# Online Dating Experiences **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [November 25, 2012, 4:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/online-dating-experiences/642072 "2012-11-25T16:49:54Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 11
**Author:** ![Idle\_Thoughts](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/838e76/32.png) [@Idle\_Thoughts](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Idle_Thoughts)\ **Post date:** [December 1, 2012, 5:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/online-dating-experiences/642072/201 "2012-12-01T05:59:54Z")
I realize some of the more heated arguments in here have been resolved already, but just a reminder to keep things civil in this forum and ease the heat down a little. ---
**Author:** ![Dr.Colossus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dr.colossus/32/9423_2.png) [@Dr.Colossus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dr.Colossus)\ **Post date:** [December 1, 2012, 6:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/online-dating-experiences/642072/202 "2012-12-01T06:29:58Z")
not everything works for everyone. nothin’ wrong with that. but suggesting the system is bogus and impossible because it may not have worked out for an individual, esp in light of the statistics, well…i dunno. that’s _attitude_. not evaluation. the thing about online dating is that it’s nothing more than a way to realize someone exists. anything meaningful comes in real life, tho elements of online connections allow legitimate growth as well. so, for example, let’s take MOL’s “last straw” date– she contrived a idea of how he’d be in person based on his online conversations–which she liked-- but he was bashful. she realized a guy _existed_, was interested enough to meet him after (however many) conversations, then went “eeeeh, no” after getting a brief (but, apparently conclusive, she believed) example of his \*real \*persona. from this experience she then \*incorrectly \*concluded “ONLINE DATING IS BUNK.” but misapprehending first or second or fifth impression of someone, through any form of interaction–then realizing at some point they aren’t what you want–all that is just part of DATING AT ALL. nothing about that is specific to “online dating,” just dating in general. so forming an attitude about “online” from that experience is just a mis-attribution. that could happen from any method of meeting someone (and does). it’s happened to me in real life. i met a girl at work one night who was clever and funny and made me dizzy with infatuation. but the more i was around her, the more i realized all those sparkling attributes were anomalous. she was actually kind of crass and really didn’t engage in stimulating conversations as often as i thought she would. do i thus conclude meeting people in real life is a terrible dating system? of course not. that’s silly. this is the human experience. it’s kind of part of the deal. it takes more than a minute to really get the gist of someone–and really only then you’re compartmentalizing them. see, to me, when someone says they met someone who was attractive physically in person and really fun to chat with online, but that they were really sheepish in person, that sounds to me like this person has something to offer and you SPOTTED IT. people who are interesting and funny online _are interesting and funny people_. it’s not like they fake it online. yes, some people are shy in person, but that’s just a simple matter of momentum. they will open up, and they will feel a connection with you when they do, and then you will see how funny and interesting they really are. it’s called _bonding_. and it’s not instantaneous. i get in a big group and i barely talk. or if i meet someone new and they don’t carry a fractional load of the conversation, i clam up. sometimes people aren’t socially awkward themself–sometimes the other person might just be sucking the air out of the conversation, leaving them little to go on. the interaction slows to a crawl. that awkward silence creeps in. _crickets chirp_ but it takes more than one interaction to learn, to open up, to get comfortable, _to learn how to even talk to each other_. i cannot talk to my mom in the same conversational cadence as i can my best friend, nor can i talk to him with the same flow as i do my favorite human. it takes a little actual interaction to learn this stuff. it took a long time to sort out how best to speak to some people i know, people whom i now enjoy massively. …people whom would have been easy to bail out on because of slow-starting interactions. but when you meet someone online who is clearly funny and clever, it might just be worth investing a few more hangouts to see if you can learn each others’ language. bailing out because it wasn’t _hand: meet glove_ the first time really has no bearing on how successful the relationship \*could \*be. and vice-versa. just because you meet someone and have electric chemistry the first one or five times you hang out doesn’t mean you have a meaningful connection. it could just peter out. people are complex. it takes a modicum of effort sometimes. and sometimes, it’s just worth it. ---
