# Online Dating Tropes **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [June 21, 2010, 2:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/online-dating-tropes/543981 "2010-06-21T14:14:33Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![MeanOldLady](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/meanoldlady/32/10737_2.png) [@MeanOldLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MeanOldLady)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2010, 6:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/online-dating-tropes/543981/81 "2010-06-22T18:35:02Z")
Ha ha ha! This thread almost makes me want to go on OKC right now just for the laughs. I guess it’s only funny when recalling it, or reading about other people’s experiences, but maddening when dealing with it. I love the Ebony Queen ads, and aside from the very basic requirements (which, remember, read "I am a complete loser), they also seem to be very proud of not having any children. Congratulations, you’ve figured out birth control. ---
**Author:** ![umop\_ap\_sdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/dbc845/32.png) [@umop\_ap\_sdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/umop_ap_sdn)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2010, 6:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/online-dating-tropes/543981/82 "2010-06-22T18:42:20Z")
> [@Ferret\_Herder](#): > > Probably there are some lesbian women out there who are biased against bi girls; maybe they figure they’re only temporarily bi until they find the right guy, maybe something else. Maybe this is it, given that most of us seem to end up with men. Which I think is partially _because_ of this apparent bias (on top of the fact that there are way more men seeking women than women seeking women). > [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](#): > > I thought everyone knew this… but half of those girls aren’t actually bisexual girls. They’re men pretending to be bisexual girls in the hope that they can con actual girls into sending them nudie pics. On some sites certainly… > [@ultrafilter](#): > > Her “About me” section probably includes a comment to the effect that writing about herself is hard. That could be a whole category; it’s annoying to see profile after profile with something along those lines in it. ---
**Author:** ![Ichbin\_Dubist](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/51bf81/32.png) [@Ichbin\_Dubist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ichbin_Dubist)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2010, 7:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/online-dating-tropes/543981/83 "2010-06-22T19:14:29Z")
> [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](#): > > I always thought that one meant, “I believe in Jesus, but I also like to fuck.” Except that I would totally write to someone who wrote that. **The Draftee** “A friend” talked you into this, did they? You can’t believe you’re doing this, you say? Never tried it before, haven’t you? Congrats that you feel that this is beneath you, especially as everyone you are talking to has also signed up on an Internet dating site. Hmm. ---
**Author:** ![Green\_Bean](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/green_bean/32/1760_2.png) [@Green\_Bean](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Green_Bean)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2010, 7:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/online-dating-tropes/543981/84 "2010-06-22T19:18:09Z")
> [@elmwood](#): > > Also, nobody mentioned the **Ebony Queen** , the black WSM with the very Afrocentric ad; “Nubian princess seeking her African prince”, references to “keeping it real”, loaded with black pop culture references, something about God or Jesus, “must have a job and car”, and including the obligatory “NO WHITE MEN”. Oh gawd…this reminds me of something I came up with when I was on AFF. Now I don’t think this would apply to black men who contact white women on most ordinary sites, but given AFF’s focus, this is what I observed: I was contacted by many black men there. I’m white. While some of them took some kind of normal approach, the majority made race a primary issue in their initial email. Over time, I noticed certain patterns and it became clear that they could be divided into 3 categories: **The BBCs** : BBC stands for Big Black Cock. And they virtually always used those exact words. They told me all about their big black cocks and how their possession of such would leave me satisfied beyond all measure. Frequently they included helpful photographs of their purported big black cocks, often with said big black cock buried in a pasty white ass. These emails usually were based on the assumption that I had no personal experience with big black cocks, and therefore were attempting to cash in on their mythical status. **The Spike Lees** : Spike Lees tried to play the Jungle Fever angle. Their emails tended to be full of flowery prose describing the potential contrast between our skin tones. They made it clear that they were interested in me largely because I was white and expected that I would be interested in them largely because they were black. Again, they usually assumed that I had never dated a black man and were trying to trade on their supposed exoticism. **The Reverend Als:** Ahh…the Reverend Als. The group is named for Reverend Al Sharpton, of course, who has made a career out of calling people out for racism, both real and imagined.\* A Reverend Al would start off his email by accusing me of racism and challenging me to prove to him that I’m not a racist.\*\* Apparently, the only way I could prove this was by agreeing to have sex with him. Some even took it a step farther by saying “if you don’t respond to this email, I’ll know you’re a racist.” Some took a milder approach by saying things like “I’m sure you don’t date black guys but…” Note that I had checked “any” for my preferred races and made no mention of race anywhere in my profile or otherwise. The Reverend Als were the only ones who actively annoyed me because they were so obviously trying to play on my white guilt to manipulate me. And I do have as much white guilt as any left-wing bleeding heart liberal Jew, but really, you’ve got to be a little more clever than that! - n.b. No offense meant to the good Reverend. I’m actually kind of a fan. \*\* Well, I suppose this post ain’t doing much to prove it either. ---
