# Only 2 dates, but Valentines Day is Friday. What to do? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [February 11, 2025, 7:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/only-2-dates-but-valentines-day-is-friday-what-to-do/1014185 "2025-02-11T19:47:59Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![DSeid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dseid/32/20194_2.png) [@DSeid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DSeid)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2025, 4:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/only-2-dates-but-valentines-day-is-friday-what-to-do/1014185/61 "2025-02-12T16:13:02Z")
Okay I’ve never been directly in that situation. But imagining myself dating. Two dates? I wouldn’t even be thinking about _meeting_ the kids yet. This isn’t even _a relationship_ yet. He barely knows her. Thinking of the kids, Mom having dates and … intimacy … is not their business. Funny I am experiencing a bit of the converse? My youngest, the daughter, has been going out with the same guy for a little bit now. They “are exclusive” but she doesn’t yet want to call him her boyfriend or have him meet us yet because they aren’t yet at that point. Thinking of the parents and not wanting us to get too attached! 😀 ETA > [@hajario](#): > > you don’t need to be part of this discussion. FWIW I have dealt with more kids in divorced families than you I suspect. I wouldn’t say that makes me an expert but yeah I feel knowledgeable enough to participate. ---
**Author:** ![Bullitt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bullitt/32/5725_2.png) [@Bullitt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bullitt)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2025, 4:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/only-2-dates-but-valentines-day-is-friday-what-to-do/1014185/62 "2025-02-12T16:33:04Z")
But you are not saying to get introduced to the kids immediately and show public displays of affection towards each other, are you? And you do believe there is an appropriate time and way to introduce the other to the kid (s), correct? Or not? ---
**Author:** ![DSeid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dseid/32/20194_2.png) [@DSeid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DSeid)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2025, 4:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/only-2-dates-but-valentines-day-is-friday-what-to-do/1014185/63 "2025-02-12T16:45:33Z")
Don’t meet the kids or even think about meeting the kids until this is a real relationship with some expectation of sticking around for a good long time. @Moriarty may be setting himself up for a let down. She may just want some fun and romance, not a new partner, let alone an additional father figure for her kids. Public outside of the house not in front of kids is fine. At some point, not yet, flowers at work. Fine. But keep the kids out of it this early. They can know mom is going on dates. But meeting each new “friend” she has? No. That is a step reserved for a relationship a lot more serious than a few dates … or hook ups. And then knowing your place in the dynamic is important. ---
**Author:** ![hajario](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hajario/32/171_2.png) [@hajario](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hajario)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2025, 4:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/only-2-dates-but-valentines-day-is-friday-what-to-do/1014185/64 "2025-02-12T16:54:52Z")
I agree that if it’s just hookups the kids don’t need to know. If it’s a possible romance, the kid thing needs to be worked out immediately just to make sure that there are no show stoppers before it gets (more) serious. Given that they’re aware of the existence of the kids and their ages, maybe they’ve done this. Saying that the 12 year old boy won’t care gave me very serious pause. I guarantee you that even if he says that he doesn’t care, he cares. I’m obviously very colored by my experience and those 1970s divorces may be a special case. It was (I believe) the first time that parents got divorced in big numbers and it was a selfish time. People didn’t really know how the fuck to handle it. ---
**Author:** ![ThelmaLou](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thelmalou/32/390_2.png) [@ThelmaLou](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ThelmaLou)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2025, 5:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/only-2-dates-but-valentines-day-is-friday-what-to-do/1014185/65 "2025-02-12T17:52:13Z")
> [@DSeid](#): > > Sheesh. This is two dates and we’re jumping to blended family concerns? Maybe we can give them a month of dating first? I have a theory about this. * * * **TL;DR** Make a note IN WRITING of your impressions after a first date. Those impressions matter. * * * I’ve been in five long-term relationships (2-10 years each) in my seven decades of life. One ended in divorce, one in widowhood. The others ended for other reasons. When you come home from a first date with anyone, immediately sit down and list your impressions, good, bad, and indifferent. What was your **first** impression-- no analysis, just quickly note down. No matter how small or seemingly insignificant. Welcoming, standoffish, cool, holding back or revealing everything, eager or indifferent. Did you feel drawn to them or a little put off. (NOT about looks, but about physical/energy vibe.) Not judging-- just noting and putting these thoughts on the back burner for now. Were they rude to the waiter, or considerate? Did they make a fuss about prices or were they stingy, grudging tippers? Did they speak warmly of their family or their ex? If they have kids, what was their attitude toward them? What about pets? Did they mention anything about the past? In a positive way or bitterly? Did they talk a lot about work or seem to avoid all mention of work? Were they interested in YOU and what you had to say or did they hog center stage? Did they answer questions directly or deflect them? And this is the hard one: red flags. Or even _yellow_ flags. Anything give you pause in even the slightest way? Be honest with yourself before your eyes and heart are dazzled by other considerations. Just saying, notice your first impressions. Don’t set them in concrete, but take note of them IN WRITING (to yourself) before you put on the rose-colored glasses. Don’t pull a Liz Lemon and slap the “DEALBREAKER!” label on them on the first date (except for a very cogent reason). But keep your eyes open and your heart guarded as you proceed. If you do get involved and combine your life and your households, I can almost guarantee that if you consult these notes months or years down the road, you will be stunned at the accuracy of your first impressions, for good or for ill. ---
