# Oops, I thought I was in the toilet.....
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oops-i-thought-i-was-in-the-toilet/123519
**Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
**Created:** [August 12, 2002, 1:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oops-i-thought-i-was-in-the-toilet/123519 "2002-08-12T13:21:00Z")
**Posts on this page:** 20
**Page:** 1
### Author:  [@Alice](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alice)
#### Post date: [August 12, 2002, 1:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oops-i-thought-i-was-in-the-toilet/123519/1 "2002-08-12T13:21:00Z")
Last night my husband came home drunk and went straight to sleep. Some time later I was woken by the sound of running water and, on investigation, found him standing in the kitchen peeing on the floor. He thought he was in the toilet.
It reminded me of the story of another friend, who after a fairly drunken evening, woke up and went to the toilet. The next morning he went down to breakfast to an extremely frosty reception. He asked what was wrong, and his mum replied,
“Well, thanks to you, your sister was washing her hair at 3:00 this morning”.
Anyone else made a similar mistake?
---
### Author:  [@CRorex](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CRorex)
#### Post date: [August 12, 2002, 3:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oops-i-thought-i-was-in-the-toilet/123519/2 "2002-08-12T15:25:58Z")
STORY TIME!
In college back when I had 3 roommates one of them had his GF from Wisc visiting. So friday rolled around, and like any friday like good college students we got drunk. And my roommate w/ the gf visiting passes out on his bed.
After staggering back to our room we play super bomber man for 6 or so hours then slowly stagger off to sleep (now 4 am).
I’m sitting on the sofa talking to roomie’s gf and another roomie when we see passed out roomie start walking in his sleep. He’s still in bed, but arms and legs are moving.
Then he stops, and slowly reaches out a hand and makes this odd handshake like gesture.
Then starts walking again.
Stops and repeats.
Then walks again.
Then pulls down his boxers (this wasn’t an uncommon occurance since he invented room naked time ☹ ).
Then he does his fountain impression 🙂
We NEVER let him live it down 🙂
---
### Author:  [@belladonna](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/belladonna)
#### Post date: [August 12, 2002, 5:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oops-i-thought-i-was-in-the-toilet/123519/3 "2002-08-12T17:08:10Z")
I was sleeping with my ex one night after he’d taken on a few too many. I felt him get up and assumed he was heading towards the bathroom. But I’m lying there half-asleep and I can still _feel_ him in the room, you know? So I force myself awake in time to see him standing at the foot of the bed pissing on the floor. I screamed at him and he kind of half came-to, mumbled “sorry” and crawled back under the covers. He and Mr. Clean became close friends the following morning.
In a similar but alcohol-free vein, my sister told me this story once and I about died. She was coming home from work and had to pee furiously. As she’s unlocking her apartment, one of her neighbors came up and started chattering at her. She put in half a minute of polite answers and then excused herself, dangerously close to exploding at this point. As she let herself in, the phone started to ring. She grabs the cordless and runs to the bathroom, answering as she squats. Halfway into her conversation/urination, she realized that, while she’d made it to the toilet in the nick of time, she’d forgotten to pull down her knickers. 😃 I for one was amazed not only that she’d do this, but that she would then choose to _share_ it with people.
bella
---
### Author:  [@LurkMeister](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LurkMeister)
#### Post date: [August 12, 2002, 5:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oops-i-thought-i-was-in-the-toilet/123519/4 "2002-08-12T17:25:44Z")
An 80-year-old man went for his annual check up and the doctor said, “Friend, for your age you’re in the best shape I’ve seen.”
The old fellow replied, “Yep, it comes from clean living. Why I know I live a good, clean, spiritual life.”
The doctor asked, “What makes you say that?”
The old man replied, “If I didn’t live a good, clean life the Lord wouldn’t turn the bathroom light on for me every time I get up in the middle of the night.”
The doc was concerned. “You mean when you get up in the night to go to the bathroom, the Lord Himself turns on the light for you?”
“Yep,” the old man said, “Whenever I get up to go to the bathroom, the Lord turns the light on for me.”
Well, the doctor didn’t say anything else, but when the old man’s wife came in for her check up, he felt he had to let her know what her husband said. “I just want you to know,” the doctor said. “Your husband’s in fine physical shape but I’m worried about his mental condition. He told me that every night when he gets up to go to the bathroom, the Lord turns the light on for him.”
“He what?” she cried.
“He said every night when he gets up to go to the bathroom, the Lord turns the light on for him.”
“Aha!!!” she exclaimed. So he’s the one who’s been peeing in the refrigerator!"
