# Opal, what the fuck is your problem? **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [December 16, 2008, 6:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/opal-what-the-fuck-is-your-problem/477368 "2008-12-16T06:10:44Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 13
**Author:** ![mhendo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mhendo/32/3159_2.png) [@mhendo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mhendo)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2008, 8:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/opal-what-the-fuck-is-your-problem/477368/241 "2008-12-16T20:35:00Z")
> [@Mtgman](#): > > Live and let live. It’s not a big deal. She’s a unique and beautiful snowflake, with jagged edges, just like everyone else. Let him without sin cast the first stone. Nope. 🙂 I got plenty of sin, but my stone-throwing arm is itching for a workout anyway. If i act like a jackass in a thread where i’ve asked for, and received, help from other Dopers, then i expect to get dragged on the carpet for it. That’s what she did, and this thread is the justified result. I’ve never paid too much attention to **OpalCat** ’s GQ, IMHO or CS threads before, but i went and read a few of the ones linked by people in this thread. You know what struck me most about them? The fact that she expresses basically no gratitude whatsoever for the help people offer. I’m not saying she has to take everyone’s suggestions; in fact, the sheer amount of conflicting advice in many GQ and IMHO threads means that, by definition, we often have to reject more advice than we accept. But when people go out of their way to be helpful to you, the very least you can do before shitting on their advice is to thank them for offering it. I’ve opened a bunch of GQ threads in my time here. In some, the advice i’ve received has solved my problem immediately and perfectly. In others, i’ve gotten some good suggestions and some bad ones. And in others, my question was never really answered at all. But in every case, i felt obliged to make clear that i appreciated people’s input, and to thank them for their time and effort. ---
**Author:** ![Cheesesteak](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cheesesteak/32/3694_2.png) [@Cheesesteak](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cheesesteak)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2008, 8:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/opal-what-the-fuck-is-your-problem/477368/242 "2008-12-16T20:36:16Z")
Frylock, I think you’re reading way too much into devilsnew’s response. I saw it as just a conversational note that Opal was living in the Buckeye State, and just unknowingly asked for the recipe to Buckeyes. It’s a cute coincidence, and Opal responded to it with a grim pronouncement that, as a vegetarian, she wouldn’t eat something named after the scooped out eyeball of a deer. Oh, and she doesn’t want to live in Ohio, either. I’m now chuckling about it because I’m imagining Opal’s response read in Schwartzenegger’s deadpan voice. “It’s not a tumah!” ---
**Author:** ![Scissorjack](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c67d28/32.png) [@Scissorjack](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scissorjack)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2008, 8:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/opal-what-the-fuck-is-your-problem/477368/243 "2008-12-16T20:37:37Z")
> [@Malthus](#): > > That had better be a food item, and not a sex act gone horribly wrong. 😛 [Toad In The Hole.](http://www.taste.co.nz/home/recipedetail/articleid/1450.aspx) Basically Yorkshire Pudding stuffed with sausages, and the food of the Gods on a cold winter’s day. Ideally, of course, to be followed by Fly Cemeteries and washed down with Bull’s Blood. ---
**Author:** ![Sarahfeena](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sarahfeena/32/519_2.png) [@Sarahfeena](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sarahfeena)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2008, 8:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/opal-what-the-fuck-is-your-problem/477368/244 "2008-12-16T20:39:59Z")
> [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#): > > Nobody told her what she “should” call them. She was told the name of a recipe. She’s the one who had to make a big deal out of it. Who cares what she personally wants to call them? Who asked her? What’s wrong with a simple “thank you?” That’s the thing that bothered me about it…it has nothing to do with what **OpalCat** prefers to call the things…it’s that she couldn’t do a simple thing like say “thank you.” And not only did she not thank him, but she acted like he had done something _wrong_ by telling her what they are commonly called. ---