**Author:** ![Moriarty](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/moriarty/32/49_2.png) [@Moriarty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Moriarty)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2025, 6:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/only-2-dates-but-valentines-day-is-friday-what-to-do/1014185/66 "2025-02-12T18:43:23Z")
> [@hajario](#): > > Please put the children first. As the OP, I also relate to stories of divorced dating parents. My parents split when I was 4, but when I was 12 my dad starting dating his current wife. She was very touchy feely, and he reciprocated like a horny teenager, without any care for how I might feel. So I got to endure things like her sticking her tongue in his ear while he drove with me in the backseat, or them swapping their gum through a kiss (really? Who does that?) I would absolutely be respectful of the kids. > [@Moonrise](#): > > A nice text on the morning of Valentine’s Day, with a witty remark like the one in @filmore’s post. Yeah, I think this is the winning hand. She’s been texting me “good morning”, so I can beat her to the punch on Friday, with something light and sweet. And probably a confession that I wrestled with what to do. > [@hajario](#): > > You have to consider the kids from the very beginning. I’ve dated women with children. It’s discussed right away so you don’t get too attached if there’s a non-starter. I feel like we’ve done that, in that we’ve both been very respectful of “I have my kids today”, and haven’t tried to meet up during those times. Obviously; there’s no need for introductions until we’re months in to this, and it gets serious. I’d probably expect that she’d sleep over my place somewhat routinely before I’d meet her kids. ---
**Author:** ![hajario](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hajario/32/171_2.png) [@hajario](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hajario)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2025, 7:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/only-2-dates-but-valentines-day-is-friday-what-to-do/1014185/67 "2025-02-12T19:02:05Z")
I think you’re on the right track. ---
**Author:** ![DavidNRockies](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/davidnrockies/32/6279_2.png) [@DavidNRockies](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DavidNRockies)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2025, 7:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/only-2-dates-but-valentines-day-is-friday-what-to-do/1014185/68 "2025-02-12T19:26:13Z")
Good stuff, @ThelmaLou My TL;DR philosophy is: > Know your agenda and stick with it (and not _everything_ should be on your agenda). ---
**Author:** ![ThelmaLou](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thelmalou/32/390_2.png) [@ThelmaLou](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ThelmaLou)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2025, 8:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/only-2-dates-but-valentines-day-is-friday-what-to-do/1014185/69 "2025-02-12T20:24:20Z")
> [@Moriarty](#): > > . I’d probably expect that she’d sleep over my place somewhat routinely before I’d meet her kids. I dated a guy who had teenage twin girls. I slept at his place during the week but never slept over on the weekends that he had the girls. Until one day after a few months one of them said, “Why doesn’t ThelmaLou sleep over?” When that happened I felt it was a green light. I never wanted them to feel like I was pushing them out of the way or stealing his limited time with them. He and I broke up in 2007, and he died in 2016, but I’m still close to the girls. They’re now in their mid thirties. ---
**Author:** ![Moonrise](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/moonrise/32/14764_2.png) [@Moonrise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Moonrise)\ **Post date:** [February 13, 2025, 8:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/only-2-dates-but-valentines-day-is-friday-what-to-do/1014185/70 "2025-02-13T08:05:41Z")
> [@Moriarty](#): > > Yeah, I think this is the winning hand. > > She’s been texting me “good morning”, so I can beat her to the punch on Friday, with something light and sweet. Ah yes, a little bit of playful competition. That can be fun. > [@Moriarty](#): > > And probably a confession that I wrestled with what to do. Personally, I’d leave that for the next time you can meet face to face. Embarking on an explanation of your feelings by text opens the door to a misundertanding. Perhaps a very light reference to next year’s Valentine’s Day? Something like “Who knows what we will be doing on this day in 2026?” It shows that you’re looking ahead without putting any pressure on her. I’d say, keep it playful and simple. But of course, you know her, and the dynamics of the situation, much better than I do. In any case, good luck to you! ---
