# Online dating is literally the worst **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [December 30, 2012, 9:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/online-dating-is-literally-the-worst/645600 "2012-12-30T21:23:17Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![needscoffee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/needscoffee/32/1076_2.png) [@needscoffee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/needscoffee)\ **Post date:** [January 1, 2013, 5:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/online-dating-is-literally-the-worst/645600/81 "2013-01-01T05:01:08Z")
> [@Blackberry](#): > > Sorry. Bad mood. But is it literally the worst? šŸ™‚ ---
**Author:** ![billfish678](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7bcc69/32.png) [@billfish678](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/billfish678)\ **Post date:** [January 1, 2013, 4:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/online-dating-is-literally-the-worst/645600/82 "2013-01-01T16:15:01Z")
> [@Wesley\_Clark](#): > > Your messages get lost in a flood of messages women get. When I would write to women I would write because I read their profile and liked what I saw of their personality, interests and goals. For many of the women I would be open to just building a friendship because they seemed like interesting people who understood the city better than I do and whose interests or personalities were things I could relate to. But I would virtually never get responses to the messages I sent out, and it felt degrading to write to a lot of women and get nothing back from them. I had the same thing happen. I woulda thought targeted adds and targeted replies where people who actually had interests, desires, and goals in common would work. But no, I actually had better luck chatting up random people on the internet. Go figure. It was like the people that had dating ads werenā€™t actually interested in dating and random people not explicitly looking for dates were interested in dating. AndI still recall this one ad. This woman had extremely specific demands. And a fair number of them. I canā€™t imagine many people actually passed all the tests. I actually did. Yet, still no response from her. That ad was up for years. ---
**Author:** ![DiosaBellissima](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a8b319/32.png) [@DiosaBellissima](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DiosaBellissima)\ **Post date:** [January 1, 2013, 6:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/online-dating-is-literally-the-worst/645600/83 "2013-01-01T18:18:23Z")
Maybe she just wasnā€™t that into you? You can like somebodyā€™s profile and they might not like yours back. Or maybe they donā€™t like your photos. Or how tall you are. Or that you make too little or too much money. Or that you said you want kids when she doesnā€™t. Or that you said youā€™re an atheist while sheā€™s a Christian. Or that you answered that one OKC question that asks if someone is ever required to have to have sex with you with ā€œyes.ā€ Or maybe she wants you to smoke and you donā€™t. Or maybe you do smoke and she thinks thatā€™s icky. Maybe you said you have dogs and hate cats, but she hates dogs and loves cats. Maybe your main profile picture is you shirtless in a mirror wearing a fedora and she canā€™t stop laughing at how utterly ridiculous that is long enough to message you back. Maybe she was weirded out when you answered the ā€œWhat do you think of hopeless, unrequited love is?ā€ with ā€œRomantic.ā€ Maybe she is turned off that youā€™ve got women and booze in every profile picture. Hell, maybe sheā€™s turned off that you donā€™t have women and booze in every profile picture. My point is: I donā€™t respond to every guy who messages me either. In my inbox as we speak, I have 30 messages since December 28th. First thing I do is weed out the creepers (and post them on the blog). Then, with the handful of nice messages left, I go to their profiles and read, I look at their pictures, and I read some of their questions. In my head, I give a guy three ā€œflagsā€ before I close out on his profile-- but if there are three things Iā€™m not digging, I close it and donā€™t respond to his message. Perhaps thatā€™s bitchy of me, but Iā€™m also not required to find every guy who hits on me attractive and worthy of dating. And that, friends, is why Iā€™ll be forever alone. šŸ˜‰ ---
**Author:** ![Blackberry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ecd19e/32.png) [@Blackberry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Blackberry)\ **Post date:** [January 1, 2013, 6:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/online-dating-is-literally-the-worst/645600/84 "2013-01-01T18:31:02Z")
> [@DiosaBellissima](#): > > In my head, I give a guy three ā€œflagsā€ before I close out on his profile-- but if there are three things Iā€™m not digging, I close it and donā€™t respond to his message. Perhaps thatā€™s bitchy of me, but Iā€™m also not required to find every guy who hits on me attractive and worthy of dating. Thatā€™s generous, not bitchy! Arbitrary, but generous. ---