**Author:** ![Fuzzy\_Dunlop](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/848f3c/32.png) [@Fuzzy\_Dunlop](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fuzzy_Dunlop)\ **Post date:** [December 1, 2012, 5:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/online-dating-experiences/642072/203 "2012-12-01T17:01:41Z")
> [@Loach](#): > > \*\*To go up to a total stranger and make a good impression is a skill set that many do not have. \*\*You can go to bars every night and never hook up. If you don’t have the looks you better have the game and its not possible to learn most of that. Women in bars are usually with dates. If they are with friends they might just be out to relax and are unavailable. And I have been out with female friends and I have seen the disdain they have for guys who try to pick them up or send them drinks. At least online you know they are looking for someone. But **even sven** ’s position was that people who really enjoy being social will be more likely to meet people by spending time alone on a computer. And that’s just obviously not true for the reason you said. People who really enjoy socializing and meeting new people aren’t likely to think of making a good impression to a stranger as a skill, it’s an enjoyable way to spend time. I realize **even sven** has since clarified that it’s not about being highly sociable in general, but people who enjoy interviewing people. That seems like a trait that is true of so few people I don’t really have anything to say about it. ---
**Author:** ![Modern\_Master](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f475e1/32.png) [@Modern\_Master](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Modern_Master)\ **Post date:** [December 1, 2012, 5:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/online-dating-experiences/642072/204 "2012-12-01T17:07:43Z")
The assumption is that being able to make small talk with strangers is a desired skill. I liked the part about interviewing people the most. I guess there’s not much of a difference between work and play these days. ---
**Author:** ![Fuzzy\_Dunlop](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/848f3c/32.png) [@Fuzzy\_Dunlop](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fuzzy_Dunlop)\ **Post date:** [December 1, 2012, 5:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/online-dating-experiences/642072/205 "2012-12-01T17:15:12Z")
> [@even\_sven](#): > > Again, not gregariousness, exactly, but how appealing you find the idea of spending evenings interviewing strangers. If that sounds fun, online dating is a better fit. If that sounds not fun, online dating might not be your thing. Speaking of interviewing strangers all evening, I tried Speed Dating once and loved it. The worst Speed Date woman was still an enjoyable conversation; even with some of the women I knew right away I wouldn’t want to date. I really think the online communication makes a lot of totally decent women seem not-worth-continuing with. Of course there was one really cute girl I hit it off with, and then when we went on a real non-speed date we spent most of it talking about her ongoing battle with drug addiction and resultant psychiatric problems… so it certainly wasn’t a perfect way to meet people. ---
**Author:** ![suranyi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e36b37/32.png) [@suranyi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/suranyi)\ **Post date:** [December 1, 2012, 5:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/online-dating-experiences/642072/206 "2012-12-01T17:19:08Z")
> [@Fuzzy\_Dunlop](#): > > Speaking of interviewing strangers all evening, I tried Speed Dating once and loved it. The worst Speed Date woman was still an enjoyable conversation; even with some of the women I knew right away I wouldn’t want to date. I really think the online communication makes a lot of totally decent women seem not-worth-continuing with. > > Of course there was one really cute girl I hit it off with, and then when we went on a real non-speed date we spent most of it talking about her ongoing battle with drug addiction and resultant psychiatric problems… so it certainly wasn’t a perfect way to meet people. That’s true: I tried Speed Dating a few times and I liked it a LOT better than online dating. For one thing, I got into actual conversations with attractive women, obviously. Second, I got real dates out of them regularly. ---
**Author:** ![MeanOldLady](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/meanoldlady/32/10737_2.png) [@MeanOldLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MeanOldLady)\ **Post date:** [December 1, 2012, 7:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/online-dating-experiences/642072/207 "2012-12-01T19:09:26Z")
> [@ReticulatingSplines](#): > > Right, but I meant in the context of your confidence in detecting a 1-inch differential by comparing his height to your own, isn’t there wiggle room if they look shorter than you because you might be wearing different shoes, etc. But your point is taken. Oh, right. I mean, I guess some people can seem taller for whatever reason, but if I’m standing right next to you and I’m noticeably taller than you even though you’re allegedly 5’9" then yeah, not kosher. I’m going to be pretty sure that you’ve padded your height, especially if I’m wearing flats, which is more or less always. I’m sure someone has snuck some height padding past me, but if I’ve noticed, you fudged by more than an inch. > [@even\_sven](#): > > Again, not gregariousness, exactly, but how appealing you find the idea of spending evenings interviewing strangers. If that sounds fun, online dating is a better fit. If that sounds not fun, online dating might not be your thing. > > I don’t know how much work you found it. After making my profile, I would probably spend 15 minutes once a day meaning my replies and setting up dates- and I could do it on my schedule, which was often on the walk to my office. _Interviewing_ people? No. But I don’t interview my dates. I just have dinner and conversation with them like a normal person. So if the question