**Author:** ![scudsucker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/scudsucker/32/14101_2.png) [@scudsucker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/scudsucker)\ **Post date:** [February 13, 2025, 11:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/only-2-dates-but-valentines-day-is-friday-what-to-do/1014185/71 "2025-02-13T11:45:03Z")
> [@Moriarty](#): > > n my wildest dreams, we end up having a little girl to offset the boys we both have Very off topic, but… my first child was a girl. I wanted a son, so the second child… I used a menstruation tracking app to determine the ideal date of impregnation. It’s by no means an exact science, but there is [research](https://www.science.org/content/article/worth-waiting#:~:text=One%20explanation%20has%20to%20do,form%20of%20a%20thick%20mucous.). I guess I’m just romantic. And a nerd. ---
**Author:** ![DavidNRockies](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/davidnrockies/32/6279_2.png) [@DavidNRockies](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DavidNRockies)\ **Post date:** [February 13, 2025, 12:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/only-2-dates-but-valentines-day-is-friday-what-to-do/1014185/72 "2025-02-13T12:16:17Z")
> [@scudsucker](#): > > I used a menstruation tracking app to determine the ideal date of impregnation. For some totally (sadly, not really) inexplicable reason, that makes me think of the older Lyle Lovett **[song](https://music.youtube.com/watch?v=dIO0m2AgbTw)**, “That’s Right (You’re Not From Texas).” ---
**Author:** ![Moriarty](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/moriarty/32/49_2.png) [@Moriarty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Moriarty)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2025, 6:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/only-2-dates-but-valentines-day-is-friday-what-to-do/1014185/73 "2025-02-14T18:32:44Z")
So, here’s the update: I woke up this morning and sent her a text > [@](#): > > Good morning, and Happy Valentine’s Day! > > I’ve struggled with what to do about today. I figured since we’re 2 dates in, a big romantic gesture might be too much. > > So you have to wait until next year for that. > > For now, maybe I could ask you out for another date? Do you have any time next week after you get back into town to get together? Not my best work, but I figured trying to be low key was good. Her reply > [@](#): > > Good morning handsome!! > > Happy Valentine’s Day 😘 > > I’m a sucker for romance! I definitely want to see you when I get back. I’ll be back Monday evening but I’m playing that day by ear because I might have the boys. What about Wednesday? So we’re on for Wednesday. I’m thinking maybe I show up with a rose. (Am I trying to hard to make flowers happen?) ---
**Author:** ![DocCathode](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/doccathode/32/18773_2.png) [@DocCathode](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DocCathode)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2025, 6:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/only-2-dates-but-valentines-day-is-friday-what-to-do/1014185/74 "2025-02-14T18:34:58Z")
> [@Moriarty](#): > > I’m thinking maybe I show up with a rose. She said she was “a sucker for romance”. Definitely show up with a rose. ---
**Author:** ![SuntanLotion](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/suntanlotion/32/16165_2.png) [@SuntanLotion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SuntanLotion)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2025, 6:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/only-2-dates-but-valentines-day-is-friday-what-to-do/1014185/75 "2025-02-14T18:36:51Z")
Great move! We will want an update Thursday. ---
**Author:** ![JohnT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnt/32/15048_2.png) [@JohnT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnT)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2025, 6:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/only-2-dates-but-valentines-day-is-friday-what-to-do/1014185/76 "2025-02-14T18:47:29Z")
A PG-update. This is a family site, after all. 😛 ---
**Author:** ![DocCathode](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/doccathode/32/18773_2.png) [@DocCathode](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DocCathode)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2025, 6:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/only-2-dates-but-valentines-day-is-friday-what-to-do/1014185/77 "2025-02-14T18:54:12Z")
I know. I **hate** the new rules! ---
**Author:** ![hajario](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hajario/32/171_2.png) [@hajario](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hajario)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2025, 10:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/only-2-dates-but-valentines-day-is-friday-what-to-do/1014185/78 "2025-02-14T22:13:38Z")
Very well played! And definitely bring a rose. ---
**Author:** ![Bullitt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bullitt/32/5725_2.png) [@Bullitt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bullitt)\ **Post date:** [February 15, 2025, 6:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/only-2-dates-but-valentines-day-is-friday-what-to-do/1014185/79 "2025-02-15T06:23:54Z")
Sounds exciting! ---
**Author:** ![Moonrise](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/moonrise/32/14764_2.png) [@Moonrise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Moonrise)\ **Post date:** [February 15, 2025, 9:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/only-2-dates-but-valentines-day-is-friday-what-to-do/1014185/80 "2025-02-15T09:35:51Z")
> [@DocCathode](#): > > Definitely show up with a rose. > [@hajario](#): > > And definitely bring a rose. Definitely offer her a rose. She’s given you a clear indication of what she likes now. By the way, I was scrolling down this thread and when I saw this : > [@Moriarty](#): > > So, here’s the update: I felt almost as nervous as I do when I see that someone I’ve started seeing has sent me a message! It’s looking good to me… [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/only-2-dates-but-valentines-day-is-friday-what-to-do/1014185.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/only-2-dates-but-valentines-day-is-friday-what-to-do/1014185.md?page=5)