---
### Author:  [@Abe\_Babe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Abe_Babe)
#### Post date: [August 12, 2002, 5:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oops-i-thought-i-was-in-the-toilet/123519/5 "2002-08-12T17:52:59Z")
On two separate occasions, my oldest brother, when he was about 10 or so, woke up, went downstairs into the kitchen, opened it up and peed in the bread drawer.
---
### Author:  [@lurkernomore](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lurkernomore)
#### Post date: [August 12, 2002, 6:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oops-i-thought-i-was-in-the-toilet/123519/6 "2002-08-12T18:12:50Z")
Just after we moved, we caught my little brother getting up at night, walking into my sister’s BR, facing her asleep in her bed, and about to let fly.
(He was young and disoriented - but it was funny)
---
### Author:  [@Skywatcher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skywatcher)
#### Post date: [August 12, 2002, 7:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oops-i-thought-i-was-in-the-toilet/123519/7 "2002-08-12T19:52:24Z")
Opus: “A thousand pardons, I thought this was the bathroom!”
---
### Author:  [@drewbert](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drewbert)
#### Post date: [August 12, 2002, 9:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oops-i-thought-i-was-in-the-toilet/123519/8 "2002-08-12T21:03:37Z")
Repost of mine from [this old thread](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=49192)
> [@](#):
>
> 3 a.m. Blake comes back to the dorm after killing off half of his brain cells drinking. Again. Goes into the restroom, takes a left towards the urinal and takes a leak.
>
> Only this is not the restroom. Blake has missed the door by one and has instead entered a dorm room. He is currently pissing on a papasan chair.
>
> Roommate A, hearing the noise, wakes up, and at first thinks Roommate B is peeing in bed. No, that can’t be it. Looks down from the loft and sees Blake.
>
> **Roommate A** : “OH MY GOD! BLAKE! STOP!”
> **Blake** : “muuuuuuh?”
> **Roommate B** : “OK. That’s it. From now on we lock the door.”
> [Blake, hearing the words ‘lock the door’, locks the door]
> **Roommate A** : “Blake! Turn on the light and unlock the door!”
> **Blake** : “muuuuuh?”
> **Roommate A** : “Blake… Turn on the light.”
> [Blake turns on the light]
> **Roommate A** : “Now unlock the door”
> [Blake unlocks the door. He turns around and finally realizes what he has done. He finds a roll of paper towels and covers the chair cushion with a sheet in an attempt to remedy the situation.]
> **Roommate B** : “Blake, get out of here”
> [Blake somewhere in him finds some small level of coherence enough to speak]
> **Blake** : “Now I admit, what I done is wrong… but YOU gotta admit that if you kept your door locked --”
> **Roommate B** : “BLAKE GET OUT OF HERE BEFORE I KICK YOUR ASS!”
> _Names have been changed to protect the innocent. The guilty get no such luxury._
---
### Author:  [@ivylass](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ivylass)
#### Post date: [August 13, 2002, 12:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oops-i-thought-i-was-in-the-toilet/123519/9 "2002-08-13T00:44:37Z")
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by Alice \*
> \*\*It reminded me of the story of another friend, who after a fairly drunken evening, woke up and went to the toilet. The next morning he went down to breakfast to an extremely frosty reception. He asked what was wrong, and his mum replied,
> “Well, thanks to you, your sister was washing her hair at 3:00 this morning”.
>
> \*\*
Alice, I must applaud you. Your storytelling abilities will do you well hear during your tenure at SDMB. I read this, screamed with laughter, and couldn’t speak intelligently for about five minutes…Ivylad came over to see what was so funny, and he exploded too.
Bravo.
---
### Author:  [@kittenblue](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kittenblue)
#### Post date: [August 13, 2002, 2:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oops-i-thought-i-was-in-the-toilet/123519/10 "2002-08-13T02:17:34Z")
Oh my god, I just got off the phone with my ex, thinking bad thoughts about him dredging up old stuff about us when we were together and happy, and then I open this thread. Any warm cuddly feelings I might have had (but didn’t) have been banished in the memory of “The Mysterious Puddle in Kittengirl’s Room.”
Back when my ex was drinking heavily and often (5 nights out of 7 in the Officers’ Club at Ft. Benning) I once found a strange puddle next to my then 4-year-old daughter’s bed (mattress on the floor, no frame) one morning. She’d been potty-trained for nearly two years, and I was truly puzzled …didn’t even really think it was pee, thought maybe she’d spilled water from her paint set. I asked Kittengirl about it, but she knew nothing, and Kittenboy was too little to get out of his crib, so I forgot about it.