is how appealing do I find having dinner with a stranger, pretty appealing. I didn’t spend ages on OKC (only takes a minute to read an e-mail and a profile), but sifting through gobs and gobs of garbage messages got pretty tiresome pretty quickly. I also sought out guys myself, but this did not yield a better pool of people, so I just quit. Why bother? > [@Dr.Colossus](#): > > so, for example, let’s take MOL’s “last straw” date– > > she contrived a idea of how he’d be in person based on his online conversations–which she liked-- but he was bashful. > > she realized a guy _existed_, was interested enough to meet him after (however many) conversations, then went “eeeeh, no” after getting a brief (but, apparently conclusive, she believed) example of his \*real \*persona. > from this experience she then \*incorrectly \*concluded “ONLINE DATING IS BUNK.” > … > > see, to me, when someone says they met someone who was attractive physically in person and really fun to chat with online, but that they were really sheepish in person, that sounds to me like this person has something to offer and you SPOTTED IT. people who are interesting and funny online _are interesting and funny people_. it’s not like they fake it online. yes, some people are shy in person, but that’s just a simple matter of momentum. they will open up, and they will feel a connection with you when they do, and then you will see how funny and interesting they really are. > > it’s called _bonding_. and it’s not instantaneous. Could use more italics and caps. But anyway, screw that. I’m not going on multiple dates with someone hoping his personality will eventually open up for me later. Yes, I’m aware that there are bright and interesting people who are bashful, but I’m not interested in dating those people. I mean, I can like them just fine, think they’re nice, but people I’ve really felt a long-lasting connection with, whether as platonic friends or in a relationship, are people who I clicked with big time right away. In my experiences, chemistry isn’t something that develops. If it’s not there right now, it’s probably never going to be. Sadly, you can be cute and kind as all get out, and there still be no connection. Sucks, but oh well. If our date bores me, I’m done. Sorry, Chuck. > [@Fuzzy\_Dunlop](#): > > But **even sven** ’s position was that people who really enjoy being social will be more likely to meet people by spending time alone on a computer. And that’s just obviously not true for the reason you said. Okay, so I’m not the only one who was like, “People who are social and easily connect with people have a better time meeting people _on the internet_? Wtf?” I stand by what I said earlier, and don’t ask me for any cites, else I’ll tell you my cite is five across your eyes. I don’t think it’s a coincidence that literally every single person I’ve ever known in my personal life except one has identified net dating as a failure, yet here on the intertrons, everyone and their dog is talking about how great it is. It makes sense to me that people who spend a lot of time online would find online dating to be more favorable than those who don’t. Those who don’t will be like “This is crap,” then go back outside to meeting people the way they used to. Much, much easier. ---
**Author:** ![Slithy\_Tove](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/slithy_tove/32/18248_2.png) [@Slithy\_Tove](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Slithy_Tove)\ **Post date:** [December 1, 2012, 8:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/online-dating-experiences/642072/208 "2012-12-01T20:16:34Z")
“Interview” is a loaded word, especially for those of us who’ve been borderline interrogated by strangers at Starbucks. I began to wonder if there were a list of recommended questions taken from some self-help dating guide, due to the similarity. It’s really rude, and I don’t accept it anymore. Example: Q: “how did your wife die?” Me: “I’m sorry, I really don’t want to talk about that.” I must report that more times than not, the reaction is not awkward embarrassment at having asked a too-personal, perhaps painful question too soon; but rather that I’ve failed my obligation to satisfy their entitlement to fully inspect the merchandise they’ve selected from the online boyfriend/girlfriend catalog. But I do enjoy interviewing strangers, in the same sense I believe **sven** means. What makes you tick? What do you focus on in life? Do you have a subversive streak? What are acceptable limits to state intervention in the economy? ---
**Author:** ![sisu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/df705f/32.png) [@sisu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sisu)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2012, 11:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/online-dating-experiences/642072/209 "2012-12-02T23:06:40Z")
> [@LaChatNoir](#): > > My experience is that the same guys (in Utah) are on all the sites and have been for years. Plus, there is a heavy percentage of Mormons, which cuts down the percentage of men who would interest me. I’ve had mostly disappointing experiences since I started looking online 10 years ago. _Sigh_ I do fall into a small niche, though, being a spiritual, vegan, non-smoking, non-drinking female of a certain age who is into geology, music, writing, reading, and owns/rides her own Suzuki motorcycle. I’m turned off by “bikers” and spiritual types are turned off by a woman who rides. Hoping “The Universe” will send the perfect guy in my direction … please … :o) dang you had to ride a Suzuki didn’t you?..:smack: LOL the height thing, I am a real 6’2" and