# Online dating: no photo, no dice **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [December 1, 2006, 3:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/online-dating-no-photo-no-dice/382432 "2006-12-01T03:07:59Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Least\_Original\_User\_Name\_Ever](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e480ec/32.png) [@Least\_Original\_User\_Name\_Ever](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Least_Original_User_Name_Ever)\ **Post date:** [December 1, 2006, 1:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/online-dating-no-photo-no-dice/382432/21 "2006-12-01T13:13:58Z")
[QUOTE=Harriet the Spry] About the only way I can think of saying that without sounding like a snob is “Post a photo. I need to be sure you’re not my ex.” [/QUOTE] Yeah, but that just sounds like pure, unadulterated bullshit. I mean, if she’s looking at the email addresses that are coming in, she’ll plainly be able to see “[nameofex@tryingtogetbackintoyourpants.com](mailto:nameofex@tryingtogetbackintoyourpants.com)” ---
**Author:** ![Least\_Original\_User\_Name\_Ever](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e480ec/32.png) [@Least\_Original\_User\_Name\_Ever](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Least_Original_User_Name_Ever)\ **Post date:** [December 1, 2006, 1:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/online-dating-no-photo-no-dice/382432/22 "2006-12-01T13:22:25Z")
[QUOTE=victor512] "I’ve noticed that people who email me make note of my photo, so in fairness please have one yourself.’ What’s wrong with honesty? [/QUOTE] This sounds like a good and reasonable request. I second this. Also, I’ve never done the dating sites, although my mother is gently pushing me towards doing singles events and crap, but how many people are on these things? I mean, there are so many of them and all the highly publicized ones claim to have tons of members. Are there really that many people on these sites? ---
**Author:** ![Lush\_Puppy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/ad7895/32.png) [@Lush\_Puppy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lush_Puppy)\ **Post date:** [December 1, 2006, 3:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/online-dating-no-photo-no-dice/382432/23 "2006-12-01T15:46:24Z")
[QUOTE=Least Original User Name Ever] Yeah, but that just sounds like pure, unadulterated bullshit. I mean, if she’s looking at the email addresses that are coming in, she’ll plainly be able to see “[nameofex@tryingtogetbackintoyourpants.com](mailto:nameofex@tryingtogetbackintoyourpants.com)” [/QUOTE] Actually, the email address is hidden. Also, I think it’s meant to be a clever cue for others, not the actual ex. ---
**Author:** ![Bear\_Nenno](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bear_nenno/32/3358_2.png) [@Bear\_Nenno](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bear_Nenno)\ **Post date:** [December 1, 2006, 4:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/online-dating-no-photo-no-dice/382432/24 "2006-12-01T16:35:33Z")
I need a man with confidence and self-esteem. If you are too shy or too self-loathing to include a picture of yourself, you are not my type. ---
**Author:** ![elmwood](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/elmwood/32/3060_2.png) [@elmwood](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elmwood)\ **Post date:** [December 1, 2006, 4:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/online-dating-no-photo-no-dice/382432/25 "2006-12-01T16:36:32Z")
[QUOTE=pulykamell] Snippet: “Also, your profile will be full of tired cliches and pictures of you with an ex-boyfriend strategically cropped out.” I don’t know…it really struck me as being odd. It was up there with the stupid cliches like “No more games!” and “Looking for Mr. Right!” Yeah, no shit. I mean, seriously, you can’t find a single picture of yourself that you like that doesn’t have an ex-boyfriend strategically cut out of it? It just looks sloppy and somewhat, I don’t know, disrespectful or something. [/QUOTE] I know that most women have had relationships in the past. Still, when I see the ex-boyfriend photos, I can’t help but think the same thing; I can’t quite think of a word for it, but it does seem “disrespectful or something.” Couldn’t they take a friend take a few new photos of them, where they’re posing alone? From what my female friends tell me, photos of men with ex-girlfriends aren’t as common as the women with their exes. However, they don’t hesitate on calling them out for it - “He’s just trying to show off that other women are attracted to him.” I also don’t get why women seem more prone to post photos with their five OMG bestest friends!!!11!!! far more than men. One strange thing I’ve been seeing more of lately: photos of single, childless women holding babies. I want to have children too, but it just sends off a creepy vibe. BTW, **I love to laugh and have fun!** 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Bear\_Nenno](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bear_nenno/32/3358_2.png) [@Bear\_Nenno](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bear_Nenno)\ **Post date:** [December 1, 2006, 4:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/online-dating-no-photo-no-dice/382432/26 "2006-12-01T16:42:12Z")
