# Only Good? I need women's opinions please! **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [October 8, 2020, 9:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/only-good-i-need-womens-opinions-please/922480 "2020-10-08T09:47:18Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![PlaceboTarget](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/placebotarget/32/1073_2.png) [@PlaceboTarget](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PlaceboTarget)\ **Post date:** [October 9, 2020, 11:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/only-good-i-need-womens-opinions-please/922480/21 "2020-10-09T11:03:57Z")
> [@thescrr](#): > > She responded, “Yes”. I said to her, “it looks good”. Then she replied, “only good?” I would have grinned and answered, “No, I am mean excellent!” But then again, I also have the tendency to exaggerate which helps me to focus on what I really care about and to hide my real feelings. Thus, when I grin and say, “Excellent!” people can’t tell exactly what I mean. ---
**Author:** ![Broomstick](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/broomstick/32/246_2.png) [@Broomstick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Broomstick)\ **Post date:** [October 9, 2020, 11:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/only-good-i-need-womens-opinions-please/922480/22 "2020-10-09T11:50:25Z")
> [@thescrr](#): > > Then outside, I asked her, wasn’t the school budget going to cover or pay for the candies? Usually teachers don’t pay out of their own pocket to supply their students with gifts or treats. That’s usually covered by the school budget. So when she told me no, it was from her own money, I thought, ‘aw that’s very sweet of her to spend her own money’. Later on, I really kicked myself cuz I thought I should have just paid for it with my stuff. That would have put out a positive signal. So what I was thinking of doing was buying some more chewy fruit to give her on Monday (as in to help her out since she was spending her own money) as a surprise gift. “Here! I got ya some more chewy fruit for your students” kinda thing. > > What do you think? I think that if you wouldn’t offer to buy the stuff for a male teacher you shouldn’t offer to buy it for a female teacher. Look, it’s clear you’re interested in her and that, in and of itself, is OK. But the way you’re going about it is awkward at best. Here’s an idea: instead of offering to buy the student treats, _talk with her_ about how she rewards her students, or what candy the kids seem to like best, or other conversational things about _what she does as a professional_. Ask her what she does to de-stress after a rough afternoon with rambunctious kids, does she have a hobby for that? Or start a conversation about what silly, fun-crazy stuff her students do. Show interest in her beyond her just being “girlfriend” material. Find something you two have in common. Do this by asking about her interests. Maybe you both like sports, or you both like mystery novels, or something. ---
**Author:** ![a6ka97](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/c2a13f/32.png) [@a6ka97](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/a6ka97)\ **Post date:** [October 9, 2020, 3:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/only-good-i-need-womens-opinions-please/922480/23 "2020-10-09T15:36:35Z")
> [@thescrr](#): > > She put a dozen packs of chewy fruit on the counter and at that moment I knew she wasn’t buying it for herself but for her students so I joked around and pretended that I thought she was buying all that for herself and I said to her, “wow, you must really love chewy fruit!” and she chuckled saying no it was for her students. So now you have an opening for a continued, low key conversation with her. Ask her how the chewy candy went over with her students. “Where the lemon flavored ones the last ones pick like always?” IF she picked up some lemon flavored ones. Just ask this one question, maybe a follow up one if she has a comment/question. Don’t try to force the conversation if there isn’t one. If you are always the one speaking first after several encounters this may give you a clue also if she is interested in you. ---
**Author:** ![Leftwix](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e274bd/32.png) [@Leftwix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Leftwix)\ **Post date:** [October 9, 2020, 11:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/only-good-i-need-womens-opinions-please/922480/24 "2020-10-09T23:16:47Z")
My first impression is she knows she’s attractive, and can tell you like her, so she kind of teased you a little. Instead of a gift, cut to the chase and write her a funny note, that says: Would you like to get together one day for pizza? Then draw 4 lines, and say circle one. sounds good no thanks maybe I’m not available It’s kind of grade-school cute, and sounds innocent. Keep the note just in case you wind up in court. j/k ---
**Author:** ![nelliebly](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/nelliebly/32/5422_2.png) [@nelliebly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nelliebly)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2020, 1:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/only-good-i-need-womens-opinions-please/922480/25 "2020-10-10T01:41:23Z")
> [@thescrr](#): > > Then outside, I asked her, wasn’t the school budget going to cover or pay for the candies? Usually teachers don’t pay out of their own pocket to supply their students with gifts or treats. That’s usually covered by the school budget. WTF? What kind of utopian school district do you work for? My district NEVER paid for candy, and I don’t know any that do–except for yours, apparently. I spent over $500 per year on tissues, treats, and supplies, which is about average. Day-um. Do not mess up and lose _that_ job. ---
**Author:** ![thescrr](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ac8455/32.png) [@thescrr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thescrr)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2020, 8:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/only-good-i-need-womens-opinions-please/922480/26 "2020-10-10T08:52:42Z")
I appreciate the advice but to be honest, I’ve lived my whole life of “dialing it back” and “taking it slow” and it has got me nowhere. If anything, I think I need to be more persistent and take more chances and not be afraid to get rejected. My problem has always been being rejected and taking no for an answer so I almost never ask the question or say exactly what I want to say. I’ve played the “nice guy” for my entire life and it honestly isn’t the way to get what you want in life unless you are just “lucky” and good fortune lands in your lap. ---
