# "Only African American Men will Like You" **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [August 4, 2006, 12:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/only-african-american-men-will-like-you/367314 "2006-08-04T12:43:21Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 16\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Triskadecamus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/b19c9b/32.png) [@Triskadecamus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Triskadecamus)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2006, 11:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/only-african-american-men-will-like-you/367314/21 "2006-08-04T23:35:42Z")
[QUOTE=Sal Ammoniac] Blame the doctor for that, not the “fat bitch.” He was the one who took it to court in the first place. The patient complained to the State Board of Medicine, she didn’t sue. And she acted appropriately. [/QUOTE] Okay, Sal, you got me. I assumed from the OP (Or my misreading of it) that the patient sued the doctor, not the other way around. Now its him I find contemptible. Of course, I could be wrong again. Tris ---
**Author:** ![Excalibre](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/898d66/32.png) [@Excalibre](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Excalibre)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2006, 1:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/only-african-american-men-will-like-you/367314/22 "2006-08-05T01:14:45Z")
[QUOTE=Harmonious Discord] Um, that depends on what exactly he was being tried for (if, indeed, that happened), now, doesn’t it? No. He shouldn’t have been in court for saying it. [/QUOTE] Well, the fact that he apparently filed the lawsuit seems to change that. Don’t let me get in the way of your self-righteousness, though. ---
**Author:** ![Harmonious\_Discord](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/74df32/32.png) [@Harmonious\_Discord](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Harmonious_Discord)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2006, 2:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/only-african-american-men-will-like-you/367314/23 "2006-08-05T02:04:41Z")
[QUOTE=Excalibre] Well, the fact that he apparently filed the lawsuit seems to change that. Don’t let me get in the way of your self-righteousness, though. [/QUOTE] The lawsuit that was filed after the original lawsuit? I was refering to the original lawsuit. You may refer to me as Dr. Righteous purveyor of fine whines if you like. ---
**Author:** ![Waenara](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/50afbb/32.png) [@Waenara](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Waenara)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2006, 2:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/only-african-american-men-will-like-you/367314/24 "2006-08-05T02:22:22Z")
[QUOTE=Harmonious Discord] The lawsuit that was filed after the original lawsuit? I was refering to the original lawsuit. You may refer to me as Dr. Righteous purveyor of fine whines if you like. [/QUOTE] There was no “original lawsuit”. Here’s a news article that [explains what happened](http://www.seacoastonline.com/news/07072006/nhnews-ph-roc-bennett.html). The patient complained to the state Board of Medicine. If you have a complaint about a doctor, this is the appropriate place to take it. She did not file a lawsuit. The Board of Medicine had also received two other complaints about him, and all three complaints alleged that he made very offensive statements. > [@](#): > > In 2004, a patient identified as Patient A filed a complaint with the board alleging Bennett said she was fat and that if her husband died, no one would want her, except maybe a black man. The second complaint made in 2001 claims Bennett told Patient S to commit suicide and end her suffering. Bennett denied making the comment. In July 2002, the Division of Elderly and Adult Services dismissed the complaint as unfounded. > > This year, the BOM added a third complaint. It alleged that Bennett made derogatory comments to the mother of a hepatitis patient. The Board of Medicine decided to hold a hearing to look at these complaints. The doctor in question has been successful in petitioning for an injunction barring the Board from pursuing complaints against him. (And he also says that he’s looking into suing the people involved). Frankly, I think the doctor is an ass. Regardless of whether or not he made the alleged statements. If he did make the statements, yes he does have a constitutional right to free speech, but he is a member of a regulated profession. As such, he has certain standards of professionalism that he should be held to. Being “blunt” is fine, but being “blunt” in an overly aggressive or rude manner, or making statements that are racist is not how the medical profession wants to be seen by the public. And I don’t see how he should be able to sue the Board for “malicious prosecution.” They didn’t yet hold the hearing (since he got an injunction). The hearing would be for the purpose of determining if the complaints against him are valid and, I assume, there would have been some kind of preliminary investigation before taking the step of going to a formal hearing. So the Board must be satisfied that the _three separate complaints_ aren’t obviously frivolous or fraudulent. And the Board didn’t try to take him to a hearing after the first complaint, or even the second. But three complaints seems to show that the doctor might have a pattern of making ill-advised statements. I’d be shocked if the Board _didn’t_ look into it. ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2006, 2:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/only-african-american-men-will-like-you/367314/25 "2006-08-05T02:34:21Z")