**Author:** ![Green\_Bean](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/green_bean/32/1760_2.png) [@Green\_Bean](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Green_Bean)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2010, 7:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/online-dating-tropes/543981/85 "2010-06-22T19:32:09Z")
To clarify something above: Mentioning race at all didn’t mean you were in one of those three categories. Quite a few of the “normal” guys did mention it, but did not make it the primary focus of their email. ---
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2010, 7:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/online-dating-tropes/543981/86 "2010-06-22T19:39:14Z")
> [@Green\_Bean](#): > > **The Reverend Als:** Ahh…the Reverend Als. The group is named for Reverend Al Sharpton, of course, who has made a career out of calling people out for racism, both real and imagined.\* A Reverend Al would start off his email by accusing me of racism and challenging me to prove to him that I’m not a racist.\*\* Apparently, the only way I could prove this was by agreeing to have sex with him. I am in awe of the guy who first thought this up. ---
**Author:** ![Robot\_Arm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/robot_arm/32/18280_2.png) [@Robot\_Arm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Robot_Arm)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2010, 7:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/online-dating-tropes/543981/87 "2010-06-22T19:41:18Z")
> [@elmwood](#): > > WSM: “Look at me and my 5 identical friends at a bar! WHOOOOOO!” > WSM: Glamour Shot photos, often seen with the Kountry Kitschy Chick and overweight women. > WSM: their ten cats. > WSM: posing with various babies, even though they’re single and childless. > MSW: shirtless. > MSW: doing something rugged and outdoorsy; for example, standing on top of a mountain. > MSW: posted next to a “big boy toy” such as a boat, motorcycle, or an expensive car. Tandem skydiving. (I made a comment in my OKC journal about how surprising it was to find so many skydiving instructors have profiles there.) In a car. (Yes, I drive, but it would never occur to me to document the occasion.) ---
**Author:** ![Robot\_Arm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/robot_arm/32/18280_2.png) [@Robot\_Arm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Robot_Arm)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2010, 7:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/online-dating-tropes/543981/88 "2010-06-22T19:44:47Z")
> [@Green\_Bean](#): > > **The Reverend Als:** Ahh…the Reverend Als. The group is named for Reverend Al Sharpton, of course, who has made a career out of calling people out for racism, both real and imagined.\* A Reverend Al would start off his email by accusing me of racism and challenging me to prove to him that I’m not a racist.\*\* Apparently, the only way I could prove this was by agreeing to have sex with him. > [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](#): > > I am in awe of the guy who first thought this up. “Do me, or you hate robots.” Eh, might be worth a try. ---
**Author:** ![Ludovic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7ab992/32.png) [@Ludovic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ludovic)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2010, 7:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/online-dating-tropes/543981/89 "2010-06-22T19:50:17Z")
> [@Robot\_Arm](#): > > Tandem skydiving. (I made a comment in my OKC journal about how surprising it was to find so many skydiving instructors have profiles there.) > > In a car. (Yes, I drive, but it would never occur to me to document the occasion.) You’re gonna need a bigger parachute 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2010, 8:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/online-dating-tropes/543981/90 "2010-06-22T20:02:58Z")
**Date My Pet Please** These are the ones where the dog (or, more rarely, cat) is front and centre, often to a degree that you can’t see the person. Makes me wonder which one of them placed the ad. **Date My Drink Please** Similarly, there are the ones where the drink is front and centre. > [@Ichbin\_Dubist](#): > > **Spiritual But Not Religious** > This is a phrase that doesn’t exist outside of Internet dating. It seems to cover a range from “chickenshit atheist” to “believer but too lazy to actually go to church” to that crossroads where yoga, Ayurvedic medicine, sweat lodges, crystals, Kabala, and female Catholic saints all come together at the religion yard sale. I disagree with this. To me, “spiritual but not religious” is actually an attempt to say “No proselytizers please!” This is actually a difficult thing to sort for or against in the sites I’ve been on. They let you specify what kind of religion you believe in, but there’s no way to specify _how_ you believe it, which is at least as important. Are you a live-and-let-live believer who doesn’t mind the occasional discussion, or do you parade your god out in front of you and insist that all bow down? ---
**Author:** ![DivineComedienne](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/c67d28/32.png) [@DivineComedienne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DivineComedienne)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2010, 8:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/online-dating-tropes/543981/91 "2010-06-22T20:32:35Z")
Men who post a photo of themselves with a motorcycle, or boat, or sportscar, where the vehicle takes up most of the photo and I can’t even make out their features. I guess I’m supposed to be impressed that you own a snazzy vehicle…this must be the flip side of the golddigger. Ditto the ones that show a guy, from a distance, snorkeling, swimming, in a hot tub, etc., wearing sunglasses. Yup, you’re probably quite a guy…if I could only SEE you. And the guys who show a photo of them snuggling a pet creep me out, too. Also, the ones on Eharmony that list under their “Must Haves” - “Must be considered very attractive by most standards.” That’s great, I consider myself to be normal/average looking, so I’m out of the running - and most of these guys are overweight, bald, short, dorky, etc. Are they vastly overestimating their own attractiveness? Do they really expect these gorgeous women to be beating down their door? ---
