# Only in Canada, eh? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [February 17, 2005, 5:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/only-in-canada-eh/290569 "2005-02-17T17:38:01Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![QuickSilver](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quicksilver/32/7832_2.png) [@QuickSilver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/QuickSilver)\ **Post date:** [February 17, 2005, 5:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/only-in-canada-eh/290569/1 "2005-02-17T17:38:01Z")
Now that Vancouver has won the chance to host the 2010 Winter Olympics - these are some questions people the world over are asking!!! Evidently, these questions about Canada were posted on an International Tourism Website. (Disclaimer: no cite.) Q: I have never seen it warm on Canadian TV, so how do the plants grow?(UK) A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around and watch them die. Q: Will I be able to see Polar Bears in the street? (USA) A: Depends how much you’ve been drinking. Q: I want to walk from Vancouver to Toronto - can I follow the railroad tracks? (Sweden) A: Sure, it’s only Four thousand miles, take lots of water. . Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Canada? (Sweden) A: So it’s true what they say about Swedes. Q: It is imperative that I find the names and addresses of places to contact for a stuffed Beaver. (Italy) A: Let’s not touch this one. Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Canada? Can you send me a list of them in Toronto, Vancouver, Edmonton and Halifax? (UK) A: What did your last slave die of? Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Canada? (USA) A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe. Ca-na-da is that big country to your North . . . oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Calgary. Come naked. Q: Which direction is North in Canada? (USA) A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we’ll send the rest of the directions. Q: Can I bring cutlery into Canada? (UK) A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do. Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys’ Choir schedule? (USA) A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which s…oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys’ Choir plays every Tuesday night in Vancouver and in Calgary, straight after the hippo races. Come naked. Q: Do you have perfume in Canada? (Germany) A: No, WE don’t stink. Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in Canada? (USA) A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather. Q: Can you tell me the regions in British Columbia where the female population is smaller than the male population? (Italy) A: Yes, gay nightclubs. Q: Do you celebrate Thanksgiving in Canada? (USA) A: Only at Thanksgiving. Q: Are there supermarkets in Toronto and is milk available all year round? (Germany) A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of Vegan hunter/gatherers. Milk is illegal. Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Canada, but I forget its name. It’s a kind of big horse with horns. (USA) A: It’s called a Moose. They are tall and very violent, eating the brains of anyone walking close to them. You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking. Q: I was in Canada in 1969 on R+R, and I want to contact the girl I dated while I was staying in Surrey, BC. Can you help? (USA) A: Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour. Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA) A: Yes, but you will have to learn it first. ---
**Author:** ![Kythereia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e8c25b/32.png) [@Kythereia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kythereia)\ **Post date:** [February 17, 2005, 5:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/only-in-canada-eh/290569/2 "2005-02-17T17:43:54Z")
This is an old joke that’s been passed around the Internet a couple of times. Still funny, though. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Goob](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c77e96/32.png) [@Mr.Goob](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Goob)\ **Post date:** [February 17, 2005, 5:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/only-in-canada-eh/290569/3 "2005-02-17T17:44:56Z")
I don’t know about the sarcasm in those answers. Blows your whole reputation for being so _polite_ all the damn time. - **Mr Goob** a yank 10 minutes from the border. ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [February 17, 2005, 6:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/only-in-canada-eh/290569/4 "2005-02-17T18:00:23Z")
_Dammit_, Wearia, you didn’t tell me about the moose! I could have had my brains eaten! ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [February 17, 2005, 6:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/only-in-canada-eh/290569/5 "2005-02-17T18:05:21Z")
Good thing they didn’t mention the snow snakes. [sub]Oops. I’ve said too much. [/sub] ---
**Author:** ![EmeraldGrue](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/dc4da7/32.png) [@EmeraldGrue](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EmeraldGrue)\ **Post date:** [February 17, 2005, 6:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/only-in-canada-eh/290569/6 "2005-02-17T18:33:44Z")
Dammit **Sunspace** , you’ll ruin our tourist industry. Then who’s gonna want to come to the Great Toronto Turkey Drive? ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [February 17, 2005, 6:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/only-in-canada-eh/290569/7 "2005-02-17T18:46:30Z")
> [@EmeraldGrue](#): > > Great Toronto Turkey Drive? Ha! You can’t fool me. Frozen Turkeys are extinct in Canada. They were all eaten by maurading Eskimo bands. ---
**Author:** ![GingerOfTheNorth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/cdc98d/32.png) [@GingerOfTheNorth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GingerOfTheNorth)\ **Post date:** [February 17, 2005, 6:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/only-in-canada-eh/290569/8 "2005-02-17T18:48:20Z")
> [@carnivorousplant](#): > > Ha! > You can’t fool me. > Frozen Turkeys are extinct in Canada. They were all eaten by maurading Eskimo bands. We call them Inuit. ---
**Author:** ![QuickSilver](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quicksilver/32/7832_2.png) [@QuickSilver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/QuickSilver)\ **Post date:** [February 17, 2005, 7:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/only-in-canada-eh/290569/9 "2005-02-17T19:00:19Z")
> [@GingerOfTheNorth](#): > > We call them Inuit. You should hear what they call us. ---
**Author:** ![Genghis\_Bob](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/45deac/32.png) [@Genghis\_Bob](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Genghis_Bob)\ **Post date:** [February 17, 2005, 8:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/only-in-canada-eh/290569/10 "2005-02-17T20:11:46Z")
> [@GingerOfTheNorth](#): > > We call them Inuit. You call Frozen Turkeys Inuit? ---
**Author:** ![Cunctator](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/43a26b/32.png) [@Cunctator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cunctator)\ **Post date:** [February 17, 2005, 9:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/only-in-canada-eh/290569/11 "2005-02-17T21:16:07Z")
Most of those jokes were rolled out, with suitable Australian amendments, at the time of the Sydney Olympics in 2000. ---
