# Only a few people show up for your party. Do you feel more sad or mad? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [May 20, 2012, 2:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/only-a-few-people-show-up-for-your-party-do-you-feel-more-sad-or-mad/622515 "2012-05-20T14:23:26Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Blaster\_Master](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/cab0a1/32.png) [@Blaster\_Master](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Blaster_Master)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2012, 7:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/only-a-few-people-show-up-for-your-party-do-you-feel-more-sad-or-mad/622515/41 "2012-05-21T19:17:29Z")
Last real party I through was a little over 5 years ago and I think everyone who RSVP’d showed up and even had a couple last minute invites. If people hadn’t shown up, I think the best word to describe it would have been just disappointed since it would have meant people that I loved and trusted and wanted to spend time with didn’t follow through and I’d have had to have reevaluated a lot of friendships. Overall, I don’t really do parties, I’m not big on social gatherings, so when I do invite people it’s usually a short notice thing or I’m actually kind of relieved when there’s fewer people there. ---
**Author:** ![BlinkingDuck](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/eada6e/32.png) [@BlinkingDuck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BlinkingDuck)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2012, 8:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/only-a-few-people-show-up-for-your-party-do-you-feel-more-sad-or-mad/622515/42 "2012-05-21T20:47:32Z")
In my 20’s I had a friend who invited many people from his new job to a party and no-one showed up. Other friends and I thought this would happen and even tried to prep him for it…but he didn’t get the idea. He was crushed. His upbeat, optimistic personality tanked for WEEKS. ---
**Author:** ![diggerwam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/919ad9/32.png) [@diggerwam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/diggerwam)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2012, 8:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/only-a-few-people-show-up-for-your-party-do-you-feel-more-sad-or-mad/622515/43 "2012-05-21T20:49:13Z")
I was crushed. But on the other hand these were open house type situations. No start and no end time just show up when u can. Nobody could find the time. Once my birthday in august for a cookout and once Xmas eve during the day. ---
**Author:** ![monstro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ba9def/32.png) [@monstro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/monstro)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2012, 8:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/only-a-few-people-show-up-for-your-party-do-you-feel-more-sad-or-mad/622515/44 "2012-05-21T20:51:52Z")
> [@PunditLisa](#): > > That was pretty shitty. > > When someone at work celebrates an occasion warranting a shower or party, we always have it at lunch time or an hour before the end of the day. One time we all met at a nearby restaurant right after work. Only if I was friends with the people outside of work would I host something at my home. > > If you’re going to host a party for co-workers, it’s important that you make it super convenient for them. Having to rent a car (!), give up a weekend, or driving an hour away is going to lose most invitees. Sorry, but that’s the difference between co-workers with whom you’re friendly and friends. Well, to be fair, she did not ask me to rent a car. She didn’t offer me a ride out there, but I would not have taken it even if she had. I like being able to come and go as I please. One day I’ll grow the ovaries not to fret about things like this. Admission time: I went because I actively keep myself from socializing with this co-worker, and I’m always wracked with guilt over it. I’m always telling her “no” and throwing out not-so-subtle hints that our friendly relationship is workplace-only. A huge part of it is just me and my iron-clad boundaries. But it’s also her personality that just drives me bananas. I’ve made her cry a couple of times because she pushes buttons I didn’t even know I had. But she is nice to me and I think that counts for something. I don’t think I deserve a medal for going to her shower. Sometimes doing stuff like that is just part of being a functional member of society. I think the shower should have been in the city, where all the attendees (including the bride-to-be) live. At the very least, the venue should have moved when all the RSVPs came in and the hostess saw how far all of the guests would have been traveling. But I can also see her point-of-view. Maybe it’s considered tacky to have the shower at the bride-2-be’s house, and no one in her family wanted to open up their house? If that’s the case, where else are you gonna have it except for the maid-of-honor’s place? Like most things, I can see both sides. ---
