# "One-Ton Tomato" and other ruined songs **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [August 26, 2006, 9:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/one-ton-tomato-and-other-ruined-songs/370363 "2006-08-26T21:54:35Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![Indyellen](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/indyellen/32/4176_2.png) [@Indyellen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Indyellen)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2006, 11:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/one-ton-tomato-and-other-ruined-songs/370363/81 "2006-08-30T11:33:54Z")
[QUOTE=Eve] I always wanted to hire a jug band, dress up like Minnie Pearl, and sing Emily Dickinson to the tune of Yellow Rose of Texas: I’d call my show “The Cow-Belle of Amherst.” [/QUOTE] Oh, **Eve** - that joke is so bad (and obscure) that it is MAGNIFICENT. 🙂 And for my contribution to the list: _Cthulu loves the little children, All the little children of the world, Whether boiled, baked or fried, With some cole slaw on the side, Cthulu loves the little children of the world._ 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Nutty\_Bunny](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/d07c76/32.png) [@Nutty\_Bunny](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nutty_Bunny)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2006, 3:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/one-ton-tomato-and-other-ruined-songs/370363/82 "2006-08-30T15:24:59Z")
[QUOTE=kunilou] _Tahhhh-Rahhh-Rah BOOM-de-ay! Have you had sex today? I had some yesterday, That’s why I walk this way._ [/QUOTE] My baby has a bouncy chair that plays music and whenever this one comes on, I sing those lyrics to myself (in my head, of course). It feels wrong, but I can’t help it. And Phoebe from _Friends_ ruined “Tiny Dancer” for me. _Hold me closer Tony Danza_ I know someone downthread has probably posted this, since it’s a common one. I’ll read the rest of the thread now. | | | | | Yup. It’s been mentioned. [Tim Gunn]Carry on![T.G.] ---
**Author:** ![Belrix](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ed655f/32.png) [@Belrix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Belrix)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2006, 5:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/one-ton-tomato-and-other-ruined-songs/370363/83 "2006-08-30T17:19:16Z")
[QUOTE=SmartAleq] Actually, this one could very well be a Spike Jones song–it sounds like him, but all I know is that my mom used to sing it to us. _Sunshine… On my choda makes me happy… But a dildo up my ass will make me cry…_ [/QUOTE] Makes me remember: \* Sunshine, on my shoulders makes me sunburned Sunshine, in my eyes will make be blind…\* ---
**Author:** ![Kevbo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e47774/32.png) [@Kevbo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kevbo)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2006, 6:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/one-ton-tomato-and-other-ruined-songs/370363/84 "2006-08-30T18:18:27Z")
Thanks to Wierd Al: Suitcase pokin’ me in the ribs, There’s an ellbow in my ear Smelly old bum standin’t next to me hasn’t showered in a year Another one rides the bus! Another one rides the bus! And I can’t believe no doper has yet mentioned [This Tom Leher classic](http://www.privatehand.com/flash/elements.html) (flash media audio) ---
**Author:** ![Grammaticaster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/ed655f/32.png) [@Grammaticaster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grammaticaster)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2006, 6:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/one-ton-tomato-and-other-ruined-songs/370363/85 "2006-08-30T18:22:50Z")
I did a “music memory” competition in elementary school in which we competed to see who could identify the largest number of classical songs. I will never go to a wedding without singing to myself: “This is the Hornpipe From Water Music by George Fredrick Handel Drip drip drip drop it goes Drip drip drip drop it goes …” et c. ---
**Author:** ![Icarus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/icarus/32/72_2.png) [@Icarus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Icarus)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2006, 11:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/one-ton-tomato-and-other-ruined-songs/370363/86 "2006-08-30T23:05:03Z")
There is a brand new song from Jessica Simpson (?) that I heard as: “And the camels come out for anothe buffet…” ---
**Author:** ![look\_ninjas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/b2d939/32.png) [@look\_ninjas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/look_ninjas)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2006, 11:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/one-ton-tomato-and-other-ruined-songs/370363/87 "2006-08-30T23:15:06Z")
Ever since I watched Priscilla, Queen of the Desert, my preferred version of “Ta-Rah-Rah-Boom-Dee-Ay” is: > [@](#): > > A desert holiday, > Let’s pack the drag away. > You bring the lunch and tea, > I’ll bring the Ecstasy. > Fuck off you silly queer, > I’m getting out of here. > A desert holiday, > hip-hip-hip-hip-hooray! Oh, and I’ve always sung “Tiny Dancer” as “Hold me closer, Tony Danza… You can be the boss toniiiiiiight…” ---