**Author:** ![Muffin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/muffin/32/4341_2.png) [@Muffin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Muffin)\ **Post date:** [February 17, 2005, 10:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/only-in-canada-eh/290569/12 "2005-02-17T22:02:57Z")
> [@Genghis Bob](#): > > You call Frozen Turkeys Inuit? No, the maurading Inuit bands call us frozen southerners turkeys. ---
**Author:** ![VunderBob](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/839c29/32.png) [@VunderBob](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VunderBob)\ **Post date:** [February 17, 2005, 10:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/only-in-canada-eh/290569/13 "2005-02-17T22:14:16Z")
> [@Cunctator](#): > > Most of those jokes were rolled out, with suitable Australian amendments, at the time of the Sydney Olympics in 2000. You mean like this? ``` Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen it rain on TV, so how do the plants grow? (UK). A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die. Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? (USA) A: Depends how much you've been drinking. Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad tracks?(Sweden) A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles, take lots of water. Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Australia? (Sweden) A: So it's true what they say about Swedes. Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia? Can you send me a list of them in Brisbane, Cairns, Townsville and Hervey? (UK) A: What did your last slave die of? Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia?(USA) A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe. Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the Pacific which doesn't... oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in KingsCross. Come naked. Q: Which direction is North in Australia? (USA) A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions. Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia? (UK) A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do. Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA) A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is...oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked. Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia? (UK) A: You are a British politician, right? Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round?(Germany) A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/gatherers. Milk is illegal. Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can dispense rattlesnake serum. (USA) A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from. All Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets. Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia, but I forget its name. It's a kind of bear and lives in trees. (USA) A: It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them. You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine befor you go out walking. ``` ---
**Author:** ![Cunctator](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/43a26b/32.png) [@Cunctator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cunctator)\ **Post date:** [February 17, 2005, 10:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/only-in-canada-eh/290569/14 "2005-02-17T22:41:23Z")
> [@VunderBob](#): > > You mean like this? > > ``` > Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA) > > A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, > which is...oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every > Tuesday night in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come > naked. > > ``` Yes, they’re the ones. The jokes are pretty old, I’d say and are just customised for a particular country and rolled out as necessary. In this case the customisation seems to have been done rather ineptly. The Vienna Boys’ Choir joke makes sense in an Australian context, but seems quite ridiculous in a Canadian one. ---
**Author:** ![detop](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/bcef8e/32.png) [@detop](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/detop)\ **Post date:** [February 18, 2005, 12:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/only-in-canada-eh/290569/15 "2005-02-18T00:04:36Z")
I’m sad, they didn’t even mentioned our world famous [furry trout](http://www.magicofchristopher.com/frierson/Furry-Trout.jpg) , the perfect catch for an afternoon of ice fishing ☹ ---
**Author:** ![GingerOfTheNorth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/cdc98d/32.png) [@GingerOfTheNorth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GingerOfTheNorth)\ **Post date:** [February 18, 2005, 12:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/only-in-canada-eh/290569/16 "2005-02-18T00:33:37Z")
> [@QuickSilver](#): > > You should hear what they call us. I have. “Of The North” refers to my residence at the time of joining, Canada’s Northwest Territories. ---
**Author:** ![JRDelirious](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jrdelirious/32/9531_2.png) [@JRDelirious](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JRDelirious)\ **Post date:** [February 18, 2005, 1:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/only-in-canada-eh/290569/17 "2005-02-18T01:13:04Z")
> [@GingerOfTheNorth](#): > > I have. > > “Of The North” refers to my residence at the time of joining, Canada’s Northwest Territories. a.k.a. Watsleftuvit? ---
**Author:** ![Flutterby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/6f9a4e/32.png) [@Flutterby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Flutterby)\ **Post date:** [February 18, 2005, 1:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/only-in-canada-eh/290569/18 "2005-02-18T01:39:00Z")
> [@Sunspace](#): > > Good thing they didn’t mention the snow snakes. > > [sub]Oops. I’ve said too much. [/sub] Invisible snow gophers you mean? [sub]They had signs up on blocked pathways on campus… warning of the invisible snow gophers which attack your ankles and make you fall…[/sub] ---
**Author:** ![Antigen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/848f3c/32.png) [@Antigen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Antigen)\ **Post date:** [February 18, 2005, 1:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/only-in-canada-eh/290569/19 "2005-02-18T01:39:21Z")
> [@QuickSilver](#): > > Vegan hunter/gatherers Every spring in the Great White North, herds of wild carrot trace their annual migration route down Toronto’s Yonge street, and the vegan hunter gatherers wait in the shadows of the buildings for the right moment to strike. The carrotlings, separated from the adults of the herd in the confusion of the attack, are quickly and mercilessly devoured. With ranch dip. ---
**Author:** ![Tripler](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripler/32/21807_2.png) [@Tripler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tripler)\ **Post date:** [February 18, 2005, 2:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/only-in-canada-eh/290569/20 "2005-02-18T02:05:00Z")
Dudes, I’m _never_ going to Canada again . . . I’ve heard about them [ice weasels](http://www.quotationspage.com/quotes/Matt_Groening/) which [everyone](http://www.innerswine.com/archives/44pdf/WEASEL.pdf) talks about. I mean, maybe “The Peg” was free of 'em, but I’m not taking any more chances. Tripler I’ll just stay down here, south of the border, with my American C-7. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/only-in-canada-eh/290569.md?page=2)