**Author:** ![BigT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bigt/32/12044_2.png) [@BigT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigT)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2012, 8:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/only-a-few-people-show-up-for-your-party-do-you-feel-more-sad-or-mad/622515/45 "2012-05-21T20:57:23Z")
Without telling me? Probably mad. If they can at least call during the party to tell me they can’t make it, not so much. Then again, the only “parties” I ever threw were birthday parties, and everyone always showed up. My only real experience is with people flaking out in one on one encounters. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Devil\_s\_Grandmother](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/74df32/32.png) [@The\_Devil\_s\_Grandmother](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Devil_s_Grandmother)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2012, 9:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/only-a-few-people-show-up-for-your-party-do-you-feel-more-sad-or-mad/622515/46 "2012-05-21T21:42:00Z")
> [@monstro](#): > > I showed up an hour late. And two other guests arrived after me. No wonder the bride-to-be was hovering on the porch when I showed up. So there were five people at the party and there of them were more than a hour late? If I’d been the hostess or the honoree, I’d have been embarrassed, sad, and furious by turns. But even admitting that, the hostess’s comment about how there’s no excuse to decline an invitation would have pissed me right off. ---
**Author:** ![monstro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ba9def/32.png) [@monstro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/monstro)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2012, 10:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/only-a-few-people-show-up-for-your-party-do-you-feel-more-sad-or-mad/622515/47 "2012-05-21T22:47:40Z")
I didn’t know that so few people would show up. I was thinking I’d just stroll in under the radar…especially since I figured all the guests would know each other and I’d be the off-in-the-corner coworker, quietly observing things. So now I know shower \<\> party. How did I get to be so old and not know this?! _lameness_ ---
**Author:** ![overlyverbose](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/9dc877/32.png) [@overlyverbose](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/overlyverbose)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2012, 2:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/only-a-few-people-show-up-for-your-party-do-you-feel-more-sad-or-mad/622515/48 "2012-05-22T02:25:20Z")
> [@monstro](#): > > I think the shower should have been in the city, where all the attendees (including the bride-to-be) live. At the very least, the venue should have moved when all the RSVPs came in and the hostess saw how far all of the guests would have been traveling. But I can also see her point-of-view. Maybe it’s considered tacky to have the shower at the bride-2-be’s house, and no one in her family wanted to open up their house? If that’s the case, where else are you gonna have it except for the maid-of-honor’s place? Like most things, I can see both sides. In my experience, if the maid-of-honor doesn’t live in a convenient place to have the shower and a restaurant is too expensive, it’s perfectly acceptable for her to team up with one of the bride’s close friends or family members to find a better, more convenient location, whether that’s the bride’s/groom’s family’s house, the friend’s house or a restaurant. I guess it just depends on the bride’s relationships and her maid of honor’s comfort level with asking relative strangers for help. That blows that so few people showed up, but the maid of honor made things lots worse. And for what it’s worth, I don’t often consider bridal and baby showers to be standard parties. They’re usually kinda like kids’ parties - they start on time, run for about two hours, then everyone takes off. Of course, some showers are more relaxed and it depends on your friends. My mom was a stickler for protocol at my bridal and baby showers, which made things kind of awkward since my friends (who had showed up on time, but didn’t leave “on schedule”) stuck around for about 5 hours. ---
**Author:** ![highrollinwooded](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/71c47a/32.png) [@highrollinwooded](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/highrollinwooded)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2012, 1:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/only-a-few-people-show-up-for-your-party-do-you-feel-more-sad-or-mad/622515/49 "2012-05-22T13:22:55Z")
Only have had 2 parties/get togethers…one was our wedding reception that we had at our house in the backyard, and the other was my mothers memorial service after she passed. The right amount of people attended our reception, but at the memorial service I expected many more people would have attended.Quite a few of her coworkers showed up, as did our neighbors, but people that I have worked with for years, that all knew my mother well, never showed up. I was very disappointed, and still am to be quite honest about it. They send one person as the “spokesperson”. I found it very lame, as our employer would have let those that were working leave work to attend. So sad and mad is my answer… ---