How about a link with some [facts](http://www.concordmonitor.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20051220/REPOSITORY/512200370/1031) in it. The doctor was defending himself against complaints from the medical board. He has not filed suit but now says he intends to. He is also arguing that his statements were taken out of context and twisted: > [@](#): > > He said the quote included in her complaint condensed his philosophy and took it out of context. > > Bennett, who runs his own family practice in Rochester, said he delivers the same speech to all of his overweight female patients, warning them that not only their health, but their personal lives are at stake if they do not tackle their weight problem. The talk and the logic behind it, according to Bennett, go like this: > > Overweight men are much more likely to die than overweight women, so an overweight woman married to an overweight man risks being an early widow. American men "don’t like obese women,"Bennett said - except one group: African-American men. But because there’s a general dearth of single middle-aged African-American men in New Hampshire, the woman is likely to end up on her own. > > “Black men are the only males that don’t have a strong anti-obesity preference,” he said. “They mostly grow up in fatherless households where they are surrounded by big, loving women, and they talk about fat as sugar.” > > Bennett said his logic is racial - the way medical issues like diabetes can be linked to race - and not racist. > > “The notion that a black person would find you attractive while a white person of the same age and same gender would not, that’s a fact,” he said. “If you are going to pick that apart and charge that statement is racist, I subject that you are the racist.” > > \ > > n the obesity complaint, Bennett is quoted as saying: “If your husband were to die tomorrow -who would want you? . . . Well, men might want you, but not the types that you want to want you -Might even be a black guy!” > > But Bennett said that quote condensed his speech into a sentence and didn’t give it the broad context it deserves. He said he didn’t treat the woman any differently than he treats any of his overweight female patients -which is to take a hard line. > > “Everyone else in the practice who’s an obese female gets the same lecture. This woman was looking to be offended and get out of the situation. . . . We call this denial,” he said. > > Bennett said that his argument about men not wanting overweight women is backed up by research and said the “Technicolor” nature of his Rochester practice supports the idea that he is not a racist. After seeing what this doctor actually said and the context, I’m on his side. I think the fatty in question here was just looking for an excuse to be offended and oversimplified his speech to her. I also think he has a point about the subtle racism on the part of those who think there’s something wrong with being more attractive to black men than white. I don’t know what the Dr. is referring to when he says that studies back up his assertions that African-American men do not tend to have the same bias against obesity but if empirical evidence exists to that effect then I don’t see anything racist about saying it. Do we really have to pretend that black guys don’t like big asses in order to show how racially sensitive we are? ---
**Author:** ![wolf\_meister](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wolf_meister/32/15202_2.png) [@wolf\_meister](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wolf_meister)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2006, 2:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/only-african-american-men-will-like-you/367314/26 "2006-08-05T02:37:16Z")
I bet Dr. Bennett learned his incompetent medical skills and bedside manner because only a black medical college would accept him. 😃 I have NOT stated this to start some message board racial brouhaha. No. It’s what I would have told _him_, considering he thinks when you have to “settle for” something less, it is non-white. What a dipshit. ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2006, 2:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/only-african-american-men-will-like-you/367314/27 "2006-08-05T02:41:56Z")
I feel like I should highlight this part again from my quoted article above: > [@](#): > > Overweight men are much more likely to die than overweight women, so an overweight woman married to an overweight man risks being an early widow. American men "don’t like obese women,"Bennett said - except one group: African-American men. **But because there’s a general dearth of single middle-aged African-American men in New Hampshire, the woman is likely to end up on her own.** Just so it’s clear, he was not saying that there was anything wrong with being attractive to black men, he was only saying that it was problematic insofar as it _reduced the available pool of men who might be attracted to them_. It wasn’t a racial slam, it was a numbers thing. ---
**Author:** ![Harmonious\_Discord](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/74df32/32.png) [@Harmonious\_Discord](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Harmonious_Discord)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2006, 2:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/only-african-american-men-will-like-you/367314/28 "2006-08-05T02:43:51Z")
That’s a bit different than how I preceived the events. I had the belief that the woman took it right to court. I will agree that on multiple complaints the board needs to question this man. I thought he was suing the woman after she sued him. I want to make it clear, that I found the statement mean and malicifent, on his part, I don’t however like the current state in this country where people are being censured all the time. I came to this thread once again to post that I thought I wasn’t messing correctly with what Excalibre was expressing. Waenara thanks for the link. How many times do you get to use malicifent in a sentence. I am delighted to have my vocabulary returning to this level. ---