**Author:** ![billfish678](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7bcc69/32.png) [@billfish678](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/billfish678)\ **Post date:** [January 1, 2013, 6:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/online-dating-is-literally-the-worst/645600/85 "2013-01-01T18:32:53Z")
> [@DiosaBellissima](#): > > Maybe she just wasnā€™t that into you? You can like somebodyā€™s profile and they might not like yours back. šŸ˜‰ Uhhh, I sent replies to women that had what I wanted and I WAS what they claimed they wanted. And I think thats basically what I wrote too. You make it sound like I was sending random shit to anybody with a pulse. ---
**Author:** ![FloatyGimpy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/floatygimpy/32/7750_2.png) [@FloatyGimpy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FloatyGimpy)\ **Post date:** [January 1, 2013, 6:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/online-dating-is-literally-the-worst/645600/86 "2013-01-01T18:36:29Z")
> [@billfish678](#): > > Uhhh, I sent replies to women that had what I wanted and I WAS what they claimed they wanted. And I think thats basically what I wrote too. Maybe they didnā€™t like how you looked. ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [January 1, 2013, 6:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/online-dating-is-literally-the-worst/645600/87 "2013-01-01T18:37:00Z")
> [@billfish678](#): > > This woman had extremely specific demands. And a fair number of them. I canā€™t imagine many people actually passed all the tests. I actually did. Yet, still no response from her. That ad was up for years. The thing is that if she had posted such a long list of things that were deal breakers, then she presumably was pretty picky about what she wanted. And that means there were probably other criteria she hadnā€™t posted. You may have passed on the twenty items she listed but failed to meet her standards because your ears were too big or you were wearing the wrong kind of shirt or she didnā€™t like the way you punctuated your email. ---
**Author:** ![billfish678](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7bcc69/32.png) [@billfish678](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/billfish678)\ **Post date:** [January 1, 2013, 6:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/online-dating-is-literally-the-worst/645600/88 "2013-01-01T18:43:14Z")
Could be. But trust me, I tried all sorts of variations on what I sent and how I sent it. Serious pics, no pics, funny pics. The same with the responses. Serious ones, funny ones, long ones short ones blah blah blah. I wasnā€™t sending the same tired thing to everyone. Donā€™t get me wrong. I didnā€™t expect a marriage proposal from every thing I sent out. But, geez, the reply rate was absolutely appalling. Now, IMO this is the kicker though. So far, you could just say, damn Bill you must be one ugly weird ass looser (which is probably true). However, like I noted, what worked much much better was chatting up random people in random chat rooms. THATS the part I find weird. ---
**Author:** ![DiosaBellissima](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a8b319/32.png) [@DiosaBellissima](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DiosaBellissima)\ **Post date:** [January 1, 2013, 6:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/online-dating-is-literally-the-worst/645600/89 "2013-01-01T18:43:17Z")
> [@billfish678](#): > > Uhhh, I sent replies to women that had what I wanted and I WAS what they claimed they wanted. And I think thats basically what I wrote too. You make it sound like I was sending random shit to anybody with a pulse. Iā€™m not saying you did that at all. Again, I get plenty of messages from nice guys that are polite, respectful, and genuinely trying to engage conversation based on whatā€™s in my profile. I am still allowed to not be into them. We might be perfect on paper, but if Iā€™m not attracted to you, Iā€™m not attracted to you. We might agree on everything seemingly, but then I go to your profile and it says you have kids-- thatā€™s a deal breaker for me. Stuff like that was my point. > [@billfish678](#): > > However, like I noted, what worked much much better was chatting up people in chat rooms. THATS the part I find weird. I havenā€™t been in chat rooms since I was a young teenager, but a chat room isnā€™t going to have a profile with all over your physical and romantic information, along with pictures, there and ready to access. ---
**Author:** ![billfish678](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7bcc69/32.png) [@billfish678](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/billfish678)\ **Post date:** [January 1, 2013, 6:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/online-dating-is-literally-the-worst/645600/90 "2013-01-01T18:50:03Z")
[QUOTE=DiosaBellissima;15850921 I am still allowed to not be into them. [/QUOTE] :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![DiosaBellissima](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a8b319/32.png) [@DiosaBellissima](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DiosaBellissima)\ **Post date:** [January 1, 2013, 6:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/online-dating-is-literally-the-worst/645600/91 "2013-01-01T18:52:35Z")