Until a week later when the ex-to-be came home stinking drunk again and kept me up til all hours asking “why do you love me?” (believe me, I was hard-pressed to come up with even one answer at 3 a.m.) I finally convince him to come to bed, and he finally falls asleep, and I finally start to relax…when he gets up out of bed and instead of heading into the bathroom, opens the closet door and prepares to pee. I shout at him and stop him in time, and guide (read shove) him into the bathroom. He gets back in bed and passes out again, and I’m left lying there in the dark just seething…and then I realize where the puddle in Kittengirl’s room was, and how it got there, and how close he came to peeing all over his sleeping child (remember, her mattress was on the floor so she wouldn’t fall out of bed). Another little piece of my regard for him died that night, and more died the next morning when I told him what he’d done, and he refused to believe me. I never could sleep soundly again.
Now I have to go scrub my brain.
---
### Author:  [@kittenblue](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kittenblue)
#### Post date: [August 13, 2002, 2:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oops-i-thought-i-was-in-the-toilet/123519/11 "2002-08-13T02:27:50Z")
sorry, “what” the puddle was.
---
### Author:  [@Alice](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alice)
#### Post date: [August 13, 2002, 10:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oops-i-thought-i-was-in-the-toilet/123519/12 "2002-08-13T10:39:13Z")
Thanks for the compliment Ivylass!
Last night I remembered another incident. When I was a student, a group of us went away for a week scuba-diving. We were sleeping in mixed dormitories, and a large amount of alcohol was consumed throughout the week.
One of my companions not only mistook our dorm for a toilet, but actually climbed up onto the window sill first (about a metre off the floor). He then balanced on the window sill, facing into the room. From his elevated position, he managed to spray most of the dorm.
He has absolutely no recollection of this event and strenuously denies it, despite compelling witness statements. He argues that he could not balance on that window sill sober, let alone drunk and urinating!
---
### Author:  [@Eats\_Crayons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eats_Crayons)
#### Post date: [August 13, 2002, 12:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oops-i-thought-i-was-in-the-toilet/123519/13 "2002-08-13T12:21:52Z")
A friend of mine, we’ll call him “Davey” was visiting his girlfriend and was staying with her in her dorm room. He ran into some old buddies in the pub and they had quite the evening of drunken revelry (though it really wasn’t a very late night).
The girlfriend dragged Davey to her room, disrobed him, put him to bed and crawled in beside him. About an hour later, she was awoken by a liquid sound – Davey was standing in the corner peeing on her textbooks.
“Davey!?!!?” she yelled in shock and disgust.
Davey got a spooked look, like an enemy spy caught in the glare of an enemy’s spotlight. He burst out of her room, and ran down the hall – in all of his naked splendor-- and charged through a group of girls congregated in the hall for a late-night chat.
The girlfriend grabbed a towel to cover him up and followed him.
He was in the bathroom, finishing his pee… in the sink.
The girlfriend caught up with him and handed him the towel so he could cover himself. Davey looked at the towel – a-ha! – washed off his “member”, dried it with the towel, gave it back to his girlfriend, then streaked back down the hall past the group of embarassed girls.
By the time his girlfriend got back to the room, he was sound asleep in bed.
He remembers nothing. (Or so he claims.)
---
### Author:  [@Spit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spit)
#### Post date: [August 13, 2002, 2:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oops-i-thought-i-was-in-the-toilet/123519/14 "2002-08-13T14:32:54Z")
A friend of mine, I’ll call him “Spit”…Errrrrr, I mean “Chuck”…had a few too many beers one night, and decided to hit the head. So he gets up, heads to the bathroom, and in mid-stream realizes he isn’t in the bathroom.
He is still in the bed.
I…I mean “he”…sits bolt upright in bed, and his girlfriend mumbles “Everything ok?”. “Yeah…Bad dream…Go back to sleep dear”.
Being as it’s a waterbed, his first thought is to poke a hole…
No good…those damned waterbeds are TOUGH.
A lightbulb goes off in his head. Quickly he ran to the kitchen, grabbed a glass of water, then stumbled just as he made it back to bed.
Sheets were changed, fussing ensued from g/f for spilling water, ego was saved, and much scrubbing was done under the mattress while she was at work the following day.
---
### Author:  [@Alice](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alice)
#### Post date: [August 13, 2002, 2:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oops-i-thought-i-was-in-the-toilet/123519/15 "2002-08-13T14:36:00Z")
Great save Spit!
My husband just said “It wasn’t me” - Might have worked except that I was standing there watching him in action!
---
### Author:  [@wolfman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wolfman)
#### Post date: [August 13, 2002, 3:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oops-i-thought-i-was-in-the-toilet/123519/16 "2002-08-13T15:04:03Z")
I’ll admit I’ve done this once or twice, that I know of :(. Both times had nothing to do with drinking either.