**Author:** ![Eve](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Eve](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eve)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2006, 11:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/one-ton-tomato-and-other-ruined-songs/370363/88 "2006-08-30T23:20:23Z")
[QUOTE=look!ninjas] Ever since I watched Priscilla, Queen of the Desert, my preferred version of “Ta-Rah-Rah-Boom-Dee-Ay” is . . . [/QUOTE] . . . and here’s where I show _my_ age: > [@](#): > > We are the Stonewall girls > We wear our hair in curls > We have no underwear > We show our pubic hair! ---
**Author:** ![dougie\_monty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@dougie\_monty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dougie_monty)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2006, 8:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/one-ton-tomato-and-other-ruined-songs/370363/89 "2006-08-31T08:11:47Z")
When we were kids my older brother had this version of “Ta-Ra-Ra-Boom-Dee-Ay”: Ta-Ra-Ra-Boom-Dee-Ay I gotta pee today. Ta-Ra-Ra-Boom-Dee-Ay I gotta poop today. Ta-Ra-Ra-Boom-Dee-Ay I gotta fart today. Ta-Ra-Ra-Boom-Dee-Ay Oh, what a hectic day! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Ms2001](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ms2001/32/18463_2.png) [@Ms2001](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ms2001)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2006, 8:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/one-ton-tomato-and-other-ruined-songs/370363/90 "2006-08-31T08:43:20Z")
Her name was Leia, she was a princess, with a danish on each ear, and Darth Vader drawing near. So Artoo Detoo, found Ben Kenobi. He’d have to put the Death Star plans, into the Rebellion’s hands. So Luke and Obi-Wan, had to get to Alderaan, so they stopped into Mos Eisley, to have a drink with Han… At the Star Wars, [Star Wars Cantina](http://members.aol.com/manitsas/cantina.html)… ---
**Author:** ![Dr.Rieux](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/aeb1de/32.png) [@Dr.Rieux](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dr.Rieux)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2006, 9:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/one-ton-tomato-and-other-ruined-songs/370363/91 "2006-08-31T09:47:57Z")
The version I learned as a kid: Tah-rah-rah-boom-de-ay I met a boy one day He gave me fifty cents To go behind the fence My mommy was surprised To see my belly rise My daddy jumped for joy I had a baby boy! ---
**Author:** ![Thudlow\_Boink](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thudlow_boink/32/320_2.png) [@Thudlow\_Boink](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Thudlow_Boink)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2006, 4:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/one-ton-tomato-and-other-ruined-songs/370363/92 "2006-08-31T16:01:10Z")
The “John Henry” thread just reminded me of all the songs the Smothers Brothers have ruined for me—songs I can never again hear without thinking about what Tom & Dick did to them. In addition to “The Ballad of John Henry,” they spoiled “I Talk To the Trees” (“Hi there, tree! I know this girl and I like her…” A guy like that would go around talking to fire hydrants. “Hi there, fire hydrant! Just been talking to the tree! You have a lot in common, don’t you?”). And “The Fox.” And “Streets of Laredo” (“If you get an outfit you can be a cowboy too”), among others. ---
**Author:** ![sciurophobic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/cab0a1/32.png) [@sciurophobic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sciurophobic)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2006, 4:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/one-ton-tomato-and-other-ruined-songs/370363/93 "2006-08-31T16:08:13Z")
[QUOTE=Shoshana] _My Zelda, she took the money And ran with the tailor!_ (Members of Hadassah!) [/QUOTE] Momma’s little baby loves matzo, matzo Momma’s little baby loves matzo balls. ---
**Author:** ![Telemark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/telemark/32/372_2.png) [@Telemark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Telemark)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2006, 4:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/one-ton-tomato-and-other-ruined-songs/370363/94 "2006-08-31T16:32:53Z")
[QUOTE=Siege] Thanks, guys. I’m going to have incredibly bad parody songs stuck in my head all day! :eek: Just for that, here’s _The Irish Washerwoman_ turned into the (Ted) Kennedy rag: [/QUOTE] We always sang it like this: Oh your father is dead And your brother is dead And your brother is dead And your brother is dead And Kopeknie is dead And your son has one leg And your mother is old And your wife is a lush Hummmmmmmmm It’s a little out of date now, but still effective. The one I thought of when I saw this thread is also from Looney Tunes: Come into my shop Let me cut your mop Daintily, daintily ---