> [@billfish678](#): > > :rolleyes: I donā€™t get it. Why is that worthy of an eye roll? Should I have to have an attraction with every man who earnestly messages me on a dating site or something? ---
**Author:** ![dogbutler](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dogbutler/32/428_2.png) [@dogbutler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dogbutler)\ **Post date:** [January 1, 2013, 6:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/online-dating-is-literally-the-worst/645600/92 "2013-01-01T18:58:42Z")
> [@hajario](#): > > Then again, I have had women send me nude or lingerie pics prior to meeting but that was only after the conversation took a certain direction. The one lady and I exchanged knee pictures. as far as the worst ever? Iā€™ve had better success online than IRL. But Iā€™m also painfully shy, so itā€™s hard to say ā€œhiā€ in real life until I know you. ---
**Author:** ![NGC2024](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/f475e1/32.png) [@NGC2024](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NGC2024)\ **Post date:** [January 1, 2013, 7:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/online-dating-is-literally-the-worst/645600/93 "2013-01-01T19:00:05Z")
I had a guy write to me on OKCupid to ask me if I was into AB/DL like he was. Iā€™m no sexual prude, but if I have to consult reference materials to understand your sexual interests, then Iā€™m probably not interested. ---
**Author:** ![DiosaBellissima](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a8b319/32.png) [@DiosaBellissima](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DiosaBellissima)\ **Post date:** [January 1, 2013, 7:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/online-dating-is-literally-the-worst/645600/94 "2013-01-01T19:01:46Z")
> [@NGC2024](#): > > I had a guy write to me on OKCupid to ask me if I was into AB/DL like he was. Well, I had to Google that and now I regret it. ---
**Author:** ![FloatyGimpy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/floatygimpy/32/7750_2.png) [@FloatyGimpy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FloatyGimpy)\ **Post date:** [January 1, 2013, 7:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/online-dating-is-literally-the-worst/645600/95 "2013-01-01T19:03:39Z")
> [@billfish678](#): > > :rolleyes: Itā€™s becoming more and more clear as to why they donā€™t reply back. Looks like theyā€™re dodging a bullet from ā€œangry nice guyā€ too. ---
**Author:** ![DiosaBellissima](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a8b319/32.png) [@DiosaBellissima](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DiosaBellissima)\ **Post date:** [January 1, 2013, 7:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/online-dating-is-literally-the-worst/645600/96 "2013-01-01T19:04:58Z")
You said what I was thinking, **Floaty**. Speaking of the Nice Guys of OKC, have you seen [this blog](http://niceguysofokc.tumblr.com/)? It cracks me up endlessly. (And no, that is not my blog. Even I can only pimp myself so many times in one thread before I lose all semblance of dignity). ---
**Author:** ![Covered\_In\_Bees](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/7ab992/32.png) [@Covered\_In\_Bees](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Covered_In_Bees)\ **Post date:** [January 1, 2013, 7:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/online-dating-is-literally-the-worst/645600/97 "2013-01-01T19:11:27Z")
I would say that once per page is a pretty safe amount to pimp yourself out and still keep what dignity you began with. Also, I have politely and respectfully interacted with you. Have sex with me now. ---
**Author:** ![DiosaBellissima](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a8b319/32.png) [@DiosaBellissima](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DiosaBellissima)\ **Post date:** [January 1, 2013, 7:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/online-dating-is-literally-the-worst/645600/98 "2013-01-01T19:12:07Z")
I hear I have an obligation, since you were so kind and nice to me. Dive right in, bro. Oh, please stay off the Obama shirt though, ok? ---
**Author:** ![Covered\_In\_Bees](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/7ab992/32.png) [@Covered\_In\_Bees](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Covered_In_Bees)\ **Post date:** [January 1, 2013, 7:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/online-dating-is-literally-the-worst/645600/99 "2013-01-01T19:12:53Z")
Dive right in? An unfortunate choice of words? šŸ˜› ---
**Author:** ![DiosaBellissima](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a8b319/32.png) [@DiosaBellissima](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DiosaBellissima)\ **Post date:** [January 1, 2013, 7:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/online-dating-is-literally-the-worst/645600/100 "2013-01-01T19:14:11Z")
I mean what I said and I said what I mean. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/online-dating-is-literally-the-worst/645600.md?page=4) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/online-dating-is-literally-the-worst/645600.md?page=6)