# Online Dating Tropes **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [June 21, 2010, 2:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/online-dating-tropes/543981 "2010-06-21T14:14:33Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Inner\_Stickler](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/inner_stickler/32/318_2.png) [@Inner\_Stickler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inner_Stickler)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2010, 5:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/online-dating-tropes/543981/21 "2010-06-21T17:19:43Z")
> [@Green\_Bean](#): > > Another OKCupid one: There is a section for “6 things you can’t live without” or some such. Many people put in air, water, food, etc. No duh. If you can’t see that the question assumes that at least the first and second levels of [Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Maslow's_hierarchy_of_needs) are mostly covered, than you’re a moron. If you do realize it and write that stuff anyway, you’re either incredibly boring or think you’re being funny and/or original, which also shows that you’re incredibly boring. _deletes ATP from his 6 things you can’t live without box._ ---
**Author:** ![Bosstone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/22d042/32.png) [@Bosstone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosstone)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2010, 5:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/online-dating-tropes/543981/22 "2010-06-21T17:20:18Z")
> [@Munch](#): > > Sorry - no offense was intended. But it is a pretty baggage-loaded statement for the majority of cases. It’s great that you see yourself as an independent person. If that’s what you’re trying to say, then say “I see myself as an independent person. While I’m looking for someone to fit into my life, and for me to fit into theirs, I’m not going to be making big life-altering changes just for the comfort of a relationship. My personal values are important to me, and I won’t be compromising them to squeeze into a relationship with you.” Such also shows that you’re able to avoid trite cliches that are ambiguous at best. ---
**Author:** ![MeanOldLady](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/meanoldlady/32/10737_2.png) [@MeanOldLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MeanOldLady)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2010, 5:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/online-dating-tropes/543981/23 "2010-06-21T17:21:06Z")
Thank you, **purplehorseshoe** , for being hilarious. > [@purplehorseshoe](#): > > I used to work for one of the big online dating sites, and as far as text goes, here’s what I saw overandoverandoverandoverandover … > > - “I like laughing / spending time with my friends / having fun.” > > Thanks, Master of Descriptions. That’s real helpful. All you’ve said is that you’re not clinically depressed and/or a sociopath. > > … > > Photos: > > - Pictures of someone holding up a camera and taking a picture of themself in the bathroom mirror. > > Translation: I don’t have a single friend who’ll take a picture of me. I am dying laughing. ---
**Author:** ![bouv](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bc8723/32.png) [@bouv](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bouv)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2010, 5:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/online-dating-tropes/543981/24 "2010-06-21T17:42:09Z")
> [@Inner\_Stickler](#): > > _deletes ATP from his 6 things you can’t live without box._ See, now I would find that hilarious if I saw it in a profile. It shows both: 1. That the person is, in theory, smart (or at the very least not an idiot.) 2. They can actually create an original joke out of the non-joke cliche that so many other people have. And I’m surprised it took this many posts to get to the biggest trope of them all: Curvy. No, you’re not curvy, you’re fat. That’s fine by me, not my preferred body type, but it is for some people (or at least if not preferred it’s not a deal-breaker), so why do you feel you should put down curvy when your pictures clearly show otherwise? Just put down “a few extra” or Hell, leave it blank! It’s a mostly useless part anyway since you do have photos! Unless, of course, you do all Myspace Angles and it’s not always easy to tell…yeah, most of the time it’s still easy to tell their real body-type, but sometimes it’s not… ---
**Author:** ![Munch](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/munch/32/5281_2.png) [@Munch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Munch)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2010, 5:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/online-dating-tropes/543981/25 "2010-06-21T17:52:32Z")
And, it ruins it for all the other actually curvy women out there! I had been communicating with a girl who was anything but fat, but was extremely curvy. A tiny little 5’3" girl, in good shape, and some pretty amazing curves. My first thought after seeing the pics was, “finally - now THAT’S curvy!” Being round is ONE curve, not multiple curves. So why should you care? Because it makes you look insincere or like you’re trying to hide something. If you’re okay with your body, say so by describing it honestly and without excuses (or not at all). The person you find that’s your ideal match isn’t going to care how you describe it but will want you to be sincere, and describing it honestly is going to filter out the people that do care about that shit. ---
**Author:** ![MeanOldLady](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/meanoldlady/32/10737_2.png) [@MeanOldLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MeanOldLady)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2010, 5:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/online-dating-tropes/543981/26 "2010-06-21T17:54:35Z")
I’ve found the only way to get around people automatically assuming you mean “fat” when you say “curvy” is to actually be descriptive. “Thin/fit, with an hourglass figure” or something like that. I am highly annoyed that the term “curvy” has been ruined forever, but there are bigger problems in the world, I guess. ---