**Author:** ![thescrr](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ac8455/32.png) [@thescrr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thescrr)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2020, 8:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/only-good-i-need-womens-opinions-please/922480/27 "2020-10-10T08:55:04Z")
Yes, we have talked about a few things like pets/animals and things we had in common. We also talked a bit about the students, so there’s definitely some common ground. I’ll definitely try that on Monday and report back here what happened lol. ---
**Author:** ![thescrr](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ac8455/32.png) [@thescrr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thescrr)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2020, 8:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/only-good-i-need-womens-opinions-please/922480/28 "2020-10-10T08:58:02Z")
agreed. One time I saw her outside and she waved at me FIRST and I just nodded back to her (cuz we were passing by). I remember in that moment I thought to myself, “wow, she waved at me first. Normally people don’t wave at me”, so another sign I thought maybe she was putting out. I know i know it’s just a wave. But gotta keep that in the back pocket and see if there are more signs that overlap. ---
**Author:** ![thescrr](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ac8455/32.png) [@thescrr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thescrr)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2020, 9:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/only-good-i-need-womens-opinions-please/922480/29 "2020-10-10T09:00:27Z")
haha, aw that is cute. Thanks for the reply. ---
**Author:** ![thescrr](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ac8455/32.png) [@thescrr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thescrr)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2020, 9:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/only-good-i-need-womens-opinions-please/922480/30 "2020-10-10T09:07:35Z")
Actually, I may not be at this school next year (our calendar year ends in February) so it’s coming up. That’s why I don’t feel too worried about it. It makes me feel like I should just take a shot and see if there is actually anything between us. If not, all the more reason to move on. If there’s something…I may decide to stay with this school longer 🙂 She also asked me before if I was going to renew next year which again I thought was a little out of the ordinary because other teachers don’t ask me that. Anyways, here is what I am going to do. I already bought a bunch of chewy fruit today and I’m going to drop by her room on Monday afternoon and just tell her, “since you love chewy fruit so much I got you some more” and then ask her how her weekend went. She had told me she was going to some mountain hiking trail but didn’t say with who. So I will just say to her if she had a good time hiking on the trail with her boyfriend. Then she’ll tell me whether or not she has a boyfriend or not lol. I hope it works! If she’s single, that will give me the greenlight to continue wooing her. If she says she has a boyfriend, then I will know to not pursue her. ---
**Author:** ![thorny\_locust](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thorny_locust/32/431_2.png) [@thorny\_locust](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thorny_locust)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2020, 3:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/only-good-i-need-womens-opinions-please/922480/31 "2020-10-10T15:16:39Z")
> [@thescrr](#): > > My problem has always been being rejected and taking no for an answer Are you seriously suggesting refusing to take no for an answer? That way lies only lots of trouble. These days (for which I am thankful) you’re likely to get most of it. > [@thescrr](#): > > If she’s single, that will give me the greenlight to continue wooing her. If she says she has a boyfriend, then I will know to not pursue her. The question isn’t whether you think she’s already claimed/owned by somebody else. The question is whether she’s actually interested in you. ---
**Author:** ![nelliebly](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/nelliebly/32/5422_2.png) [@nelliebly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nelliebly)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2020, 8:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/only-good-i-need-womens-opinions-please/922480/32 "2020-10-10T20:06:52Z")
I’m still concerned. I can see you’re pretty awkward about this stuff, and it seems you’re maybe not to adept at reading people, but you also seem awfully intense. That’s potentially a dangerous combination. Add in your (totally incorrect) theory that being a nice guy has kept you from romance, and it’s even more dangerous. Her asking you if you’re going to renew next year is not out of the ordinary. Are any of these other teachers who haven’t asked you workplace friends? Because that’s the kind of question teachers ask each other routinely during conversations about, oh, say, next school year. I’m guessing you don’t have workplace friends–not just people acting friendly, but people who know you well and socialize with you outside of work. Work on making friends in general before you try to date anyone. Don’t try to leapfrog over this into romance. The skills involved in making friends are also the skills needed for romantic relationships. I’m particularly uneasy that you think that because you may not be at this school in four months, it’s no big deal if this whole situation goes sour. It could, in fact, be a very big deal. _Don’t_ ask her if she hiked with her boyfriend. Don’t give her candy. You could, as a potential friend, ask her if she had fun hiking and mention casually you like to hike, too. _And that’s it._ DON’T push it further. Slow the frick down. I do think you need to work on your self-esteem, maybe with some professional guidance. BTW, what country are you in? I’ve been assuming it was the U.S., but a few things–the year ending in February, your use of the term “chewy fruit,” has me wondering if it’s elsewhere. ---