**Author:** ![VinylTurnip](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b2d939/32.png) [@VinylTurnip](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VinylTurnip)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2008, 8:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/opal-what-the-fuck-is-your-problem/477368/245 "2008-12-16T20:42:40Z")
> [@Frylock](#): > > Nothing in your post was anything relevantly like an analogy, and nothing marked anything in your post as intending to be anything other than an accurate representation of Opalcat’s comments. > > Later, you called it “poetic license,” but there’s nothing in the _post itself_ that marks it that way. The post itself appears to simply be a mistaken description of the comments in question. The description is mistaken in a way that is quite common esp in contexts like the Pit, so its fairly natural to interpret your post that way. > > Remind me never to offer you a writing job. I would suggest to **Batty** (and anyone else considering engaging in a language-related discussion with **Frylock** ) to review [this thread](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=464520) and realize what a bottomless pit you’re staring into. ---
**Author:** ![Great\_Dave](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/46a35a/32.png) [@Great\_Dave](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Great_Dave)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2008, 8:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/opal-what-the-fuck-is-your-problem/477368/246 "2008-12-16T20:49:50Z")
> [@BubbaDog](#): > > He’s not upset because you thought he was from Indiana. He’s upset because around there, a Hoosier is the lowest form of white trash. There’s a difference?? (j/k) ---
**Author:** ![Frylock](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/ce7236/32.png) [@Frylock](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Frylock)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2008, 8:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/opal-what-the-fuck-is-your-problem/477368/247 "2008-12-16T20:51:37Z")
> [@Cheesesteak](#): > > Frylock, I think you’re reading way too much into devilsnew’s response. I should clarify that I’m not claiming I know what **devilsnew** meant to do with that post. Rather, I’m just giving an account as to what the sentence s/he typed actually does say or imply. **Devilsnew** ’s post relied on a lot of presuppositions that **Opalcat** clearly did not share, and I can’t blame her for wanting to make sure **Devilsnew** wasn’t decieved in this matter. 😛 Look, I know there are more gracious ways for **Opalcat** to have handled the situation, but I’ve just never been impressed by arguments from gracelessness. Possibly because being the nervous, involuntarily shifty-eyed, graceless, absent-minded-to-the-point-of-appearing-thoughtless SOB I happen to be, I know people can have the very best of intentions and just not be so good at communicating these intentions nonverbally. (And I count remembering to say “thanks” and things like that as the equivalent of nonverbal social cues in the context of the internet.) It’s like with me IRL and apologies. I just _don’t get the point_ of saying “I’m sorry.” When I say it, whether I feel genuine remorse or not, I feel like I’m being dishonest because I know “I’m sorry” is basically a button I can push to smooth over a situation _regardless_ of whether I “really mean it” or not. I can never understand why people sometimes insist on a verbal apologies. Who cares if someone apologises or not? It’s what they do in the future that matters, not what they say right now. I _do_ offer verbal apologies when it is appropriate. But I have _never_ been able to do so without feeling kind of icky and dishonest. It’s all a game. Why do people make me play this game? It means nothing! Yargh! Similarly, in Opal’s comments, I swear I can hear echoes of my “apology” sentiments, only this time, about “thanks.” “Of _course_ I appreciate your effort. It should be _understood_. You would have to have a pretty low opinion of me already to think I wouldn’t appreciate your having tried to help me out. Anyway, meanwhile, let’s continue talking about real business-- the project we’re talking about. What about the necklace? Any more ideas?” I know it’s not the _right_ way to think or handle the situation, but I can understand very easily how someone with impeccable character 😛 might nevertheless suffer from this sort of “politeness blindness.” -FrL- ---
**Author:** ![Influential\_Panda](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/8e8cbc/32.png) [@Influential\_Panda](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Influential_Panda)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2008, 8:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/opal-what-the-fuck-is-your-problem/477368/248 "2008-12-16T20:51:55Z")
New rule: All lists containing “Hi, Opal!” shall be immediately followed by “Goat cock.” ---
**Author:** ![Scumpup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ce73a5/32.png) [@Scumpup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scumpup)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2008, 8:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/opal-what-the-fuck-is-your-problem/477368/249 "2008-12-16T20:52:48Z")
What if everybody just started calling the confection “unicorn turds?” Everybody likes unicorns and, AFAIK, eating feces doesn’t violate vegan principles. I live on the PA/OH border, and OH styling itself “The Unicorn Turd State” could hardly damage its reputation. Wouldn’t everybody be able to get along then? ---