[QUOTE=Bear\_Nenno] I need a man with confidence and self-esteem. If you are too shy or too self-loathing to include a picture of yourself, you are not my type. [/QUOTE] Chance _need_ to _prefer to meet_. “I _prefer to meet_ a man with . . .” ---
**Author:** ![Lush\_Puppy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/ad7895/32.png) [@Lush\_Puppy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lush_Puppy)\ **Post date:** [December 1, 2006, 6:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/online-dating-no-photo-no-dice/382432/27 "2006-12-01T18:24:00Z")
[QUOTE=Bear\_Nenno] “I _prefer to meet_ a man with . . .” [/QUOTE] This works well too. Thanks! I better stop editing my profile. ---
**Author:** ![hajario](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hajario/32/171_2.png) [@hajario](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hajario)\ **Post date:** [December 1, 2006, 7:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/online-dating-no-photo-no-dice/382432/28 "2006-12-01T19:10:54Z")
[QUOTE=elmwood] I find myself in a very awkward situation when a woman writes, her profile claims to have an “average” build, but all the photos show only her face, or they all carefully block the entire body from the neck down. There’s almost no tactful way to ask if she’s really weight-proportional-to-height without appearing like some cretin who doesn’t trust her, or some cretin who’s superficial. [/QUOTE] So you get coffee with a fat girl. Is it going to kill you? I agree with you that man and women both should accurately state their body type (height and weight) which should include a picture of their face and body. If she seems cool and you have a good vibe, meet her for coffee. If there isn’t mutual chemistry, which happens most of the time anyway, you can shake hands and go home. You never know, she might have a friend for you. > [@Veuve\_ClicquotNJ](#): > > As a formerly morbidly obese woman, let me say that EVERYONE is free to be attracted to whom they wish. What they _don’t_ have the right to do is belittle and denigrate anyone who doesn’t fall into that category. Totally agree. There is no excuse to be a dickhead about it. I find it amazing that someone would say something like, “you were nice but you need to lose 50 lbs” but I hear that it happens all the time. All you have to say is, “I don’t think that we’re right for each other.” ---
**Author:** ![lavenderviolet](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/cdc98d/32.png) [@lavenderviolet](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lavenderviolet)\ **Post date:** [December 1, 2006, 9:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/online-dating-no-photo-no-dice/382432/29 "2006-12-01T21:43:04Z")
[QUOTE=elmwood] One strange thing I’ve been seeing more of lately: photos of single, childless women holding babies. I want to have children too, but it just sends off a creepy vibe. [/QUOTE] Oh, men do the “Pose with someone else’s kid” thing a lot too. I guess they think it makes them look “sensitive” or “nurturing”. In actuality, I find it annoying because it seems so calculated (even though I do like kids). My philosophy on personal ads has always been to focus on sounding welcoming and positive, so I’d probably avoid putting any restrictions on who I want to hear from in the ad. I prefer to just weed out the undesirables once they write, rather than risk alienating someone I might actually like by sounding too “picky” or judgemental. ---
**Author:** ![Cardinal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cardinal/32/4000_2.png) [@Cardinal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cardinal)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2006, 1:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/online-dating-no-photo-no-dice/382432/30 "2006-12-02T01:44:50Z")
[QUOTE=Lush Puppy] However, one guy sent me an email asking why I declined him and I said it was because he didn’t have a photo. He responded saying that if I wasn’t shallow, a photo would be unimportant. I told him I thought it was unfair that he could see what I look like and I can’t see what he looks like. I also pointed out that he said I was pretty in his initial correspondence so clearly, looks matter to him. No response. [/QUOTE] That’s ridiculous. I’ve been through the online sites, and I’m the type to put a lot of thought into even stuff like this. There are only certain reasons a person wouldn’t put a picture in the profile. I was thinking about women, but I think these go both ways: 1. He doesn’t have a picture or a scanner or whatever. This just means that he’s not very serious about the whole thing because he can’t be bothered to fix the problem. 