender thing”. ---
**Author:** ![doverpro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/838e76/32.png) [@doverpro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/doverpro)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2006, 8:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/one-ton-tomato-and-other-ruined-songs/370363/36 "2006-08-27T20:50:00Z")
_Stranger in the night You’re weird in daytime But you’re stranger in the night_ ---
**Author:** ![LilyoftheValley](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/54ee81/32.png) [@LilyoftheValley](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LilyoftheValley)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2006, 9:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/one-ton-tomato-and-other-ruined-songs/370363/37 "2006-08-27T21:22:40Z")
Every time the ice cream truck comes by playing Turkey in the Straw, I can only hear… _We’ve been using Murphy’s all the time Now the dirt is finished but the finish is fine!_ ---
**Author:** ![aruvqan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aruvqan/32/2891_2.png) [@aruvqan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/aruvqan)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2006, 9:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/one-ton-tomato-and-other-ruined-songs/370363/38 "2006-08-27T21:26:02Z")
Mark me down as another Spike Jones fan[atic]. Hm - That’s Amore If it lives in a reef and it has lots of teeth thats a moray. mrAru wrote a new years midwatch log to the tune of Drunken Sailor about the only thing I can still remember is: What do you do with a sucking chest woundx3 Early in the midwatch Seal it with petrogauze and What do you do with a pneumothoraxx3 Early in the midwatch Call the duty on rotation Almost any Emily Dickenson poem can be sung to The Yellow Rose of Texas La Bamba A friend came up with it, he married a hispanic wife, and she likes the song: What are the words to La Bamba I don’t know, I just don’t know, I have no clue Can someone tell me, please just tell me What are the words to la bamba before i go insane, batshit insane, totally insane ---
**Author:** ![dougie\_monty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@dougie\_monty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dougie_monty)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2006, 9:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/one-ton-tomato-and-other-ruined-songs/370363/39 "2006-08-27T21:33:17Z")
Spike Jones’ version of the “Irish Washerwoman” song: _Oh, the Danube is green as the grass in the spring It’s as green as the dollar you spent on a fling It’s as green as the paint that you put on the screen Itr’s as blue as, the Danube is greener than green._ (Acknowledgment to a Teeming Millionth who clarified the “fling” line for me. 🙂 ) (Sung in an Irish broigue for best effect.) My Dad had his own version of “School Days,” which I have posted on [www.amiright.com](http://www.amiright.com) : _School days, school days, shooting craps and pool days, Chugging-a-lug in the local bar, shooting it up from a hopped-up car; You were my tramp from head to toe, I was your two-bit Romeo; You wrote on my slate “Be careful Joe, or we’ll have a couple of kids.”_ From Chopin’s Polonaise in A major: _Mayonnaise is not as good as Hollandaise, Hollandaise is inferior to Sauce Bearnaise!_ (Acknowledgment to Josefa Heifetz.) From Sex to Sexty: _Would you like to cop a feel in my Merry Oldsmobile?_ (Spoken) “I’d rather get in your Buick–and fuick.” 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Alma](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecd19e/32.png) [@Alma](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alma)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2006, 9:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/one-ton-tomato-and-other-ruined-songs/370363/40 "2006-08-27T21:36:48Z")
I hate to admit it, but “Fur Elise” was ruined for me by, of all things, that stupid McDonald’s commercial I saw a million times when I was a kid. _Oh I wish I were already there Instead of here Playing this song. And I would have a big choc-o-late shake, A cheeseburger And also-whoops-and also fries._ I have the rest of the “lyrics” in my head too, but you get the point. Even when I learned to play the piece when I was in high school, I heard that stupid, stupid song in my head. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/one-ton-tomato-and-other-ruined-songs/370363.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/one-ton-tomato-and-other-ruined-songs/370363.md?page=3)