**Author:** ![Frylock](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/ce7236/32.png) [@Frylock](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Frylock)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2008, 8:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/opal-what-the-fuck-is-your-problem/477368/250 "2008-12-16T20:53:08Z")
> [@VinylTurnip](#): > > I would suggest to **Batty** (and anyone else considering engaging in a language-related discussion with **Frylock** ) to review [this thread](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=464520) and realize what a bottomless pit you’re staring into. I haven’t followed the link yet, but I predict it is perfectly apt and your advice is completely sound. 😛 The things I’m saying are correct, but I agree that, like jumping into a bottomless pit, saying them is actually kind of pointless. I don’t know why I keep doing it. Okay, now to see what thread you linked to. -FRL- ETA: Oh God, NOOOO! Not that embarrassment! NOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Just let it die, for the love all that is holy, LET IT DIE! (actually I make some very good points in that thread. But it’s a completely and utterly _stupid_ OP that I’m eternally ashamed of. Maybe an apology is in order?) ---
**Author:** ![dropzone](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dropzone/32/7515_2.png) [@dropzone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dropzone)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2008, 8:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/opal-what-the-fuck-is-your-problem/477368/251 "2008-12-16T20:53:23Z")
> [@Valerieblaise](#): > > Are you, Dropzone, the one who makes the decision of who can and can’t be pitted? Because it seems to me you’re doing what you always doing - acting out your knight-in-shining armor fantasies. “Oh, I’ll rush in and defend this poor little lamb.” Go fuck yourself, you self-righteous asshole. Ah, I was wondering how you had been doing in your time away from the board. I see you are as charming as ever. ETA: **Dio** , I take back my suggestion you take a vacaition from the board. I see how much good a couple years away did **Val**. My times away helped by turning my aggression back into passive aggression. **Val** ’s aggression remained. ---
**Author:** ![Jack\_Batty](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jack_batty/32/3201_2.png) [@Jack\_Batty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jack_Batty)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2008, 8:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/opal-what-the-fuck-is-your-problem/477368/252 "2008-12-16T20:54:40Z")
> [@Frylock](#): > > Nothing in your post was anything relevantly like an analogy, and nothing marked anything in your post as intending to be anything other than an accurate representation of Opalcat’s comments. > > Later, you called it “poetic license,” but there’s nothing in the _post itself_ that marks it that way. The post itself appears to simply be a mistaken description of the comments in question. The description is mistaken in a way that is quite common esp in contexts like the Pit, so its fairly natural to interpret your post that way. > > Remind me never to offer you a writing job. > > -FrL- Holy fuck, you’re a Poindexter. My original post, this one: > [@](#): > > “I have a recipe for buckeyes that I’d love to foreward to you.” > “OMG, DON’T SAY BUCKEYES! IT’S GROSS!” > Yeah. Opal is being the level-headed one here. > > This smacks of offenderattiism. Are we not allowed to refer to any foodstuff around her which might sound vaguely like it might have once been part of some sort of living being? She didn’t need to be such a snatch in condemning the term “buckeye” like it was a personal insult to her. Was intended just as I wrote it. The top bit was not meant as literal and any moron with half a brain would know that. You had to go on with this retarded, “she never told anyone else what to call them,” shit, like that was remotely the point I was making. Now when I make another crack about analogies, you come back with, “Nothing in your post was anything relevantly like an analogy.” No shit, Sherlock. I think your pocket-protector is screwed in a little too tightly. And then I read the thread **Vinyl Turnip** linked to and I see what I’m up against. Tell you what, Myron, you can pretend that I was just completely lying - LYING! - and not just being goofy if it will help you sleep better in your car-bed tonight. ---
**Author:** ![Omegaman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/e480ec/32.png) [@Omegaman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omegaman)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2008, 9:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/opal-what-the-fuck-is-your-problem/477368/253 "2008-12-16T21:02:23Z")
Six pages and all I can think about is some back strap grilled medium well with a little salt and pepper. If only they sold it at the supermarket. I love bambi. ---