**Author:** ![Rubystreak](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e5b9ba/32.png) [@Rubystreak](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rubystreak)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2006, 2:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/only-african-american-men-will-like-you/367314/29 "2006-08-05T02:49:36Z")
Obviously the issue has gotten out of hand between the doctor and his erstwhile patient, but I will say that black men do seem to more openly enjoy a large and shapely ass. There are many hip hop songs that talk about how nice a big booty is, and I and several of my curvy friends have had black guys they don’t know come right out and compliment the badonkadonk, which I’ve never had a white guy I didn’t know do. The fact that the doctor was saying this like it was a bad thing or that the attentions of a black man to your big can would be a negative is the problem here. Overall, I think it speaks well of a man who can dig a woman whose body type isn’t the anorexic American standard of beauty. Afriican American culture does seem more accepting of this, overall, for whatever reason. Doc should find a less obnoxious, more productive way to tell his patients to lose weight. ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2006, 2:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/only-african-american-men-will-like-you/367314/30 "2006-08-05T02:54:34Z")
[QUOTE=Rubystreak] The fact that the doctor was saying this like it was a bad thing or that the attentions of a black man to your big can would be a negative is the problem here. [/QUOTE] Please read the quote I’ve posted twice now. He didn’t say or imply that. His point was that there weren’t very _many_ available black men in that area and that her chances of ending up _alone_ were greater. ---
**Author:** ![Harmonious\_Discord](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/74df32/32.png) [@Harmonious\_Discord](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Harmonious_Discord)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2006, 3:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/only-african-american-men-will-like-you/367314/31 "2006-08-05T03:04:11Z")
[Doctore defended by other patients.](http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/9063638/) I still have not seen a mention of the lady’s race either. Every article seems to have a different quote. The above article states he sent the woman an apology by letter after finding she was offended. He is credited with this statement, by msnbc. “I told a fat woman she was obese,” Bennett says. “I tried to get her attention. I told her, ‘You need to get on a program, join a group of like-minded people and peel off the weight that is going to kill you.’" ---
**Author:** ![you\_with\_the\_face](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/ecccb3/32.png) [@you\_with\_the\_face](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/you_with_the_face)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2006, 3:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/only-african-american-men-will-like-you/367314/32 "2006-08-05T03:26:10Z")
[QUOTE=Diogenes the Cynic] After seeing what this doctor actually said and the context, I’m on his side. I think the fatty in question here was just looking for an excuse to be offended and oversimplified his speech to her. I also think he has a point about the subtle racism on the part of those who think there’s something wrong with being more attractive to black men than white. [/QUOTE] Disclaimer: I don’t think the doctor should lose his license over this crap. That said, the explanation for his statement is terrible. It’s like he’s added stupidity on top of stupidity. It makes wonder if me and you are reading the same stuff, **DtC**. > [@](#): > > “Black men are the only males that don’t have a strong anti-obesity preference,” he said. “They mostly grow up in fatherless households where they are surrounded by big, loving women, and they talk about fat as sugar.” So black men not only love themselves some fat women, but 1. they are the only ones who do 2. they were raised in single-parent homes (which is relevant…how?) 3. have big fat mamas with hearts of gold, and 4. they equate fat with sugar, literally and/or figuratively. Okayyy? Why is all this news to me and I’m black? All this time I was thinking there are plenty of white, Latinos, and other men who love fat women, but here I find out that black men are the only ones who are capable of this feat. Wow. And I especially like the part about the “big, loving women”. Not (just) because its reminescent of mammy stereotypes or anything like that, but because its so obvious he’s employing Eddie Haskellian flattery to show that he has nothing against fat women. See, he calls them looooving. How cute. That must means he really respects them. Talk about laying it on thick. > [@](#): > > “The notion that a black person would find you attractive while a white person of the same age and same gender would not, that’s a fact,” he said. “If you are going to pick that apart and charge that statement is racist, I subject that you are the racist.” HUH?? What evidence is he using to establish this so-called fact? I can’t believe this man actually thinks that a fat white woman would have no chances of finding a white man. Last time I checked, fat white men were not shacking up with size 0 super models, so the math ain’t adding up here. But what I find more disturbing is the implication that, if nothing else, you can count on a black man to see treasure in the white man’s trash. No matter how you try to spin it, this is how it sounds. > [@](#): > > Bennett said that his argument about men not wanting overweight women is backed up by research and said the “Technicolor” nature of his Rochester practice supports the idea that he is not a racist. Or in other words, “Some of my best workers are black!” SNL should do a skit on this for reals. Comedy gold. ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2006, 3:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/only-african-american-men-will-like-you/367314/33 "2006-08-05T03:40:27Z")