**Author:** ![Broomstick](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/broomstick/32/246_2.png) [@Broomstick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Broomstick)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2020, 9:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/only-good-i-need-womens-opinions-please/922480/33 "2020-10-10T21:01:42Z")
> [@thorny\_locust](#): > > > [@thescrr](#): > > > > If she’s single, that will give me the greenlight to continue wooing her. If she says she has a boyfriend, then I will know to not pursue her. > > The question isn’t whether you think she’s already claimed/owned by somebody else. The question is whether she’s actually interested in you. Yeah, that attitude that a woman might be “claimed” by another man, and that if she isn’t she’s somehow fair game is one reason that woman sometimes lie about already having a boyfriend when they don’t. I’m getting a vibe that you’re only interested in this woman for a relationship/sex. Maybe that’s not your primary motivation, but that’s how you’re coming across to me in this thread. ---
**Author:** ![Leftwix](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e274bd/32.png) [@Leftwix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Leftwix)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2020, 9:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/only-good-i-need-womens-opinions-please/922480/34 "2020-10-10T21:25:41Z")
People usually hike with a group. It’s a little forward, but not out of the realm. Bold move for a shy guy. I think she’s interested. She waved first after all. I see you’re going with the Chewies. It sounds good to me. I think you’ve got this. I’ve got my fingers crossed. Good luck! Btw, find out who she’s voting for, before you invest any more candy money. Better to know beforehand. ---
**Author:** ![Esprise\_Me](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/esprise_me/32/2947_2.png) [@Esprise\_Me](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Esprise_Me)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2020, 11:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/only-good-i-need-womens-opinions-please/922480/35 "2020-10-12T23:04:37Z")
I can see you’re not really prepared to take the advice you specifically sought out, but please rethink everything you’ve written here. I can pretty much guarantee you that your problem with women is NOT that you take “no” for an answer. ---
**Author:** ![TokyoBayer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tokyobayer/32/13989_2.png) [@TokyoBayer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TokyoBayer)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2020, 1:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/only-good-i-need-womens-opinions-please/922480/36 "2020-10-13T01:57:38Z")
> [@nelliebly](#): > > Work on making friends in general before you try to date anyone. Don’t try to leapfrog over this into romance. The skills involved in making friends are also the skills needed for romantic relationships. Quoted for truth. ---
**Author:** ![puzzlegal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/puzzlegal/32/3827_2.png) [@puzzlegal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/puzzlegal)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2020, 2:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/only-good-i-need-womens-opinions-please/922480/37 "2020-10-13T02:21:47Z")
> [@thescrr](#): > > Actually, I may not be at this school next year (our calendar year ends in February) so it’s coming up. That’s why I don’t feel too worried about it. It makes me feel like I should just take a shot and see if there is actually anything between us. If not, all the more reason to move on. If there’s something…I may decide to stay with this school longer 🙂 If you want to “take a shot” try asking her out to coffee. That will give you a read on whether she’s interested. It’s not a guarantee, but it’s a good sign if she says “yes”, and it also gives you a chance to get to know her better. > [@thescrr](#): > > Anyways, here is what I am going to do. I already bought a bunch of chewy fruit today and I’m going to drop by her room on Monday afternoon and just tell her, “since you love chewy fruit so much I got you some more” cringe!!! please, please, don’t give them to her. Don’t buy presents for a coworker you barely know. Oh my god that’s awkward. cringe, cringe. > [@thescrr](#): > > and then ask her how her weekend went. She had told me she was going to some mountain hiking trail but didn’t say with who. So I will just say to her if she had a good time hiking on the trail with her boyfriend. Then she’ll tell me whether or not she has a boyfriend or not lol. I hope it works! > > If she’s single, that will give me the greenlight to continue wooing her. If she says she has a boyfriend, then I will know to not pursue her. As others have said, the “green light” is whether she’s interested in you, not whether some other man already claimed dibs. She’s a person, not a possession. ---
**Author:** ![thescrr](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ac8455/32.png) [@thescrr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thescrr)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2020, 10:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/only-good-i-need-womens-opinions-please/922480/38 "2020-10-13T10:33:11Z")
Well, I decided to just to give the chewy fruit to a couple teachers together as a group so it wasn’t just for her. Now it just look like a kind gesture to fellow co-workers. I didn’t do or say anything else. Probably won’t anymore. I’m not gonna pursue her. I don’t think anything is there now. Thanks and have a nice day everyone! ---
**Author:** ![Dead\_Cat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/9fc29f/32.png) [@Dead\_Cat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dead_Cat)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2020, 10:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/only-good-i-need-womens-opinions-please/922480/39 "2020-10-13T10:40:33Z")
Good for you - it’s not always easy to ask for advice, and it’s even harder to follow it. I think you made a wise choice here. ---
**Author:** ![puzzlegal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/puzzlegal/32/3827_2.png) [@puzzlegal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/puzzlegal)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2020, 1:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/only-good-i-need-womens-opinions-please/922480/40 "2020-10-13T13:47:27Z")
congrats! And hey, maybe you can befriend a few of your co-workers. Ask them about themselves, chat about the weekend, get to know them. Maybe you’ll find a girlfriend. Maybe you’ll just make some friends. Both are valuable. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/only-good-i-need-womens-opinions-please/922480.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/only-good-i-need-womens-opinions-please/922480.md?page=3)