**Author:** ![Frylock](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/ce7236/32.png) [@Frylock](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Frylock)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2008, 9:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/opal-what-the-fuck-is-your-problem/477368/254 "2008-12-16T21:03:04Z")
> [@Jack\_Batty](#): > > Holy fuck, you’re a Poindexter. My original post, this one: > > Was intended just as I wrote it. The top bit was not meant as literal and any moron with half a brain would know that. You had to go on with this retarded, “she never told anyone else what to call them,” shit, like that was remotely the point I was making. > > Now when I make another crack about analogies, you come back with, “Nothing in your post was anything relevantly like an analogy.” > > No shit, Sherlock. > > I think your pocket-protector is screwed in a little too tightly. > > And then I read the thread **Vinyl Turnip** linked to and I see what I’m up against. > > Tell you what, Myron, you can pretend that I was just completely lying - LYING! - and not just being goofy if it will help you sleep better in your car-bed tonight. > [@](#): > > “I have a recipe for buckeyes that I’d love to foreward to you.” > “OMG, DON’T SAY BUCKEYES! IT’S GROSS!” > Yeah. Opal is being the level-headed one here. > > This smacks of offenderattiism. Are we not allowed to refer to any foodstuff around her which might sound vaguely like it might have once been part of some sort of living being? She didn’t need to be such a snatch in condemning the term “buckeye” like it was a personal insult to her. I hereby revise my reading of your post. 😛 By saying “are we not allowed to refer etc…” you meant something like “How far does her offendedness go exactly? Does it go so far that we ought not to refer etc…, who knows, she’s acting like a crazy bitch and who can tell what will set her off?” Is that more accurate? -FrL- ---
**Author:** ![dropzone](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dropzone/32/7515_2.png) [@dropzone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dropzone)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2008, 9:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/opal-what-the-fuck-is-your-problem/477368/255 "2008-12-16T21:04:13Z")
> [@Cheesesteak](#): > > Oh stop, buckeye isn’t remotely notable as a gross word for food. > … > The list goes on and on… and you pick on buckeye as being really gross? I just have a thing about eating eyes. ---
**Author:** ![Max\_Torque](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e9bcb4/32.png) [@Max\_Torque](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Max_Torque)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2008, 9:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/opal-what-the-fuck-is-your-problem/477368/256 "2008-12-16T21:05:15Z")
> [@Cheesesteak](#): > > It’s a cute coincidence, and Opal responded to it with a grim pronouncement that, as a vegetarian, she wouldn’t eat something named after the scooped out eyeball of a deer. I hadn’t wanted to get involved in this, but this one’s just nagging at me: why is it a “scooped out eyeball”? Why must this object which bears a resemblance to another object be a “dismembered deer’s optical organ”? Mightn’t it be called a “buckeye” because it somewhat resembles the keen, gentle eye of a lovely living deer? Am I the only one who feels that one thing can bear a vague, if-you-squint-just-right resemblance to another thing without having to imagine death and dismemberment? Or must we imagine scalped angels every time we serve Angel Hair Pasta, or the heart-rending “ribbit THWACK ribbit THWACK” of sightless frogs leaping into walls when someone prepares Frog-Eye Salad? Seriously, though, just because one thing looks kinda like another doesn’t mean there was violence involved. It’s just a freakin’ name. Am I alone on this one? ---
**Author:** ![dropzone](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dropzone/32/7515_2.png) [@dropzone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dropzone)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2008, 9:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/opal-what-the-fuck-is-your-problem/477368/257 "2008-12-16T21:11:49Z")
Well, I think of polio whenever I see a candy cane. ---
**Author:** ![Spice\_Weasel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spice_weasel/32/5435_2.png) [@Spice\_Weasel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spice_Weasel)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2008, 9:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/opal-what-the-fuck-is-your-problem/477368/258 "2008-12-16T21:12:36Z")
> [@Frylock](#): > > I should clarify that I’m not claiming I know what **devilsnew** meant to do with that post. Rather, I’m just giving an account as to what the sentence s/he typed actually does say or imply. > > **Devilsnew** ’s post relied on a lot of presuppositions that **Opalcat** clearly did not share, and I can’t blame her for wanting to make sure **Devilsnew** wasn’t decieved in this matter. 