I think the key question is whether his claim is true that there is any empirical research to back up his claim that African-American men do not tend to have the same bias against big women as other demographics. If that part is true then I don’t see anything wrong him saying that black men might be her best _bet_ for a relationship, but that the pool of available black men in her age group and geographical area was small. **YWTF** , your point is well taken about he “mammy” stereotype. I don’t know where that comes from and it may be anecdotal or even flat wrong, but I still think his _intention_ was not to say that there was anything wrong with black men but to warn her that her dating options would be _limited_ by the fact (IF it’s an empirically supported fact as he claims) that men in most demographics have a bias against obesity. I actually think it would be an _admirable_ quality if it were proven that black men don’t automatically have a bias against big women (I also think this is a different kind of statement than saying they _prefer_ big women, more like a statement that it doesn’t _bother_ them and that a specific body type is not a crucial criterion for attraction). ---
**Author:** ![Waenara](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/50afbb/32.png) [@Waenara](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Waenara)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2006, 3:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/only-african-american-men-will-like-you/367314/34 "2006-08-05T03:51:57Z")
> [@](#): > > “The notion that a black person **would** find you attractive while a white person of the same age and same gender **would not** , that’s a **fact** ,” he said. “If you are going to pick that apart and charge that statement is racist, I subject that you are the racist.” [QUOTE=Diogenes the Cynic] I think the key question is whether his claim is true that there is any empirical research to back up his claim that African-American men do not **tend** to have the same bias against big women as other demographics. If that part is true then I don’t see anything wrong him saying that black men **might** be her best _bet_ for a relationship, but that the pool of available black men in her age group and geographical area was small. [/QUOTE] :dubious: I think you’re crediting the good doctor with a little more nuance than I would. I think there might be some little bit truth to his statement, but he is too emphatic and black-and-white in his statements. And since he said this is his standard “boilerplate” discussion that he has with his overweight female patients, the words he is quoted as saying above are likely pretty close to what he actually says to his patients. I wonder if he also tells his overweight _male_ patients how they’re ugly and no one will love them if their spouse dies before them. I wonder if there’s a minority whose women dig fat guys? :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![you\_with\_the\_face](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/ecccb3/32.png) [@you\_with\_the\_face](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/you_with_the_face)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2006, 4:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/only-african-american-men-will-like-you/367314/35 "2006-08-05T04:11:46Z")
[QUOTE=Diogenes the Cynic] I think the key question is whether his claim is true that there is any empirical research to back up his claim that African-American men do not tend to have the same bias against big women as other demographics. [/quote] Culturally speaking, I’d say black men like _curvy_ women. Not necessarily fat ones. A woman shaped like a pillow is not going to have the same drawing power that a woman shaped like a hour glass will, in other words. It’s not a stretch to say it’s easier to find a black man who appreciates a thick figure than it is to find a white one. But it’s funny. I’ve dated both white and black men. All of the black guys I’ve been with like me small and have never even playfully said I need to put on weight (I’m shaped like a stick). My white ex-boyfriend, on the other hand, seemed to be more attracted to me when I was a little plumper. _shrug_ So the empirical data _I’d_ like to see is the stuff that supports the good doctor’s assertion that white men will not want a fat woman. Black men are rather diverse in their preferences. Why shouldn’t this be the case with other ethnicities? > [@](#): > > If that part is true then I don’t see anything wrong him saying that black men might be her best _bet_ for a relationship, but that the pool of available black men in her age group and geographical area was small. I seriously doubt his comments were intended to serve as serious dating advice. What doctor is really going to have that kind of conversation with his patient? ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2006, 4:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/only-african-american-men-will-like-you/367314/36 "2006-08-05T04:27:06Z")
I don’t think it was dating advice, I think he was trying to tell her that obesity could have an adverse affect on her social life as well as her health, and I think he was saying it as a strategy to get her to change her lifestyle. Doctors will say similar things to addicts and alcohlics as an attempt to get through to them. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/only-african-american-men-will-like-you/367314.md?page=1)