2. He’s to dumb to figure out how to scan or upload a picture. This means you’re not interested anyway. 3. He’s so smoking hot that it only causes problems. I find that hard to believe. What a problem to have! 4. He’s trying to hide his looks, working on the hope that a few emails and phone calls will make you like him so much that his looks won’t matter. I’m not sure about women, but that’s really unlikely to happen for me. I have changed my opinion before, but that kind of interaction isn’t probably deep enough to cause it. I only cruise profiles with pictures any more. There are so many of those that it’s more than I can really deal with anyway. ---
**Author:** ![hajario](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hajario/32/171_2.png) [@hajario](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hajario)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2006, 2:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/online-dating-no-photo-no-dice/382432/31 "2006-12-02T02:25:39Z")
1. He’s married or in a relationship and doesn’t want someone he knows to see his picture on a dating site. 2. He’s embarrassed to be online dating and doesn’t want to be seen by friends or co-workers. ---
**Author:** ![Patty\_O\_Furniture](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/96bed5/32.png) [@Patty\_O\_Furniture](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Patty_O_Furniture)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2006, 3:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/online-dating-no-photo-no-dice/382432/32 "2006-12-02T03:32:48Z")
Maybe he just doesn’t show up in photographs. You could be missing out on some really hot vampire sex! ---
**Author:** ![alice\_in\_wonderland](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alice_in_wonderland/32/176_2.png) [@alice\_in\_wonderland](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/alice_in_wonderland)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2006, 5:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/online-dating-no-photo-no-dice/382432/33 "2006-12-02T05:37:11Z")
[QUOTE=Lush Puppy] However, one guy sent me an email asking why I declined him and I said it was because he didn’t have a photo. He responded saying that if I wasn’t shallow, a photo would be unimportant. [/QUOTE] See, this lameo reply says to me that the guy has one eyebrow, 4 teeth all pointing in different directions, and isn’t super well aquainted with his shower. I mean, come on, looks aren’t the only thing, but they are something and it’s sort of nice to have a face to go with the text that you’re swapping, ya know? ---
**Author:** ![Throatwarbler\_Mangrove](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/8c91f0/32.png) [@Throatwarbler\_Mangrove](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Throatwarbler_Mangrove)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2006, 6:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/online-dating-no-photo-no-dice/382432/34 "2006-12-02T06:37:41Z")
Eh? Why won’t you date Peter Jackson? If I were a woman I’d be all over him. 😕 ---
**Author:** ![According\_to\_Pliny](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/8e7dd6/32.png) [@According\_to\_Pliny](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/According_to_Pliny)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2006, 2:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/online-dating-no-photo-no-dice/382432/35 "2006-12-02T14:01:52Z")
I think “Photo appreciated.” would cover it. Keep it simple. ---
**Author:** ![OneCentStamp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/13edae/32.png) [@OneCentStamp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OneCentStamp)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2006, 4:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/online-dating-no-photo-no-dice/382432/36 "2006-12-02T16:27:33Z")
[QUOTE=kawaiitentaclebeast] Eh? Why won’t you date Peter Jackson? If I were a woman I’d be **all over him**. 😕 [/QUOTE] And then some, provided you were over 5’3". ---
