# Online dating question **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [April 29, 2015, 3:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/online-dating-question/718816 "2015-04-29T15:25:25Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Bijou\_Drains](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bijou_drains/32/2814_2.png) [@Bijou\_Drains](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bijou_Drains)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2015, 3:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/online-dating-question/718816/1 "2015-04-29T15:25:25Z")
OK I’m a guy. And I meet some women online and go on a date or 2. Then some of them tell me we are not compatible and that’s OK. But others just simply ignore me after a date or 2. No response to email, calls, texts, etc. To me that’s simply being a coward. They are too scared to tell me no? I guess this happened in the past too but it seems in the online world it’s more common? BTW I should add that I don’t keep after them once they ignore me. ---
**Author:** ![Living\_Well\_Is\_Best\_Revenge](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/6bbea6/32.png) [@Living\_Well\_Is\_Best\_Revenge](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Living_Well_Is_Best_Revenge)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2015, 3:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/online-dating-question/718816/2 "2015-04-29T15:37:53Z")
Don’t even give it a second thought. Just move on. ---
**Author:** ![Telemark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/telemark/32/372_2.png) [@Telemark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Telemark)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2015, 3:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/online-dating-question/718816/3 "2015-04-29T15:42:00Z")
> [@Bijou\_Drains](#): > > But others just simply ignore me after a date or 2. No response to email, calls, texts, etc. To me that’s simply being a coward. They are too scared to tell me no? I guess this happened in the past too but it seems in the online world it’s more common? I think it’s just a reflection of the low investment in each date when you have a list of potential suitors. I don’t think it’s a reflection of being cowardly, it’s just that they don’t have too much invested in the date so it didn’t warrant a follow up. It’s probably more common in online dating. I had a relatively brief experience with online dating but I felt and probably demonstrated that vibe. ---
**Author:** ![Edward\_The\_Head](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ce73a5/32.png) [@Edward\_The\_Head](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Edward_The_Head)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2015, 3:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/online-dating-question/718816/4 "2015-04-29T15:42:29Z")
It’s annoying and people should just say they’re not interested. But at least after a couple of dates I just ignore it. After a text or two or email or two over a few days and no response then I leave them alone. The strange ones are the ones that I’ve dated for a couple of months and then stop talking, I’ve had that happen twice. ---
**Author:** ![qubed](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/f07891/32.png) [@qubed](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/qubed)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2015, 3:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/online-dating-question/718816/5 "2015-04-29T15:42:31Z")
It’s called [ghosting](http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/10/30/ghosting-dating-_n_6028958.html), and is unfortunately too common. Nothing to do but move on. ---
**Author:** ![Bijou\_Drains](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bijou_drains/32/2814_2.png) [@Bijou\_Drains](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bijou_Drains)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2015, 3:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/online-dating-question/718816/6 "2015-04-29T15:57:36Z")
I guess there’s a name for everything now. I guess also in the past you might see someone say at work or school so in that case they want to make sure you know they broke it off. But with online stuff they figure you won’t see them again so just ignoring you is OK. ---
**Author:** ![PookahMacPhellimey](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pookahmacphellimey/32/3175_2.png) [@PookahMacPhellimey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PookahMacPhellimey)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2015, 5:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/online-dating-question/718816/7 "2015-04-29T17:04:31Z")
I’m a woman and I hate it when guys do that - I think this is not exclusive to either sex. I try to always say “sorry, we’re not really a match” if I’m not interested. So I agree, it’s not very nice but it’s definitely “a thing” unfortunately. ---
**Author:** ![Sam\_Lowry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e95f7d/32.png) [@Sam\_Lowry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sam_Lowry)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2015, 6:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/online-dating-question/718816/8 "2015-04-29T18:08:44Z")
> [@Bijou\_Drains](#): > > But others just simply ignore me after a date or 2. No response to email, calls, texts, etc. To me that’s simply being a coward. They are too scared to tell me no? I guess this happened in the past too but it seems in the online world it’s more common? > > BTW I should add that I don’t keep after them once they ignore me. It’s not ideal, but it’s understandable. Some might be rude or thoughtless, but some might have had bad experiences of politely messaging a guy that she’s not interested, and then he won’t take the no for an answer. It can be annoying, or creepy, or scary if someone starts doing that. And normal seeming guys can do it too. You wouldn’t do that, but she doesn’t know that. I’m sure the same thing probably happens to guys, where a girl won’t gracefully take the rejection and tries to convince or harass the guy into another date, but I’ve just heard it more from the girl’s side. Good luck to you, online dating isn’t easy. ---
**Author:** ![Bijou\_Drains](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bijou_drains/32/2814_2.png) [@Bijou\_Drains](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bijou_Drains)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2015, 6:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/online-dating-question/718816/9 "2015-04-29T18:13:43Z")
Seems to me ignoring someone is also a good way to get someone mad at you so that they won’t leave you alone. Because it leaves the outcome not 100% certain. ---
**Author:** ![racepug](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/f1d935/32.png) [@racepug](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/racepug)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2015, 6:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/online-dating-question/718816/10 "2015-04-29T18:20:04Z")
> [@qubed](#): > > It’s called [ghosting](http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/10/30/ghosting-dating-_n_6028958.html), and is unfortunately too common. Nothing to do but move on. Wow. I learn something new every day. ---