😛 > > Look, I know there are more gracious ways for **Opalcat** to have handled the situation, but I’ve just never been impressed by arguments from gracelessness. Possibly because being the nervous, involuntarily shifty-eyed, graceless, absent-minded-to-the-point-of-appearing-thoughtless SOB I happen to be, I know people can have the very best of intentions and just not be so good at communicating these intentions nonverbally. (And I count remembering to say “thanks” and things like that as the equivalent of nonverbal social cues in the context of the internet.) > > It’s like with me IRL and apologies. I just _don’t get the point_ of saying “I’m sorry.” When I say it, whether I feel genuine remorse or not, I feel like I’m being dishonest because I know “I’m sorry” is basically a button I can push to smooth over a situation _regardless_ of whether I “really mean it” or not. I can never understand why people sometimes insist on a verbal apologies. Who cares if someone apologises or not? It’s what they do in the future that matters, not what they say right now. > > I _do_ offer verbal apologies when it is appropriate. But I have _never_ been able to do so without feeling kind of icky and dishonest. It’s all a game. Why do people make me play this game? It means nothing! Yargh! > > Similarly, in Opal’s comments, I swear I can hear echoes of my “apology” sentiments, only this time, about “thanks.” “Of _course_ I appreciate your effort. It should be _understood_. You would have to have a pretty low opinion of me already to think I wouldn’t appreciate your having tried to help me out. Anyway, meanwhile, let’s continue talking about real business-- the project we’re talking about. What about the necklace? Any more ideas?” > > I know it’s not the _right_ way to think or handle the situation, but I can understand very easily how someone with impeccable character 😛 might nevertheless suffer from this sort of “politeness blindness.” > > -FrL- Well, I was definitely baffled as to why you were defending this pattern of behavior by **Opal** , but it makes a lot of sense now that you’ve laid out where you’re coming from. I definitely don’t understand what’s difficult about ‘‘I’m sorry’’ and ‘‘thank you’’ if you genuinely mean it, but I can at least respect that it’s not immediately obvious to everyone. Maybe it’s true that some people struggle with social graces, but in that case it would have been nice if she could just explain her position as you did. I mean if a lot of people interpret your behavior as rude, it makes sense to at least try to explain your position instead of dismissing everyone else as absurd. Did that make sense? My head’s not working today. ---
**Author:** ![Frylock](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/ce7236/32.png) [@Frylock](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Frylock)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2008, 9:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/opal-what-the-fuck-is-your-problem/477368/259 "2008-12-16T21:13:38Z")
> [@olivesmarch4th](#): > > Well, I was definitely baffled as to why you were defending this pattern of behavior by **Opal** , but it makes a lot of sense now that you’ve laid out where you’re coming from. I definitely don’t understand what’s difficult about ‘‘I’m sorry’’ and ‘‘thank you’’ if you genuinely mean it, but I can at least respect that it’s not immediately obvious to everyone. Maybe it’s true that some people struggle with social graces, but in that case it would have been nice if she could just explain her position as you did. I mean if a lot of people interpret your behavior as rude, it makes sense to at least try to explain your position instead of dismissing everyone else as absurd. > > Did that make sense? My head’s not working today. Absolutely it made sense. -FrL- ---
**Author:** ![Drain\_Bead](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e47774/32.png) [@Drain\_Bead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Drain_Bead)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2008, 9:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/opal-what-the-fuck-is-your-problem/477368/260 "2008-12-16T21:36:46Z")
> [@Max\_Torque](#): > > I hadn’t wanted to get involved in this, but this one’s just nagging at me: why is it a “scooped out eyeball”? Why must this object which bears a resemblance to another object be a “dismembered deer’s optical organ”? Mightn’t it be called a “buckeye” because it somewhat resembles the keen, gentle eye of a lovely living deer? > > Am I the only one who feels that one thing can bear a vague, if-you-squint-just-right resemblance to another thing without having to imagine death and dismemberment? Or must we imagine scalped angels every time we serve Angel Hair Pasta, or the heart-rending “ribbit THWACK ribbit THWACK” of sightless frogs leaping into walls when someone prepares Frog-Eye Salad? > > Seriously, though, just because one thing looks kinda like another doesn’t mean there was violence involved. It’s just a freakin’ name. Am I alone on this one? Far be it from me to hijack a pointless pile-on, but WTF is frog-eye salad? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/opal-what-the-fuck-is-your-problem/477368.md?page=12) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/opal-what-the-fuck-is-your-problem/477368.md?page=14)