Online Dating Experiences

I’ve had a couple profiles up for a while, at match and OKC. No real success to speak of, though; I’ve met a handful in person but it never went anywhere.

I’ve only ever met dudes online, starting back when I was 15 (through BBSes), which was 18 years ago.

I’ve dated lots of guys and had a lot of fun and had a lot of heartbreak. I’m still not married but I’d suspect that’s a function of me, not the nature of how I meet people.

Used to be a lot easier to find guys online when it was just us nerds on the personals sites. Now that it’s all mainstream and there are cute and fun people on the online dating sites, I no longer rise to the top :slight_smile: Plus I’m old.

Anyway, if you go through my dating history and leave out the “how you met” part it’s probably no different than anyone else’s. The people on the other end of online profiles are just people.

Met my wife on Match a little over ten years ago. Before meeting her, there were lots of fun dates, a few boring ones, and a small handful of crazies. Little has changed over time. For a few years now we’ve been on swinglifestyle, AFF, and SDC–and had a ton of fun, a few boring evenings, and a handful of crazies. See? The same. There are differences dating as a couple (duh), but for the most part it will seem familiar: no no no no no maybe no no yes maybe no NO yes no NO no YES no … complete with people who flake out, post fake profiles, or barely resemble their profiles. But it’s been worth it by far, and doing things together means even lame nights are worth at least a laugh.

We’d only been on Match before we met (don’t think OKC was even out yet). Have people here had experience on both at the same time? There is a sizeable difference between the three we’re on now. There’s some overlap, but for example SLS attracts a more mellow crowd; AFF a raunchier set. Anybody on both Match and OKC (or others)? Do the people seem different?

I think I just attracted the crazies when I used online dating. I’m not sure how you guys managed to meet normal people.

There was definitely a reason that the girls I met on a personal site were using it. I have been much more successful at letting relationships form naturally.

I met my current wife on OK Cupid. If I were religious, I’d thank God every day for her.

Before her, I just had mixed experiences, good, bad, crazy, etc… I tried all the major sites, for several years. My best success came with the old Yahoo Personals (all my favorite exes are from yahoo personals) and, of course, OK Cupid.

MM, you’ll need to figure out how to weed out the crazies. I met several nice girls, and dated a few for a while. That was 14 years ago, after a 16 year marriage ended miserably. Online dating was a great way to “circulate” again. It was very efficient.

A LOT of (as even sven said) awkward/weird/boring dates as well as some where the guy was nice enough, but there was zero chemistry. Too much work for way too little return, I finally gave up on it.

Dating sites have nothing to do with forming relationships. They’re all about introductions: full stop. “Letting relationships form naturally” happens after you’ve met. Dating sites are for meeting people that are outside your normal day-to-day contacts. What happens after that is up to you.

I don’t have any good online dating experiences. Nothing ever led anywhere. Every one of my long term relationships, including my current marriage, I met the woman in person.

Craigslist: A whole bunch of responses from people who clearly just email everyone a misspelled line or two, regardless of you specifically saying not to do that and them not fitting anything about your stated criteria. Several that sounded promising and I emailed with some but ultimately balked at meeting them. So who did I pick to meet? The super cute one. It turned out exactly like the guys I normally met at clubs and stuff. We hung out for a while but we didn’t have anything in common.

eHarmony: A bunch of responses that sounded really promising. Messaged with several but then…I don’t know. Wasn’t feeling it for one reason or another, except with one, who was great. Smart, funny, nice-looking, well-off doctor with similar values to me. So I got scared and ran away. And there were like 0 black guys on eHarmony in my area (most I talked to were Asian), and try as I might, I just can’t get interested in a nonblack guy. But that wasn’t eHarmony’s fault (presumably it’s my dad’s fault or something).

You can meet any type of person online these days. Marriage-minded, trifling loser, or anything in between.

Plentyoffish - lots of illiterate neds, a couple of ex’s, and one decent sounding guy who was a doctor, but sadly still living with his ex and got weirdly jealous, accusing me of seeing multiple guys before I’d ever even met him (thank goodness!).

OKCupid - a couple more ex’s, one guy who sounded great online, but was a creepy drooling vacant eyed oddity in real life, and thankfully, a rather nice guy who was a friend-of-friends that I’ve now been seeing for nearly 6 months :slight_smile:

As always, I’ll recommend you check out the online dating thread here- it helped me.


if people understood this, they’d have better “luck”. the only reason not to use online sites to meet people is if you are already meeting more than enough.