**Author:** ![Enderw24](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ba9def/32.png) [@Enderw24](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enderw24)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2012, 2:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/only-a-few-people-show-up-for-your-party-do-you-feel-more-sad-or-mad/622515/50 "2012-05-22T14:23:37Z")
My wife and I had a wine party a few weeks ago. Our plan was to invite 5 couples (12 people total). We’d planned it out so that we had a good mix of people that didn’t all know each other and could really mingle and have fun. Of the initial 10 invited, only 4 said they could come. The rest had plans that night. No problem. We had a “B” list just for this eventuality. No one on the B list could come. Crap. So now we’d planned a 12 person party and 6 people would be there. At this point I’m debating whether to scrap the whole thing. It would be rude to our 4 guests but what fun would it be to have such a small party? Well turns out it was a lot of fun. We said fuck it. We had a six people and we got drunk and had a great time. Party was supposed to last about two hours and ran for three. The rest of our guest list missed out. ---
**Author:** ![phall0106](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/phall0106/32/5934_2.png) [@phall0106](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/phall0106)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2012, 1:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/only-a-few-people-show-up-for-your-party-do-you-feel-more-sad-or-mad/622515/51 "2012-05-23T01:01:42Z")
Okay, this is kinda freaking me out, as I’m throwing a party in a few weeks. It’s a housewarming/Hallboy graduation party with a combination of both of our friends and family. We’ve sent out the invitations, received RSVPs (from the majority of the people, that is) and now I’m freaked that everyone will cancel or not show up and I’ll be stuck with lots of food. I guess I would be very disappointed if no one showed up. ---
**Author:** ![Shagnasty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9dc877/32.png) [@Shagnasty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shagnasty)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2012, 1:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/only-a-few-people-show-up-for-your-party-do-you-feel-more-sad-or-mad/622515/52 "2012-05-23T01:08:54Z")
Not showing up after an RSVP? That gets you shit-canned in my life indefinitely because it is not only a lie but a pre-mediated one. I am really harsh about that type of thing. Not showing up after a verbal promise with some waiver room is bad enough but if you tell me you are going to be somewhere at a certain time, you better bet your ass you will be there or you won’t ever be invited to anything again. We all have responsibilities and clocks and I don’t like to socialize with flaky people at all - ever. I will only tell the person once that they let me and others down but the damage is done and it is irreversible. I am neither a people pleaser or have much need to have large groups of friends so I will happily drop any lying or irresponsible person out of the flock given such circumstances. ---
**Author:** ![bubbles5466](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/82dd89/32.png) [@bubbles5466](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bubbles5466)\ **Post date:** [December 29, 2013, 3:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/only-a-few-people-show-up-for-your-party-do-you-feel-more-sad-or-mad/622515/53 "2013-12-29T15:15:29Z")
I have always thrown very successful parties. Always. I sent out e-vites and FB event and had some or little RSVP that they would be there. This was a “Bon Voyage” party for my daughter, who is 20, and going abroad for six months. Very few people ever respond in the past for parties so I was going based on this. I even panicked last minute and ordered a bunch of appetizers from an Italian place to go along with the spaghetti and meatballs that I made (she’s going to Italy) by hand and worked for hours on. My high school friend and her husband showed up. One of my daughter’s friends showed up and she wasn’t even invited. No one else came and I am pissed. I have no family out here where we live so they’re excluded. My husband has apologized repeatedly that no one came from his family. I feel that they are jealous or something for her going abroad because none of them have done so. Or, if they simply didn’t care, why would they hurt my daughter, her now feeling that no one gives a shit that she is going away? Her own bio-father couldn’t support her trip or do anything for it and then my husband’s family, who claim to be so wonderful totally blow this off with ridiculous excuses? And the neighbours, who are our supposed best friends, ask if they can bring a cousin (who we love) that showed up out of the blue and then NONE of them show up? I’m FURIOUS. I am more furious that my daughter feels as though no one cares about her, just the way her father has shown that he doesn’t care. My daughter has always been an overachiever, a bit wound, and pretty demanding but it doesn’t mean that she can’t feel. I know what my husband’s family is going to say - that we’re too sensitive. That is what people say so they don’t have to take responsibility for what they have done or not done. Also, they bitch about others not RSVP’ing but they don’t and show up 9 times out of 10 anyway. This time, I didn’t think anything of it and truly, no one came…well, three people. Lets not discount them. I know that this post is old but I’ve never Googled anything like this and this thread showed up. I’m angry that my daughter cried and I want to unfriend all of these people from Facebook and never throw a party ever again. I don’t want to feel like this ever, ever, ever, ever, ever again. Okay, I’m done. ---