**Author:** ![Dogzilla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e480ec/32.png) [@Dogzilla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dogzilla)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2010, 5:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/online-dating-tropes/543981/27 "2010-06-21T17:56:23Z")
> [@Munch](#): > > Sorry - no offense was intended. But it is a pretty baggage-loaded statement for the majority of cases. It’s great that you see yourself as an independent person. If that’s what you’re trying to say, then say “I see myself as an independent person. While I’m looking for someone to fit into my life, and for me to fit into theirs, I’m not going to be making big life-altering changes just for a relationship. My personal values are important to me, and I won’t be compromising them to squeeze into a relationship with you.” No offense taken. I had no idea what I thought was a statement of self-empowerment actually comes across as a statement of baggage. Now I know. That said, the response you are suggesting is too many words. I think most guys would nod off or go deaf and just stare at my breasts somewhere around “I see myself as…” 😃 Also, what you wrote could come off as “I am an uncompromising, ball-busting bitch.” Which is _true_, but hardly the first impression I’d wanna make. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Bosstone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/22d042/32.png) [@Bosstone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosstone)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2010, 5:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/online-dating-tropes/543981/28 "2010-06-21T17:58:24Z")
> [@Dogzilla](#): > > That said, the response you are suggesting is too many words. I think most guys would nod off or go deaf and just stare at my breasts somewhere around “I see myself as…” Personally I’d like it. I appreciate people who put actual thought into themselves and their descriptions, rather than “I dunno lol”. ---
**Author:** ![LionelHutz405](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lionelhutz405/32/536_2.png) [@LionelHutz405](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LionelHutz405)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2010, 6:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/online-dating-tropes/543981/29 "2010-06-21T18:08:25Z")
The aggressively illiterate. Becuz u r goin’ 2 half to WORK to, understand…me… It’s OK to break some grammar and spelling rules, but some people seem to go out of their way to be difficult to read. Not knowing where to use a comma is fine. But inserting multiple commas just for the hell of it is weird. The clueless loser. I’m not trying to be mean, but some people just seem incapable of realizing how bad what they are writing makes them look. For example, guys who open with a line like: “I’ve been on this site for over 2 years now and I can’t get anyone to answer my email. Ladies, why not, I’m a nice guy, why won’t you talk to me?” ---
**Author:** ![hobscrk777](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/a6a055/32.png) [@hobscrk777](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hobscrk777)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2010, 6:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/online-dating-tropes/543981/30 "2010-06-21T18:08:42Z")
Just wanted to let you all know this thread has me laughing out loud. ---
**Author:** ![Misnomer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/misnomer/32/14897_2.png) [@Misnomer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Misnomer)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2010, 6:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/online-dating-tropes/543981/31 "2010-06-21T18:08:46Z")
[QUOTE=twickster] Another OKC one, “Contact me if…” “…you’re interested.” [/QUOTE] But…but…mine has a winky face and is at the end of a line of things and is _clever_! Meh. Deleting “interested” now. ☹ [QUOTE=bouv] why do you feel you should put down curvy when your pictures clearly show otherwise? [/QUOTE] This question/complaint gets done to death in every online dating thread. The most common reasons are (1) so men don’t filter them out, and (2) because “fat” is in the eye of the beholder (one man’s “obese” is another’s “a few extra pounds”). That said, I totally agree with you. My OKC profile lists me as “overweight” for that very reason, and if I get filtered out of search results because of it well that’s just reality. Anyone who gets me in his results set can then judge my photos (no MySpace angles; in fact, there’s one pretty unflattering photo of me in shorts and a t-shirt after a day at the track). What drives _me_ crazy is when the “body type” options skip from “a few extra pounds” to “BBW” – I am neither! ---
**Author:** ![Misnomer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/misnomer/32/14897_2.png) [@Misnomer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Misnomer)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2010, 6:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/online-dating-tropes/543981/32 "2010-06-21T18:12:34Z")
Triple jinx! [QUOTE=LionelHutz405] The aggressively illiterate. The clueless loser. [/QUOTE] Oh HELL yes. ---
**Author:** ![Green\_Bean](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/green_bean/32/1760_2.png) [@Green\_Bean](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Green_Bean)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2010, 6:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/online-dating-tropes/543981/33 "2010-06-21T18:21:18Z")
I think discussion of the weight thing is a trope in and of itself. I agree that some of the particular descriptors should have their own entries, including: –Curvy, as discussed above –Average: People justifying not indicating that they’re somewhat overweight by saying that the average american is overweight. –BBW: I’m sure someone can come up with a pithier way to say this, but just because you’re big doesn’t mean that you’re beautiful. ---
