# Onion News Network: Faster, Harder, Scarier

**URL:** <https://boards.straightdope.com/t/onion-news-network-faster-harder-scarier/397628>\
**Category:** Cafe Society\
**Created:** [March 27, 2007, 1:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/onion-news-network-faster-harder-scarier/397628 "2007-03-27T01:29:19Z")\
**Posts on this page:** 8\
**Page:** 1

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**Author:** ![JonScribe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/3be4f8/32.png) [@JonScribe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JonScribe)\
**Post date:** [March 27, 2007, 1:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/onion-news-network-faster-harder-scarier/397628/1 "2007-03-27T01:29:19Z")

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Watch out, Stewart. On your guard, Colbert. Think fast, Nancy Grace.

It’s the [Onion News Network.](http://www.theonion.com/content/video/onion_news_network_promo)

America’s finest news source comes to the Tele-Vision Machine.

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**Author:** ![EddyTeddyFreddy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eddyteddyfreddy/32/18796_2.png) [@EddyTeddyFreddy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EddyTeddyFreddy)\
**Post date:** [March 27, 2007, 2:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/onion-news-network-faster-harder-scarier/397628/2 "2007-03-27T02:21:04Z")

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Ah-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAA!!!

Oh, God, my sides are hurting! Did you click on the immigration story?

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**Author:** ![Hal\_Briston](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/a9a28c/32.png) [@Hal\_Briston](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hal_Briston)\
**Post date:** [March 27, 2007, 2:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/onion-news-network-faster-harder-scarier/397628/3 "2007-03-27T02:55:47Z")

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Those bastards – they make you have to watch each clip _twice_! Once to hear the main story, and once to read the bottom scroll. Pay to much attention to one, and you’ll definitely miss something on the other.

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**Author:** ![JonScribe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/3be4f8/32.png) [@JonScribe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JonScribe)\
**Post date:** [March 27, 2007, 3:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/onion-news-network-faster-harder-scarier/397628/4 "2007-03-27T03:17:29Z")

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Yeah, and don’t click away after the Dewer’s ad or you’ll miss the bumpers at the end, like “Child labor uprising easily suppressed.”

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**Author:** ![MovieMogul](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f08c70/32.png) [@MovieMogul](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MovieMogul)\
**Post date:** [March 27, 2007, 8:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/onion-news-network-faster-harder-scarier/397628/5 "2007-03-27T20:07:52Z")

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“Condoleezza Rice To Voyage East” was pretty funny, too. Glad to see them taking baby steps in this direction, too. 🙂

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**Author:** ![Trion](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ccd318/32.png) [@Trion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Trion)\
**Post date:** [March 27, 2007, 8:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/onion-news-network-faster-harder-scarier/397628/6 "2007-03-27T20:27:45Z")

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Love the scroll.

“Singer Bjork Diagnosed With Bird Flu”

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**Author:** ![JonScribe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/3be4f8/32.png) [@JonScribe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JonScribe)\
**Post date:** [March 28, 2007, 2:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/onion-news-network-faster-harder-scarier/397628/7 "2007-03-28T02:08:55Z")

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You gotta hope that The Onion is talking with Comedy Central about doing it’s own half-hour show. Play it before “The Daily Show” or after “Colbert.”

Who’s up for ninety minutes of fake news?

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**Author:** ![Moe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/moe/32/2972_2.png) [@Moe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Moe)\
**Post date:** [March 28, 2007, 2:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/onion-news-network-faster-harder-scarier/397628/8 "2007-03-28T02:35:47Z")

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My god those are funny.

“Captured jewel thief regrets sending riddles to police”.

And the debate on sending civil war re-enactors to Iraq was genius.

I’ve subscribed to the podcast. I just hope the onion can keep up the quality in this new medium. (and **Jon** , I’m right there hoping with ya. I would love to see CC keep expanding in the news satire direction).