**Author:** ![MeanOldLady](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/meanoldlady/32/10737_2.png) [@MeanOldLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MeanOldLady)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2010, 8:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/online-dating-tropes/543981/92 "2010-06-22T20:44:50Z")
Oh, the Zillion Miles Away photo. Great, all I can tell from that is you are not morbidly obese. Now what’s wrong with your face, that you’re lurking in the background, and covering up with shades and a hat? ---
**Author:** ![Misnomer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/misnomer/32/14897_2.png) [@Misnomer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Misnomer)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2010, 8:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/online-dating-tropes/543981/93 "2010-06-22T20:52:18Z")
> [@Sunspace](#): > > This is actually a difficult thing to sort for or against in the sites I’ve been on. They let you specify what kind of religion you believe in, but there’s no way to specify _how_ you believe it, which is at least as important. One of the things I like about OKC is that you can pick from a range of “…and very serious about it” to “…and laughing about it” when you select your religion (you can also choose to leave the “…and” part blank). (P.S. Hi, Sunspace! :)) ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2010, 8:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/online-dating-tropes/543981/94 "2010-06-22T20:54:07Z")
> [@DivineComedienne](#): > > Men who post a photo of themselves with a motorcycle, or boat, or sportscar, where the vehicle takes up most of the photo and I can’t even make out their features. I guess I’m supposed to be impressed that you own a snazzy vehicle…this must be the flip side of the golddigger. **Date My Car/Bike/Boat Please** 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Maggie\_the\_Ocelot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/df705f/32.png) [@Maggie\_the\_Ocelot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Maggie_the_Ocelot)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2010, 9:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/online-dating-tropes/543981/95 "2010-06-22T21:18:57Z")
> [@Khaki\_Campbell](#): > > Those aren’t quite equivalent. While men seeking no-strings-attached sex might be exploitation for one night, women seeking marriage is exploitation for a lifetime. :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![Ichbin\_Dubist](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/51bf81/32.png) [@Ichbin\_Dubist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ichbin_Dubist)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2010, 9:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/online-dating-tropes/543981/96 "2010-06-22T21:24:20Z")
> [@MeanOldLady](#): > > Oh, the Zillion Miles Away photo. Great, all I can tell from that is you are not morbidly obese. Now what’s wrong with your face, that you’re lurking in the background, and covering up with shades and a hat? A popular subset is the Me on a Mountaintop photo. Everyone in North Face gear, sunglasses and a big hat looks more or less the same from 30 feet away. ---
**Author:** ![Bosstone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/22d042/32.png) [@Bosstone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosstone)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2010, 9:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/online-dating-tropes/543981/97 "2010-06-22T21:27:45Z")
> [@Ichbin\_Dubist](#): > > A popular subset is the Me on a Mountaintop photo. Everyone in North Face gear, sunglasses and a big hat looks more or less the same from 30 feet away. But but but, they’re outdoorsy go-getters! ---
**Author:** ![Shot\_From\_Guns](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ccd318/32.png) [@Shot\_From\_Guns](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shot_From_Guns)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2010, 9:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/online-dating-tropes/543981/98 "2010-06-22T21:39:25Z")
> [@Maggie\_the\_Ocelot](#): > > :rolleyes: Oh c’mon–I thought it was funny. I don’t think it was intended seriously. ---
**Author:** ![Swallowed\_My\_Cellphone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9d8465/32.png) [@Swallowed\_My\_Cellphone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Swallowed_My_Cellphone)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2010, 10:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/online-dating-tropes/543981/99 "2010-06-22T22:19:49Z")
What about the **Cash Fan** made famous by the [Craig’s List Cash Waver](http://cache.gawker.com/assets/resources/2008/06/mrright-thumb.jpeg). When guys, usually douchebags doing the kissy face, post a stupid photo where they are displaying cash — tragically often with embarrassingly low denominations. ---
**Author:** ![elfkin477](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/a9a28c/32.png) [@elfkin477](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elfkin477)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2010, 10:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/online-dating-tropes/543981/100 "2010-06-22T22:20:36Z")
> [@Wheelz](#): > > Related to: The way-too-narrow demographic – Looking for men aged 25-28, between 5’11" and 6’2", making at least $100,000 and living north of Division and east of Ashland. The male corollary being men who have _no idea_ what the numbers they grasp out of the air translate to, which gives us things like guys wanting to date a girl who is 5’7" to 5’9" and weighs no more than 110Lbs, or is a 40F cup size. Some might be really looking for girls like that, but most have no clue that first woman would be underweight rather than just thin, and the latter would be a fat chick or fit but build like her dad the wide receiver. > [@MeanOldLady](#): > > I am highly annoyed that the term “curvy” has been ruined forever, but there are bigger problems in the world, I guess. If I ever posted an online dating profile, I have no idea what I’d say about body type. My measurements are 38"-28"-39" and according to my BMI I ought to lose ~10 pounds, which has collected mostly on my hips and thighs as you probably guessed. “Curvy” means fat, and “a few extra pounds” means fat, so would _I_ say? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/online-dating-tropes/543981.md?page=4) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/online-dating-tropes/543981.md?page=6)