**Author:** ![St.Urho](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/8e7dd6/32.png) [@St.Urho](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/St.Urho)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2006, 6:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/one-ton-tomato-and-other-ruined-songs/370363/95 "2006-08-31T18:13:53Z")
_syphilis… how did I get syphilis? It started with just a kiss and now it hurts to piss oh how did I get syphilis?_ To the tune of **Yesterday** ---
**Author:** ![Dung\_Beetle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dung_beetle/32/7945_2.png) [@Dung\_Beetle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dung_Beetle)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2006, 6:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/one-ton-tomato-and-other-ruined-songs/370363/96 "2006-08-31T18:28:26Z")
[QUOTE=St. Urho] _syphilis… how did I get syphilis? It started with just a kiss and now it hurts to piss oh how did I get syphilis?_ To the tune of **Yesterday** [/QUOTE] Leprosy…I’m not half the man I used to be All my skin is falling off of me Oh, how did I Get leprosy? ---
**Author:** ![Dung\_Beetle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dung_beetle/32/7945_2.png) [@Dung\_Beetle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dung_Beetle)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2006, 6:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/one-ton-tomato-and-other-ruined-songs/370363/97 "2006-08-31T18:31:59Z")
Whoops, I see **Rubystreak** beat me to it! Okay then, how about a Christmas carol? It’s beginning to look a lot like syphilis… ---
**Author:** ![Chronos](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chronos/32/134_2.png) [@Chronos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chronos)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2006, 10:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/one-ton-tomato-and-other-ruined-songs/370363/98 "2006-08-31T22:30:34Z")
I think it was somewhere on this board that I first saw _Alas, my love, you’ve done me hurt You’ve sewn green sleeves on my purple shirt And, what’s worst of all, You went and made me wear it_ So much for the chance of me ever learning the _real_ words. But then, anything at all can be sung to the tune of Greensleeves. ---
**Author:** ![ryobserver](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/b2d939/32.png) [@ryobserver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ryobserver)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2006, 11:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/one-ton-tomato-and-other-ruined-songs/370363/99 "2006-08-31T23:39:05Z")
[QUOTE=Indyellen] _Cthulu loves the little children, All the little children of the world, Whether boiled, baked or fried, With some cole slaw on the side, Cthulu loves the little children of the world._ 😃 [/QUOTE] Indyellen, if you don’t already have a copy of Darrell Schweitzer’s “The Innsmouth Tabernacle Choir Hymnal”, start looking for one. Get saved for Cthulhu. He likes second helpings… Now my entries: I can top the Dickinson/Yellow Rose business: “The Rime of the Ancient Mariner” scans perfectly to the Gilligan’s Island theme song. There are days when I hate myself for knowing this. And thanks to “Pinky and the Brain”, I cannot hear Sousa’s Semper Fidelis march without hearing the cheese song: Oh, how I love my cheeses Cheese from around the world Cheese is the taste that pleases Cheese from around the world… ---
**Author:** ![mobo85](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b19c9b/32.png) [@mobo85](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mobo85)\ **Post date:** [September 1, 2006, 2:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/one-ton-tomato-and-other-ruined-songs/370363/100 "2006-09-01T02:03:10Z")
[QUOTE=Telemark] Come into my shop Let me cut your mop Daintily, daintily [/QUOTE] Hey you! Don’t look so perplexed Why must you be vexed Can’t you see you’re next? Yes, you’re next, you’re so next… There, you’re nice and clean Although your face looks like it may have gone through a machine Modern Warner Bros. cartoons have ruined some Sousa marches for me. Besides the “Cheese Roll Call” **ryobserve** mentioned, I can’t hear _Manhattan Beach_, without hearing the lyrics from one of the many theme songs for _Steven Spielberg Presents Histeria!_ Now’s the time to watch _Histeria!_, just like people in Bulgaria… [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/one-ton-tomato-and-other-ruined-songs/370363.md?page=4) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/one-ton-tomato-and-other-ruined-songs/370363.md?page=6)