I apparently sleep pee. I never sleep walk, but occiasially my brain decides that I need my sleep and something can be better done without waking me up. I have had twently minute converastions on the phone that I had no memory of. But back to the OP, I can walk to the bathroom, and take a leak without ever waking up. But my brain is late in picking up changes.
One time just after moving to a new place. I remember having this strange dream where I was being chased by the mob, I ducked into an alley to escape and they didn’t find me. Suddenly I really had to pee, So i tried to get out of the alley, but there was no way out, I was surrounded by walls, so in desperation I let fly on the brick wall. I’ don’t remeber the rest of dream, but the next morning there was a pee stain on the wall in exact relationship to where the bathroom door was from my bed in the old house.
Another time I had just come back from a long camping trip, and collapsed into bed exhausted. The next morning one of my housemates was really, really pissed at me. After about 5 minutes of getting screamed at I finally convincing her that I had no idea what had happened, It came out that I had walked into her room, climbed on her dresser, and took a piss into the middle of her room, with her yelling at me to stop. Sheesh, like it’s my fault that her dresser was right where the perfect rock next to the pissing cliff had been on the camping trip.
---
### Author:  [@Mooch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mooch)
#### Post date: [August 13, 2002, 6:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oops-i-thought-i-was-in-the-toilet/123519/17 "2002-08-13T18:26:02Z")
A good friend of mine was about a year old when he fell off his back porch and hurt himself (not too severely). While the paramedics were patching the little tyke up, his 3 year old brother wandered over, promptly dropped trow and peed into the paramedic’s open tool box.
---
### Author:  [@Eats\_Crayons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eats_Crayons)
#### Post date: [August 14, 2002, 1:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oops-i-thought-i-was-in-the-toilet/123519/18 "2002-08-14T01:14:44Z")
After reading all these posts, two things occur to me:
1. Most “zombie pees” seem to be perpetrated by men.
2. Power of suggestion… I (female) will probably wet the bed tonight.
---
### Author:  [@jujuju](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jujuju)
#### Post date: [August 14, 2002, 7:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oops-i-thought-i-was-in-the-toilet/123519/19 "2002-08-14T07:50:06Z")
first year in college, after a night out drinking, my SO spends the night in my dorm room, for the first time. we both pass out after, um, a little adult entertainment, but he’s gone in the morning. i get out of bed and notice a strange blanket in the floor.
now the doors to the dorms have rather wide gaps between the floor and the bottom of the door. as i go to the door, i also see a tiny copy of the new testament, someone had slipped under the door. i open it and passages have been highlighted. there is also a note.
apparantly, my SO had gotten up in the middle of the night to pee. according to others, the hallway sufficed. but once he was spotted and one of the girls in the hall told him he wasn’t in the right place, (not to mention he was naked), i guess he just chose the nearest door, which happened to be my neighbor’s room.
he then proceeded to climb in bed with her. luckily, instead of calling security, she gave him a blanket and sent him back to my room, where he decided he’d been embarrased enough and got dressed and left.
i washed and returned my neighbors blanket, but declined her invitation to attend bible study.
---
### Author:  [@manwithaplan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/manwithaplan)
#### Post date: [August 14, 2002, 11:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oops-i-thought-i-was-in-the-toilet/123519/20 "2002-08-14T11:10:57Z")
Even within a thread like this, I should warn that this is potentially TMI. The braver souls among you may read on.
Before we were married, Mrs. MWAP and I shared an apartment with a friend of hers. One Friday night the two of us started drinking after work and arrived home, thoroughly hammered, at about 2 AM. We went to bed and some time later, I got up to use the bathroom. While I have no recollection of this, Mrs. MWAP tells me I was in there for some time and that I kept myself entertained through the gift of song.
The next morning, Mrs. MWAP went to use the bathroom and immediately came back to the bedroom to wake me and march me toiletwards. There I was presented with the evidence of my nighttime visit. A large black deposit was staring up at me from the bottom of the bath, with its passage down the side clearly visible. The stench was overwhelming and it was an effort to control my poor hungover stomach.
The consumption of pints of Guinness in double digit quantities had addled my brain to the point where it couldn’t distinguish one bathroom appliance from another, while also stewing my guts into the production a treacly dark destroyer. Needless to say, I was immediately put to cleaning duties.
Later that day, I was chatting with our flatmate, relieved that she was unaware that the brown express had pulled into Bath station. However, my relief was short-lived. She mentioned that her cousin had stayed with us the previous evening but had got up early to catch a flight. I have no idea whether he said anything to her but somewhere there is a guy telling a story about the morning he woke up in his cousin’s flat to find a turd in the bath.
It is a tribute to the tolerance and patience of Mrs. MWAP that she still saw fit to marry this poor unfortunate sleepshitter.
[Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oops-i-thought-i-was-in-the-toilet/123519.md?page=2)