**Author:** ![racepug](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/f1d935/32.png) [@racepug](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/racepug)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2015, 6:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/online-dating-question/718816/11 "2015-04-29T18:22:46Z")
> [@Sam\_Lowry](#): > > It’s not ideal, but it’s understandable. Some might be rude or thoughtless, but some might have had bad experiences of politely messaging a guy that she’s not interested, and then he won’t take the no for an answer. It can be annoying, or creepy, or scary if someone starts doing that. And normal seeming guys can do it too. You wouldn’t do that, but she doesn’t know that. > > I’m sure the same thing probably happens to guys, where a girl won’t gracefully take the rejection and tries to convince or harass the guy into another date, but I’ve just heard it more from the girl’s side. > > Good luck to you, **online dating isn’t easy**. Pfffft. DATING isn’t easy. I’m SOOOO glad I’m not playin’ that game these days! ---
**Author:** ![Malthus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/85f322/32.png) [@Malthus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malthus)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2015, 6:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/online-dating-question/718816/12 "2015-04-29T18:29:35Z")
> [@racepug](#): > > Pfffft. DATING isn’t easy. I’m SOOOO glad I’m not playin’ that game these days! Heh, me too. Reading that article about “Ghosting” makes me ranty. Just seems so indcative of a society where people are basically interchangable, relationships are disposable and the culture is evolving so that it isn’t worth even the smallest effort to be polite to others! I think I’ll go home and hug my wife. ---
**Author:** ![dasmoocher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/dbc845/32.png) [@dasmoocher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dasmoocher)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2015, 6:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/online-dating-question/718816/13 "2015-04-29T18:30:59Z")
> [@Living\_Well\_Is\_Best\_Revenge](#): > > Don’t even give it a second thought. Just move on. > [@Sam\_Lowry](#): > > It’s not ideal, but it’s understandable. Some might be rude or thoughtless, but some might have had bad experiences of politely messaging a guy that she’s not interested, and then he won’t take the no for an answer. It can be annoying, or creepy, or scary if someone starts doing that. And normal seeming guys can do it too. You wouldn’t do that, but she doesn’t know that. > > I’m sure the same thing probably happens to guys, where a girl won’t gracefully take the rejection and tries to convince or harass the guy into another date, but I’ve just heard it more from the girl’s side. > > Good luck to you, online dating isn’t easy. I have a tangential question. I’ve signed up for some free dating sites–put a few picture and likes into my profile. I get women sending me emails, but you have to pay your site to see them–buy a subscription. To the women that have written to me, I’m not blowing you off, I just haven’t decided to spend my money on this site. I’ve actually gotten messages I from women I would consider interesting enough from their profiles and photos to respond to, but I haven’t, because I haven’t bought the service. Where do I buy the “Online Dating for Dummies” book? And before anyone responds–why do I know this title actually exists? ---
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2015, 9:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/online-dating-question/718816/14 "2015-04-29T21:10:06Z")
[Ahem](http://www.amazon.com/Online-Dating-Dummies-Judith-Silverstein/dp/0764538152). ---
**Author:** ![xizor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/xizor/32/102_2.png) [@xizor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/xizor)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2015, 9:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/online-dating-question/718816/15 "2015-04-29T21:10:11Z")
> [@dasmoocher](#): > > I have a tangential question. I’ve signed up for some free dating sites–put a few picture and likes into my profile. I get women sending me emails, but you have to pay your site to see them–buy a subscription. > > To the women that have written to me, I’m not blowing you off, I just haven’t decided to spend my money on this site. I’ve actually gotten messages I from women I would consider interesting enough from their profiles and photos to respond to, but I haven’t, because I haven’t bought the service. That is quite the business problem. Totally free sites suffer from an overwhelming amount of abandoned or spammy accounts. Sites that require payment to do anything require an investment that many dipping their toe in the water are not ready for. In my experiences I have not found anything in the middle that was usable as a way to meet people, and have had slightly better luck and experiences at the free end. My advice is to avoid the middle ground (free to sign up, pay to do anything else) and stay at the free end or the totally pay for it end. ---
**Author:** ![Bijou\_Drains](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bijou_drains/32/2814_2.png) [@Bijou\_Drains](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bijou_Drains)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2015, 9:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/online-dating-question/718816/16 "2015-04-29T21:24:14Z")
Well it’s not a surprise that women get way more emails on the sites than men. Unless of course you look like George Clooney. The other day pop singer Hilary Duff said she’s now on Tinder so I think she gets plenty of emails. ---
**Author:** ![panache45](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/panache45/32/64_2.png) [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2015, 10:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/online-dating-question/718816/17 "2015-04-29T22:08:24Z")
> [@PookahMacPhellimey](#): > > I’m a woman and I hate it when guys do that - I think this is not exclusive to either sex. And it’s not exclusive to straight people. Many years ago I had been going with a guy for a few months. There was nothing wrong between us; in fact, the last time we were together was especially wonderful. Then . . . nothing. No arguments, no explanations, nothing. I guess he just found someone else. Several years later, we bumped into each other and he asked whether I remembered him. I just walked away. ---
**Author:** ![Stringbean](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d6d6ee/32.png) [@Stringbean](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stringbean)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2015, 10:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/online-dating-question/718816/18 "2015-04-29T22:36:39Z")
Why do you think they are perpetually single and perusing online dating sites? ---
**Author:** ![drachillix](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/48db29/32.png) [@drachillix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drachillix)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2015, 11:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/online-dating-question/718816/19 "2015-04-29T23:55:15Z")
Yeah, online dating sucks, all these women want is sex, sex, sex, then they leave…does nobody want to cuddle any more. ---
**Author:** ![Doctor\_Jackson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/doctor_jackson/32/32_2.png) [@Doctor\_Jackson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doctor_Jackson)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2015, 5:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/online-dating-question/718816/20 "2015-04-30T17:23:56Z")
> [@Malthus](#): > > I think I’ll go home and hug my wife. Me, too. What time will your wife be home? [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/online-dating-question/718816.md?page=2)