**Author:** ![Quiddity\_Glomfuster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/c4cdca/32.png) [@Quiddity\_Glomfuster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quiddity_Glomfuster)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2006, 4:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/online-dating-no-photo-no-dice/382432/37 "2006-12-02T16:59:41Z")
I think the emphasis on photos is bogus. People are three-dimensional. Photos are two. Actual humans are not rendered accurately in two dimensions. I have photos that make me look stunning and photos that would cause you to run screaming. I’ve seen good and bad photos of my friends - some so bad that the friends are unrecognizable. IMHO if you depend on a photo to give you the essence of a person, you’re doing both of you a grave injustice. It has also been my experience that people whose looks didn’t initially grab me became much more attractive as I got to know and appreciate their characters. On the other hand, I’ve gotten to know people who looked smoking hot who were completely uninteresting on further acquaintance. But I guess it’s useful that people who insist that photos (and looks) are crucial select their like-mindeds out of the field. ---
**Author:** ![VinylTurnip](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b2d939/32.png) [@VinylTurnip](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VinylTurnip)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2006, 5:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/online-dating-no-photo-no-dice/382432/38 "2006-12-02T17:22:56Z")
[QUOTE=Quiddity Glomfuster] I think the emphasis on photos is bogus. People are three-dimensional. [/QUOTE] Indeed. And some more than others. Google “fat girl angle shot” for a good example of the infallibility of photographic evidence. (To the OP, though, of course you’re justified. The “photo is unimportant” guy is pretty obviously an ogre.) ---
**Author:** ![CanvasShoes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/74df32/32.png) [@CanvasShoes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CanvasShoes)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2006, 8:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/online-dating-no-photo-no-dice/382432/39 "2006-12-02T20:32:11Z")
[QUOTE=Vinyl Turnip] Indeed. And some more than others. Google “fat girl angle shot” for a good example of the infallibility of photographic evidence. (To the OP, though, of course you’re justified. The “photo is unimportant” guy is pretty obviously an ogre.) [/QUOTE] Amen! And even if the guy is good looking and there is no reason at all for him to be shy about photos, the photo can tell you something about him. Way back when I was doing the internet dating thing, I met a guy who didn’t originally have a photo in his profile, but he was local, so I thought “what the heck”. When I asked him to send a photo he did. For some reason, though the guy was obviously good looking, I got a bad vibe (not creepy, just “nooooo somehow this one isn’t right” vibes). The pic was of him in shorts, tennis shoes (no shirt) stretched out on a bench at a popular local hiking spot. VERY fit, very good looking. But somehow…it was kind of an (right word isn’t coming to me)…somehow “arrogant” looking photo. I went ahead and phoned and struck up a friendship with him anyway, but sure enough he was Mr. Prissypants (not in a femmy way), just a semi-conceited must have every hair in place, “I’m so hot” kind of way. High maintenance. So, as those who’ve mentioned disembodied hands and such, have said, sometimes the picture tells you a great deal more than just what they look like. On a happier note a man I’d been chatting with at another online sight but hadn’t yet seen, finally sent me a pic after several weeks of chatting. He wasn’t good looking, but he had the type of features that I find attractive. Sort of a mischievious crooked smile and a "happy " look about him. We didn’t end up staying together, but we had fun for awhile, and his pic also had somewhat in advance told me more about him than just his looks. I hate sending my pic, I don’t photograph well. A young man I met on a “Triv Travel” (similar to doper meets, only from a different board), said “wow! You’re hot, your pictures don’t show that!” Errr thanks, I think? 🙂 Sorry, I’m blathering on, I agree with the OP, pics are important for more than just whether or not the person is physically attractive. (PS, these women who leave disembodied hands and such in photos…Umm, they’ve never heard of Photoshop?) ---
**Author:** ![Cyn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a88e4f/32.png) [@Cyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cyn)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2006, 9:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/online-dating-no-photo-no-dice/382432/40 "2006-12-02T21:43:18Z")
There was a comic in the paper recently about “I don’t date guys who don’t post a picture online NOT because they’re bald, but because they’re too cheap to take Photoshop lessons.” The OP should ask for whatever she feels she needs in an online ad—someone will be excluded, offended, think she’s a snob no matter what she asks for. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/online-dating-no-photo-no-dice/382432.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/online-dating-no-photo-no-dice/382432.md?page=3)