I get a lot of women who question this a lot! IRL and Online are not mutually exclusive. I use on line a fair bit as I have a busy life with a long commute and the friends I have built up over the last 15 years have been around the kids friends parents. Although people do come out of the woodwork when they hear you are back in the game so to speak. What I love about online is that when we meet there are no expectations, no need to try and impress or play some stupid game. We have met because we were interested enough in each other to do so. On the successful comments being thrown around, I am very successful in all areas of my life I just happen to be alone at the moment. I don’t see this as a failure but part of the journey. OH and seriously people have a photo with a SMILE! OMG how many people put photos that make them look grumpy as their profile… ---
**Author:** ![Fear\_Itself](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fear_itself/32/19637_2.png) [@Fear\_Itself](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fear_Itself)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2012, 11:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/online-dating-experiences/642072/210 "2012-12-02T23:17:28Z")
> [@sisu](#): > > OH and seriously people have a photo with a SMILE! OMG how many people put photos that make them look grumpy as their profile… I like the ones that are taken with a laptop webcam, with the eerie blue cast to their face. ---
**Author:** ![Quimby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/22d042/32.png) [@Quimby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quimby)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2012, 12:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/online-dating-experiences/642072/211 "2012-12-03T00:47:37Z")
It’s funny how people differ because I found Online dating much fun but the idea of speed dating terrifying and stressful. ---
**Author:** ![pulykamell](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pulykamell/32/3166_2.png) [@pulykamell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pulykamell)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2012, 1:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/online-dating-experiences/642072/212 "2012-12-03T01:25:50Z")
> [@sisu](#): > > What I love about online is that when we meet there are no expectations, no need to try and impress or play some stupid game. We have met because we were interested enough in each other to do so. Also, I found it a lot less “messy.” If you meet someone in the traditional channels (work, school, friends of friends) and you just don’t click on that first or second date, it’s not as easy to just cut loose cleanly. You probably still will run into that person, you have social circles that interact with that person, etc. With online dating, if I didn’t click with someone, it was pretty darned easy to just say it’s not working and go our separate ways. At least in my experience. Also, there’s a lot less initial emotional investment (in my experience) which facilitates this. I also personally found the pay sites to be much better than the free sites like OK Cupid. Most of the women on OK Cupid here in Chicago were too “hispterish” and “self-consciously quirky” for my tastes. I only maybe went on two OK Cupid dates, and, while they were fine, I was’t really feeling it with that dating site. [Match.com](http://Match.com) had much more mainstream professional types on it, but it seemed to me that those willing to pay a little for the service were a little more willing to invest time and energy into responding. Like I said, my response rate on Match was around 75%, and I am a very average looking guy. And, unlike some others, most of the people I know have found Internet dating to be largely (but not exclusively) positive. And these are not geeky socially introverted types who can’t find dates elsewhere, and they are most definitely not people who spend most their time online. Online dating is just another tool in the bag. ---
**Author:** ![sisu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/df705f/32.png) [@sisu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sisu)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2012, 3:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/online-dating-experiences/642072/213 "2012-12-03T03:50:58Z")
yep free sites are worth every cent you pay, In Australia I moved from POF to RSVP and I found myself talking to professional woman instead of the great unwashed masses. Sounds nasty and judgmental but it is not meant as such, I have a preference for professional educated women. Oh the less messy comment is spot on, well said. ---
**Author:** ![SciFiSam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/47e85d/32.png) [@SciFiSam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SciFiSam)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2012, 9:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/online-dating-experiences/642072/214 "2012-12-03T09:08:56Z")
> [@sisu](#): > > yep free sites are worth every cent you pay, In Australia I moved from POF to RSVP and I found myself talking to professional woman instead of the great unwashed masses. Sounds nasty and judgmental but it is not meant as such, I have a preference for professional educated women. > > Oh the less messy comment is spot on, well said. I think the pay sites filter more for people who are really serious about finding a long-term partner, rather than professional, educated people. OKC was the way I met my gf, and we’re both professional and educated; same goes for the other couples I know who’ve got together on there. Of course, it probably varies a lot from place to place. POF I found to be just bizarre and pretty much unusable. ---