**Author:** ![chela](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chela/32/21582_2.png) [@chela](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chela)\ **Post date:** [December 29, 2013, 3:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/only-a-few-people-show-up-for-your-party-do-you-feel-more-sad-or-mad/622515/54 "2013-12-29T15:39:57Z")
That is a tough situation, people put themselves out there to throw a party and no one shows up, that hurts. But try to brush it off, and not take it so personal. All these stories of no shows, make me very hesitant about HS graduation next year for my kid. We have no family who will be able to come for her openhouse, so it will be an ipen house for a few of her friends who may or may not show up, yet the kid like all the kids wants an open house party…i foresee some hurt feelngs over this… ---
**Author:** ![MeanOldLady](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/meanoldlady/32/10737_2.png) [@MeanOldLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MeanOldLady)\ **Post date:** [December 29, 2013, 3:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/only-a-few-people-show-up-for-your-party-do-you-feel-more-sad-or-mad/622515/55 "2013-12-29T15:49:34Z")
> [@monstro](#): > > I actually had a practical reason for not wanting to go: having no car, it required me to rent one and then drive an hour out into the country. But I did it because I’m actively trying to be a nicer, more sociable person. You really don’t have to be this nice. ---
**Author:** ![epbrown01](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7ba0ec/32.png) [@epbrown01](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/epbrown01)\ **Post date:** [December 29, 2013, 5:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/only-a-few-people-show-up-for-your-party-do-you-feel-more-sad-or-mad/622515/56 "2013-12-29T17:42:42Z")
> [@monstro](#): > > I don’t know how to do a poll. Just pretend that this is one. 🙂 > > (In this hypothetical, everyone RSVP’d. So this is not a case of people saying they were going to come and then flaking out.) This is smack-dab in the middle of the holidays - I’d expect most people have plans already, if not extra family obligations with kids out of school and/or guests in town visiting. ---
**Author:** ![bobkitty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/c67d28/32.png) [@bobkitty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bobkitty)\ **Post date:** [December 29, 2013, 5:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/only-a-few-people-show-up-for-your-party-do-you-feel-more-sad-or-mad/622515/57 "2013-12-29T17:52:24Z")
> [@epbrown01](#): > > This is smack-dab in the middle of the holidays - I’d expect most people have plans already, if not extra family obligations with kids out of school and/or guests in town visiting. The OP was written a year and a half ago. No holiday excuse. 🙂 Now, the person who bumped the thread _does_ have that problem, especially if it _just_ happened. ---
**Author:** ![runningdude](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e9c0ed/32.png) [@runningdude](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/runningdude)\ **Post date:** [December 29, 2013, 6:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/only-a-few-people-show-up-for-your-party-do-you-feel-more-sad-or-mad/622515/58 "2013-12-29T18:24:47Z")
For my twenty-fifth birthday, I invited about 25 people at the last minute. 5 responded they would come. I was relieved, because there was no way I could find a restaurant to handle more than that! ---
**Author:** ![epbrown01](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7ba0ec/32.png) [@epbrown01](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/epbrown01)\ **Post date:** [December 29, 2013, 6:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/only-a-few-people-show-up-for-your-party-do-you-feel-more-sad-or-mad/622515/59 "2013-12-29T18:37:13Z")
> [@bobkitty](#): > > The OP was written a year and a half ago. No holiday excuse. 🙂 D’oh - forgot to check that! ---
**Author:** ![justpassingthrough](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/bcef8e/32.png) [@justpassingthrough](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/justpassingthrough)\ **Post date:** [December 29, 2013, 9:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/only-a-few-people-show-up-for-your-party-do-you-feel-more-sad-or-mad/622515/60 "2013-12-29T21:07:28Z")
> [@chela](#): > > … > All these stories of no shows, make me very hesitant about HS graduation next year for my kid. We have no family who will be able to come for her openhouse, so it will be an open house for a few of her friends who may or may not show up, yet the kid like all the kids wants an open house party…i foresee some hurt feelngs over this… We were in that same situation regarding the graduation open house. No family in the area, plus we just generally aren’t outgoing, party-throwing parents. For a couple of hours we hosted a roving band of our daughter’s friends and random classmates who were simply moving among that day’s open house parties. We had a slideshow running on the TV, and rented a bouncy-castle-type thing for the back yard. Plus Chinese food from the restaurant down the road. It worked out pretty well. Good luck. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/only-a-few-people-show-up-for-your-party-do-you-feel-more-sad-or-mad/622515.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/only-a-few-people-show-up-for-your-party-do-you-feel-more-sad-or-mad/622515.md?page=4)