# Online Porn and Significant Others **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [December 3, 2009, 2:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/online-porn-and-significant-others/519846 "2009-12-03T14:17:10Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 12\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![melodyharmonius](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/melodyharmonius/32/21310_2.png) [@melodyharmonius](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/melodyharmonius)\ **Post date:** [December 4, 2009, 7:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/online-porn-and-significant-others/519846/41 "2009-12-04T19:58:20Z")
> [@control-z](#): > > I’ve actually been in a situation like that. I guess there were underlying issues and resentments in the relationship and it really felt like I was lowering myself having sex with the girl, which was a sad state of affairs. Wait - can you clarify? Are you saying you felt like you were like my SO, and that he was lowering himself? Or that you were like me, willing to do anything just so you could have sex? And that made you feel like you were lowering yourself. No offense taken, just trying to understand. ---
**Author:** ![lezlers](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/258eb7/32.png) [@lezlers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lezlers)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2009, 12:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/online-porn-and-significant-others/519846/42 "2009-12-05T00:16:50Z")
I’ve got no problem with porn, I watch it too. My ex had an impressive collection. The only time I’d get pissed was when he’d leave something on the screen when his daughter was visiting. I think it’s a self esteem thing. If your SO hardly ever touches you but is spanking it on the regular with his porn companions, I can see how you’d be less tolerant. But as long as it doesn’t interfere, have at it. ---
**Author:** ![BigT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bigt/32/12044_2.png) [@BigT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigT)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2009, 3:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/online-porn-and-significant-others/519846/43 "2009-12-07T03:46:32Z")
I’m not married, so I can’t answer directly, but I do know that, in my social circles, a married man looking at pornography is considered to be cheating. It’s considered a damaging thing, and is something some of my friends go to counsiling about. And I know others who have kicked the habit. ---
**Author:** ![CrazyCatLady](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/dfb087/32.png) [@CrazyCatLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CrazyCatLady)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2009, 4:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/online-porn-and-significant-others/519846/44 "2009-12-07T04:10:25Z")
> [@lezlers](#): > > I think it’s a self esteem thing. If your SO hardly ever touches you but is spanking it on the regular with his porn companions, I can see how you’d be less tolerant. To a large extent, I think you’re probably right. Most of the women I’ve known who have been really porn-intolerant have either been insecure in and of themselves or, and this was _much_ more common, not in terribly fulfilling sexual relationships, typically with guys who wanted porn response without putting any actual effort into things. Jerking off to porn with your spouse’s knowledge is basically turning to her and saying, “Hey, that chick over there? I’d do her.” As with all other situations, if she has any reason to say “Orly? That’s weird, because you won’t do _me_,” you got trouble. And I totally understand the “if I’m enough, why are you spanking it to other women who look and act _nothing_ like me?” mindset. Because, logically speaking, if someone truly is all you want, it would stand to reason that you’d be thinking about them or people/scenarios that remind you of them when you spank it. When you do the exact opposite, it does rather imply that what you truly _want_ is something very different, even if you’re willing to not act on those desires. ---
**Author:** ![madmonk28](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/madmonk28/32/20811_2.png) [@madmonk28](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/madmonk28)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2009, 4:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/online-porn-and-significant-others/519846/45 "2009-12-07T04:24:19Z")
I’m married and my job requires me to sometimes be away from home for months at a time. There is a kind of acknowledgement that I’ll probably be spanking it to porn while we’re apart and that I’ll probably need to build up a library on a flashdrive as part of my pre-departure checklist. She’s not jazzed about it, but I know guys who feel that being in the field means that they can outright cheat on their wives, so I’m okay in the husband department. ---
**Author:** ![Cyn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a88e4f/32.png) [@Cyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cyn)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2009, 4:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/online-porn-and-significant-others/519846/46 "2009-12-07T04:29:45Z")
We watch together, he watches, I watch, we talk about what looks fun and what looks like a bad idea. And we laugh a lot. Cyn and Lep64, living together ---
**Author:** ![Illuminatiprimus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/illuminatiprimus/32/11520_2.png) [@Illuminatiprimus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Illuminatiprimus)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2009, 11:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/online-porn-and-significant-others/519846/47 "2009-12-07T11:04:09Z")
> [@BigT](#): > > It’s considered a damaging thing, and is something some of my friends go to counsiling about. Some of your friends need to get out more if they think that porn is that much of a social evil. ---
**Author:** ![Isamu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/7c8e57/32.png) [@Isamu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Isamu)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2009, 11:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/online-porn-and-significant-others/519846/48 "2009-12-07T11:11:55Z")
> [@Shakes](#): > > If you’re a woman looking for a man who doesn’t look at internet porn; I’d say you’re fishing from a very small dating pool. What are you talking about?! There are plenty of 75 year-old guys-and-over out there looking for their true love. 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Rigamarole](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/77aa72/32.png) [@Rigamarole](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rigamarole)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2009, 11:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/online-porn-and-significant-others/519846/49 "2009-12-07T11:20:54Z")
The OP’s scenario is beyond controlling. If I was with a woman who actually got upset about me looking at porn, that relationship would end very quickly. ---
**Author:** ![Elysian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/c77e96/32.png) [@Elysian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elysian)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2009, 1:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/online-porn-and-significant-others/519846/50 "2009-12-07T13:11:11Z")
It’s not a big deal unless it’s taking the place of some part of the relationship. I have gotten upset about my partner watching it before, and that was the entire reason. If it’s _in addition_ or _for ideas_ it’s okay, but if it’s something you’ve turned me down on, or I’m trying to provide for you, and I find out that you’re getting it somewhere else by god you’d better have a damned good reason why. Personally I think guys would be a lot less easygoing about their girlfriend/wife viewing porn if she’d pleaded a headache for weeks prior. That sexual energy should be inside the relationship, not outside. It’s understandable if the energy is inside the relationship and the overspill shifts to porn – NOT understandable if it’s only for porn. I’ve become more tolerant to it, mainly because I have to, don’t I? It’s become very pervasive and accepted. I don’t particularly like it but them’s the breaks. ---
**Author:** ![badbadrubberpiggy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/57b2e6/32.png) [@badbadrubberpiggy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/badbadrubberpiggy)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2009, 2:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/online-porn-and-significant-others/519846/51 "2009-12-07T14:35:03Z")
> [@control-z](#): > > I think Doper Women are a lot more open to porn than most women. . I also think these threads tend to attract the ones that do like porn, or the men whose wives like it. A few people will answer negatively, but most simply won’t answer, or won’t bother with the thread at all. ---
**Author:** ![Madd\_Maxx](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Madd\_Maxx](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Madd_Maxx)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2009, 10:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/online-porn-and-significant-others/519846/52 "2009-12-08T22:04:40Z")
> [@bengangmo](#): > > Well I will be the first then - my wife HATES it. > > If she caught me looking I would be in for serious cold shoulder shoulder treatment. > > If she caught me talking to Mrs Palmer worse still… Couldn’t have put it better myself. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/online-porn-and-significant-others/519846.md?page=2)