# Open letter to my creepy neighbor **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [February 5, 2005, 4:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/open-letter-to-my-creepy-neighbor/288531 "2005-02-05T16:19:22Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![J8099](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/c89c15/32.png) [@J8099](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/J8099)\ **Post date:** [February 5, 2005, 4:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/open-letter-to-my-creepy-neighbor/288531/1 "2005-02-05T16:19:22Z")
I didn’t like it when you invited all your pals over for a gospel sing-a-long. I could hear it in my house. At two in the morning. But that’s okay. I put on my own music to drown it out. What pisses me off is that you thought it would be fucking fantastic to take the hand-painted sign off my door and pound it in half with a hammer. And then peel off the stickers I spent my hard-earned cash on and rip them to little bitty pieces. And to rub salt in the wound, you left me a note that basically said I’m going to burn in hell–in black marker on my door. I’m filing vandalism charges on your sorry ass. You’re a rotten, smug, self-righteous bastard, and I hope when They come back, you get eaten last. ---
**Author:** ![Jackmannii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jackmannii/32/311_2.png) [@Jackmannii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jackmannii)\ **Post date:** [February 5, 2005, 4:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/open-letter-to-my-creepy-neighbor/288531/2 "2005-02-05T16:25:24Z")
I may regret asking, but what did the sign say? ---
**Author:** ![Zabali\_Clawbane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/ecd19e/32.png) [@Zabali\_Clawbane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zabali_Clawbane)\ **Post date:** [February 5, 2005, 4:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/open-letter-to-my-creepy-neighbor/288531/3 "2005-02-05T16:27:19Z")
What did the sign say, and the stickers? File charges, take pictures, and document this. I get the feeling you’re likely going to get more “special attention” from this guy. :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![Stranger\_On\_A\_Train](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/13edae/32.png) [@Stranger\_On\_A\_Train](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stranger_On_A_Train)\ **Post date:** [February 5, 2005, 5:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/open-letter-to-my-creepy-neighbor/288531/4 "2005-02-05T17:01:11Z")
Oh, you’re definitely _in the shit_ now. You have defied the **Chosen Prophet of _Og, The Almighty, All-Knowing, All-Singing And Dancing Lord of Creation._** You will burn. Yes, you will. In a vat of hydrofluoric acid. Repent, _sinner_! Give your life over to **The Lord** , and you shall be _saved_! We can’t do much for your parents, though. They’re still going to rot in the underworld. Sorry 'bout that. Stranger Hyper-proselytistic jerkoffs bug the heck out of me, too. Your religion, your business. Don’t make it mine, please. ---
**Author:** ![Kythereia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e8c25b/32.png) [@Kythereia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kythereia)\ **Post date:** [February 5, 2005, 5:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/open-letter-to-my-creepy-neighbor/288531/5 "2005-02-05T17:10:32Z")
Chiming in: What _did_ the sign and stickers say? Good luck with the vandalism charges, I hope he gets his sorry arse fined. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![J8099](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/c89c15/32.png) [@J8099](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/J8099)\ **Post date:** [February 5, 2005, 5:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/open-letter-to-my-creepy-neighbor/288531/6 "2005-02-05T17:14:49Z")
> [@Kythereia](#): > > Chiming in: What _did_ the sign and stickers say? > > Good luck with the vandalism charges, I hope he gets his sorry arse fined. 🙂 Sign: Branch Office of the Esoteric Order of Dagon Stickers: Know Nyarlathotep, Know Chaos. Chaos Inside. Marry a Marsh. ---
**Author:** ![Ephemera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/8baadc/32.png) [@Ephemera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ephemera)\ **Post date:** [February 5, 2005, 5:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/open-letter-to-my-creepy-neighbor/288531/7 "2005-02-05T17:21:09Z")
Ah. Lovecraft. He probably thinks you’re Satan incarnate, Good luck with the charges. Assholes like that are one of the reasons I’m an atheist and live in one of the more secular areas of the country. ---
**Author:** ![Kythereia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e8c25b/32.png) [@Kythereia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kythereia)\ **Post date:** [February 5, 2005, 5:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/open-letter-to-my-creepy-neighbor/288531/8 "2005-02-05T17:24:47Z")
Very obscure. And cool. 🙂 Stupid, stupid neighbour. ---
**Author:** ![SteveG1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bb73d2/32.png) [@SteveG1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SteveG1)\ **Post date:** [February 5, 2005, 5:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/open-letter-to-my-creepy-neighbor/288531/9 "2005-02-05T17:52:03Z")
Call the cops. Charge the neighbor with trespassing and vandalism. When they have another late night sing along, file for disturbance of the peace. Feed them to The Old Ones. Cthulhu be with you always. ---
**Author:** ![Steve\_Wright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/848f3c/32.png) [@Steve\_Wright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Steve_Wright)\ **Post date:** [February 5, 2005, 7:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/open-letter-to-my-creepy-neighbor/288531/10 "2005-02-05T19:07:31Z")
As a committed Christian, your neighbour clearly desires to be more like Christ in every way. You will be pleased to know you can help him achieve his aim. Call the cops, and have him crucified. ---