**Author:** ![Loach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/loach/32/350_2.png) [@Loach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Loach)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2012, 2:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/online-dating-experiences/642072/215 "2012-12-03T14:24:26Z")
> [@MeanOldLady](#): > > Oh, right. I mean, I guess some people can seem taller for whatever reason, but if I’m standing right next to you and I’m noticeably taller than you even though you’re allegedly 5’9" then yeah, not kosher. I’m going to be pretty sure that you’ve padded your height, especially if I’m wearing flats, which is more or less always. I’m sure someone has snuck some height padding past me, but if I’ve noticed, you fudged by more than an inch. > > _Interviewing_ people? No. But I don’t interview my dates. I just have dinner and conversation with them like a normal person. So if the question is how appealing do I find having dinner with a stranger, pretty appealing. > > I didn’t spend ages on OKC (only takes a minute to read an e-mail and a profile), but sifting through gobs and gobs of garbage messages got pretty tiresome pretty quickly. I also sought out guys myself, but this did not yield a better pool of people, so I just quit. Why bother? > > Could use more italics and caps. But anyway, screw that. I’m not going on multiple dates with someone hoping his personality will eventually open up for me later. Yes, I’m aware that there are bright and interesting people who are bashful, but I’m not interested in dating those people. I mean, I can like them just fine, think they’re nice, but people I’ve really felt a long-lasting connection with, whether as platonic friends or in a relationship, are people who I clicked with big time right away. In my experiences, chemistry isn’t something that develops. If it’s not there right now, it’s probably never going to be. Sadly, you can be cute and kind as all get out, and there still be no connection. Sucks, but oh well. If our date bores me, I’m done. Sorry, Chuck. > > Okay, so I’m not the only one who was like, “People who are social and easily connect with people have a better time meeting people _on the internet_? Wtf?” > > I stand by what I said earlier, and don’t ask me for any cites, else I’ll tell you my cite is five across your eyes. I don’t think it’s a coincidence that literally every single person I’ve ever known in my personal life except one has identified net dating as a failure, yet here on the intertrons, everyone and their dog is talking about how great it is. It makes sense to me that people who spend a lot of time online would find online dating to be more favorable than those who don’t. Those who don’t will be like “This is crap,” then go back outside to meeting people the way they used to. Much, much easier. Much easier? Really? I am 45 years old. I don’t meet women in class anymore. At work most of the few I work with are lesbians. I meet people who have either criminals or victims and I refuse to use my position for personal reasons. On weekends I’m either with my kids or at my second job. The opportunity just isn’t there. I guess if you are an attractive woman that men seek out in public it’s easier. But as the guy who is expected to do the seeking its not easier. I met my ex-wife before online dating. But my circumstances were much different. ---
**Author:** ![SciFiSam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/47e85d/32.png) [@SciFiSam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SciFiSam)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2012, 2:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/online-dating-experiences/642072/216 "2012-12-03T14:33:47Z")
> [@MeanOldLady](#): > > I stand by what I said earlier, and don’t ask me for any cites, else I’ll tell you my cite is five across your eyes. I don’t think it’s a coincidence that literally every single person I’ve ever known in my personal life except one has identified net dating as a failure, yet here on the intertrons, everyone and their dog is talking about how great it is. It makes sense to me that people who spend a lot of time online would find online dating to be more favorable than those who don’t. Those who don’t will be like “This is crap,” then go back outside to meeting people the way they used to. Much, much easier. What about my GF, who spend very little time online (reading Facebook every other day or so)? I really don’t think you’re going to accuse me of making her up. We’re in our thirties and gay; neither of us are likely to meet anyone through work, both of us have mostly straight friends, pubs aren’t the best locations - especially the two lesbian bars that still exist in this city, because one is all really young girls and one is all women over forty - and things like discussion groups and reading groups just aren’t my scene or hers. You can be pretty successful in most metrics and have excellent social skills and still not have a lifestyle which puts you in contact with many potential dates. It is utterly bizarre that, by saying that all online daters are losers (bet you’re going to deny saying that now), you and others are claiming that such people don’t exist, even when that means that you’re telling me _I_ don’t exist or am lying about myself. ---