To be fair, you are a hot chick so I’m sure it’s not that hard to meet people. When my 15 relationship was over I found I had no social circle to meet people. I’ve always been ok with sealing the deal with someone I get to know. I’m not a smooth pick up line guy who can impress strangers. All my friends were married. Had few single friends. And the ones that were single, no thanks. I had some meaningless encounters but nothing lasting. With the online dating I was able to find someone at the same point in life as me looking for the same things. The rest was up to me. I guess I did ok she is still with me.

Hey, I’m a not-not-hot chick and I had (well, still have, I’m just not looking to date them) a terrible time meeting people. I still don’t know how people do it, and I’ve done everything people tell you to do (clubs, classes, etc.) - meeting people online was the only way I found to actually meet single men who were interested in dating and were people I could actually locate. Plus you get to weed out the “hell no” people.

Do people have something against meeting in real life? I thought people generally preferred that if they have the opportunity.

I used online dating because I’m a lesbian in my thirties, I work alone from home and most of my friends are straight. There simply wasn’t much likelihood of me ever meeting a future partner in real life.

I’ve been with my husband for almost thirty years, so I’ve never used an online service. But I have to say, this just makes me laugh for some strange reason.

Used I would recommend it. You will need a thick skin but it is really just like dating anywhere else. You will meet people you like who aren’t into you and people who you aren’t into who like you. The closest I came to anything creepy where a few people who found my full name before I had given to them when we were still trading e-mails but that was minor but for the most part everyone I met was normal and interesting in varying degrees. I would recommend it in general and Match in particular.

I tried the online dating thing, met a lot of people, many of them interesting, but none of them really progressed anywhere past a couple months or so. All of my relationships longer than that have all come from meeting them in person. The funny thing is, so many of the women I met from online dating were good or even ideal matches on paper, similiar interests, intellectually compatible, similar outlooks, all of that sort of stuff, but that “spark” just wasn’t there.

I think that’s just how it works though. You can find a perfect match on paper, but there’s no accounting for whatever constitutes that spark. The only way to know if it is there or not is to meet in person. In several cases, we’d have good conversation in e-mail, IM, text and phone, and be really excited for the date, and even on the date we’d have good conversation, but that’s all it was.

Now, certainly, online dating is a good way to meet people to have that kind of compatibility with, not wasting time with someone that you might have that spark with but are fundamentally incompatible with in some other way, but then you might get frustrated like I was, rifling through a lot of good matches where it just isn’t there. So, it got exhausting because, like I said, we were good matches and I could and would expend the energy getting to know her but completely unable to filter for that aspect without meeting her. However, even when meeting her quickly, having that high level of compatibility in all other ways but let down by not having the spark was just a let down.

So it’s really just a this or that sort of thing. Meet people in person based on chemistry and then see if you’re compatible in other ways or meet people on line that you’re compatible with and then see if you’ve got chemistry. The nice thing about online dating is that it helps people who don’t have much opportunity to meet others, like someone who doesn’t go out much and works in a field that is heavily their same gender. OTOH, meeting people in person also means you probably at least have something in common in terms of compatibility since you probably met them through a friend or at a place you like to be, though obviously that fails if you met at a generic place like the grocery store.

For my part, I’m taking a break from online dating just because it seems like it’s quite a bit harder to find someone that I have that spark with than someone I’m otherwise compatible with, so it was just a lot of wasted effort for little reward. I figure I’ll be better off searching from the other side for the time being.

Meeting up fairly quickly after you start messaging each other helps a lot. If there’s no spark, you haven’t wasted much time or built your hopes up.

A friend of mine is in our social circle because of online dating - she went on a date with my friend Joe, and there was no chemistry, so no relationship potential, but they really got on as friends. There are far worse things to do than spend a few hours in the company of someone you get on with but aren’t attracted to.

This is the most true statement here. As long as you’re not being a nut and having the attitude that since you’re paying X dollars a month, you’re owed a significant other, and then get pissy when you don’t find one, you’ll be fine.

I always viewed it as one more way to meet women, along with going out with friends, social events, professional events, etc… In that capacity, it’s great.

I’ll add one thing- your profile is essentially an advertisement for you. Don’t talk about what you don’t like, or won’t date, or all that negative BS. Just talk about what you do want to do and what you do like. Also, put pictures up. Nothing would make me deep-six a wink faster than no photo, or someone whose profile went on and on about what they don’t like or what they require in others.