**Author:** ![Kythereia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e8c25b/32.png) [@Kythereia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kythereia)\ **Post date:** [February 5, 2005, 7:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/open-letter-to-my-creepy-neighbor/288531/11 "2005-02-05T19:15:29Z")
> [@SteveG1](#): > > Feed them to The Old Ones. > > Cthulhu be with you always. I like this solution best. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Verminary](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/71e660/32.png) [@Verminary](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Verminary)\ **Post date:** [February 5, 2005, 8:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/open-letter-to-my-creepy-neighbor/288531/12 "2005-02-05T20:20:34Z")
Track down the Howard Hallis “Who Will Be Eaten First?” tract and slide it under his door! (No linky cos it’s been yanked from the site, but like all things Lovecraftian, a bit of digging will probably unearth it from the bowels of the internet.) ---
**Author:** ![Elza\_B](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/6a8cbe/32.png) [@Elza\_B](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elza_B)\ **Post date:** [February 5, 2005, 8:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/open-letter-to-my-creepy-neighbor/288531/13 "2005-02-05T20:27:18Z")
> [@Steve Wright](#): > > As a committed Christian, your neighbour clearly desires to be more like Christ in every way. > > You will be pleased to know you can help him achieve his aim. Call the cops, and have him crucified. Jesus, I just spit chicken noodle soup all over my computer. Make a new sign to hang up - “All Hail Larry Flynt, King of the World!”. I hear that confuses the fundies. E. ---
**Author:** ![TroubleAgain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e480ec/32.png) [@TroubleAgain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TroubleAgain)\ **Post date:** [February 5, 2005, 9:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/open-letter-to-my-creepy-neighbor/288531/14 "2005-02-05T21:12:37Z")
Steve, I love you, man. ---
**Author:** ![AuntiePam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/f19dbf/32.png) [@AuntiePam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AuntiePam)\ **Post date:** [February 5, 2005, 9:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/open-letter-to-my-creepy-neighbor/288531/15 "2005-02-05T21:35:26Z")
An oldie but a goodie: “Jesus saves, Allah forgives, Cthulhu thinks you’d make a good sandwich.” 😃 ---
**Author:** ![DocCathode](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/doccathode/32/18773_2.png) [@DocCathode](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DocCathode)\ **Post date:** [February 5, 2005, 9:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/open-letter-to-my-creepy-neighbor/288531/16 "2005-02-05T21:40:30Z")
> [@J8099](#): > > Sign: Branch Office of the Esoteric Order of Dagon > > Stickers: Know Nyarlathotep, Know Chaos. Chaos Inside. Marry a Marsh. Bah. The Marsh’s are over rated. The Gilmans, the Ornes and the Waites are good solid families with a proud heritage. Back to the matter at hand, Call the police. Then, go back to preaching the Dark Gospel. [A preacher like your neighbor](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=296607&) [I respond by sharing the unholy truth](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=5712763&postcount=23) ---
**Author:** ![Mac\_Guffin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/2bfe46/32.png) [@Mac\_Guffin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mac_Guffin)\ **Post date:** [February 5, 2005, 11:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/open-letter-to-my-creepy-neighbor/288531/17 "2005-02-05T23:21:20Z")
> [@Verminary](#): > > Track down the Howard Hallis “Who Will Be Eaten First?” tract and slide it under his door! > > (No linky cos it’s been yanked from the site, but like all things Lovecraftian, a bit of digging will probably unearth it from the bowels of the internet.) I happen to have saved off the jpegs to that tract. Have them right here, in fact. Not sure how I could get them to whomever would need them. ---
**Author:** ![lel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/8797f3/32.png) [@lel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lel)\ **Post date:** [February 5, 2005, 11:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/open-letter-to-my-creepy-neighbor/288531/18 "2005-02-05T23:55:53Z")
I find it rather amusing to think that there’s people who believe that vandalism is going to bring someone closer to Christ. Mmm, yeah, that’s _just_ what Jesus would do. :dubious: ---
**Author:** ![Profane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/e47774/32.png) [@Profane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Profane)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2005, 12:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/open-letter-to-my-creepy-neighbor/288531/19 "2005-02-06T00:01:46Z")
> [@Mac Guffin](#): > > I happen to have saved off the jpegs to that tract. Have them right here, in fact. > > Not sure how I could get them to whomever would need them. Upload them to a free hosting site, like [http://imageshack.us/](http://imageshack.us/) then post the link in this here thread. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Jackmannii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jackmannii/32/311_2.png) [@Jackmannii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jackmannii)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2005, 12:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/open-letter-to-my-creepy-neighbor/288531/20 "2005-02-06T00:30:32Z")
Know chaos, no peace. ☹ You might consider adding new stickers and a discreetly positioned videocamera. With the evidence, you could either get a nice little small claims court judgment, or enjoy the satisfaction of knowing your neigbors are preaching the gospel down at the county lockup. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/open-letter-to-my-creepy-neighbor/288531.md?page=2)