**Author:** ![kapri](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/4491bb/32.png) [@kapri](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kapri)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2010, 6:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/online-dating-tropes/543981/34 "2010-06-21T18:39:50Z")
> [@ftg](#): > > _And_ I’m too dumb to figure out how to use the timer on a camera. Win-win. Well, for me (when I did it; I’m not online dating anymore), it meant, “Hey, it’s kinda late and I’ve been browsing online and checking out this dating website and decided what the heck, let’s try it!” and then I proceeded to fill out a profile and take a picture of myself at 1 a.m. and upload it before I change my mind. I have plenty of friends, but I’m not going to call any of them at 1 a.m. to take my photo. And I’m pretty sure my camera doesn’t have a timer. ---
**Author:** ![Misnomer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/misnomer/32/14897_2.png) [@Misnomer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Misnomer)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2010, 6:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/online-dating-tropes/543981/35 "2010-06-21T18:58:02Z")
[QUOTE=Green Bean] just because you’re big doesn’t mean that you’re beautiful. [/QUOTE] IME, “BBW” is about whether the _woman_ thinks she’s beautiful. My understanding is that when someone chooses to identify as a BBW, she’s basically saying, “I don’t fit comfortably in movie theater seats, I don’t plan to do anything about it, and if you don’t think I’m hot it’s because you’re a shallow pig.” (Maybe I’m wrong; I don’t mean to offend any self-proclaimed BBW who may read this. Let me know if I don’t get it!) ---
**Author:** ![Green\_Bean](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/green_bean/32/1760_2.png) [@Green\_Bean](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Green_Bean)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2010, 7:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/online-dating-tropes/543981/36 "2010-06-21T19:13:48Z")
Pre-emptive strike: (not directed at you, **Misnomer** ) Let’s keep this to a discussion of BBW as a trope only, please and not let it degenerate into yet another discussion of the concept of BBWs please. There are plenty of threads out there for that. ---
**Author:** ![Slithy\_Tove](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/slithy_tove/32/18248_2.png) [@Slithy\_Tove](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Slithy_Tove)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2010, 7:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/online-dating-tropes/543981/37 "2010-06-21T19:20:55Z")
“I can be sarcastic” used to compliment oneself for being sharp-witted. Webster’s: “mean marked by bitterness and a power or will to cut or sting. sarcastic implies an intentional inflicting of pain by deriding, taunting, or ridiculing” You mean all that can be mine? Oh hush, my throbbing member. ---
**Author:** ![bouv](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bc8723/32.png) [@bouv](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bouv)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2010, 7:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/online-dating-tropes/543981/38 "2010-06-21T19:41:12Z")
I thought of another thing I’m sick of seeing (it might just be limited to OkCupid) Bisexual girls who list themselves as single (so they show up in my searches,) but them bureid somewhere in their profile is the line “I AM ONLY LOOKING FOR ANOTHER GIRL!” And half the time they also mention that they are also in a relationship (usually with a guy) and say that they are looking for a girl for a threesome, or to date “on the side” in addition to the guy. Look, I know you put down bisexual because you like both men and women, but if at this point in time you’re only looking for a woman, just change your orientation to gay/lesbian so I don’t waste time and get my hopes up about the really cute girl that likes al lthe things I like and-oh wait, only wants to date another girl…:sad face: ---
**Author:** ![MeanOldLady](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/meanoldlady/32/10737_2.png) [@MeanOldLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MeanOldLady)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2010, 7:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/online-dating-tropes/543981/39 "2010-06-21T19:48:05Z")
> [@Slithy\_Tove](#): > > “I can be sarcastic” used to compliment oneself for being sharp-witted. Ugh. Has there ever, even once, _in the history of time_, been a single personals listing that included the sentence “I can be sarcastic” or “I’m can be a witty guy” or “I am telling you flat out that I’m funny without actually bothering to be funny” that was even vaguely interesting or entertaining? ---
**Author:** ![elmwood](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/elmwood/32/3060_2.png) [@elmwood](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elmwood)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2010, 7:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/online-dating-tropes/543981/40 "2010-06-21T19:57:25Z")
I’ve described this before, I think - **The Checklist**. It’s very common with a lot of WSM profiles; they don’t describe themselves that much beyond a few cliches (the aforementioned “I love to laugh and have fun!”), but include a long checklist of must-haves for their desired match, a good number related to looks. For example, “You must be at least 6’ tall, because I like to wear heels.”, “You must be athletic and able to keep up with me.” “You must have a full head of hair.” “You must have good teeth.” There’s also **The Kountry Kitschy Chick**. Usually found in a distant exurb, outlying semi-rural village, and far more common in southern states, they express a love for NASCAR, Harleys, flea markets, crafts, country music, and church. The book they last read was usually something glurgey or inspirational. Their photo features early 1990s-style big hair. More photo cliches: WSM: “Look at me and my 5 identical friends at a bar! WHOOOOOO!” WSM: Glamour Shot photos, often seen with the Kountry Kitschy Chick and overweight women. WSM: their ten cats. WSM: posing with various babies, even though they’re single and childless. MSW: shirtless. MSW: doing something rugged and outdoorsy; for example, standing on top of a mountain. MSW: posted next to a “big boy toy” such as a boat, motorcycle, or an expensive car. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/online-dating-tropes/543981.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/online-dating-tropes/543981.md?page=3)