One-word tags to describe your industry: official and unofficial

I worked as a security guard once as well, at a plant where the workers were threatening to strike…

Official: Deterrent
Unofficial: 911-dialer

Programmer

Official: Creator
Unofficial: Kludger

Government

Official: Service
Unofficial: Sausage

(<Sarcasm filter>: It’s basically lips and assholes, nobody wants to see how it really works and how we make it, and we spend lots of time convincing people around the world that our sausage is right for them and that their lives would be a lot better if they’d just try our sausage. Oh, and there’s lots of filler, extenders and preservatives, and if you eat too much you’ll get sick and if you eat it every day you’ll probably wind up with severe health problems. It also comes in all forms, shapes, sizes and colours but is all basically the same stuff with different names.)

Mine are two

Collections

Official: receivables
Unofficial: terrorists

Training

Official: educators
Unofficial: babysitters

Oil Production Equipment

Official: Designer
Unofficial: Buck-passer

Freelance music/media contracting
Officially: Creativity
Unofficially: Whoredom

Teacher in UK scabby comprehensive school

Official: Mentor

Unofficial: Security

Teacher in Hong Kong independent school

Official: Guide

Unofficail: Babysitter

Litigation Lawyer*

Official: Meticulous
Unofficial: Dredger

  • Okay, not my profession, but I went up against them as litigant in person

Lola, I’ve never heard then called independent schools before. ESF? International?

Whoops, yeah, ESF. I tend to think of them all as “big posh schools”, ignorant bogtrotter that I am.

Internet Helpdesk Technician

Official: Support

Unofficial: Babysitting

(No. No, don’t touch that. I need you to do this. No. Not that. You’ll break it. See, now you broke it. I told you not to touch it…)

My sympathies are with you. Must be difficult for a bogtrotter among the Welsh mafia.

Nah.

Official: serious
Unofficial: fun

IAALL

Can’t disagree with that - if one’s pals with the judge.