**Author:** ![you\_with\_the\_face](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/ecccb3/32.png) [@you\_with\_the\_face](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/you_with_the_face)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2012, 3:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/online-dating-experiences/642072/217 "2012-12-03T15:29:18Z")
I think there still is this pervasive idea out that there that if you do anything “unnatural” to increase your odds of meeting a SO, then there must be something wrong with you. Because the unspoken rule is that we’re all supposed to find mates just like our pre-industrial ancestors did, or else that speaks poorly of your attractiveness. Using technology as an aide suggests that you would’nt have been able to cut it in the absence of technology, and that is a reason for shame. Ten years ago, prejudice against online dating was common and unquestioned. Today, it’s a lot less common, but it’s still present enough to encounter every so often. I predict that ten years from now, the idea of meeting people online will be so passe that people won’t understand what the big deal ever was. I think what can be jarring about meeting people online vs IRL is that, early on, you’re more likely to find a discordance between what you thought you were getting and what you end up getting. But the thing is, the same guy who lies online about his height and is a turnoff because of that is the same guy you could meet in IRL through a friend-of-a-friend or at a bar. IRL, he might not try to pass himself off as being taller than he is, but he could just as easily lie about some other lame thing. The illusion is that people we meet IRL are more honest than those we meet online, but that is not true in my experience. Bad liars are just more obvious when you meet them online. Anyone who finds the online experience disappointing for this reason should realize this if they haven’t already. ---
**Author:** ![pulykamell](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pulykamell/32/3166_2.png) [@pulykamell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pulykamell)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2012, 4:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/online-dating-experiences/642072/218 "2012-12-03T16:10:09Z")
> [@SciFiSam](#): > > POF I found to be just bizarre and pretty much unusable. Yeah, my cousin (one of my exceptions to the positive experience) over the last few years has found one girlfriend after another on Plenty of Fish, and almost every single one of them seemed to be whackjobs of one sort or another. The one he is currently with, though, seems to be okay and they’ve been together a year. That said, he has a propensity to be attracted to borderline personalities even outside of computer dating, so I’m not going to pin that too much on POF, and put that more on my cousin’s screening process and dating preferences. > [@](#): > > I think the pay sites filter more for people who are really serious about finding a long-term partner, rather than professional, educated people. I wouldn’t disagree with that. But it seems the two are at least loosely correlated. The other thing about Match that worked well is that the profiles and people tended to be a bit more, well, straightforward. Many I’d simply call bland. So it was easier to stick out there with a fun profile, and easier to screen for women who interested me. ---
**Author:** ![Bosstone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/22d042/32.png) [@Bosstone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosstone)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2012, 4:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/online-dating-experiences/642072/219 "2012-12-03T16:12:14Z")
> [@SciFiSam](#): > > It is utterly bizarre that, by saying that all online daters are losers (bet you’re going to deny saying that now), you and others are claiming that such people don’t exist, even when that means that you’re telling me _I_ don’t exist or am lying about myself. Did she? I mean, **MOL** is pretty awesome, but that doesn’t necessarily mean that “I am not in the group that would find online dating useful” is intended to imply that the group she’s not in sucks. ---
**Author:** ![Brynda](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e79b87/32.png) [@Brynda](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Brynda)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2012, 5:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/online-dating-experiences/642072/220 "2012-12-03T17:37:58Z")
> [@MeanOldLady](#): > > Except that online dating sites are a pool of exceptionally bad people, plus really, there’s no way to tell if you’re going to connect through a computer screen. It might seem as if you’ll get along because the profile is humorous and well-written, their photos look cute, they share your (lack of religion), but then when it’s time to go out, they’re boring as all fuck with zero chemistry. It’s not that there’s anything inherent to online dating that bars chemistry, it’s just that you can’t tell and end up going on a thousand bad dates. A lot of quantity with terribly quality. I may go on less dates when meeting people the good ol’ fashioned way through meatspace, but they’re better dates all of the time. I’ve never gone on a date with a real person I’ve met face to face and experienced a chemistry vacuum, because if there were no spark, I wouldn’t have agreed to go out with him in the first place. Hey, **Bosstone** , did you see the first sentence of this? Page 1 of this thread, and quoted a couple of times. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/online-dating-experiences/642072.md?page=10) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/online-dating-experiences/642072.md?page=12)